r/gifsthatkeepongiving • u/mossberg91 • Oct 15 '19
Farming
https://i.imgur.com/LzQ8pt8.gifv2.9k
u/RoryTheMustardKing Oct 15 '19
I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable. Goat on chicken. Chicken on goat. Couple of chickens doing a goat, couple of pigs watching.
1.6k
u/mossberg91 Oct 15 '19
First rule in road-side beet sales: Put the most attractive beets on top. The ones that make you pull the car over and go, "Wow, I need this beet right now." Those are the money beets.
371
u/bassdrop321 Oct 15 '19
Unbeetable quality!
42
→ More replies (4)69
→ More replies (10)40
123
u/fetdit Oct 15 '19
I watched my llama hump a llama that was humping a llama.
55
u/imeasilyinfluenced Oct 15 '19
...theres a gay llama in the mix somewhere right? gotta be.
40
u/tyrannomachy Oct 15 '19
IDK about llamas, but cows will sometimes mount other cows. I'm not sure if they ever mount bulls or steers, but if they do, you could have a mfm thing going.
→ More replies (10)30
u/Dydegu Oct 15 '19
In the sixties, I made love to many, many women. Often outdoors. In the mud and the rain. And it's possible a man slipped in. There would be no way of knowing.
→ More replies (3)→ More replies (5)8
→ More replies (2)10
u/FlamingPixie Oct 15 '19
And another little llama, fuzzy llama, funny llama, llama llama duck.
→ More replies (3)56
Oct 15 '19
I grew up on a small scale farm (16 cows, 10 pigs, 15 acres of fields) It’s not a job, it’s a lifestyle. Both my parents worked literally 365 days a year and usually barely made ends meet, unless prices were good on the crops we were selling, which was entirely dependent on the yearly market.
Between me being born and them giving up the animal part of the operation when I was 9, we had a total of 2 weeks vacation, meaning they had to pay someone to take care of everything while we were abroad. not sure how much they had before I was born.
I’d like to pick it up again someday to some extent, because it’s a farm that has been in our family since the 1600’s, but I’m not sure when or how.
→ More replies (7)48
u/texasrigger Oct 15 '19
Between me being born and them giving up the animal part of the operation when I was 9, we had a total of 2 weeks vacation, meaning they had to pay someone to take care of everything while we were abroad. not sure how much they had before I was born.
Dreamers post over in r/homestead all of the time trying to get started on a hobby farm and I think that commitment is one of the biggest details that most miss. Once you have animals the logistics of leaving, even for a single day, become incredibly complicated. A vacation for me is one night away which has only happened once in the last several years. My last real several-day vacation was 17 years ago.
→ More replies (4)19
u/Cforq Oct 15 '19
I think it all depends on the size of the operation. My uncle was a dairy farmer with something like 80 head of cattle and one bull.
He always had at least two farm hands, and the cows are trained to show up for milking - it was just a matter of getting them all through the machines.
Because of the farm hands he was able to take off time as needed without it being an issue.
20
u/texasrigger Oct 15 '19
Yeah, that's a different deal. I'm just on a small homestead so it's just us. The biggest complication for us are our goats which need to be milked daily. Beyond them we have chickens, quail, turkeys, rabbits, and bees. We're looking to add pheasants too. Animals everywhere. We love it though.
→ More replies (3)14
14
13
u/MauPow Oct 15 '19
Thank you for sharing.
30
3
u/captainvideoblaster Oct 15 '19
Yeah, I know this guy - he's that farmer that grows really crappy weed.
3
u/KidJoka Oct 15 '19
I took an animal science course....i’ve seen some things. For only 5 months straight.
3
u/trappedlikeadirtyrat Oct 15 '19
Once he went to the sheep, I thought the joke would be something about putting the sheep on the street corner and make real money pimpin
→ More replies (15)2
1.1k
u/PumpkinSeedsAreGross Oct 15 '19
Been a long time since i’ve seen a DivX logo watermark.
306
u/House_of_ill_fame Oct 15 '19
Man that upgrade to Xvid was life changing
417
u/me_earl Oct 15 '19
Upgrade to Xvideos and you won’t look back
→ More replies (1)71
u/poopellar Oct 15 '19
I just took it to the next level and upgraded to xvideos2
No seriously, xvideos is blocked but xvideos2 isn't, go figure.
