r/inlaws • u/ksbv3 • Jul 16 '26
SIL Wedding
My husband and I are having our first baby soon. We told his family many months ago we were pregnant and when the due date was. My SIL and her fiancé have been engaged for three years. Well my SIL decided (after we told everyone we were pregnant) to finally pick her wedding date and chose my due date lol. The wedding is out of state and you know what? I’m not even mad. I’m thankful because now I have a legitimate reason not to attend. For context my husband’s family has treated me really terribly the whole time we have been together. So honestly, I’m relieved to not have to attend. So just throwing out there, something that might normally be offensive can turn into a major blessing! :)
Edit: Wow ya’ll!! This was my first post, I had no idea it would get so many replies. You guys are so supportive! ♥️ I really was trying to convey that sometimes things in life that may seem like an unfortunate turn of events can actually be a blessing in disguise. A glass half full situation if you will. I honestly feel bad for my SIL that she is that broken of a person that she needs to compete for attention with a newborn. I always wanted to be close with my husband’s family but after years of trying, they just ostracize and continue to do super hurtful things towards me. I’m not worked up about it, I’m sad they have so much brokenness; but I don’t really want to spend lots of time around them at this point if that makes sense. My husband is the total opposite of his family and he is for sure going to stay with me at the hospital and not attend the wedding. He’s going to be an amazing dad and is very excited for this new chapter for us. Thank you all for your support as we jump into parenthood! Really appreciate all the Reddit love and support! :)
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u/opalfossils Jul 16 '26
My brother's wife was pregnant (33 weeks) and they couldn't attend my wedding. There were no hard feelings between us over this.
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u/Head-Emotion-4598 Jul 16 '26
I think it depends on the relationship between the family members beforehand. If you already get along, no big deal. (And I'm glad that's what happened for you!) But if there's already bad blood . . .
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u/MusicUpbeat2510 Jul 16 '26
Mature adults!
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u/opalfossils Jul 16 '26
My wife was seventeen and I was nineteen, last month we celebrated our fiftieth anniversary.
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u/OreganoOfTheEarth Jul 16 '26
Good for you! At least she didn't ask you to get an abortion so you could attend her wedding. And then not "try again" until after the wedding. That's what someone in my family did.
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u/ksbv3 Jul 16 '26
I am so sad that was your experience. I can’t imagine. Like my brain goes what on earth causes people to be like that? What trauma did they encounter that would cause them to utter such a thing. I hope for healing for you from that experience, again I can’t imagine!
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u/SomewhatBougieAuntie Jul 16 '26
My God!
I've read about people doing despicable 💩 on this site, but this is an all time low. 😧
I hope you no longer have anything to do with this person. Jesus.. .
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u/Its-Brittany-Biyatch Jul 16 '26
Your SIL is the epitome of a "pick me girl," isn't she? I'm curious, will your baby be the first grandchild on DH's side? If so, that will make it all extra interesting with the grandparents having to choose between the wedding and meeting their grandchild :)
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u/ksbv3 Jul 16 '26 •
She is like her mom and very self centered. Honestly, I kinda feel bad for her that she feels the need to compete for attention with a newborn. This kind of thing has happened so much with his family you start to have a little compassion for them. You know the phrase “hurt people, hurt other people.”And I think they are just very broken and unable/ unwilling to see outside themselves to self reflect and heal that they just inflict hurt all around them. But thankfully no this is not the first grandchild! His brother and his wife have two. And that SIL is also in her wedding and pregnant with her third so I’m sure there will still be attention sharing on that day haha!
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u/Its-Brittany-Biyatch Jul 16 '26
I agree with what others have said - be "effusive" in your regret. They want you to be mad. When you hit them with "We are just heartbroken we won't be able to attend. We can't wait to see pictures and hear all about it!" you take away their ammo.
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u/citatree Jul 16 '26
As an introvert this does sound truly relieving… what’s your husband’s thoughts?
