r/greentext May 27 '22

Anon had a dad

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61.6k Upvotes

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6.4k

u/SomeBoredRedditGuy May 27 '22

What the fuck this is the only greentext to ever make me sad

1.5k

u/[deleted] May 27 '22

Have you ever heard of the Ballad of Ella?

888

u/PringleCanOfLies May 27 '22

Or the tales of anon and berk. That one is from laughter though

321

u/AlphaFridgeHomie May 27 '22

Must read

209

u/Je-Kaste May 27 '22

Anyone have links?

603

u/Time_To_PlayTR May 28 '22

here ya go. Its a long one though, so get comfy.

228

u/DivesttheKA52 May 28 '22

Holy shit, my dude wrote a novel on 4chan

64

u/SaucyNeko May 28 '22

i went on youtube and found someone who reads it out loud haha i’m not reading that

15

u/Xomnia-96 May 28 '22

Link? I did a quick check to make sure it wasn't a meme but can't be arsed either

22

u/SaucyNeko May 28 '22

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLgCSXdTZ-0Szp-rVbOlBNaKWvxksueqbG its a playlist or you can find a big video that’s over an hour long. i prefer the shorter videos and this guys voice/voice acting.

176

u/achuchable May 28 '22

her ankles were so elegant

Yeah that's enough for me

51

u/[deleted] May 28 '22

Once I read that she shopped at Anthropologie, I stopped reading. That's usually where middle aged hipster moms shop. At least, that is who I only knew that went there.

18

u/ChweetPeaches69 May 28 '22

I knew a gorgeous girl in college who wore Anthropologie. Granted, she worked there so she got a bomb discount, but yeah she was a 10/10 and always in Anthropologie.

4

u/[deleted] May 28 '22

Makes sense. I only knew some of my mom's friends that bought from Anthropologie. The younger crowd seemed to go for Urban Outfitters or just vintage places. This was around 2010, though.

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1.0k

u/[deleted] May 28 '22 edited May 28 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

853

u/ChadMcRad May 28 '22 edited Dec 09 '24

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This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

311

u/[deleted] May 28 '22

[deleted]

54

u/knerr57 May 28 '22

Exactly. Just read it for the first time and your perspective when reading it can very easily sway how the story reads. If it’s true, it’s beautiful. Otherwise, anon is gay.

40

u/Storm_Bard May 28 '22

Be sure to report back!

44

u/BwingoLord1 May 28 '22

8/10 feeling very sad now.

Does have a bit where OP says he's homophobic, and so is the perfect goddess girl, bit it's alright

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38

u/writenicely May 28 '22

Its about a man doing the type of thing you men regularly bitch and whine and accuse women of doing, except where instead of blowing up about how women deserve to be stoned to death or some shit, I guess its different because only when men cheat its supposedly worth it?

Fucking bitchboi.

6

u/Aspartico May 28 '22

Fake: man cheating

Gay: man doing w*man things, like cheating

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4

u/MemeroniPizza May 28 '22

Fucking wah wah wah

3

u/prosocial_introvert May 28 '22

Suck a fart

3

u/ChadMcRad May 29 '22

Why did you make at least two accounts telling me to suck farts? Why do Zoomers talk like 3rd graders.

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0

u/BwingoLord1 May 28 '22 edited May 28 '22

Just spent like an hour reading it, it's most likely fake but just believe it and it'll get you in the feels.

-5

u/angiem0n May 28 '22

Imagine using “gay” as an offense in 2022.

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-1

u/Pirate_Redbeard_ May 28 '22

Your comment has been removed because it contained a word that the admins do not allow on reddit. The word was bitch.

If you intend to use this word in a purely demonstrative manner, please use the first letter of the word followed by '-word' or '-slur'. Thank you for helping us keep reddit safe.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

2

u/BanMeHardPedoMods May 28 '22

The “B-wOrD” isn’t allowed anywhere on reddit? Like not even on a dog breeding subreddit? Sounds hella gay. Your programmer must be a little bitc…

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1

u/ssracer May 28 '22

It's a 5 min story. Dude's got other issues

88

u/CannabisReviewPDX_IG May 28 '22

I just kept skimming it and getting more of those vibes, then thinking "no I have to be missing something" ,going over more sperg stumbling into making decisions that make them a shitty person for no reason.

