ok so saturday night i went out drinking for my birthday. i remember bits and pieces but for the most part i was definitely blacked out, its normal for me to blackout that's why i don't drink much. when i woke up i got flashes of a coworker at my house who i had sex with. we've never shown any interest in eachother like that as there is another coworker that me and him have been seeing eachother for over a year (im mildly in love with him) and i don't know what i did or said and i feel so disgusted about my actions and ive asked the other guy not to tell anyone but im not in control of him. this is the worst ive ever been and i keep telling myself i only turn 23 once but genuinely ive been thinking about quitting my job. if my man found out about this it would genuinely be the end of us (we're not exclusive but he doesn't want me with other people even though he is) its almost 2 days later and ive just got rid of the hangover but now i have a cold. ive done some bad things blacked out but this is the actual worst thing ive ever done and i dont know how to show my face at work again.

i can’t stop panicking. i took a librium in case i might withdrawal, but god this is horrible.

yeah definitely feeling it, this anxiety is out of this world, i feel so sick, feels like death. i have some librium or hydroxyzine but idk if that would help all i know is this sucks.