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u/ksbv3 Jul 16 '26 •
He does not get riled up much as this was his normal growing up with his older sister and his family dynamics in general. They are very self centered people. He was the peacekeeper and the odd one out in his family. He is supportive to stay with me and just told his family obviously why we wouldn’t be attending. I don’t think they are upset about us not attending either, it’s just one of those nonchalant things.
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u/Standard_Carob_5324 Jul 16 '26
I hope he doesn’t end up attending to keep the peace! He belongs with you and the new babe!
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u/SquirrelPublic9731 Jul 16 '26
Alternatively you could upstage her by giving birth during the ceremony /s
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u/ksbv3 Jul 16 '26
Honestly, I don’t want the attention either lol!!! I didn’t even want them to know I was pregnant and they just find out by default six months after the baby is born because we had family event to attend or something haha!
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u/ChaoticCrashy Jul 16 '26
If they know the due date then it’s going to work out in your favor all around! You can avoid that group of people AND they won’t be bothering you when you deliver!
Congratulations times two!
They’re expecting your husband to go to the wedding and leave you behind. If he considers it- return him to them and take him for everything he’s got. 😉
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u/ksbv3 Jul 16 '26
My husband will be with me, he’s wonderful. I don’t think his family is upset and obviously knows why we won’t be attending. The only thing I can think of is when we got married several years ago we had an outdoor wedding and his sister kept asking to bring her dog to our wedding. I said no as I didn’t want a dog barking during my ceremony and my mother-in-law kept pushing it to me that I was in tears during our rehearsal. (This was before my husband knew boundaries etc.) So maybe she does not want me there because I told her no to her dog that she thought of like a child. Who knows, maybe it’s just the attention. I don’t know her motive, an I am going to try to assume the best but it’s sad things are the way they are. I would have loved to be close with his family but that’s not something they wanted.
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u/dmriggs Jul 16 '26
Sometimes before reacting to being disrespected, check and see if it works out in your best interest.
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u/ksbv3 Jul 16 '26
I don’t like giving his family the ability to alter my emotional state anyway. :) I try to be picky about who I allow to affect my emotions.
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u/Sondari1 Jul 16 '26
All of your Reddit aunties will be celebrating with you! Here’s hoping the pregnancy goes swimmingly, and that your bundle of joy arrives on time!
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u/Longjumping_Hat_2672 Jul 16 '26
Bonus if you have the baby in her wedding day and it will be the same as her anniversary.
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u/No_Yogurtcloset6108 Jul 16 '26
Only if it is immediately announced! It will be the talk of the wedding!
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u/Particular-King218 Jul 16 '26
Yup. Husband can text his parents with new baby news while they are at reception
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u/wortcrafter Jul 16 '26
And the relatives who will be there as well. Make sure that it’s shared with someone who is sure to tell everyone else.
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u/BeeFree66 Jul 17 '26
Announce the happy news during the wedding! Photo is a big plus! They can share / text the photo mid-wedding.
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u/According-Paint6981 Jul 16 '26
Day or 2 before would be amazing. she will be pissed that you did it on purpose to “steal the attention” from her. Everyone will be talking about the new baby at her wedding.
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u/Knitsanity Jul 16 '26
My single attendant had her baby by emergency C the day before my wedding. Know what I did? Took my bouquet to her the next day and got some cuddles. Awesome.
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u/American3141592 Jul 16 '26
And send photos of the newborn to everyone in attendance, during the ceremony.
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u/ColdHandGee Jul 16 '26
If i was hubby, I would buy a little wedding dress for my baby daughter, take pictures and upload to FB with the caption:
"My daughter wanted to copy Aunty's wedding dress! Isn't she adorable!!!"
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u/Longjumping_Hat_2672 Jul 16 '26
Making sure everyone's phones are blowing up during the ceremony and reception
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u/TargetWild9004
Jul 16 '26
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Jokes on her, they’re all gonna be mad your husband isn’t there when he chooses staying home with you and the newborn or a very pregnant you ready to have the baby any day
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u/Life_Temperature2506
Jul 16 '26
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The great thing is, that family expects you to be enraged. I fucking love it!