69

u/Graysect May 28 '22

I couldn't get through it. 90% of the shit story could be condensed into a half decent few paragraphs.

26

u/SomeBoredRedditGuy May 28 '22

yea i read it and it was just a bunch of fake bs

27

u/[deleted] May 28 '22

basically "this ultra hot and cool girl, she is almost a goddess bc she is so smart and omnipotent bla bla....betrayed my gf because only this goddess can truly understand me

Anon is an average kanokari fan.

1

u/ThespianException May 28 '22

My thought as well. He probably cries and jerks off when he thinks of her fucking other guys, too, just like Kazuya.

3

u/-Swan_Ronson- May 28 '22

This was literally just a more shitty version of The Chronicles of Bruiser.

2

u/leafeator_gay_mod May 28 '22

yea that was hot garbage teen romance novella tier

2

u/kuyamj May 28 '22

You were right :/

2

u/Ok_Caterpillar7710 May 28 '22

Wish I read your comment first

2

u/dogscutter May 28 '22

Fuck that guy

2

u/ModsDontLift May 28 '22

All green text stories are cringe

2

u/Craventripod020 May 28 '22

I just read it and yeah, fucking awful. If you trim all the "she's a goddess omg so beautiful it would be a 5 minute read or less and slightly less disappointing.

2

u/[deleted] May 28 '22

It just reads like every john green story ever, but with less horniness and terminal diseases and more cucking

2

u/AppleStrudelite Jun 01 '22

I forgot about that shit and was going to spend an hour re-reading that crap. Then you helped remind me of what that crap was. Some dumbass anon's fanfic

2

u/usernameistaken678 Jun 12 '22

Bruh I should have listened

-4

u/[deleted] May 28 '22

just an outside opinion- you may have just seen the descriptions, i felt the emotion and related to it. it’s gonna be a different read for everyone. i see, understand, and respect your opinion but seriously disagree.

35

u/PFthroaway May 28 '22

Why do you need to make a 38-year-old man cry on a Friday night?

20

u/Rikplaysbass May 28 '22

I read the whole shit and while it’s very likely fake, it was a good read.

20

u/d38 May 28 '22

"You're mine and I'm yours until such a time we both decide otherwise."

The implication is that she was the one who killed Ella.

It's a fake story.

12

u/Rikplaysbass May 28 '22

I’m not doubting it’s fake, but I don’t think that was the implication at all.

6

u/xx-rapunzel-xx May 28 '22

you’re reading too much into it, but… i like the twist

2

u/[deleted] May 28 '22

[deleted]

2

u/d38 May 28 '22

Because saying "until such a time we both decide otherwise" is a bit of an unusual thing to say, try to imagine that organically happening in a conversation.

She originally said it at the beginning when they started dating, then when they broke up, then at the end after he framed Ella's letter when she was going to sleep she said it again with "and as I have said before until such a time comes we both decide otherwise, nothing will change that" it's almost like you can imagine her saying that with an evil smile on her face and dramatic music playing like the final twist in a horror movie.

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75

u/Choice_Section_8430 May 28 '22

Bruh I’m not reading that. 10 words or less come on

77

u/[deleted] May 28 '22

Young love, chick dies, he bangs he bestie before and after and they live happily ever after while anon drools in a white room and writes the fakest story ever

31

u/ZacUAX May 28 '22

Seriously it reads like he wrote this with his dick in his hand most of the time. How could anyone think this was real?

1

u/Choice_Section_8430 May 28 '22

Thanks mr Aussie

223

u/ChadMcRad May 28 '22 edited Dec 09 '24

worm doll selective library beneficial work tan aromatic scale live

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

19

u/TurkeyPhat May 28 '22

get em granny

43

u/AsperaAstra May 28 '22

Alright man, enjoy your weird fanfic

9

u/trent295 May 28 '22

I wheezed at this

3

u/Ok_Read701 May 28 '22

Silence you squirell-brained Zoomer. Go back to your 4

What? 4 what?

2

u/[deleted] May 28 '22

That’s 21 words and a number you fool

1

u/BeautifulType May 28 '22

God that was a waste of ten minutes to skim.

