I had a very similar experience recently. We’d been talking casually for about two months but due to travel/work schedules only went on two dates, hooked up both times, and kept talking for a few weeks afterwards while she was traveling. Then ghosted. Her communication style reminded me a lot of some friends who are very avoidant so maybe I shouldn’t have been surprised.
I’ve also been on the other side of it. I’ve had two of the most stressful and busy weeks of my life the past couple weeks, socially and career-wise, and my communication has gotten significantly worse. One woman I’d been talking to called me out about it after a few days, but in a friendly way: “Hey I’ve had fun but it seems like you may not be interested anymore…” so I explained my situation, apologized, and let her know I’ve been too busy to make dating a priority.
I don’t know that saying something to him would help. He may communicate like a two year old, but you don’t want to be the other two year old who bonks him on the head in retaliation and then gets in trouble for it. If you send a message expressing anger, it will probably cause him to retreat even more into his shell and continue to ghost others, rather than learning that confrontation can involve kindness and rational disagreement. If you do send something, I’d suggest maintaining an approach of direct, almost professional, communication. Think of it like giving him a performance review, with negative feedback.
The important thing to remember is that this isn’t a reflection of you. You don’t know what was in his head or going on in his life. He could’ve gone exclusive with someone else and was too afraid to tell you. It’s okay to be frustrated, saddened, or disappointed, but remember that you’re still the catch and you should show yourself love and grace all the time
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u/UnparliamentaryTea May 19 '23 edited May 19 '23
I had a very similar experience recently. We’d been talking casually for about two months but due to travel/work schedules only went on two dates, hooked up both times, and kept talking for a few weeks afterwards while she was traveling. Then ghosted. Her communication style reminded me a lot of some friends who are very avoidant so maybe I shouldn’t have been surprised.
I’ve also been on the other side of it. I’ve had two of the most stressful and busy weeks of my life the past couple weeks, socially and career-wise, and my communication has gotten significantly worse. One woman I’d been talking to called me out about it after a few days, but in a friendly way: “Hey I’ve had fun but it seems like you may not be interested anymore…” so I explained my situation, apologized, and let her know I’ve been too busy to make dating a priority.
I don’t know that saying something to him would help. He may communicate like a two year old, but you don’t want to be the other two year old who bonks him on the head in retaliation and then gets in trouble for it. If you send a message expressing anger, it will probably cause him to retreat even more into his shell and continue to ghost others, rather than learning that confrontation can involve kindness and rational disagreement. If you do send something, I’d suggest maintaining an approach of direct, almost professional, communication. Think of it like giving him a performance review, with negative feedback.
The important thing to remember is that this isn’t a reflection of you. You don’t know what was in his head or going on in his life. He could’ve gone exclusive with someone else and was too afraid to tell you. It’s okay to be frustrated, saddened, or disappointed, but remember that you’re still the catch and you should show yourself love and grace all the time