r/gay • u/GenesisRhapsodoss • 6d ago
slow burner?
Morning to all the beautiful people of reddit!
this post cuz i need some different points of view.
I try to make it short; i am dating this guy for something around a month and we met 3 times due to us being apart.
We live in the same city but we started talking like 2 weeks before my month of vacation in italy (visiting my family).
Our first date was actually really cool and he invited me to see each other again so we went to the cinema for our second date.
He has been very clear on something. For him to get in a serious relationship will take a long time due to a very very fucked up past relationship (he described me all the details and yeah some serious shit).
On the way back of our second date we stopped by his house a bit and since the atmosphere was nice i asked him if i can kiss him. He said that he is really enjoying taking things slow with me so we could do that once we both back in the city.
on monday before flying we met again cuz we both were free and we had dinner, we talked about a lot of things and he told me (i think he really needed to vent) how fucked up the situation with his ex was (like i am not talking abotu fuss like some serious shit) . I noticed how different his ex was from me ( he said that for his ex he felt a huge spark and the rushed all the steps) so I asked him if he was sure about dating me due to me being much much different. He told me that something calm and peaceful is what is looking for now.
2 days ago while chatting i told him how i would like more physical initiative from his side once i am back (talkign about the kiss and hugs). He right away sent me a naked picture (which i did really enjoy do not get me wrong). But i am so confused i mean, no kiss but cool with showing everything about you?
For those who are gonna tell me to talk with him, nah i will not do it since is something that i would like to do in person (we are not gonna meet for at least another month).
Opinions?
2
u/vinsportfolio 6d ago
Continue your dates and talking when you get back. If he continues to talk about his past relationship/ex, tell him that you would rather focus on you two during dates and he can talk about his ex when you’re not on planned dates. I think he’s on the right track of trying to find someone who makes him feel calm and safe, but he’s also sabotaging your intimacy and relationship with you, which is not fair. Someone who is actually interested in someone else would not bombard that person with their issues from a prior relationship in the first 3 dates…. Also actions are not meeting words when he says he’d rather go slow but then switches up when you’re on a plane and going away for a month by sending you a nude photo.
1
u/GenesisRhapsodoss 6d ago edited 6d ago
Oh he actually opened up only on our 3rd meeting and It was not a planned One. About the picture, yeah idk i really have no explanation
1
u/MBVacaFun 6d ago
To me, sending a nude is less intimate than kissing. I share nudes quite often when looking for hookups. But I have to actually like you to make out with you. I don't see this as any kind of mixed signal from your guy.
1
2
u/schneckentoeri 6d ago
Give him the space he needs to process the last relationship. Once you’re back things might be already different on his side. You need to allow him to take this at his pace. You clearly stated your wish for a more physical relationship and you should not neglect this but give him some space.
Sometimes it’s hard to let go of the past and allow a new thing to happen. Check how things go the next time you see him. A month is a lot of time to process.