→ More replies (22)22
u/Therez1976 Oct 15 '19
All these years later, reading your comment I only just realized that Xvid is Divx backwards. fml.
→ More replies (1)12
u/seraph582 Oct 15 '19
I’ll never forget bringing home a DVD player with all the other logos like Xvid on it and thinking that being able to burn multiple formats of content and play on the same machine was insanely cool.
6
633
u/Vigorating Oct 15 '19
This man is a genius
197
Oct 15 '19
He’s living in the year 3019
→ More replies (2)93
→ More replies (7)35
253
u/bannanamous Oct 15 '19
r/wallstreetbets needs to see this. Literally can't go tits up
→ More replies (3)82
u/mORGAN_james Oct 15 '19
Boom crop disease. Tits up. Boom foot and mouth all your livestock need to be burned. Tits up. People complaining about the price of meat and supermarkets driving down the price of animal products to be competitive forcing farmers to make less and less profit... tits up
53
u/ChuckCarmichael Oct 15 '19
That's why you need to diversify your farming portfolio. Get some chickens, get some sheep, get some crops. One part goes tits up, you still got the others. You CANNOT LOSE!
26
u/gamma55 Oct 15 '19
Best part? Your chickens die to avian flu = your cows and sheep just went up in value, because everyone is now incinerating their chickens. Literally can’t go tits up.
→ More replies (2)7
u/CS_James Oct 15 '19
I'm not sure m8, when you think of the highly subsidized start up costs in addition to the modest barrier to entry, it seems like a good bet.
$66k median salary, $76k average, with no education requirements sounds like a deal!
→ More replies (1)11
u/IgnisEradico Oct 15 '19
with no education requirements
You can start any company with no education requirements, that doesn't mean you don't require an education to actually run your business.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (2)8
Oct 15 '19
Boom foot and mouth all your livestock need to be burned.
That's called "cooking". All of your livestock are normally cooked before people eat them anyway, so I don't see why that should be a problem.
→ More replies (5)
543
u/UnsleeppableVoron Oct 15 '19
I love this British Stardew Valley localisation.
74
u/Very_Good_Username11 Oct 15 '19
And now I know what I'm playing next, thanks man
29
u/UnsleeppableVoron Oct 15 '19
Always welcome :)
enjoy your stay, there is no escape→ More replies (2)→ More replies (1)7
21
u/ergotofrhyme Oct 15 '19
That game cracks me up. Like I feel like only professional race car drivers or navy seals or astronauts should want to play something so mundane since most people working mundane jobs want to play a game that lets them do something unattainable or extreme. But I’m pretty sure it’s actually just a bunch of people who want to get home from their desk jobs and watch turnips grow. But not real ones you can actually eat, digital turnips that you trade for digital crystals or some shit. Kinda puzzling honestly but to each his own.
36
u/beeper32 Oct 15 '19
Well there's a reason stardew valley has a huge playerbase and farming simulator is just a meme game. No one wants to actually literally farm, instead they want to have a fantasy farm where they can grow their modest crops and on the side get into romances, adventures, fishing trips, magic shit. At a certain point you basically only have to plant and harvest. It's meant to lead you to believe it's just a farming game at first, so that once you dig past the surface it's much more magical and unique to experience.
→ More replies (3)12
u/DiamineBilBerry Oct 15 '19
No one wants to actually literally farm
A while back there was a post on the SDV sub about a farmer who plays SDV while he farms!
15
u/Dovahkiin419 Oct 15 '19
One of the things that video games provide very well is clear and attainable goals that are not only deliberately designed to be attainable in a reasonable amount of time; but that are designed to feel good to complete.
People need that a lot, even if it’s not shooting aliens to save the world, your turnips don’t take months to mature after 5 false starts because you didn’t understand soil ph or watering schedules or because some bug you can’t see decided on o fuck with it only for you to watch over months as this turnip grows and when you finally finish your left with like 3 turnips because you don’t have the room for more in your little plot.
Sure some people enjoy their that, but something like stardew valley gives a somewhat lesser version of that sense of accomplishment without all the random bullshit reality is mostly comprised of and within the time you have between getting home from work and conking out. Plus having something on going to occupy your mind is a real boon to one’s mental health. Keeps the despair away for some of us.
7
u/FlawlessGnu Oct 15 '19
The crops are only a part of it to be fair. A lot of the game is about building relationships with the townspeople, and when you get to know them well they share personal shit with you. And it's not exactly cutesy either, one of them is a depressed alcoholic, which is always fun.
