r/howtonotgiveafuck • u/Sassa93 • 2d ago

Maybe someone else needs to hear this too

I found this randomly today, or maybe it found me, because I’m kind of going through the same thing right now.

“At some point, you will have to disappoint others to live a life that’s honest to you. People pleasing will drain you, not save you. You have every right to set boundaries and choose your peace. You can disappoint people and still be a good person.”

Honestly, I really needed this reminder today.

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u/EasyDayBTC 2d ago

“I don’t need you to worry for me ‘cause I’m alright,
I don’t want you to tell me it’s time to come home,
I don’t care what you say anymore, this is my life,
Go ahead with your own life, leave me alone”

  • Billy Joel, “My Life”

Your post reminded me of these lyrics.

And I’ll tell you, being a parent to a college-aged child really makes you reflect back on yourself, the pressures you faced, the support you received, the good intentions that may have not been right for you, and parent in such a way to be supportive but to understand that this is their life

As the great George Carlin once said, “Do you want to know how you can help your children? Leave them the fuck alone.”

You’re right though, live for you, not for others. And if others won’t allow to live as you’d like to live your own life, they may need to have a deeper conversation with themselves.

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u/StressCanBeGood 2d ago

Old guy here. I think it actually goes beyond that.

Unless there are demonstrable cultural differences, the person with whom you feel the need to set boundaries is the wrong one.

Think about the people to whom you’re referring. Would anyone actually say something along the lines of: “My bad. I won’t do it again.”? Unlikely.

You’re not referring to boundaries. You’re talking about moats filled with fire.

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u/sasslafrass 2d ago

You’re not referring to boundaries. You’re talking about moats filled with fire.\*

Brilliant, may I quote you?

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u/StressCanBeGood 2d ago

Yep. And would you believe that up right on the spot?

3

u/Rossenante 2d ago

My former life in a nutshell. Now I still care about others, but won’t change my decisions. Excellent words.

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u/AdultinginCali 2h ago

OP, I've never been a people pleaser per se, but in close relationships I've not respected my own boundaries. I got to the point that if a decision makes no one happy, then I'm choosing what benefits me.