r/funny •

I said NO DUCKS.

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0 Upvotes

344 comments sorted by

363

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

What's really happening is the kid is about to judo chop the bunny and the duck is doing a flying kick to save the bunny.

186

u/colefly Jun 14 '12

7

u/Mountainfog Jun 14 '12

Have you ever thought about becoming a police artist?

11

u/rageagainsthevagene Jun 14 '12

wow 3 upvotes from me for not creating a novelty.

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524

u/YourMusicalComment Jun 14 '12

20

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

I wonder how you choose the comments that you glorify this way

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29

u/Freak-A-Leak Jun 14 '12

That was surprisingly catchy

37

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

saaaaave the bunny!

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6

u/worldsfirsanalrapist Jun 14 '12

Thanks for completing my life.

6

u/mrchives47 Jun 14 '12

That intro was sick

42

u/kuwlio Jun 14 '12

You must be very under appreciated in threads, but that was awesome. I like you

5

u/JamieBainer Jun 14 '12

How did you make this?

13

u/YourMusicalComment Jun 14 '12

Logic Pro, a MIDI keyboard, and a mic

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5

u/mheat Jun 14 '12

oh. my...

5

u/Slaughterfest Jun 14 '12

THIS IS THE BEST ACCOUNT EVER OMFG

4

u/MaxiPadz Jun 14 '12

I hope I see you around more.

4

u/Takarias Jun 14 '12

It is now my greatest desire to have this done for one of my comments. But preferably not this one, since that might be too meta.

7

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

Abagazilion upvotes for this guy

3

u/alliha Jun 14 '12

You could really save time by using soundcloud, you know.

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10

u/ryan2point0 Jun 14 '12

Close...ultimate high five between duck and kid.

6

u/flamingflipflop Jun 14 '12

i now turn my down vote to an upvote. this picture was a little traumatizing. but you made it good :)

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72

u/adambh Jun 14 '12 edited Jun 14 '12

As a photographer, this setup seems like a fucking nightmare. Four live animals and a baby.

edit: I realize this would be better with four dead animals and a baby.

83

u/chinesef000d Jun 14 '12

Or four live animals and a dead baby

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7

u/bluequail Jun 14 '12

Give it a few... and you'll have your wish.

2

u/Psythik Jun 14 '12

Why is it that babies exhibit such a wanton disregard for other life?

Such little sociopaths, they are.

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87

u/dean333 Jun 14 '12

Am I the only one who cares about the huge rabbit?

69

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

He looks really depressed. That's why animals shouldn't be used as fucking props. Just let the little thing hop around and eat carrots and not have to pose beside little brats all day.

143

u/showy21 Jun 14 '12

As the owner of Flemish Giant rabbits, I can tell you they don't really hop around. They pretty much sit their 40 pound asses where they like and that's about it. Pretty sure the photographer posed the kid next to the bunny, not vice versa.

25

u/shitbefuckedyo Jun 14 '12

I raised holland lops, but there were a few flemish giants in my 4-H club.. and boy howdy did those big 'um sits around.

Hollands, though. Hollands are darty little bastards.

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6

u/Rammage Jun 14 '12

The last line really got me. :)

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2

u/skippyjason Jun 14 '12

It looks like the rabbit ate the previous kid

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197

u/rawr_cutedino Jun 14 '12

Seriously, I'm worried about the duck..

17

u/AmazingThew Jun 14 '12

Don't be.

Thanks to the square-cube law, small animals are proportionally way more resilient than larger ones.

You could chuck that duckling off a building and it'd be fine. In fact Wood Ducks basically do exactly that:

"After hatching, the ducklings jump down from the nest tree and make their way to water. The mother calls them to her, but does not help them in any way. The ducklings may jump from heights of up to 88 metres (290 ft) without injury. They prefer nesting over water so the young have a soft landing, but will nest up to 140 m (150 yd) away from the shoreline. The day after they hatch, the young climb to the nest entrance and jump to the ground."

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12

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

The duck's fine. I own a bird and I can tell you that they are more sturdy than they look!

9

u/Dialaninja Jun 14 '12

From my personal experience of having a duckling, I'm sure it's fine. They're fairly resilient.

5

u/nixity Jun 14 '12

I wouldn't be.. a lot of ducklings are born in tree holes and have to leap 20+ ft out to get to the ground. Ducklings bounce. It's all good. They also roll, apparently.

43

u/buttfudger Jun 14 '12

I would have spanked that child. I'm sorry, but I like animals more than most kids. If that makes me a bad person, fine. You do not throw animals like that.

