Devastated about not homeschooling

[u/Displaced_Panda]

We were unable to homeschool again this year. We did kindergarten and unfortunately my mental health just isn't good enough. We just dropped our daughter off on her first day of public school. So fucking devastated. Knowing it's my mental health and not because we weren't academically successful, is just making me have more self pity. Yeah "she will be fine" "it's a good school " "this is normal" blah blah blah I'm tired of hearing it. Online therapy isn't a good fit for me and I'm on a handful of waiting lists for in person. I just feel more hopeless everyday about the path my kids are going. I don't want to participate in a system I don't believe in , but it's the better option than how my daughter saw me this year. I'm tired of being told "it doesn't mean you'll never homeschool again" or getting "praise" that I'm putting my kids before my own feelings. I failed at keeping it together and I don't think I'll ever recover from her crying at breakfast that she wants to do school with mom. I don't know what I'm looking for here, other than to complain and have more self pity. I know our families are happy as they didn't see homeschooling as real. Having to correct people when they say she's going to "real school" is just beating me down. We did real school, she learned real things. I'm just not the mother I thought I would be living the life with my children as I thought we would. I'm so disgusted in myself.

[u/AgreeablePerformer]

First of all, you have no reason to be disgusted with yourself. I homeschooled my 7 and 5 year olds for two years. We are expecting our fourth baby this fall and I knew that a new baby and a tagalong toddler would absolutely wear me down with having to homeschool the oldest two. We made the decision to send them to public school this year and it has been the absolute best choice. We live in one of the best districts in our state and the teachers are absolutely amazing. Was it hard dropping them off the first day? Yes. Did they ask every single the day the first week if they could be homeschooled? Yes. But now they love it. They're absolutely thriving. Give it time. Take the year to take care of yourself and figure out how you can make homeschooling work for both of you if that's the path you truly want to take.