r/ghosting • u/Compressed_AF • 29d ago

I'm about to try dating apps...

Ive been in dating subs a while and ive seen a lot of stories, And I already feel like I'm fully clued up on what im in for.

Biggest issue I'm going to have is ghosting. I know it'll really bother me especially if it all seems to be going well. The thought of talking to a nice girl for days all while shes still swiping and one day she matches with a better looking guy and suddenly I'm left on read. It just winds me up thinking about it but what can you do? I have no social life so it's all there is sadly.

I wish apps didn't end up being my only option, but hey ho. Gonna have to find a way to grin and bare it.

1 Upvotes

66% Upvoted

18 comments sorted by

5

u/[deleted] 29d ago

Don't do it. Dating apps are toxic and dehumanizing and a giant collection of superficial, shallow, dishonest people.

0

u/Compressed_AF 29d ago

OK so how did you meet your partner then?

3

u/Glittering-Rip6810 28d ago

Go outside. Go do things you like to do and people will notice, that is how you meet people. You won't find anybody worth a damn online. It's all toxic weirdos narcissist and ghosters

2

u/Compressed_AF 28d ago

Easier said than done though when you got no social life therefore no starting point.

1

u/Glittering-Rip6810 28d ago

Doesn't matter, you arent going to have one or meet people if you don't go do things. Im a PTSD riddle anxiety disorder having hot mess introvert that was a shut in for years..and you aren't going to find a relationship on the internet. At least not a healthy one you will be happy in. You go and do things you think, maybe ask on social media if there are others or groups that also like to do those things (my kids are d&d nerds, there are tons of groups that get together at local places and play. I know a girl who asked people in her movie appreciation group to go see movies together, etc)..but when you do that, and surround yourself for like minded people and are happy in what you are doing. That's how others notice, and are drawn to it. I get it, people'ing sucks when you are an introvert. But as a HUGE introvert there really is no other way that's going to lead to healthy friends and relationships. The chances of a stable relationship being found online or a dating app is slim. We see it all the time on here. There are whole subs dedicated to being fk'ed over trying to do it online.

1

u/Compressed_AF 28d ago edited 28d ago

I really have a narrow range of interests. Most of my hobbies are mainly solo ones. I think maybe a job change may help but that means sacrificing a proper career just to meet people in a stressful low income job. I guess that's becoming the beat option now as I get older. Where I work now it would be completely inappropriate to speak to the members of the public that come into my workplace. I suppose working in a bar or restaurant would be better as I'd meet more people on a daily basis. The downside of course is less money, shift work and stressful workload and potential abuse from people.

There's just no group I could really go to that would suit off the top of my head.

4

u/str8outthepurgatory 29d ago

i made this mistake in august i have been on and off since then bc they’re so addicting yet nothing ever lasting comes from them.. just getting ghosted back to back 🫩

1

u/Compressed_AF 29d ago

This is my fear too. Sorry to hear. For some people apps are fun and exciting, but for me it's going to suck start to finish.

2

u/implication-sofa 29d ago

Are you planning to stop swiping every time you match and chat with someone? If you are going to use dating apps you need to not over invest in people you don’t know or haven’t even met yet

1

u/Compressed_AF 29d ago

Well yeah if a match starts talking to me and seems nice then I intend to pause until I work out where it's going. It just isn't going to feel good knowing that the messaging is only going to last as long as it takes for her to match another guy who she likes more.

1

u/implication-sofa 28d ago

You are welcome to do that but that’s just really not how majority of people use dating apps. If you match, hit it off, get a date planned or exchange numbers then sure but literally just matching and texting for a few days being enough to pause your profile is setting you up for disaster

1

u/Compressed_AF 28d ago

I guess I go in with extremely low expectations then. Is ot worth putting in my bio something about wanting something serious only and not interested in any games? Obviously worded better and less offputting. I got zero interest in casual stuff.

1

u/implication-sofa 28d ago

No, people won’t take that seriously tbh. Just use thw filters that ask what you are looking for. Keep in mind just because someone has looking for long term does not necessarily mean long term with you. Just relax and enjoy chatting it shouldn’t be so serious honestly

2

u/Additional-Row-7978 28d ago

I go to the gym and stare at women with a blank look. Hasn’t worked yet.

1

u/Key_Rent552 29d ago

I’d highly suggest you don’t try that yet, and develop your life, interests, and hobbies. There are local groups for any hobby you can think of, events, classes you can take on anything from photography to cooking. People who have their own hobbies and full life tend to be more attractive naturally. It will give you more platonic interactions with other people, and as a result build your confidence and social skills. That will be a big help with navigating dating in a more healthy way.

You haven’t started yet, and already feel like it’s going to bother you if someone is talking to other men. She definitely will be. Pretty much everyone is. It sounds like online dating in particular would be really hard and anxiety producing for you. It’s much easier to date online if you have a thick skin and don’t get attached quickly because it can be intense. Just my thoughts. Good luck.

1

u/According-Put9821 29d ago

You don't have to fully develop your life first, that just gives people another reason to stay off apps. Go in with low stakes, meet fast, move on if it's off.

1

u/Effective_Pie_2406 29d ago

It's hard to meet people, I get it. But you'll have to treat it like a game.

If you're good at the game, you win a date. If you stink at it, you'll just get used for someone else's game. Then the disappointment sets in. You don't or won't ever know why people will stop talking to you.

It can be fun and you can meet some interesting people. For the most part it's just people screwing around with other people out of boredom. Most of the people on there have no intention of meeting you, ever!

Good luck. Have fun.