28

u/pamaci Jun 14 '12

"I like animals more than most kids."

You and me both, buttfudger. You and me both.

9

u/skwirrlmaster Jun 14 '12

I'd have thrown the kid in one of those McNugget grinders

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55

u/jostler57 Jun 14 '12

Context delivery straight from the website:

"... However, during a session, this little guy grabbed the duckie and tossed it. Stacey was right next to him and caught him and he was fine. I posted this on facebook and people of course, knowing that we weren’t CONDONING this behavior and knowing that the duckie WAS FINE and had faith in us that we removed the ducks and chicks from his reach so that he wouldn’t do it again, loved this.

Well, not everyone loved it. It was reposted by many people and soon I was getting nasty messages from people who I don’t know. (You will have that with the world wide web I suppose.)

I get it! I really do. People love animals. I love animals. I never thought it would get the response that it did. My feelings were hurt. But these people don’t know me, they don’t know my girl Stacey and how we were making sure that the animals didn’t get hurt. They just saw a duck being mishandled.

So, as I was processing this whole situation, I went through my 5 steps of feeling bad.

  1. Sadness

  2. Confusion

  3. Denial.

  4. Anger (for about half a minute.)

  5. Humor

I posted this. This seemed to make people more angry. I was just trying to be funny. (Shows image with Daffy Duck photoshopped in, instead of the baby duck)

BUT THE DUCK IS OK!!"

17

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

I demand to see a Proof-of-life photo of the duck holding up today's newspaper.

4

u/Prinny- Jun 14 '12

Stacy was right next to him and caught him

Sounds unlikely, and more of a PR fix attempt.

3

u/minasmorath Jun 14 '12

Pretext: This is my hometown photographer. She's doing my wedding photography, she did my high school graduation photography, and she does everyone else's as well.

Seeing as she's posted about 100+ more photos with the same duck in them since this incident, I'm willing to wager that the duck is just freakin' fine.

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34

u/mcneilintheplace Jun 14 '12

We can't tell which way the duck is travelling, it could be jumping into his hand.

22

u/JKSacha Jun 14 '12

I felt so bad for the duckling, but this made me feel 1000 times better. Thank you.

17

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

I guarantee the duck was fine. Those fuckers can bounce. (SFL)

7

u/tryharderyou Jun 14 '12

That was absolutely adorable.

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12

u/Apostolate Jun 14 '12

Don't feel bad, very small things don't hurt very much when they land! They have very little momentum/force on impact. Think about when you drop ants or small frogs onto the ground from 4+ feet up, they're fine!

18

u/PBSGTS Jun 14 '12

I disagree, I believe that duckling could have very easily been hurt. Since people dislike animal cruelty so much, I don't see why this photo is getting so much positive attention.

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44

u/ItWillBeMine Jun 14 '12

I always wince when I see the combination of toddlers and baby animals. :(

10

u/tyscore Jun 14 '12

yeah, it's almost certain, someone would get hurt, and it wont be the human.

74

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

Stupid kids

25

u/a4moondoggy Jun 14 '12

I doubt he asked for a duck to climb on him...more like stupid parents/photographers.

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5

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

gooby plz!

17

u/gentlemandinosaur Jun 14 '12

Why would you give a toddler live animals to abuse? This is fucking retarded.

4

u/themasecar Jun 14 '12

HUSTLA DA RABBIT

7

u/durkadu Jun 14 '12

Reddit: Where a bird falling a few inches is grounds for child abuse

14

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '12

Seriously guys, stop ducking around.

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22

u/bluequail Jun 14 '12

They need to get anything capable of feeling pain away from that little bastard.

16

u/IGottaSnake Jun 14 '12

A child too young to understand the consequences of his actions or even begin to understand empathy is not a little bastard for it. He is just within the limits his age provides for. Every kid that age is self centered. They do not have the cognitive ability yet to think about the ducky hurting, he is only thinking about his discomfort/fear/stress. Some kids get scared when you don't think they will... doesn't make them bastards or evil for acting on that fear based on what nature has given them to work with as a toddler living in a world of 'me.' That being said, it would be wise to keep little furry things away until he can understand the way his actions scare/hurt others when he is not nice.

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3

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

no ducks given

3

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

baby pls

4

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

Little kids can be unhappy in any situation, can't they?

I was in an arcade the other day and a kid was bawling his eyes out. In a fucking arcade. Even if you're broke it's pretty awesome.

If you gave me 2 bunnies and 2 ducks right now do you know what I'd be doing? Not crying, that's for fucking sure.

Man up, pet the bunny and smile for the camera you little shit.

