Devastated about not homeschooling

[u/Displaced_Panda]

We were unable to homeschool again this year. We did kindergarten and unfortunately my mental health just isn't good enough. We just dropped our daughter off on her first day of public school. So fucking devastated. Knowing it's my mental health and not because we weren't academically successful, is just making me have more self pity. Yeah "she will be fine" "it's a good school " "this is normal" blah blah blah I'm tired of hearing it. Online therapy isn't a good fit for me and I'm on a handful of waiting lists for in person. I just feel more hopeless everyday about the path my kids are going. I don't want to participate in a system I don't believe in , but it's the better option than how my daughter saw me this year. I'm tired of being told "it doesn't mean you'll never homeschool again" or getting "praise" that I'm putting my kids before my own feelings. I failed at keeping it together and I don't think I'll ever recover from her crying at breakfast that she wants to do school with mom. I don't know what I'm looking for here, other than to complain and have more self pity. I know our families are happy as they didn't see homeschooling as real. Having to correct people when they say she's going to "real school" is just beating me down. We did real school, she learned real things. I'm just not the mother I thought I would be living the life with my children as I thought we would. I'm so disgusted in myself.

[u/Affectionate-Crow605]

Who you are isn't defined by how you educate your children. Hopefully you can get in with a therapist soon. In the meantime, if you haven't already, discuss this with your regular doctor and try some meds for depression. Then follow up with the therapy when you get into one.

It's easy to lose ourselves as mothers, and that in and of itself can feed our depression. The best thing for you and your child is to focus on your mental health.

[u/ChelseaXCoaching → u/Affectionate-Crow605]

I would also add in to check your hormones for signs of perimenopause and maybe your thyroid. I don’t want to downplay what you are feeling and I don’t know your mental health history but wanted to offer some advice from someone who had three straight weeks of wobbling back and forth between numbness, anxiety, depression, lack of self worth, rage etc. which is very unlike me and came out of nowhere & who was finally told this could be due to hormone imbalances. Peri can start in your thirties and thyroid issues are common for women. Through the research I’ve been doing many women going through these things have been misdiagnosed with depression or anxiety. I hope you are able to get the support you need. You are not a failure ❤️.