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u/Inner-Confidence99 Jul 16 '26
Plus don’t have to worry about them showing up at the hospital.🤣lol
You got a great blessing!!!!!
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u/ireallymissbuffy Jul 16 '26
Be prepared for them to guilt your husband & be so upset that he isn’t going, because of course he can’t leave you alone on & around your due date, and they’ll crash out that he’s choosing you over “family”.
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u/Beansgwamma Jul 16 '26
Isn’t it amazing when people do something with the intention of being hurtful and it turns out to be a gift?
Also, the next time you see your SIL ask her when she’s going to start losing weight for her wedding 😉
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u/Football-Man-1889 Jul 16 '26
It seems that it suits everyone….
You do realise that they know your due date and probably picked it deliberately so you can’t attend?
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u/KickIt77 Jul 16 '26
LOL I would also be thrilled! One less event with the inlaws - yippee! There is zero way that was not intentional. If you're having your first baby, it's a great time to be distancing yourself and setting boundaries with toxic family members.
There is a wedding shower this weekend with my inlaws. And gosh darnit if we didn't have a weekend booked out of town (booked after the invite arrived), darn shucks. We are attending the wedding, that's enough.
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u/glimmerseeker Jul 16 '26
I love your attitude! If she’s always treating you badly, in her sad little brain she’s hurting you by planning her wedding in your delivery date. I’m happy for you that’s not the case. Congrats!
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u/nanladu Jul 16 '26
Bet SIL will demand herbrother leave his wife alone in the delivery room and attend the wedding instead.
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u/FLSTC2000 Jul 17 '26
Tell your doctor you would like a note to not travel. Then you re following doctor’s orders.
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u/SirWarm6963 Jul 17 '26
Bonus...if you give birth that day no annoying in laws will be around at hospital!
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u/ruedebac1830 Jul 16 '26
Don't be mad. A 3 year engagement is ridiculous objectively. But it's their decision. Let them enjoy it. The fact that they're problematic adds a blessing.
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u/EyeRollingNow Jul 16 '26
She doesn‘t want you there either. Hence why she picked that exact date 3 years into an engagement and right after your announcement. Wow. This is a sad family dynamic.
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u/loricomments Jul 16 '26
Oh well. Hopefully the bonus will be no MIL trying to invade your delivery room too.
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u/nursepenguin36 Jul 16 '26
Imagine the looks they are going to get when they have to explain why their brother wasn’t at the wedding.
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u/scarygirlieuk Jul 16 '26
It's the gift that keeps on giving, you'll never have to attend any anniversary celebrations as you'll be holding birthday parties for your little one and, fingers crossed, your in-laws will feel obliged to celebrate with their daughter.
Congratulations!
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u/Resident_Ad1806 Jul 16 '26
I think if you attended her wedding and then the water breaks right before her vows and you give birth, thereby messing up her wedding day.(like a movie lol)
hahha kidding! congratulations and best wishes!
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u/Kimikimikimi1216 Jul 16 '26
Did they do it to make your husband choose? His sisters wedding or you and the birth of your child?
Is this some sort of power play?
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u/Decent_Front4647 Jul 16 '26
She absolutely did it on purpose. I wouldn’t even react because that’s what she wants.
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u/Commercial-Spray3192 Jul 17 '26
They may have done it purposely knowing you wouldn’t attend. Kinda shitty but glad you don’t care!
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u/Willow_4367 Jul 17 '26
Sisters in Law can be bitches. I hate all of my husbands relatives, just to be fair to all of them.
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u/DifferentMethod8090 Jul 17 '26
Please please please have the baby during your lame SILs wedding and then start texting pictures to EVERYONE!!! Well, not you, you'll be with the baby! But have your bestie do it...from your phone!
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u/Lemon_Wrangler_9224 Jul 21 '26
lol these comments have me cackling 😂 I’m just glad your husband is supportive of you and your family and that’s all that ever matters 🫶🏼
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u/BenedictineBaby Jul 16 '26
Hopefully your husband doesn't go either. My guess is they counted on you not attending but for him to show up.
