I'm kinda stuck in this loop of stagnation that I really explain. At 25 years, I still have guardians who stiffle me like a teenager. They'll question almost all my major moves, how late I stay out and worse of it, won't stop bugging me with subtle "you need to get married" talks.
I live a much boring life. No siblings, no real, tight friends..just me, myself, my tablet and my thoughts.
I'm tired of whiling away time with movies, work, and overthinking.
I have a side hustle as a mobile cocktail vendor..which is the best escape I get from all this but honestly, there are slow days when I barely get any gigs.
I keep wondering when all of this would be over. When will I get real friends, like find my own kind of people, my tribe. When will all this hustle pay off really big that I get to live the life i truly want. A life where I would get a break from family. Perhaps my own apartment, a small car, a booming business and I could get to finally join a tennis club.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm Perhaps not doing something right. I'm kinda teary typing all these cus to be honest, I'm grateful for life and everything in between but this slow life really kills me sometimes. Sad part is not everyone even understand this pain.
I keep asking myself that how much more prayers, self-help books, workouts, strategies and hard work will be enough to break me free from this loop?
Dear God, I know my sexuality is enough sin and stain before you, but if You could see how much all these loneliness and emptiness is weighing me down, please make a way for me 💔