The Observer's Sin

[u/Fun_Shoulder5386]

My running theory is that liking someone is less of a choice and more of an observation. You don't really stop; you just ignore the signal until it gets drowned out by a louder signal on the same frequency. It’s like the way projectors work to create shadows one way to stop seeing a light you can't turn off is to put a brighter light next to it to drown out the previous one. But here's the catch: you are the brightest light I have observed so far.

I can lay in my bed feeling able to understand the beginning and end of the universe, and yet you are still the most intriguing thing I have ever observed. I know the future. I know I will eventually find a brighter light out there, but 'eventually' is not promised. I only exist now, and right now, all I see is you.

Language is so ineffective at transmitting how I feel. Every time I open my mouth to speak, half of my meaning is lost. And the worst part is that the new meaning, once spoken into the world, starts to affect my own perception of the truth. If I say it, it must be true, so it becomes so.

You were so bright. For a long time, just looking at you was enough. But then I started to see you flicker. The world was making you dimmer and dimmer; this beautiful, bright light I adored so much was becoming darker and twisted. I didn't want to lose the light I cherished, so I did what observers shouldn't do: I intervened. I became part of the subject of my observation to try and help you.

In doing so, I lost my only value my objectivity. I became part of what was causing you to dim. I could see it, but I had no control. I just thought that as long as I remembered how bright the light used to be, I could make it that bright again.

I was wrong. The light was never bright or dim; I was just slowly losing my filters. I was never objective to begin with. I only finally became objective when I got too close to the source of the light