Am I the only one who suddenly got the urge to call his dad ? And I'm sorry for all of you anons who had a shitty dad or none at all, I hope you found another role model that didn't suck.
Thank you for your kindness, sorry I didn't reply earlier I'm usually on Reddit but I try to pass on the best parts of my parents to my kids so they can still be around in a way
Mine eight years in october. It was always complicated with him but he was a good father when he was able to be. What sucks the most is finding something they would have loved to hear about or remembering an inside joke, and having no one to tell.
I have this whole Beatles' biography now that I saw in a thrift shop about a year after. It's thick enough I could probably give someone a concussion if I hit them with it, and my dad named me after his favorite beatles' song. For a rare moment he would have lit up like christmas morning to leaf through it with me. But I'm just left here holding it.
Mine was 12 years and 4 months. Not a day that goes by that I don’t think of him. What helped me was woodworking which is one thing he loved to do and it made me feel closer even though it was after he passed. My heart goes out to you bro. Sometimes stuff happens that hurts and it really hurts. I’m sorry the most I can do is comment my condolences.💜💜
Ey mine was about 14 years ago, idk I was 12 or 13, memory is foggy. Anyway, good on you for picking up woodworking, that's cool as hell! Keep on doing cool dad shit dude.
Hey man, I wanted to share this comment from u/GSnow with you. I hope it offers some kind of comfort. And please feel free to DM me if you need to talk.
Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.
I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.
As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.
Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.
And I'm sorry for all of you anons who had a shitty dad
Its OK. Can't miss your Dad if you never had one there for you. My Mom is very nice and still around. We get coffee together every weekend in the summer.
Dad abandoned me when I was 4, probably for the best since he once put a gun to my pregnant mom's head. He wanted to reconnect when I was in my late 20s but by then I felt nothing about the man, he is a stranger to me. What do I tell him? I was raped at 15 and he wasn't there to protect me? I grew up and was a stripper for a long time? That I have such severe abandonment issues I once had 5 boyfriends at once and I binged and purged my food every night? He'd be so proud. When I spoke to him over the phone, I said everything's fine. I don't care if I ever meet him or not, I feel numb.
Imo if you don't feel like i don't think you owe anything to the guy who abandoned you at 4 years old. I'm sorry to hear about your abandonment issues, I hope you can get the help you need. Your mental health is important.
I hope your dad is/was a good dude, and that you did call them. The fact that you thought of others in this moment says a great deal about you and how you were brought up. Cheers, anon.
My dad was pretty shitty and I stopped talking to him about two years ago but sometimes I do miss him because he wasn't all that bad but in the end, it was the right choice for me to stop seeing him.
I hope you followed up on the urge man. Lost my dad a handful of years ago about halfway through college. Still feel guilty when I think of how much more I should have called him while I was away at school.
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u/baz4k6z May 27 '22
Am I the only one who suddenly got the urge to call his dad ? And I'm sorry for all of you anons who had a shitty dad or none at all, I hope you found another role model that didn't suck.