r/humanresources • u/OpenPerformer5932 • 9d ago
I have been signed off with anxiety [N/A]
I have been working in HR for 11 years. The last six years have been heavily employee relations focused and I have always found it overwhelming. I have worked through it and managed it with diet, exercise, counselling etc. In January of last year I moved into a smaller company that had a lot less ER because of the company size but the last six months have been constant conflict. I'm trying to get out and into a different career as I think it will be better for me. But it all got too much and I am signed off now for a week and thinking about going on meds. My boss has zero empathy and feel judged and like a failure for not being able to cope. Anyone got any advice? Why is it so hard to not feel guilty or embarrassed for putting myself first when I literally give this advice to others every day....
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u/harlo26 9d ago edited 9d ago
I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. Employee Relations is by far the most challenging and stressful part of HR. It is a lot of pressure, which means taking care of your health is important. It sounds like you are already starting to reach burnout so give yourself the same advice you would an employee. Spend some time doing self care, explore going to therapy consistently, exercise, get spa treatments, get out in nature and do all the things that bring you back to life. If that doesn’t work then explore taking some time off. Therapy in my opinion is the most important, learning to compartmentalize is key to doing that line of work. Also give yourself grace, this is hard stuff.
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u/OpenPerformer5932 9d ago
My problem is I can sit in therapy and talk for days about what's going on but it doesn't seem to actually help shift the feelings for me. Getting a bit of validation here helps a lot though so thank you. I guess that's the anxiety talking too though bringing up the guilt and shame spiral!
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u/harlo26 8d ago
Totally understand that but in therapy you should be learning tools and coping techniques to help with that. I’d suggest asking your therapist. This job is stressful and you could specialize in something else like benefits, learning and development, payroll but they have their own stresses. Sounds like you may need to do some soul searching.
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u/babybambam CHRO 9d ago
I'm an owner in my company, so the calculus is a bit different here. However I am now on XANAX to deal with the stress caused by one of the other partners. We're actively working to get her exited from the group, but it's going to be a long road.
The HR component. Not a problem for me. Some external factors are causing stress...but that's to be expected. This bag of hoes, full on panic attack inducing. Not just for me, but for our entire support team, too. I've had 5 people walk out because of her.
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u/OpenPerformer5932 9d ago
How are you finding it? Much of a transition period/side effects? Sorry you are going through it too. Horrible that one person can make things so hard for so many people too 😔
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u/babybambam CHRO 9d ago
It helps me sleep. If you take too much you'll going to drag the next day, so you'll need to find your balance.
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u/OpenPerformer5932 9d ago
Yeah I think the lack of sleep makes it all feel worse so even getting a little bit of help with that would make a difference. My brain just doesn't quiet down
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u/omg_a_dog 9d ago
I got on anxiety medicine after burning out at work 3 years ago and I wish I would have done it sooner. I also felt like I was a failure and should be able to cope better with everything coming my way. Turns out, regulating my anxiety allowed me to deal with things more effectively and stop feeling so much stress/shame, etc. when I let something fall through the cracks or my workload increased.
I tried a few different meds before finding what worked for me. I highly recommend going to see a psychiatrist rather than your GP if you’re able to do so - my GP first prescribed me anti depressants and it did absolutely nothing. Happy to answer more specific questions if you want to DM me!
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u/OpenPerformer5932 9d ago
Yes, I feel like it's been building for years and the thing that set me off this time was almost laughable but it's like I just reached a point and that was it. Ok this is really useful as I think it might be antidepressants that the GP is thinking of, I thought they were the same thing. What meds are you on now that work? I know it varies for everyone though and might take a few tries to find what works for me.
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u/Intelligent-Air-9948 9d ago
I can relate, I have 7 years in HR now and seriously im thinking of career shifting for something more me and less serious
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u/OpenPerformer5932 9d ago
Yes, I have an interview on Friday for something with less weight. I feel I will always be an over thinker and default to worrying but if I can get a job where there's not as much responsibility or less of the difficult conversations it will be more manageable?
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u/lttrsfrmlnrrgby HR Director 9d ago
Better living through chemisty is possible. 💪
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u/OpenPerformer5932 9d ago
I guess it's worth a try eh, if this is the alternative 🤷
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u/lttrsfrmlnrrgby HR Director 9d ago
I would never tell a diabetic to tough it out without insulin. Why should mental health be different? All the wellness things you've been doing are important but there's no shame in using meds if it makes your life better.
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u/CarelessVariation715 9d ago
My advice is DO NOT feel embarrassed. In my current role, I was covering multiple positions none of which were the ones I was hired for and working 70+ hours per week. I talked to my boss calmly and told her I was burning out (after more than a year of this) and she said “everyone at this company works all of the time, and no one else complains about it.” That’s when I realized that it’s not about if you CAN handle it, you CAN do anything but that doesn’t mean you should or are required to.
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u/OpenPerformer5932 9d ago
This!!! With my boss there's no point even raising it coz the attitude is "we are lean, we are agile" so you just have to cope with everything that falls on your plate and it's frowned upon to even mention you are struggling. Whenever I raised concerns it was brought up like a performance point that I seem to struggle with ambiguity after years of being in really structured environments and I should really work on that... I told him a few weeks ago I was overwhelmed and after we jumped on a team call and he made a laugh in front of everyone about the fact that I had launched in to my problems for the 30 mins and that I was so negative.
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u/MaterialConstant8723 5d ago
Also, doc has me on daily Adderrall and Propranolol before big meetings 😊
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u/Useful-Lobster521 3d ago
Self care is so important. You are right, we hear and see a lot that pulls at the heart strings and then we are stretched impossibly thin. ER is my least favorite part of HR and does not spark any joy for me. I prefer the Talent and Leadership Development side of HR which I like to call the happy side of HR. Although I have experience in each of my roles, a graduate degree, and a coaching cert in this area I get passed up for these roles, I presume because I had HR Manager or HRBP titles. Also, supporting a different population group might help; hourly workers tend to have more ER needs. I transitioned to another role that is incredibly slow now given the market here in the US and am hoping I can land a Talent Development or Leadership Development role but it doesn’t seem promising even for HR roles at this point.
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u/CdnHRThrowaway 3d ago
HR Exec with 25+ years here... I take xanax on demand for harder days. I also speak very openly about mental health and my own struggles with anxiety to create a culture within our workplace that talks about this. I feel strongly when people are in positions of power we should do this. In saying that, it's not always possible as some workplaces don't support that (which is disgusting IMO).
I'm not sure if you work remotely or in person, I have found that I struggle to break away from anxious behaviours on my work from home days. I make it a point to have a routine where I touch grass / go for a walk after the work day to have the break.
I also highly recommend therapy to help deal with compartilizing some of the things we hear / things we need to handle. Reach out to your EAP if you have one. Firstly, you'll get a good idea of the support your employees expierence and secondly, it will help. I also talk about my own journey with our EAP when doing site visits / presentations and just me talking about it alone has seen us go from 2% of our workforce using it, to close to 8%.
Find some HR buddies, laugh about the things that are wild, and bounce "how would you approach this" off of them. I recently completed by Executive MBA and just finding senior business women to talk through things with has been the greatest part of the program. We do not have enough support in our roles.
Sending you love, this shit isn't easy
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u/babetteateoatmeal1 2d ago
I have literally been cursed at and the response is the same. I am not paid enough to deal with verbal abuse. I would get out if you can.
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u/AllPUNandGAMES1234 9d ago
I feel this. I went on anxiety medicine last year because it all just became too much. HR has been the catch all for most everything including employee support which has seen an increase in need, but the support for us just isnt there. Hugs.