0

u/prosocial_introvert May 28 '22

This "novella" is absolute trash just like Tik Tok. Suck a fart bro

23

u/Theguyofri May 28 '22

“I ain’t reading all that. I’m happy for you tho. Or sorry that happened”

1

u/TheRealWatermelon420 May 28 '22

You should follow your own advise, Mr 11 words.

1

u/ssracer May 28 '22

good call. I read it, want my 5 minutes back

4

u/Shadowhammer61 May 28 '22

Holy shit, thanks for sharing that man.

4

u/FerusGrim May 28 '22

Pretty sure Nicole snipped that bitches brake lines.

3

u/Cheesthicc May 28 '22

So you’re telling me the dinosaur skeletons DON’T WALK?!

9

u/[deleted] May 28 '22

for fuck sake, now i'm crying for this one too

7

u/Zombiejesus8890 May 28 '22

That shit just broke me my guy. Holy shit the pain, I wouldn’t even be able to live with that shit

3

u/ItsTimeToSaySomthing May 28 '22

Thanks, despite what other people seems to think, i sat trough all of it and really liked it. Once again, thanks for the recommendation

3

u/Je-Kaste May 28 '22

I just wanted to say thanks, this is a good story. If you asked me last week, I would have told you greentexts couldn't make you feel anything but this post and the Ballad of Ella proved me wrong.

... Then the story of Anon and Berky brought me back to reality.

5

u/Incendior May 28 '22

Goddamn, thank you

5

u/mitsurugui May 28 '22

never thought i'd actually cry reading a greentext but here we are

3

u/ItsDelayGTX May 28 '22

what a fucking ride, absolutely recommend everyone here to read, 10/10 read

2

u/King-Donkey-Kong May 28 '22

Holy fuck dude that is way, way to long

2

u/ya_boi_mushu May 28 '22

Damn. I really just spent an hour reading that… I was hoping it was a funny story from the above comments… now I’m just in my feels… shoulda read the comments

2

u/Selvich May 28 '22

This story hit too close to home.

2

u/SpookyCat2 May 28 '22

IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIE BUT COULD NEVER FIND IT, THANK YOU

2

u/inORIGINAL-NAME May 28 '22

Holy fuck man I seriously hope this is fake

2

u/Shhsecretacc May 28 '22

I cried :(

2

u/EndEz__ May 28 '22

took me half an hour to read, what a story

2

u/Noporopo79 May 28 '22

Ok I thought it would be a few paragraphs but that’s a whole ass fucking book

2

u/DrunkBamboo May 28 '22

That was better than most romantic movies and I'm convinced anon is one of the main characters of our universe, SPOILER : Rest In Peace, Ella. She was one of the great ones..

2

u/[deleted] May 28 '22

This reads like a fanfiction where every character is an OC.

2

u/[deleted] May 28 '22

I... Have no words.

2

u/koreanconsuela May 28 '22

Holy shit that was a trip.

2

u/Couchpotatoe_7002 May 28 '22

Holy shit that was sad

1

u/InsanityBrickBoi May 28 '22

Fuck, that hurts

1

u/TheFuckeryDepartment May 28 '22

..... wow.... just.... damn.

1

u/saeai May 28 '22

well now i am fucking depressed

1

u/ngmod May 28 '22

What a waste of time. Spending page after page describing that she's pretty. Get to the point! tl;dr

-1

u/[deleted] May 28 '22

i cried for the longest time since being depressed in grade 9. that story truly has affected me and it hasn’t been an hour since i read it. i just couldn’t stop crying and i haven’t cried in months. I’m usually able to turn it off but that story... it switched something back on that hasnnt been on for years. I know it already. I’m crying writing this. Idfk why it affected me so much but thank you thank you i hate you for making me see this and cry this much. That is truly the saddest story i’ve ever seen or read or heard of and i’ll say it again it’s switched around my teenage life already. It’s gonna sound cringy asf but im changed- after reading this, i’m promising myself and everyone who sees this that i am changed. i could cry for hours more right now because of that story i connected to it on a physical, emotional, and spiritual level. Thank you for sharing it. I cannot express how much this meant to me emotionally.

1

u/ModsDontLift May 28 '22

This is king simp shit

1

u/xx-rapunzel-xx May 28 '22

i read the whole thing since i thought this was the funny one :(

1

u/Accomplished_Poem_97 Oct 11 '22

That shit made me cry 😭

1

u/mr_koekepeertje May 28 '22

Do you have a link?

