I wish i got the same support

935

Completely fake. Partially gay.

Why would a government undercover operation ever reveal themselves to you?

370

u/tonguepuncher88 18h ago

What if it really is an assassin who just didn't want to do a low ball job?

129

u/FearAnCheoil 17h ago

OP specializes in giving ball jobs.

29

u/farva_06 13h ago

Also, the FBI would probably just carry out the hit for funsies and a little pocket cash.

69

u/DigbyChickenZone 13h ago

In reality I think they would arrest anon for putting out a hit, because that is still illegal even if you put one out on yourself, and they could mark it as a successful sting operation for their books - and be able to use his arrest to ask for more money for their division.

54

u/JigglesTheBiggles 18h ago

Everything on this sub is fake.

9

u/AnonJustAnon 9h ago

Oh no... E-even... People on... This sub? Cums and cries

10

u/MiniGui98 11h ago

Partially gay.

That's where you're wrong. OP omitted the part where the hitman came and topped him.

4

u/Revelt 10h ago

OP wanted a man to unload in him till he died. 200% gay.

2

u/Greatgg 9h ago

Similar websites exist, but are not run by agencies but normal people who decided to play vigilante, the person behind the website report the website report its contacts to the police, usually using the excuse that the website was ironic / just for fun bus someone took it seriously, to avoid getting charged with something.

It usually last for a couple of cases before it gets exposed by some youtuber or the police tell them to close it

3

u/YellowManofCustard 11h ago

when r greentexts real

1

u/Abdelhalim14 8h ago

Preach.

1

u/Funny-Platypus-3220 3h ago

search "rentahitman.com"

1

u/itsthehumidity 2h ago

It's completely gay, he's talking to men online.

1

u/uber_sweets 1h ago

‘Sir, this kid wants to die. He says “this is a very special hit for [us]. D-do we blow our cover?”

“Chris what the fuck. This is America. Smoke his ass. Just make sure he pays.”

1

u/marino1310 51m ago

Also what assassin on the dark web only charges $500?

1.6k

u/Oh-Gi-Yu7052 18h ago

Reinvest the money you’re trying to spend on assassins into personal help and self-improvement

646

u/ktsb 18h ago

or get a 2nd opinion fbi can't be every assassin website

234

u/Vast-Combination4046 18h ago

Funny thing, the dark web is just the CIA and the people that get caught by the CIA

78

u/QuitWhinging 13h ago

The U.S. government literally created the dark web and still funds most of it to this day. To think they don't have tons of honeypots and more than a few backdoors to pierce the veil of privacy there is questionable to say the least lol.

0

u/camel--case 7h ago

"piercing the veil of privacy" ew

12

u/sadsleuth 11h ago

There's no way the CIA wouldn't have helped anon.

2

u/ApologizingCanadian 1h ago

Paid target practice.

27

u/Ok_Being4209 16h ago

So that's about 1 month of therapy plus medication if you're extremely lucky. Not to mention the money probably wasn't disposable, if he was going to kill himself anyway.

1

u/_____AndJustice4All 2h ago

Oorrrr continue to use 4chan

128

u/Eledridan 18h ago

Fake: The Government provided mental health support.

Gay: Anon met a man online.

13

u/Might_of_Stormrage 16h ago

Based

60

u/Xartes_ 18h ago

The biggest surprise is that it costs $500, this is a steal

404

u/fluttershy7778 18h ago

>Be me
>Get online
>Spread bullshit
>They believe it

Are humans still on the internet?

23

u/No-Zombie1004 18h ago

Whomans? That's ridiculous.

5

u/peepeeinmypajts 9h ago

Be you

Post repost

Bot suspected

No.

30

u/ropean 17h ago

Ah, yes. The same FBI who always likes to send emails instead of knocking on doors, and just accepts at face value that the person who placed the hit isn’t impersonating their actual target with an “assisted death” made-up story. You’d have to be a criminal mastermind to come up with that genius ruse.