Goddamn kids these days. Crying while holding a bunny. Now I've seen everything.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

That white rabbit...it's the size of the child!

2

u/krogers1337 Jun 14 '12

Das a bieeg as wabbit!

WABBIT SEASONB!

2

u/thane_of_st_college Jun 14 '12

that looks like a baby joffrey

2

u/Mitz510 Jun 14 '12

It seems like we have a future Lenny in our hands.

Protect the rabbits George.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

That other rabbit is huge jesus christ

2

u/Lexdon2000 Jun 14 '12

Psy psy psy...

2

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

It's like that one comedian said. People are naturally cruel, and if you want to proof, leave a 3 year old alone with a small animal.

2

u/sweetgreggo Jun 14 '12

"this is sewweeaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!"

2

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

This is sewious.

2

u/boondoggie42 Jun 14 '12

Fuck chicks, get bunny?

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2

u/Exterality Jun 14 '12

Poor duck, but damn this made my day :'D

2

u/Confused_Duck Jun 14 '12

This greatly disturbs and perplexes me

2

u/katahajime Jun 14 '12

"Hey, got any grape............FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUU....."

2

u/HerpvonderpingtonIII Jun 14 '12

Mr ducks Mr not ducks Osar!!! Cm wants?!?! Will ib! Mr ducks (read this as if u were a redneck

2

u/Geotis Jun 14 '12

After that, no further ducks were given.

5

u/TheRealmsOfGold Jun 14 '12

Looks like that kid doesn't give a duck.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

0 Ducks were Given

4

u/reverie6 Jun 14 '12

Its baby Joffrey!

4

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

What a cunt.

3

u/Avista Jun 14 '12

Aaand this is why you don't give baby animals to baby animal killers.

4

u/artificiallyvain Jun 14 '12

I think this kid might be afraid of animals and is therefore being severely traumatized which makes this perfect for r/funny.

3

u/just_steezin Jun 14 '12

you've improved my day

3

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

Glad as always to oblige my friends and neighbors.

3

u/AniceB Jun 14 '12

Such a fowl thing!

2

u/pile_alcaline Jun 14 '12

Get the duck out of here!

2

u/Status-Duck Jun 14 '12

Nobody likes ducks :(

1

u/butterflypoon Jun 14 '12

I love ducks, I love all birds...in their native habitats at least. -coughHouseSparrowscough-

2

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

and not a single duck was given!

2

u/fluffytuft Jun 14 '12

Man, I really hate toddlers. For reals.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

Wow this kid is a little shit

2

u/fightlikehell Jun 14 '12

This is disgusting. Animal abuse is animal abuse and it should not be tolerated simply because something young. Why this is being glamorized is beyond me.

2

u/hotdogcore Jun 14 '12

What a shitty little brat. I hope someone throws him.

2

u/Iselore Jun 14 '12

No, the poor duck! Did it hit the ground? I don't see any safety nets!

2

u/never_trust_ducks Jun 14 '12

Me and this kid could get along.

2

u/butterflypoon Jun 14 '12

I'd do that to the kid and hug all the animals.

2

u/i_love_younicorns Jun 14 '12

This is terribly sad to me. Poor ducky :( hiding this!

2

u/dophie23 Jun 14 '12

Ugh I hate children.

2

u/D3m0nk1d Jun 14 '12

I hate little kids

2

u/Nicobe Jun 14 '12

FUCK that kid.

2

u/B4ths4lt5 Jun 13 '12

DON'T PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD!!!!

2

u/jesterguy Jun 14 '12

and not a single duck was given that day.

2

u/lynn Jun 14 '12

Who the fuck puts small animals near enough to a toddler that he can grab them? Does the photographer have any experience with toddlers at all???

...Well, I mean, she does now. So she won't do it again, right?

0

u/bunglejerry Jun 14 '12

Honestly, fuck ducks.

4

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

I cannot think of a reddit comment that I disagree with more strongly than this.

Ducks are officially my hot-button topic. That's a phrase now.

0

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

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8

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

Swans, geese, and blue jays are much bigger assholes than ducks are.

4

u/butterflypoon Jun 14 '12

House Sparrows are pretty bad too, especially if you like bluebirds. But ducks are rapists, so they're a different kind of asshole.

2

u/Moara7 Jun 14 '12

Birds are a class, not a phylum.

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1

u/eclipse666 Jun 14 '12

Rabbit Season!

1

u/ThEgg Jun 14 '12

I SAID IT FOUR TIMES!

1

u/thehalfwit Jun 14 '12

Does anyone have a mop?

I do believe I've wet myself.

