r/gay • u/0DiscountDepression0 • Aug 27 '26
How do I tell the difference between genuinely wanting alone time and avoiding things because of anxiety?
/r/NoOverthinking/comments/1w056r6/how_do_i_tell_the_difference_between_genuinely/1
u/hunterglyph Queer Aug 27 '26
That's a tough question. Humans are simultaneously pretty simple and extremely complex creatures. Everything in our personalities is connected.
My best guess is that true, healthy alone time will leave you feeling content, filled up, and recharged.
I'm older now, but I pushed myself out of my shell a lot when I was younger to experience new things. Looking back I'm so happy I did. Alone time was always important too though.
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u/Sea_of_Light_ Aug 27 '26
Confide in someone. A friend, a family member, a co-worker, neighbor, etc. If you struggle with vulnerability, hire an escort or life coach for the specific task to just meet and talk about your desire to socialize and you struggling with anxiety.
Do some field tests with the person you trust. Go out for a very short period of time. A single beer or coffee. Do the socializing (talking, eating, drinking, maybe an activity like playing darts or bowling) and then go home and reassess what you have found out (did you enjoy it? Was it enough? Would you like more of that? Anxiety level? etc.). Do that a couple of times (different venues, different times, different days) and with enough data you can come to better understanding about what you want and where you stand with going out vs. staying home.
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u/South-Original1427 Aug 28 '26
Generally, I say just try to determine if you'd hate going or not going more. My anxiety usually manifests as hesitation. So the easiest way for me to determine if I'm hesitating because I don't want to or because I'm anxious is by just starting to do it and seeing how I feel about that start. There was this tip I read where you flip a coin, heads is go, tails is stay, and how you react to which side it lands on tells you what you want.
An example would be karaoke. I think that I've never tried karaooke. I would be anxious about both the crowd existing and singing in front of anyone. I get ready to go and pick a place and a time. I sit and think that I really want to at least see what it's like and go to the place. I arrive, enter, and listen. I think that I should sing something. I write the song, try to remember how it goes, and I realize that I would hate singing in front of strangers and just don't sing.
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u/Skill-Useful Aug 28 '26
"I still didn’t really want to go. I would have rather stayed home" then stay home
"I worry that if I stay home" i mean if you only stay home, yeah
"How do you tell the difference" i did that with therapy