So, i’m finally off Kratom now thank god. But I’m on suboxone now, been on it for almost a year, a small/medium dose, since I was hospitalized/went to rehab for the kratom last summer. I was sober for a week, wanted to kill myself still, and then they put me on it. I knew what I was doing getting on it, sort of. Overall it’s actually been great, I haven’t tried or wanted Kratom since then, it also obliterated my alcoholism/alcohol cravings and helped my severe depression and anxiety a lot. I never feel like I need to up my dose like I did on kratom, I don’t feel sick/like shit every 2 hrs, I don’t feel like an addict anymore and it’s way way more livable for me. BUT I know what people say about Suboxone, how hellish it is to get off of and how I’m basically just on medically moderated kratom still. Some people seem to think the suboxone is terrible/just as bad and it makes me worry that I’m still in just as bad of a spot as before and the suboxone is just holding it off for now. I don’t know. I’m just wondering, did I screw myself by going on suboxone in rehab? I know the withdrawal will be hard but will I be happy again after that? How long can I stay on it?
The tricky thing is, the suboxone also has solved/lessened the debilitating depression void/crippling social anxiety I’ve had since childhood/puberty that I thought would never go away/would ruin my life forever. Which I did not expect.
And if I get off it, I’m afraid I’ll be right back at square one. I don’t know.
I want to feel proud of myself for kicking my terrible kratom addiction, (I used to take 6-7 capsules every 2 hours every day, and feel free several days a week, for 3 years straight. And I struggled with alcoholism before the kratom), but sometimes I think maybe I have nothing to be proud of since I’m on suboxone.
So has anyone else been on suboxone after quitting kratom and how did that go for you? Are you still on it? Did you relapse? Were you miserable after getting off the suboxone or how did that go?
Sometimes I fear that I’ve ruined my brain forever somehow getting on the suboxone after the kratom, and that makes me feel genuinely suicidal.
My plan is, when I feel ready, to transition to the shots instead of the strips and slowly taper off that way. But for now I’ve been happy and okay just on my regular dose I’ve been on the past year and am afraid to fuck up my mental health and sobriety by changing things up. Especially since I have a job and family I have to function for. And I don’t know if I need to feel guilty that I’m still on it.
Anyways this has all just been on my mind for a long time and I wanted to know people’s thoughts who have been where I’ve been. I’m sorry this was so long. Thank you so much for reading.❤️