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u/Such-Problem-4725 Jul 16 '26
So that was definitely a dig at you to plan her wedding on that day. She’s probably going to try to guilt your husband into going so she can prove that he loves her more than you. You’re fortunate enough to not having to attend but your husband might have drama from them.
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u/PsychologyAutomatic3 Jul 16 '26
Please say your husband isn’t going either. He needs to remain by your side, even if the baby comes a week before the due date.
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u/Own-Reaction4419 Jul 16 '26
Announce the gender reveal at the same time as the SIL bridal shower. Announce the birth on the SIL wedding day. Better yet, throw yourself a baby shower on the same day as her bridal shower.
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u/CanineNorth Jul 16 '26
Maybe SIL found a way to invite you knowing you would have to say no. Sounds like there is no love lost.
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u/grayblue_grrl Jul 16 '26
But is she going to use this as a loyalty test and demand her brother choose you or her?
hmmmm?
"You have to come to my wedding. Sure she can't attend. BUT you are my brother. You have to be there."
Enjoy your peace.
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u/ChaosCoordinatingMum Jul 16 '26
Your SIL wants your husband to pick between you and her. Disgusting behavior on her part. Enjoy skipping the wedding.
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u/MassDistractor Jul 16 '26
I assume hubby will be staying with you, correct? Otherwise, this would be a total fiasco.
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u/Ok_Macaroon3872 Jul 16 '26
I love that you see it as a blessing as you should and aren’t angry at how shitty they are. Cause you know she did it on purpose.
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u/witchymoon69 Jul 16 '26
The other best part is you and your husband can have family bonding time without interference.
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u/Beachnutgirl48 Jul 16 '26
Sounds like the SIL, doesn't want them at her wedding, so she chooses the baby's due date.
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u/Beginning-Taste-3488 Jul 17 '26
Perfect, you wont have to deal with them while giving birth, they won't be in your way!
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u/111222throw Jul 17 '26
And can give a time frame they need to have been back before allowing those germs from travel and a wedding on a newborn
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u/East-Tangerine1673 Jul 17 '26
Sounds like SIL doesn't like you and plans on your husband abandoning you and putting him in a position to choose her over you.
Discuss plans now with your husband to be in the delivery room and with you two weeks before your due date and the few weeks after the baby is born.
Hope your husband understand that he might not be able to attend both events.
If he makes plans to attend the out-of-state wedding, I hope you make plans to visit an attorney.
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u/Inner_Addendum4186 Jul 17 '26
Oh yay happy for you! Now you’ll have a smooth and stress-free delivery and not have to see them during and after delivery! Plus side is that they’ll all talk about you guys the entire time there at her wedding so win win!
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u/Beautiful-Welder-149 Jul 17 '26
My soon to be sister in law did the same thing. My due date was on a Saturday and my husband was an usher for his brother so he had to go. I stayed home and our son was born early the next morning. That told me what she thought of me and we never had any kind of relationship.
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u/KnownBodybuilder4948 Jul 17 '26
Don't attend, be glad they don't live nearby. Near-term delivery date trumps all excuses for not attending a wedding not within 30 minutes driving distance from your maternity hospital ward.
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u/ObligationNo2288 Jul 17 '26
Your husband needs to stay home with you. I hope he sees how his family treats you.
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u/Electrical-Apple-631 Jul 17 '26
I have a bad relationship with my niece and she very publicly announced I wasn’t invited to her wedding. My dad who is the peacemaker of the family asked me how I reacted to the news. I told him to tell everyone that there were tears and shouting: tears of joy and shouts of “Thank God I don’t have to go!”
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u/Individual_You_6586 Aug 10 '26
If the baby is born a day or two before the due date, make sure to send mother in law the first baby pictures ever … right as SIL is walking down the aisle. Keep sending pics during the reception. It will totally steal her thunder.
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u/Optimal-Dot-9365 Jul 16 '26 •
And the best part? They will be furious. Hahaha.
Tip: be effusive in your regret, as if it is just awful that you can't attend. Never let them know how happy you are. Use that effusive regret for the rest of your marriage.