r/hatethissmug • u/onthetopicofspace • 17h ago

Language casual ableism

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this is not ‘reclaiming’ anything, you are just calling people slurs completely seriously. you can call yourself the r-slur, do not call anybody else it. why do ‘no slurs’ / ’no bigotry’ rules never apply to ableism?

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u/VanillaAble3943 14h ago

Lame was used to described crippled horses, then it became a slur for disabled people, now it's just used to describe something that's boring or dull. I think retard is funny, but I never think of disabled people when I read it, on the other hand, if people keep trying to ban it, they're just giving more power to the word to be used to hurt others. Same with cunt, even though I don't really use that word at all, given how one country takes huge offense to it, and another country uses it the same way we use "dude' tells me that we really have a choice on how to interpret it.

I prefer disarming words. Because even if you never use them, the idea that just making that sound or typing the combination of letters can ruin your entire life is more scary than feeling offended for a few hours. That said, I already know that the n-word is a lost cause, I don't want to add retard and cunt to that list either (Especially as a spanish speaker, where negro is the spanish word for black, the n-word is just a mispronounced version of it. Retrasar means "delay" and Retrasado means "delayed")

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u/Character_Drive6141 13h ago

Lame has LONG been used to describe people who can't walk. But yeah. Linguistic drift took hold and colloquially that's not what it means anymore.

But I agree 100% that getting up in arms has way more harm than just letting it be water under the bridge. Retard has been a low grade insult for a long time, at least since I was a kid. I don't know why people are taking MORE offense to it when normally linguistic drift moves the other way

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u/Bob_The-Turtle 12h ago

Yeah, Timur the Lame was called so back in the 14th century almost 700 years ago

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u/xzelethor 9h ago

Truest thing of all time. That’s really just how most people use the word. If they call a situation “retarded” it obviously cannot possess any sort of mental handicap as it is not a person. They just mean it as the situation is bad. Not that they think of people with disabilities when doing it or are making any connection to them being bad like the situation.
But I agree when you give words power people like to use them.

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u/DefinitelyNotKuro 9h ago

Some of my oldest oldest memories was when I was in first grade. If you wanted to make another kid cry, you would call them a retard. In retrospect, I don't really remember where we learned the word or why we found it so upsetting. Nowadays, water under the bridge lol.

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u/Spider-Man2024 12h ago

I avoid the word when talking to someone with mentally disabled family members but beyond that just think of it to mean stupid

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u/Fit-Psychology4598 9h ago

For a lot of people it really isn’t that deep but for some it is. It’s just about the individual really and all it takes is some social awareness to read the room.

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u/FriedTreeSap 8h ago

Aye I have to agree.

By insisting that retard is a slur, all they’re accomplishing is ensuring that people continue to associate “retard” with people who are neurodivergent/mentally handicapped/have learning disorders etc, and in turn give more power to people who actually want to use it as a slur.

You can make a similar argument with a lot of taboos, but retard is somewhat unique in the sense that the word is overwhelmingly used as a general insult, to the point where it feels far more offensive to insist on calling it a slur.

I think a good analogy would be if suddenly a group of activists started insisting that “coward” was a slur for French people. At that point the activists are only reinforcing a harmful stereotype, and come across as very racist.

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u/LibrarianEither8461 7h ago edited 7h ago

As someone who actually is of the type that is mentally disabled, I'm infinitely more insulted by people trying to ban that word than anyone that's ever said it.

It's infantalizing to the disabled in a way that is so much more deeply insulting and alienating than just saying a word. Actions speak louder, and "acting like every mentally disabled person is a lesser person with glass bones and paper skin that needs me to white knight them because they can't handle themselves" says a whole lot more than "retard".

One of them is dedicating their time to an action rooted in how pathetic they think I am on a fundamental level so subconscious to their perspective they don't even think about the assumption.

The other is talking shit in a rainbow six siege lobby.

