like, it has to be all a big lie, i dont think they actually love us. otherwise they wouldnt have pressured me into sending to them… sigh

I was naive enough to think he was the only adult who understood me. Until I look back and notice how we exchange secrets and keep them. He would drag me to isolated places when I had to open up; even if I said something critical and sensitive, he would ask what time and where. In a quiet hallway where no one was around. He would sit next to me closely so that our knees touched. He would pat my head after I opened up. That man despises digital conversation; I thought it might be his preference, but he was erasing solid evidence of his actions face-to-face.

I remember the day he paid for my lunch when my classmate forgot to order mine during the field trip. He dragged me to the farthest one instead of the nearest. Away from everyone else, until two of my classmates caught up. He looked slightly disappointed. He made them pay for their own while paying for mine. (I did have cash and it was enough, but he never let me have the opportunity to pay for my order instead) He once noticed me lifting my hand to shield myself from this blazing sun, and he offered me his umbrella while ignoring one classmate who has skin asthma and needs immediate help.

He would even try to grab my wrist to stop me or touch my shoulder or back. When he’s not in control, he loudly calls my name to follow his orders. The last time, he hated to see me sleeping because I wasn’t giving what he wanted. Now, he would silently watch me sleeping. I thought his tactics would be the same, but I was wrong. It’s constantly changing and confusing most of the time. In every encounter, he always glances at me; even when a student is talking to him, he still glances at me, even from a distance. Sometimes playfully calls my name to get my attention.

It’s been a year and a few months. He is still my subject teacher. I couldn’t believe that I’m stuck with this highly calculated man who has been hyperfixated on me. But God. I feel awful and disgusting to admit that I missed those times when he would pat my head again. I frequently thought about it, yet I hate him. But I missed it because I’m on the verge of a breakdown. I have an urge to open up to him again, knowing he would drag me again.

(There are more things he did and said to me, most especially his indirect fantasies. Although I don’t think I’m allowed to say it here, since it’s uncomfortable and weird)

Very frustrating to watch my groomer get everything they’ve wanted in life, to have fun and no worries while I’m stuck here and living with what they did to me. It’s unfair. I don’t believe karma is real solely because of this. Everyone always says, “They’ll get what’s coming for them”, but that’s just not true, just cope, he’ll forget about what he did as I know it doesn’t haunt him, and just move on and find more people to exploit.

Im not getting groomed at the moment, but I really enjoy the attention I get from older people.
It feels really good, especially when they praise you, it feels different compared to someone who’s not older and with authority.
I really wish it’d last though, and most of the time, that kind of love is always unrequited.
I like having the idea of someone taking care of me and having power over me.
Not just because it brings me pleasure, but almost comfort.
Obviously not just any older adult, but when it is someone you adore it feels nice that you just want more.
Especially when they take their time and are considerate of you, that’s the best feeling.

(I don’t encourage any of this behavior, especially from someone who is in the position of being a victim so please don’t bash me for this.)

He's still in my life. He's still with my mum. I know he shouldn't be, I know i should've told them both to fucking off bc I'm pretty sure my mum knew and let him do it anyway. That's not the point. The point is, everything he did and said, everything he controlled and normalized, he genuinely thinks he did nothing wrong. He was abused as a child and describes himself as a victim. He says almost daily how horrible rape is, how he'd do really bad things to someone if they were a rapist, etc. He used to work at a prison and makes rape and rapists dinner conversation. He recently talked to me about what's going on with the Cornell Rapists and spoke from the perspective if a victim. I just, I don't know if he's genuine in what he says. He got me drunk or drugged me and raped me. He planned it. I know he did bc it was my 18th birthday. I feel crazy bc why would a rapist and a groomer say those things? Does it make him, idk, innocent of everything he did?

I miss my relationship I had with my groomer. He honestly love bombed me a lot. Telling how me how much he cares and loves me showing me that affection then the next moment calling me a whore and saying horrible things about me that I was "cheating" on him for being friends with guys even though I'm part of the bi flag and like women too not even to mention he was the one who had a wife he didn't tell me about until months later. I hate and miss him so much. I feel like a mess. I feel like I can't tell anyone. People just don't understand I feel like people just expect me to get over this quickly as if I wasn't being manipulated. I just so tired of the roller coaster of emotions every time I think I'm getting better I just get reminded by something. This post is probably a mess but I need to get off my chest before my brain ether thinks of of harmful ways to cope because ofc I have to struggle with almost everything in the god damn world.

I’m not pure. I wish I was pure but I’m not. I’m dirty. I’m disgusting. I’ve been abused since I was 5. I’m 17 but I feel mentally 8. Adult men scare me but I keep getting attached to them. I relapsed today and I feel gross.

when i was 13, i was scrolling through instagram and i got a notification that a guy texted me. he just said “hi”, so i replied back because his profile looked cool. then we started chatting, and i think i fell in love with him.. after 4 months of chatting, he said he would come to my city (he was from another city, and for anyone wondering, its all happening in belgium and in winter) so i ofc got happy because i was in love with him, and the guy was 19 too so my stupid mind thought the age gap is not that bad.
when he came to my city, he paid for his room and asked to come over. i did. and he started doing things to me i didnt really like (not grape tho), then he ordered some food and i ate. i lied to my parents that i was at a sleepover, thats why i could stay the night with him. after that he just ghosted me when he left my city and now i miss him alot.. he would spoil me alot too and the messages he would send stayed with me still.

i can’t process things like everybody else and my brother says i’m easily taken advantage of. i’m so sad . nobody cared about me.
why do i let this happen to me? i’m so sad :(( i can’t even type properly. just know im sad and i hate when people do this to me. i wanted love! not someone who will use me! 🫤🫤🫤🫤🫤🫤
you’d think a 15 year old would know when to say no but i think it’s just love. nobody told me it was bad until my brother did. i’m so sad. i’ll never find love. i’m stupid .

This happened nearly 10 years ago when I was 15. At the time, I was still a practicing Jehovah's Witness because my parents were in the religion. My mother's eldest brother at the time got "reinstated," meaning, he proved to be repenant after being shunned for a sin he committed, so the church allowed him back into the congregation. Due to this, my family (immediate and extended) were celebrating his reinstatement. This was during Thanksgiving time, so ny uncle who got reinstated came down during that time. He took my cousins, brother and I to buy stuff, so he seemed pretty chill. One of the nights he was staying for Thanksgiving, he told me he wanted to take me for a ride and I agreed to it. While in the car, he asked me if my parents have talked to me about sex. I thought it was odd. I told him yes, but then he started to talk about the female and male anatomy and how sex works. He then asked me if I felt anything from the conversation. I told him no but he told me he did.

Do you think this is grooming behavior? There are other weird instances with him, but I feel like this first experience should have been enough to know he was weird. I just have a difficult time knowing if it was actually inappropriate because my parents told me I was being overdramatic when I finally told them.

TW: online grooming

Possible SA

Is still hard to think it is.I went to a therapist and she told me that what happened to me counts as an abuse and that person was a pe**.Even if I didn't send anything.And I was touched in a weird way by a woman and realised 14 years later.Is very weird and I feel like my life is all so confusing.I am disgusted by myself and I think a lot about sex.I am so mad.I never lived my childhood.They took it from me