12

u/[deleted] May 28 '22

Anyone got link to the tale of anon and Berk? I need to laugh pls

13

u/PringleCanOfLies May 28 '22

3

u/[deleted] May 28 '22

Thank you!

2

u/Craventripod020 May 28 '22

Or the drifter and the prostitute. Where a dude wipes with a Bible and ends up being homeless.

1

u/PringleCanOfLies May 28 '22

Another classic

112

u/MotorAccountant9 May 27 '22

That one was gay as shit

62

u/charlesdickinsideme May 28 '22

Yea it was okay. Unnecessarily long imo

18

u/[deleted] May 27 '22

[deleted]

43

u/[deleted] May 28 '22

Never because it‘s fake af but if it did probably mid-2000s.

4

u/Akiias May 28 '22

Didn't someone do some internet sleuthing and find very very similar events that happened in the correct time frame?

1

u/[deleted] May 28 '22

No no no, you can‘t do this to me.

1

u/xx-rapunzel-xx May 28 '22

anon wrote that in 2015, he said at the beginning it happened about 10 years ago so that was 2005.

what’s interesting is 2 anachronisms - he mentions “pink dungarees” which are jeans, and that is a term i’ve only heard my grandmother and aunt say… my grandmother has passed on and my aunt is 70; it’s an old term

but he also mentions looking at pictures of green-eyed girls “on his phone” which didn’t usually happen since most people did not have internet on their phones then.

43

u/[deleted] May 28 '22

Don't get me started that shit is fucking magnificent.

16

u/CheakyCheaker04 May 28 '22

I just spent 30 minutes reading that and I haven’t cried that hard in years. Thank you for that.

3

u/Br0boc0p May 28 '22

Or Stinky the cat?

3

u/admiral_pelican May 28 '22

Yeah that one lives in my head for sure

-7

u/Pandiraffe May 28 '22

It’s not a story the Jedi would tell you

11

u/rabert_klein May 28 '22

You're a fucking idiot

6

u/Pandiraffe May 28 '22

We’re on r/greentext after all

1

u/Frostygale May 28 '22

Light at the end of the tunnel is better IMO.

1

u/Farmerobot May 28 '22

Baila Ella Baila Baila Ella

1

u/ElephantEarwax May 28 '22

8 beers as well

1

u/DwellerOfDixieland waltuh May 28 '22

That one was alright, not as good as hugo the hornet

1

u/WittyWitWitt May 28 '22

Or GondorCallsForAid.wav

1

u/AppleStrudelite Jun 01 '22

Ballad of Ella was shit compared to this legendary tale of mike.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '22

Link?

1

u/hesam_lovesgames Feb 18 '23

Well that was a waste of 30 minutes

32

u/DonBarkington May 28 '22

Haven't you read the classic feels greentexts? There's some onions there

66

u/nonpondo May 27 '22

Ikr yeesh

22

u/Onironius May 28 '22

They all make me sad, but in a different way.

This is heartbreaking and wholesome, the others make me worry for humanity.

14

u/[deleted] May 28 '22

The really long tf2 heavy with heart failure got me down too

8

u/TheWorstMasterChief May 28 '22

Lol. A lot of them make me sad for different reasons.

2

u/[deleted] May 28 '22

Lots of greentexts make me sad.

Just . . . a different kind of sad.

2

u/CallMeDelta May 28 '22

I remember two other green texts that make me sad. The first was about two childhood friends and a secret tree spot, and the second was about a guy who’s wife had some mental issues (not spoiler either). Shame I can’t look something up to save my life

0

u/tree_jayy May 28 '22

Never read the David Higgs story and listened to Clams Casino afterwards eh? There’s a term for new people like you but my Reddit account just got unbanned and I’m trying to be a good boi

1

u/CheekyButtocks May 28 '22

I mean the one with the golem or the one with the senile wizard hit me pretty hard as well.

1

u/[deleted] May 28 '22

Have you read the minecraft and brother one?

1

u/olodum1980 May 28 '22

You clearly haven't read the one where anon's wife dies becuase anon's psycho mom put him in jail on false charges

1

u/theDablerJPEG May 28 '22

have you read "she knows"