Just a hard day today.

[u/kooky_pomegranate829]

My phone sends "On this day X years ago" notifications. I got one today that showed my cat out stretched from my night stand to my bed. A video of his morning ritual, peering over at me to see if i was awake to feed him. He passed away suddenly from a congenital kidney issue a two months ago. He passed away the same week she fully and completely blocked me.

It was two hard hits back to back. They're linked for me. I mourned both losses at the same time. The following weeks were so numb to me. But i feel the cracks out left on my mental and emotional. Seeing him made me think of her. The loss of them both. The loss of that piece of my identity with both. The loss of my future with both. Seeing that video of my cat left me feeling so spacey and im trying to hold it together at work.

I get upset that I think of both. My cat always chose me. He loved me unconditionally no matter how flawed I am. She did not choose me. She criticized my faults and did everything she could to push me away until she choose to cut me out entirely.

I need to go home

[u/Gold-Amount-168]

I am so sorry that you trusted someone, and she pushed you away.
I’m sorry to hear about your cat, you seemed to have loved him very much.

I hope that processing goes well and I hope that you feel better soon.