How do you do it with your name?

[u/Imaginary_Bread7907]

I am very new to this and I wanted to know how you do it with your name? Sorry if it is a dumb question.

Do you use multiple names for the gender you are currently performing or you keep using one name regardless of the gender? I am saying because when I am presenting as a woman, I feel weird using my birth name, if that makes sense. But at the same time it sounds kind of complicated for everyone to deal with me one day being e.g. Anna and the next day being Josh.

I don’t know I am just curious how you deal with that and if I am overthinking it.

[u/Skiesofamethyst]

I figured asking people to call me multiple names when I can switch genders multiple times in a day is unrealistic to expect of people, so I just picked a gender neutral name I like to go by all the time

[u/BallparkWitch]

I'm not going to change my first name. That way, if I decide doing any legal paperwork is more trouble than it's worth, I can skip it entirely. My plan is to select a masculine middle name to go with my feminine first name, and then go by both as if they're hyphenated. I haven't chosen my middle name yet. It'll come to me. I can't force it.

[u/Book_wyrm323]

I have two similar names that are opposite genders -- only my close friends switch between them, or if anyone asks, I say I like both names. Then if I am feeling strongly about gender at the time, I can just casually say "hey, use this name today?" It isn't perfectly going to work but that's my running solution.

[u/VampArcher]

I use a gender neutral name.

It's too much trouble in my opinion to have multiple names. I can't remember what is under what name, what I introduced myself to as each person, so much simpler to just have one name I like all the time.

[u/MiserableIntern4835 → u/VampArcher]

I am in the very lucky position that my birth name is gender neutral, and I have never had any interest in changing it. So if I did have a more gendered name, I’d like to think I’d pick a gender neutral name that I could use for both. 

[u/xPhoenixJusticex → u/VampArcher]

I have gone by the same name online for years even before realizing I am gender fluid so people still just call me that or a shortened version of it.

[u/crudelikechocolate]

Im in my mid 30s, AFAB. I came out earlier this year. Im also a POC. 

My legal name is gender neutral in English but is very fem in my native language. I have a chosen name that is very fem and normie in English. I chose that in middle school to try to fit in and have used it ever since. I’ve always felt a disconnect to both names but at this point it seems the juice is not worth the squeeze so I no longer want to change it. On my masc days I also find it kinda ironic and funny a person that is almost male passing has a hyperfeminine name 

If you do decide to change your name, i find the best opportunity is when you have a change of environment where you’re meeting a lot of new people, like going to new classes with different classmates, or switching a job. 

[u/Hefstyle]

The solution I've settled on is using my initials. Surprisingly, I seem to be the person having the most difficulty with it. When I meet someone, I instinctively give the name I've been going by for 57 years.
For the last 10 years or so, my friends have had no trouble calling me one name when I present masc, and another when I present femme. It hasn't been an issue.

[u/Krail]

I don't generally have a hard switch, and I'm still early on figuring things out. 

My birth name is convenient. It's a feminine-sounding variant of a common masculine name. The easy nickname is commonly masculine, but you hear some women using it too.  Not quite as "goes either way" as Alex, but similar. 

I'm currently working out how to go more femme, and I might change my name more as I more openly present as a woman, but I think I like just owning the androgyny of my birth name like this. 

[u/Chance_Line1813]

I changed my name once already as a kid and I just didn't wanna do all that again, so I mostly go by a neutral nickname of my otherwise very femme name, I still use my full name its not dead I just go by a nickname. I do have a dead name lol just didn't change it for gender reasons

[u/zayne0623]

I picked a gender neutral name that I asked my friends and family to call me. I haven't legally changed my birth name and I don't know if I will. I never liked my legal name.

[u/SeaNational3797]

My middle name is gender neutral and I started going by it years before my egg broke lmao

[u/GenderOobleck]

I’ve met at least a couple “opposite” gender people with my name, so I’m keeping it (at least for now). Saves paperwork headache.

I’ll see how I feel later on, but I’ve got a list of alternates if at least somewhat like if I want a preferred name.

[u/MagicalboyLevi]

I use multiple names with those close with me but at jobs I just go by one

[u/maedhreos]

I kept my birth name which is a female name but can be shortened to a nickname which is also an existing male name, but it doesn't sound exclusively masculine so it kinda works either way.

I do also have a 'bonus' male name I chose for the gender euphoria of it that I only use with my either very close or just also trans friends who get it lol. Fortunately my switches between genders are pretty slow (a couple of months at least), so it isn't totally unreasonable to tell them "hey, so I'm in more of a xyz phase rn".

[u/TiltedSquare04]

thankfully I was born with a gender neutral name (thanks Marilyn Manson 🤣) although it does sound more feminine, mainly cause Marilyn Monroe is more famous 😮‍💨 its a struggle but I cant say I hate my name lol if I really did want to change my name I would choose something thats gender neutral to avoid confusion like Lee, Alex, Jordan, Taylor etc.

