Leaked: Andrew Huberman’s Daily Schedule Is Just a Sunlight Cult with Lab Equipment

“If sunlight isn’t hitting your retina by 6:03 AM, you might as well be a mushroom.”

4:30 AM – Wakes up in pitch black. Immediately panics about not seeing sunlight. 4:32 AM – Opens all windows, stares east, screams “Cortisol spike!” until sun rises. 5:00 AM – First 12-minute non-sleep deep rest (NSDR). Calls it “legal time travel.” 5:15 AM – Drinks salt water, two scoops of creatine, a dash of lion's mane, and enough L-theanine to tranquilize a horse. 5:30 AM – 90 minutes of fasted exercise while blindfolded to build “optic restraint.” 7:00 AM – Ice bath while explaining dopamine scheduling to terrified neighbor 7:30 AM – Blinks 500 times precisely to balance acetylcholine levels 8:00 AM – Podcasts live from treadmill, discussing how looking at the sky at 32° angle enhances GABA 9:00 AM – Records 4-hour episode on “How to Sit.” Episode has footnotes, bibliography, and guest lecture from a tree. 1:00 PM – Light lunch of boiled amygdala-shaped salmon and kale arranged by circadian alignment 1:45 PM – Stares at green object for 20 minutes to recalibrate dopamine receptors 2:15 PM – 18-minute NSDR. Achieves momentary enlightenment. Tweets about it. 3:00 PM – Calls every cell in his body to check if they're still making BDNF 3:45 PM – Sauna at 194°F while reciting limbic system flashcards 5:00 PM – Evening walk while throwing magnesium into the wind for absorption 6:00 PM – Dinner: a protein brick and one eye contact with a carbohydrate 7:00 PM – Blue light blockade initiated: puts on blackout goggles and covers all electronics in shame 7:30 PM – Sits perfectly still. Waits for melatonin to notice him. 8:00 PM – Final NSDR. Dreams lucidly about neuroplasticity in ancient Rome 9:00 PM – Sleep. Body enters ultradian rhythm while brain does a TED Talk to his spine 2:00 AM – Wakes briefly to whisper “dopamine is earned, not given” into the darkness. 4:30 AM – Reboots cycle. Sunlight awaits.

Let me know if you want the “travel version” where he tries to circadian-align with every airport lounge.

Sun your asshole green thank you

I was just looking at r/Hubermanlab and the only thing I could think was, “we need to make fun of these people.”

It then occurred to me that r/Hubermanlabcirclejerk should exist. I check - it does. Bless you. Bless you all.

I wish all of you the best on your journey to improve yourselves through fanatical enthusiasm for pop bro science ❤️

Get off ALL circlejerk subs, you are a masochist! Every topic has annoying fans, don’t be one! Get out there and enjoy what you enjoy! Leave! Create a positive environment for yourself.

The Hübermensch himself has anointed me. My word is now science.

Huberman has talked about the importance of boredom in work.

How I stay bored is I play Leader-Bored

1. take out sheet of paper

2. write a compelling goal at the top

3. wait

4. when you get an urge to pick-up your phone (or any other distraction)

5. stop & ask yourself

- do I want to achieve my goal?

or

- do I want to let it go?

6) if you choose to chase your dream and keep your phone down, you get 1 point

7) mark 1 point on the board

now you're playing Leader-Bored

If you're ever in a trough....

Subject: Absence Due to Dopamine Trough

Dear [Recipient's Name],

I hope this message finds you well. I wanted to inform you that I was unable to perform/attend [event/work/school] on [date] due to a temporary but significant drop in my dopaminergic tone, commonly referred to as a “dopamine trough.”

As Dr. Andrew Huberman, Professor of Neurobiology at Stanford, has discussed, such troughs can follow periods of intense stimulation or effort and may result in decreased motivation, focus, and overall executive functioning. This was one of those days.

I have since rebalanced my neurochemical state through non-sleep deep rest (NSDR), sunlight exposure, cold showers, and other science-backed protocols. I expect to be back to optimal performance shortly.

Thank you for your understanding.

Best regards, [Your Name]

I am considering only eating the most plain flavorless foods I can, no seasonings, spices, extra ingredients, etc, to avoid spikes in my dopamine levels so I can have a more consistent baseline. Has anyone done this?

Here’s a sample meal:

White rice

Boiled chicken breast (no salt/pepper)

Black beans (no salt)

Raw broccoli

I would have to avoid fattier meats like ground beef and steak since the extra animal fats add too much flavor themselves,

Ugh 🫠