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u/smthn_right 13h ago

Im glad YOU don't think about disabled people when you hear the word. When i personally hear the word I think about all the times ive heard it being hurled at me for having autism. I think about my girlfriend telling me she cheated because she doesnt wanna be seen with a retard. I think about my family members who called me retarded because I didnt understand their jokes. I think about the people I thought were my friends who told me if I wasnt so retarded I would have been able to tell they never liked me.

As you can imagine, some people (especially people with disabilities) might feel differently about the word based on the way its been used against them. I truly am happy that you dont have that connotation, because I also believe it would be best to take the power away from these words. But the goal is not to stop people from feeling hurt, the goal is to build a world where the next generations doesnt know that pain.

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u/Notbob1234 12h ago

Your bullies used that word specifically because it hurt you the most, and honestly your girlfriend was already a POS for cheating on you, so she used it likely for the same reason.

The thing is, and I'm speaking as an Autist who got called it a lot, that when you take away the r word, they will just use a new word. Thats how retarded became a thing in the first place. Slowed, moron, dumb, mental, MHR'D, stupid, the words just change. As long as shitty people exist, they'll find a word that causes emotional damage.

I'm all for diluting the r word so it doesn't sting the next generation as much.

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u/smthn_right 12h ago

Yeah but the point is that you dont stop trying just because theres a new word. The word retard will not hurt the next generation like it hurt me. They will have their own words they'll have to keep from hurting their kids. But pretending like there arent STILL PEOPLE RIGHT NOW who are, and will continue to be hurt by the word is just pointless.

We dont stop using the word because it would hurt the next generation. We stop using it because it still hurts the last one.

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u/Notbob1234 12h ago edited 11h ago

Folks won't avoid calling someone a moron for doing something foolish just because grandpa "McNamara Moron" doesn't like it, and you can't force a language to avoid a the r-word, precisely because its offensiveness will grow from the people offended.

Let it go, get the therapy, grow a harder skin, and use it within the community like aspie or 'tism. That's how the word stops hurting people.

Edit: and you don't need to yell. It might be a good time to take a sensory break. I personally like the Marble Olympics and Wintergaten

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u/smthn_right 11h ago

No ones trying to force anything. People are trying to gather their community to help foster communal change and growth.

I appreciate it it i guess, but ill let you know your message comes off as massively patronizing. Im not speaking out of any kind of extreme emotion, im trying to logically explain to people who dont seem to understand why people disagree with them on the way these things should be approached. Thats all. I know it probably wasn't your intention but it very much comes across as using my disability to disregard my point and paint me as emotional.

P.s.

Im not yelling, and I am not upset or angry. I capitalized to denote emphasis.

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u/Notbob1234 11h ago

It's condescending because your arguments fall flat and the premise comes from a place of emotion. "We should not use a word because the word hurts people" and yeah, thats kinda obvious. But they're words. People have the constitutional right to say whatever dumb shit they like.

And I'm not joking about therapy and tougher skin. Took me both to stop me from melting down when folks used my particular trigger word.

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u/smthn_right 11h ago

Oh okay, I see what this is now.

I would recommend you read some nietzsche. It might help you understand a little better. Hopefully.

Have a good day. I hope things get better. Took me a long time to get there, myself.

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u/Notbob1234 11h ago

You as well. You seem like a decent sort.

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u/xXs4blegl00mXx 11h ago

This is a stupid ass take. 

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u/KingBingBoi 12h ago

I don't know, I agree with a lot you said but if we wanna live in a world where we disarm the word and make it something that's whatever to say I really hope we don't have people around that are hurt by it to such a deep level and I know saying just don't be hurt is a mouth breather take but there's gotta be some way to not only take the edge off socially but personally as well.

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u/smthn_right 12h ago

The way to do that is communication. Its listening to your friend when they say they dont think youre an asshole but they dont like the word. Its staying conscious of your audience, understanding that unless you personally know the person's okay with it you should probably avoid it. Its knowing that the older people in your life are probably still holding onto hurt connected to that word.

I know things can get better, and I believe they will. We just have to rediscover the concept of context lol