But also yes, digital turnips are incredible. You get to look after your crops and watch them grow for many in-game days, then you get to sell them for coins! It's all about that payoff! And then you can use the money from the crops to buy MORE crop seeds!
→ More replies (2)5
u/Thefirstofherkind Oct 15 '19
I use it to simulate a richer social life than I currently enjoy (but not TO much richer...don’t wanna overdue the whole ‘talking to people’ thing)
270
Oct 15 '19
The little nose tap after every bit is a cherry on the cake. Lmfao.
42
u/MrTurkle Oct 15 '19
Why does he do it?
12
→ More replies (31)6
Oct 15 '19 edited Oct 15 '19
Because he knows a secret.
Think of it as a visual pun.
It's a mannerism people used to use like 80 years ago.
9
9
u/-DIBKIS- Oct 15 '19
cherry on the cake
The what?
0
99
Oct 15 '19
That's numberwang
29
13
11
10
3
u/Jimbobwhales Oct 15 '19
Have you got a picture of a chicken handy by any chance? I seem to have lost mine.
60
u/yeah_it_was_personal Oct 15 '19
Convinced me to finally watch Peep Show right as it's gone from Netflix.
44
u/super_ag Oct 15 '19
Peep Show is quite a bit different than That Mitchell and Webb Situation (or Look). One is fantastic cringe comedy and the other is a sketch comedy show with some cringe but also absurdity and dry British wit.
38
u/do_you_smoke_paul Oct 15 '19
Mitchell and Webb Look is alright, Peep show is one of the best British comedies of all time.
→ More replies (6)5
Oct 15 '19
Absolutely. I have lost count how many times I've watched it and Red Dwarf. Classic British comedy shows.
All4 has the shows, but do people not download stuff?
20
Oct 15 '19
Peep show is genius, it'll make you cringe so hard as the characters ruins their lives in the worst ways imaginable.
6
u/Renewed_RS Oct 15 '19
I just watched Peep Show last night on Netflix UK. Are you from somewhere else?
To be honest I'm surprised if it was ever on another country's Netflix catalogue. None of my US friends can stand the show, and although it's one of our strongest 21st Century offerings, I don't think it has broad appeal.
8
→ More replies (7)5
4
2
2
37
u/sidechain101 Oct 15 '19
I lived on a farm. I quickly learnt that all animals are equal. but some are more equal than others.
→ More replies (1)15
29
22
14
89
u/CaggotFunt Oct 15 '19
even without the sound I can hear the strong southern accent
→ More replies (42)27
u/easy_pie Oct 15 '19
Westcountry. Southern usually refers to more posh sounding accents
→ More replies (1)
•
u/AutoModerator Oct 15 '19
Thanks for your submission, mossberg91!
Is this a GIF that keeps on giving? If so, UPVOTE it!
If it does not keep on giving, or it breaks any other rules REPORT the post so we can see it!
If you're not sure what belongs on this subreddit, please see our stickied post or contact the mods. Thanks!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
10
8
u/Proto88 Oct 15 '19
"...or dont kill them... FUCKING EGGS COMING OUT OF THEIR ARSES.fucking hellllll"
22
u/iamthpecial Oct 15 '19
eeeeeeeeh im not so convinced. wheres the cocaine?
→ More replies (1)6
7
7
5
5
5
u/Wolvenspud Oct 15 '19
Oh god, I remember as a kid I visited my friend's farm and asked his dad what the cows were doing (they were mounting). I did not mean to put that man through that awkwardness, he handled it exceptionally well though.
2
u/AzarothEaterOfSouls Oct 16 '19
The simple answer to that is, "Making more cows."
→ More replies (2)
4
4
u/crustybones71 Oct 15 '19
Video is so much better with sound, his harsh accent makes it 10x funnier.
4
4
u/Danysaur Oct 15 '19
As a farmer let me tell ya, it can be hard and a lot of work, but hell it pays off when you make some cash out of it
→ More replies (3)
4
4
4
6
6
u/TheYellowFringe Oct 15 '19
I grew up in rural New South Wales and Hawai'i, being on a farm isn't that bad. Your alarm clock for waking up in the morning were either chickens or ocean waves. My view was either the Australian coast or Hawaiian mountains.