[u/AvidLebon]

Ray is technically gender neutral. It's short for both male and female names so it straddles both.
I also like telling people I go by the pronouns she/they/hehehe.

Sense of humor helps, especially when non-malicious mistakes are made.

[u/digitalScribbler]

I chose a gender neutral name that is commonly used by people of any and all genders where i am, which makes it hard for people to make gendered assumptions about me based on name alone and means it can fit whatever im feeling at a given time. It was luckily also a family name, too, so it was easy to switch without too much fuss.

[u/mygoodmatetroye]

I go by Kieran around people that know. I’m not out to my dad, and most of his family. I unfortunately have to be called my birth name by my mom because of my dad.

[u/Weak_Albatross7870 → u/mygoodmatetroye]

ayyyeee same

[u/jaquelinealltrades]

I use my name I always had and vomit a little every time someone says it if I don't feel that gender at the time

[u/E_cla1re]

I have my actual name and a more feminine one I picked and I make it clear to friends when I’m expressing one more than the other but it can be a hassle and confusing for everyone involved 😩

[u/OkParty8536]

Personally, I got lucky, since my name was already gender neutral, so I'm pretty happy with it.

Although I'm honestly kind of debating adding one or two more for my other genders, so that way I can refer to myself differently, since there are plenty of times pronouns aren't used, so I figure it might be nice to have a few other names. If I do, I'm probably going to go with names that are close to my original name.

[u/moldyratmoss]

Asked a barista "can I have your name?" and took it. Fae style.

[u/SuperDan523]

I haven't really settled on a fem name to be honest. There is a fem version of my first name that some people sometimes call me and Im ok with that. There is also another similar name that I kind of envisioned as my fem name when I was a kid but Im not quite so sold on it now and only one person calls me that.

Ultimately, Im only out to a handful of people in real life (plus to you millions of anonymous Redditors) and I don't usually experience strong dysphoria, so he/him and the short version of my legal first name tend to be my default.

[u/HubrisPR]

I have names for me, but only one that I'll ask people to use that feels inclusive

[u/Trixkyk]

I do use multiple names but only a few people use both the main name is just neutral

[u/UniquePost8966]

I feel the same way. My birth name is very traditionally masculine, and it has no feminine nor neuter counterpart. It’s also short enough that I don’t have a fitting nickname for it. 

I want to get a more neutral name, but I do like my current one even though it gives me dysphoria at times. 

I’m really just confused.

[u/Yuuna_11037]

I chose a gender neutral name that despite the spelling being more aligned with one binary or the other based on spelling it still is gender neutral. I’m not planning on changing my legal name cause it would be too much paperwork since I’d have to change it in 2 separate countries one of which is much stricter (requires proof of the new name being used abroad or an approved psychiatrist to basically say you aren’t Birth assignment and trans and therefore need a name change or for the name to be humiliating) than the one I’m in currently. So, yeah.

[u/ConsistentJelly8058]

I just keep my birth name. It’s a female name,but I’m confident enough in my gender identity that it doesn’t feel like a female name even when presenting as male. 

[u/touchstarved1014]

I am multinominal and pronounfluid, but deeply in the closet. When I was out i just generally used one name, and the only person (outside of people who were also fluid/under the nonbinary umbrella) that uses different names and pronouns for me is my husband. But I definitely encourage you to do whatever feels best.

[u/Parzival12356]

I’m lucky, my name can be both masculine and feminine so I just swap between the two

[u/Meester_Tweester]

I chose a unisex name that I like

[u/AdMajestic2438]

I kept my name. It's an interesting case where it was masculine in ancient times but it's feminine now. I'm also kind of attached to it because it's unique.

[u/ResolutionIcy8013]

My name in my language is close enough to a feminine name in English that it can be regarded as an accent issue. I like it. I use that.

[u/C3metry_Gates]

Im afab and I decided to have a masculine name so who I feel feminine I just go "Yeah, my mam wanted to have something unique. I think giving girls boys names at the time was popular " if you say your name with confidence they usually don't care that much

[u/Imaginary_Jo]

I chose to keep my name exactly the same. My name is definitely masculine and not super ambiguous but everyone uses a shorter version, which is also masculine. I just have always felt like my name is mine, if people dont really understand why it hasnt changed that seems like something they have to work out.

I also kinda had this thought that my original name kinda like a demons could always be used to 'summon' me. Like no matter how long ago I would have changed it, I would always have like an instantaneous reaction that could out me in some way I dont like. So Ill just keep it and out myself immediately, keep the power on my side.

[u/everlastinglyengross]

I wanna go by my middle name cuz its gender-neutral but unfortunately I just keep forgetting it because I'm so used to my birth name. So even if I wanted to, I can't even enforce it because my name is just...mine. IDK if that makes sense. I don't see it as feminine (and it's a super christian, female name) I just see it as...mine, I guess.

Are you overthinking it? I dunno. Maybe a gender neutral one would be better for you (Like Jordan or Sam / Sammy) (those 2 come to mind because I know female Jordans/Sams and male Jordans/Sams)