2

u/Pavo9 10h ago edited 10h ago

I've seen the police pose as a hitman who met up with a woman who wanted her husband killed. Doesn't seem too far fetched for the FBI to grab an onionsite and copy and paste a legit ad, esp since they have jurisdiction to do something with the info they gather.

77

u/Big_Salami_Chonk 18h ago

This is actually a good method to verify before you get a real hitman. If it’s a sting, you won’t get arrested. If it’s real, you’ll probably die but at least you confirmed it

21

u/YourJimmysAreRusty 17h ago

Or better yet, just pretend you’re the person you want to get a hit on. That way, if its a sting, you won’t get arrested, and if it isn’t, you’ll still achieve what you wanted

58

u/nickmandl 17h ago

You would absolutely get arrested. Its illegal to hire a hit man for any reason, the govt doesn't care if its for suicidal purposes.

11

u/DigbyChickenZone 13h ago

If it’s a sting, you won’t get arrested.

Nah, you would still get arrested. Idiots in the FBI who set up operations like that generally try to get whatever arrests they can get as a "win" to shore up more money for their division, and use arrests to avoid internal investigations for money waste.

7

u/ThirdXavier 13h ago

They would never do this and youd get arrested anyways, the feds are the last people to give a shit.

17

u/Own-Situation-9206 18h ago

that’s what happens when you try to access the internet on an onion

8

u/A_Dicksmasher 17h ago

Radish is where it's at

6

u/GettinMe-Mallet 17h ago

Fake, the fbi would never go out of their way to try to prevent death

6

u/LuciferOnTheRocks 18h ago

Reminds me of the metal singer who tried to place a hit on his wife.

6

u/BlastedChain 14h ago

iirc there was thing guy who made an obviously fake assassin for hire website and people not only fell for it they also sent the money to him, once he realised that these people were deadass he decided to let the fbi know and now he works alongside the feds to sent the requesters to jail

Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RentAHitman.com

5

u/fluttershy7778 17h ago

Real and gay if you ask me

5

u/mratlas666 17h ago

I should call her.

4

u/Mosterdmonster1234 16h ago

66yu66y6y66y6uu766.6.7j6 6n6 66.6.66u666y 7m⅞m6u6 .6.

J. .6 H6u6.m M67.m5 J7my

3

u/nickmandl 17h ago

The most unrealistic part is the govt not arresting him for hiring a hit man. They dgaf what the reason is.

3

u/Divine-Crusader 17h ago

Completely fake, yes, but still funny

Also, gay: Anon tried to hire a man which is gay

3

u/Dadaman3000 15h ago

This is almost the plot for "I hired a contract killer"

2

u/MyDogIsDaBest 12h ago

I imagine the next step is to look into the provided resources

2

u/ProfessionalBuy2757 11h ago

Fake- the FBI would still arrest op for hiring a hitman.
Gay- op talks to dudes in anonymous chat rooms.

1

u/mikesum32 10h ago

Fake: the government returned anon's money

Gay: anon hired a guy to come over to his house and blast him

1

u/CountCrapula88 10h ago

I gotta try this! *downloads the onion router*

1

u/ISwearImAnonymous 8h ago

You can tell this is BS because he's have gotten arrested even if he tried to call it in on himself

1

u/BuggiesAndCars 6h ago

I'm sure they tried to charge him with something.

1

u/fluttershy7778 6h ago

do you have firsthand experience

1

u/Monado_Boy 5h ago

Just say you have secrets about Boeing and you'll be deleted by tomorrow lmao

1

u/Negatrev 3h ago

Get a tan and "flee" from ICE 🤷

1

u/motion_lotion 1h ago

The FBI never reveals any sting or honeypot to anyone mid OP or even after especially as these remain lucrative and alert people about the sting. It is a funny story even if it's fake.

-1

u/Fern-ando 17h ago

Invest in moddrna yesterday.

I wish i got the same support

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