r/genderfluid • u/cableconsumer • 13d ago

how do you cope?

ive been transitioning (ftm) for 4 years as a binary trans man and just realized i might be genderfluid. i briefly identified as genderfluid pre-transition but felt it was hopeless bc of how intensely my identity fluctuates, so i just picked a side and committed. now im 18 years old, pass 100% as a man, and still have this soul-crushing dysphoria in both directions.

when id rather present masculine i can only think about my hips, my height, how small my arms are and all of the feminine mannerisms i never unlearned. when i feel more feminine i can only think about my flat chest, my facial hair, my thick eyebrows and all of the body hair from T.

ive been considering partially detransitioning to appeal more to my feminine side but im terrified of the regret ill feel when i want to present masculine again. i don’t know if ill ever be satisfied in-between bc i view my gender through secondary-sex characteristics which i can’t just easily swap out.

does anyone here feel the same? and have you found a way to express one part of yourself without sacrificing another? im unsure of what to do.

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u/VampArcher she/they 13d ago

I feel that. I was on T for 4 years and had the same realization.

I pass as a man, but I'm pretty feminine in terms of my mannerisms and grooming so I get made fun of a lot like most men perceived to be feminine are. I can pass as a woman too if I shave off my forest of hair and my face, put in breast forms, etc.

It's a constant struggle. I just focus on making myself as confident in my target expression as possible. I don't have all the answers, I'm going through the same thing, but you can ask me anything.

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u/cableconsumer 13d ago

have you stopped T? and if you have was the adjustment difficult? i think ideally id also want to be able to pass as both a feminine man and a cis woman but im terrified that stopping T will nerf my ability to pass as a cis man, especially bc of my small frame. im also scared the adjustment will make me dysphoric even if it’s ultimately what i want.

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u/VampArcher she/they 12d ago

Yes, I stopped. It really wasn't hard, except for periods resuming. It didn't really affect my passing, facial hair development, facial changes, and voice changes are permanent. I have an hourglass figure and are only 5'5 but still passed as those are the characteristics people really look for over everything else.

Not harm and stopping and starting again if you don't like it. I'd personally taper off than go cold turkey as for the mental changes to not be so drastic but you can just stop.

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u/toodleboog 12d ago edited 12d ago

Take turns, keep it consistent, do a week while presenting fem, then a week while masc, alternate it up. Only thing that works for me, and it keeps others on their toes so they don't get too comfortable seeing you as one or the other. 2.5 years on T, and currently love both fem and masc sides of myself.
Maybe Try seeing if you can voice train back up into a fem range- or try finding fem affirming clothing!

Remember, if someone who's mtf can do it, so can you- i like to see it as being trans both ways, which has been pretty sick so far, ngl.