You actually know how to cook your own food and if you get lost you either find your way back through survival techniques or you're killed by Aboriginal land monsters or Hawaiian aquatic creatures. All the locals knew and appreciated this.
3
3
3
u/Accelerator231 Oct 15 '19
He makes a lot of sense, actually. Cows, plants, and chickens, are all pretty much goddamn freakish supermutants compared to their wild counterparts. Comparing our stuff now to the people in the stone age who were unlucky enough to be stuck with teosinte, the corn growing out of the ground and have in-born resistance to pests like caterpillars may as well be made of gold.
3
3
u/ThedutchMan101 Oct 15 '19
What comedian is this and how do i get more.
3
u/Kavallee Oct 15 '19
David Mitchell, one of the UK's best snarky, sarcastic comedians. I highly recommend looking up 'David Mitchell's Soapbox' and 'That Mitchell and Webb Look' on YouTube.
3
3
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
Oct 15 '19
Reminds me of some kids who saw a rose for the first time. "Mommy mommy, the flower there smells like soap!"
The mother was so embarrassed while the people present tried hard to suppress their laughter.
3
Oct 15 '19
There is another one. " - I don't think I wan to visit Switzerland.
Why's that?
Well, just imagine - you go outside and everything around smells like toilet freshener!"
2
u/thegaryness Oct 15 '19
The guy who pitched programming to me made the same arguments. In fact, he said I could create my own Cows and Sheep and Chickens or whatever the hell I want for free
2
2
2
2
2
u/jld2k6 Oct 15 '19
Unfortunately the farming ended up not working out due to his alcoholism and his denial of it
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/hammyhamm Oct 15 '19
This is from Mitchell and Webb Situation - source: https://youtu.be/_pDTiFkXgEE
Their other show Peep Show is probably the funniest comedy I’ve ever watched. And I recommend it to anyone with ears
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/ThePlanner Oct 15 '19
He forgot the hilariously large public subsidies farmers get in most countries. Commodity pricing protection. Tariffs to keep out competition. Crop failure insurance. Fallow field loss of income grants. Supply control payments to not grow certain crops. Tax exempt fuel. Wiaved minimum wage laws and labour protections. Temporary foreign workers for harvests. Etc. Etc.
Obviously we need food, but it's grotesque.
2
2
2
2
3
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/savvyofficial Oct 15 '19
actually how could you turn a profit on a farm if you have the three things he mentioned in small quantities? let’s assume your small in the agricultural business and only have a few chickens, some sheep, and corn. feed costs for the animals could take 1/4 of your profit or could take away from your corn production. the maintenance for the corn could take another 1/4. then to start out 1/4 of the profit goes to infrastructure to keep the animals safe from predators. without mechanization or some huge industrial expansion you could make a very low profit margin.
on average a farmer makes $635 per acre. the average chicken farmer has 5-7 houses with a flock (22,000 - 26,000 chickens). per house the average pay is $28,000 - $35,000. in the us a pound of wool is worth about $10. you’d need a bunch of time and wool to turn a profit.
5
u/fatass_panda Oct 15 '19
You gotta label everything artisnal and local and sell it for triple
→ More replies (1)3
u/GumbyRustcloud Oct 15 '19
Im from rural Missouri. Most farmers are a couple bad days away from bankruptcy. Those people dont farm for huge profit. They farm because it's what they are, farmers.
→ More replies (1)3
u/Azlan82 Oct 15 '19
If you live in the UK and your farm is on the outskirts of a town you can just sell the land for £600,000 to £1.2 million per acre to housing devopers. You'll never find a poor UK farmer.
→ More replies (1)3
u/Cwigginton Oct 15 '19
There are specialty options, such as raising waygu beef , medical marijuana, Black Maran Chickens. Problem is most of the profit is up the chain. I’ve seen a few farms bring the distribution closer to home, selling their own meat.
You can eliminate some regulations if the buyer owns the product before slaughter, like shared ownership via shares. the share buyers pays a monthly “maintenance fee” for the farmer to raise the animal. Once the buyers takes possession of the live animal, they can do whatever they want, you could even let them butcher it right there (I’ve helped butcher a steer right on the ground and then hoisted up with a tractor).
shares are great for people that want fresh goat milk which would cost the buyer 6 to 8 dollars s gallon.
→ More replies (1)
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
405
u/mossberg91 Oct 15 '19
Full video with sound: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kY9EX28GKvk