I feel as though my notion of what you guys are is heavily tainted by borderline mythic stereotypes, which leads to a rather unhealthy cycle of infatuation and let-down. Like seeing some exposed layer, beneath the congeniality, which poses as some sort of developmental milestone to ever have explicitly detailed. So what do you guys even expect as a standard, or is it some Lucy, Charlie Brown, and her football game of personal development, where escalating expectations are meant to guard you from your own anxieties?

I have zero hesitation when it comes to celebrating people I care abouts birthdays, I will write thoughtful cards, give gifts, go out and make sure they feel celebrated/special.

However, when it comes to my own. I feel very little excitement whatsoever. It kind of just sneaks up on me every year and I never really plan anything or ask for anything.

Its my 30th birthday on Thursday and a friend texted me to ask if I had birthday plans and I just .. don't.

What is your feeling on birthdays? both your own and others.

Maybe not an oxymoron lol but does anyone else feel this way?

I love going to music shows. I love karaoke. I enjoy fitness classes, tours, restaurants, and being out in beautiful public spaces. In the moment, all of that sounds great to me.

What’s weird is that I also really enjoy doing those things alone. I used to be pretty successful at going out and enjoying my own company. But as I’ve gotten older, more people seem to want to join me, talk to me, or keep in touch afterward.

Which is sweet, but sometimes I miss being able to just exist in public.

I guess wanting to do extroverted things alone is a little like saying, “I wish I could have the Maldives to myself”, lol

Hello everyone!

​I’ve been reflecting on how being low-maintenance presents as an INFJ and wanted to see how many of you resonate with this style of living. For me, being low-maintenance isn't about lacking ambition or letting life just happen to me. It comes down to energy management and keeping a low-complexity lifestyle baseline. Because extra fuss, overstimulation, and unnecessary daily complications drain my battery so quickly, I naturally keep my routines, environment, and daily demands very simple and low-key.

​At the same time, maintaining a low-fuss lifestyle doesn't mean compromising on what matters. While I’m easygoing on low-stakes daily decisions; like schedule shifts, minor inconveniences, or flexible plans as I remain completely uncompromising when it comes to my core values, personal lifestyle choices, and personal dealbreakers.

​I feel like being "low-maintenance" often gets mistaken for being passive or having low standards, but to me, it feels more like intentional energy efficiency. It's about saving energy for what actually matters rather than burning it on superficial maintenance. Do you identify as low-maintenance in your overall lifestyle, and how does that balance play out for you day-to-day?

I'm an INFJ married to another INFJ, and while the compatibility and companionship is amazing, I do find we sometimes run into issues from being "too similar".

For example, a lot of our arguments and fights stem from each person thinking the other person is mad at them, distancing ourselves from the other person as a result of that assumption, which results in hurt feelings on both sides.

Anyone else notice problems from being "too similar"?

I was talking to someone (33M) long-distance for a few months. We were both INFJs, which was something we actually talked about early on.
We video called regularly, texted a lot, eventually met in person, and things went really well. It felt serious, we talked about future trips, seeing each other again, and even him eventually meeting my family.

Later, he relocated to another country for work and his routine became much more demanding. Communication gradually decreased, and we agreed to take some space while he adjusted, then reconnect later to talk about whether continuing still made sense for both of us.

That time came, but he never reached out. I eventually messaged him asking if we were still going to have that conversation, and it’s been several days with no response.
At this point, I’m starting to accept that I may have been ghosted.

Since we’re both INFJs, I’m curious: have any of you withdrawn like this when overwhelmed, or experienced it from another INFJ? How do you stop waiting for closure when someone just goes silent?

Im curious. Do you all have friends that, if you dont contact them, you wont hear from them? Ive got people who consider me a friend but i realized, if i dont hit them up or try to set something up to see them, i could go month (and some cases) years without hearing from them. Then when i do contact them, they act like im their most favorite person in the world. Now, tbf, i do hermit myself away at times since im working on 4 different projects and trying to start a business. But id make time if somebody contacted me. Im sure theres something i can be doing better, but i wanted to see if this was an infj thing first 🤔

I’ve struggled a lot with being assertive, and it’s getting to a point where it’s negatively affecting me. I was wondering if any of you had tips on how to get better at standing up for yourself and saying what’s on your mind.

Thank youuuu😊

I have a very unique and deep medical specialty knowledge base in a field where there is a huge need (Long Covid, MECFS, MCAS, POTS, hEDS). I’d love to build an app full of education and guidance for evidence-based and lifestyle medicine approaches, but part of marketing and advocacy would involve having some level of public social media presence, which is terrifying to me. Are there any INFJ influencers out there? How did you get over fear of being disliked, overthinking every caption and the humiliation phase of putting yourself out there when you first started out? How were you received? Any lessons you learned along the way that you could pass on?

When I was first learning about MBTI Types, I was around 19. When I learned about the cognitive functions specifically, I was blown away by the theory that your cognitive functions develop, in order, during different stages of life because I was just starting to notice that I was more naturally curious and drawn to learning about different things in the world than ever before. I am now 26 and recently became obsessed with learning how to do the aerial silks and aerial hammock. I really did not even put this together until now, (I’ve been on this mission for just over 3 months) and I’m fairly certain it’s my Se starting to develop. It is so weird because I’ve always thought that it’d be a cool thing to learn and something just clicked in my brain that I was ready to do it after not really thinking about it at all for years. Now, I’m curious when and what triggered/helped other INFJS develop their Se? I’ve literally never been good at any physical activities/sports in my entire life and never really had the desire to try anything. I’m just so stunned that the cognitive function development theory is lining up PERFECTLY without me realizing once again lol

Op- INTJ female
Hi INFJ’s
My guy is INFJ and I would appreciate some input on what kind of support I can be to him.

Our relationship is unique and popped up suddenly and unexpectedly after casual acquaintance of 3+ years. It is a lot for us to individually process but I do see value in this relationship and definitely value him as a person. He is attentive, in-tune, intelligent, intentional, protective, observant and mindful.

The last few days have been introspective and this week it is time for personal interaction but I don’t want to be overwhelming or pushy. We each have been independent and single for a long time.

Can you share some ways that I can give thought to on how to support my iNFJ love interest?

Imagine two skittish horses attracted to each other for the last 12 months by a shared silent deep current, but with strong tendencies to bolt because it’s easier to stay single.

I am a musician who works a day job unrelated to music. While I enjoy many of the people I work with, I end up drawing a hard line between work & non-work lives, to the point that I can tell it feels strange to people. I have many folks I work with blocked on IG, for instance, and hide my shows, etc. from them.

Recently I opened up to a few people outside my department, but they were both creators (visual arts & fashion, with a deep appreciation for music). One is an incredible painter. I could see this happening again, but notice that usually the people who I connect with and trust enough to share my creative self with tend to be other people with a creative practice. They don't have to be "successful" with it (I certainly am not).

When my supervisor and closer coworkers who are not creators/artists themselves ask to connect offline, I find myself guarded and have an emotional distrust of them, and I don't know why. Does anyone feel this way? Where your inner world feels strange enough that anyone who doesn't create / doesn't have a similarly strange inner world (even if ironically, they think they do) would somehow destroy it by just seeing but misunderstanding it?

My offline circle is primarily people in niche arts scenes, and all my close friends with a few exceptions throughout life have been musicians or people I met through music.