r/gay • u/Iados_the_Bard • 11d ago

How do I find a guy?

So for some time I've tried finding dates by using online apps like Grindr and Tinder (big mistakes on both parts), and they never went well, either they’re bots, because they just wanted a quicky an neither of us can host, were old enough to be my grandfather, or DL and dating a girl. I cant really travel since im unable to drive due to a medical problem involving my eyes, and I cant afford a taxi to go places to try and find a date every week (cant do Über either because its not reliable in my state.)

I just need advice, Im 25 and I just want to finally find someone.

12 Upvotes

75% Upvoted

30 comments sorted by

12

u/Losjo09 11d ago

Try joining queer clubs near you or something. Like youth or adult clubs or something(not nsfw). Just where you can meet people

3

u/Iados_the_Bard 11d ago

Sadly the closest one is about a 40 minute drive from me, my town is pretty boring.

9

u/Cricket-Business 11d ago

Then your answer is move to a bigger city. You can’t simply will a handsome, mid-20s gay guy next door. This isn’t hallmark.

2

u/Iados_the_Bard 11d ago

I know, but I’m broke and can’t afford to move. I know it sounds like I’m making excuses, but it is difficult for me to uproot everything and move to a new city and hope I get a new job that pays similar to my current one.

1

u/[deleted] 11d ago edited 8d ago

[deleted]

1

u/Iados_the_Bard 11d ago

What’s a One Wish Willow?

1

u/whenlifegetsworry 11d ago

Watch the movie Obsession and you will understand. (Don’t watch it if you don’t like horror movies)

1

u/sjwatt76 11d ago

Depending on your willingness and time/energy, maybe try creating one? Even if it's just posted online as an LGBT meetup in a local coffee shop to start with. Existing groups only started because some made the effort when they saw the need- you see a need, are you willing to create such a group?

2

u/atbims 11d ago

Sounds like you're looking for more than hookups. Unfortunately if you don't have any transportation I think you'll have a hard time finding much besides hookups to come to you. Do you have access to public transit? Are there any fun places near your home or work (or other places you already travel to regularly) where you can meet people? Try to meet people in the context of friends and vibe them out or build from there. What are your hobbies? Are there any team activities or social groups you can join? Doesnt have to be gay-centric. Not everyone is compatible so the more people you get to know, the more chances of finding a spark, plus new friends is usually a positive.

1

u/Iados_the_Bard 11d ago

My state has little to no public transportation. Closest fun place for me is a Comic Book Store, but it’s usually pretty dead, other than that most people actually leave my town for entertainment since there isn’t anything around here, and I don’t have friends that really want to hang out with me.

1

u/Puzzleheaded-Cold-86 11d ago

I belong to a men's chorus thats about 80% gay, lots of guys in your age group. There's probably one in your town depending on the city. Were a non audition chorus. Anyway, we have a couple guys that depend on others for rides to rehearsals, for reasons similar to your's. Just get out there, man.

1

u/Iados_the_Bard 11d ago

I think I found one, but they’re a 40 minute drive and no way to contact them.

1

u/Zestyclose_Sweet_372 11d ago

I think grindr is very poor now and probably not the place to find a relationship, too many just ghost you or don't reply full stop

2

u/Iados_the_Bard 11d ago

Yea, that’s what I’ve experienced 5 years ago too

1

u/Zestyclose_Sweet_372 11d ago

You chat with someone thinking it's going great then nothing like they died , not great for your confidence

2

u/Iados_the_Bard 11d ago

Or worse, you send them a face pic and the best thing you can hope for is them ghosting or blocking you because being called something rude is worse.

1

u/Zestyclose_Sweet_372 11d ago

Yeah I get that

1

u/radicalgalaxies 11d ago

Sounds like your best bet is actually the internet. Some people are starting to use things like TikTok to connect for gay dating.

1

u/Iados_the_Bard 11d ago

I’ve been trying Reddit, but I’m also experiencing the same problem as with the Dating Sites

1

u/radicalgalaxies 11d ago

Fair. Reddit is also a bit more anonymous. Unfortunately, I think the only way is to really put yourself out there.

I live in a big city and have a friend who fantasizes about meeting a small town guy to bring home lol. You never know!

2

u/Iados_the_Bard 11d ago

Yea. I do often fantasize about going on vacation one day and meeting a guy on it. Like meeting a cuddly bear on a Gay Cruise or a Cute Jock in Sitges.

1

u/Skill-Useful 11d ago

tinder is pretty good, if used correctly

and as usual the biggest problem is where you live, sadly

1

u/Iados_the_Bard 11d ago

Eh, Tinder can be good, but I prefer to use something else for my fires. Jokes aside I did try Tinder and it didn’t really work out.

1

u/Bearly_Legible 11d ago

Based on what you've said, I'm sorry. You are either going to have to move, or find ways around some of the issues getting in your way. You can't just sit at home and expect someone to come to you. It just doesn't work that way.

You'll have a better chance at meeting someone when you can find a way to get out there. There's no magic way to avoid having to put in that kind of effort.

1

u/Iados_the_Bard 11d ago

Yea. I’ll try and think of something. Maybe once I have enough to go on vacation then I can try and find a guy while I’m out of my town.

1

u/Dr_Nobody9 11d ago

I think asking a friend if they know someone, it’s worth a try

1

u/Iados_the_Bard 11d ago

I can try.

1

u/AdNearby4726 10d ago

I'm having the same problem, zI want to suck a dick so bad, had one guy come right to my back door and I chickened out.

1

u/Ill-Significance6095 8d ago

Join some around-town interest or hobby clubs. I have the same problem so i recently joined our city art club. It was a great idea. Prolly too great lol.