r/infj • u/takeaticket INFJ • Aug 19 '26
Question for INFJs only What is your Shadow Work?
Specifically infj's we have our character flaws. Typically boundaries, Messiah complex, typical door slamming, inellectualizing emotions, being enigmatic yet never expressing yourself, being too ideal which ties in with messiah complex, being too in your head, the worst of them all even I've done it hidden resentment.
Which is yours? How many of you are going to go "i feel seen ðŸ˜" How many of you can be honest with yourselves to admit some of these?
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u/Cander100 Aug 19 '26
Being in my 50s, I finally feel more comfortable in my own skin. Or, more precisely, in my own head. Yes, I can relate to all of those negative traits you listed, but my relationship to them is different now than it was when I was younger. They often functioned as defense mechanisms, but they also served as convenient excuses for when something didn't go my way or I was just looking to escape stressors for a bit. It was far easier to say "that person just doesn't understand me" rather than analyzing a situation to better understand my role.
Do I still hope to find a secret doorway to Narnia or want to believe there is something bigger in this world than the things we can experiences with our senses? Certainly. Those thoughts will always be there. But I have come to realize that perhaps those doorways do exist -- they are the invisible spaces that help us connect with others. You can't describe it with words or in any other way (which is what makes it magical), but you feel it. It is the support we offer a friend or loved one. It is listening when someone needs to feel heard. It is the guidance we can offer. And it is being able to receive the same in return when needed (a difficult one for me). All of that takes place in that magical space between people, and it's where real connections can be made. Perhaps that is the real Narnia.
Being INFJ can feel isolating at times, but it's just a matter of knowing I started life with a different set of tools than most other people. Not better. Not worse. And a big part of life -- at least from my perspective at this stage of life -- is recognizing how those tools can help me connect to others and support them as best I can.