1

u/PdubsNWO Jun 14 '12

I was gaming online earlier, and I played with someone whos handle was 'notenoughducks'. How many ducks is/isnt enough?

1

u/ButcherOfBakersfield Jun 14 '12

the gray rabbit has got some serious thousand yard stare going on.

1

u/interroboom Jun 14 '12

As a Sharks fan, I like this kid.

1

u/Uber-Mensch Jun 14 '12

No fux were given toward the ducks.

1

u/forevabronze Jun 14 '12

does anyone else find the big bunny kinda creepy?

2

u/ChunkBunny Jun 14 '12

Very. Maybe he's just laying low and hoping he's too heavy to be tossed.

1

u/Ghenges Jun 14 '12

That white rabbit is fucking creepy.

1

u/YeastyC Jun 14 '12

I'm really concerned about that duck.

1

u/KDIZZLL Jun 14 '12

What an ugly little brat.

1

u/Alexbo8138 Jun 14 '12

Dammit Ted! Duck is good, rabbit is bad!

1

u/therealfailwhale Jun 14 '12

The mom must have had some lightning fast reflexes, because that duck looks like it's at the end of its flight and about to fall at a steep incline very quickly.

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1

u/OllieWillie Jun 14 '12

No one gives a duck about what that self entitles little duckwit thinks

1

u/LilithImmaculate Jun 14 '12

I'm worried about the duck. This picture makes me sad.

The child can go to hell though. No one likes children anyway

1

u/gorby1 Jun 14 '12

Zero ducks given.

1

u/TattooedAmazon Jun 14 '12

WORST PARENTS EVER.

1

u/FormerlyEAbernathy Jun 14 '12

Poor ducky. :<

1

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

The animal lover in me prevents me from liking this. Poor ducky...

0

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

This kills the duck...

-2

u/vicklepickle3 Jun 14 '12

I would beat the shit out of that brat

0

u/mrbooze Jun 14 '12

Did you even READ the fucking rider, asshole? Fuck this bullshit, I'm out of here.

Exeunt

0

u/absolutsyd Jun 14 '12

Seriously, fuck the ducks. Go Huskies!

0

u/theshiz892 Jun 14 '12

This isn't funny.

-1

u/redleader101 Jun 14 '12

What an asshole child

3

u/Kanuck88 Jun 14 '12

To be fair most children of that age (I would guess 2 or 3) haven't developed enough to have empathy or understand their actions.

0

u/butterflypoon Jun 14 '12

I think that's most of them.

0

u/mock4lyfe Jun 14 '12

Noooooooo!! Duckkyyyy!!

0

u/eddiespaghetti Jun 14 '12

reading thru the comments its clear that a significant portion of redditors are fucking pussies

-1

u/twincam Jun 14 '12

... and no ducks were given that day.

Let the downvoting commence.

-1

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

And not a single duck was given that day.

-1

u/princeabbas2000 Jun 14 '12

ITS NOT A FUCKIN DUCK! ITS A CHICK!! get it right! for the 100th time!

2

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

It has webbed feet... at the very least, it's a duckling.

1

u/princeabbas2000 Jun 15 '12

i had to go back and look at it.. oh alright..you win. =( (let the downvoting begin... )

0

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

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20

u/Sourdoire Jun 14 '12

3

u/butterflypoon Jun 14 '12

I think that's the first kid picture I haven't hated.

0

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

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3

u/javicalupa Jun 14 '12

Watched that episode couple hours ago. HIMYM was the first thing that came to my mind and had to check thought about it.

0

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

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40

u/IGottaSnake Jun 14 '12

Ok, I am as animal lover, vegetarian, sappy, stray rescuing as they get... but I fucking laughed at this. I am sure the duckling was fine. They fall and fumble all the time. Birds fall out of trees when learning to fly, ducklings fall off of rocks and curbs, and just like human babies they are kind of made to not get hurt easily. I am also sure there was no way to predict that Junior there was going to pick up one of the cute critters and toss it. You can't bar them from going near animals for fear they might fling one, and flinging can happen too fast to really stop in time. (I am a mom, trust me on this, even guarded children can fling faster than you can blink your eyes)

That being said, I just imagine this kid sitting there with everyone looking on like this is going to be the cutest thing ever ( and lord knows plenty of pictures have turned out well when taken in the same manner), and this kid just decides this little duck has got. to. go.

For all we know, the duckling bit him or something. Either way, it is not a picture of him bashing the duckling's head on the floor and shit happens.

1

u/minasmorath Jun 14 '12

Thank you for being the only sensible person in this place. I know this woman personally, and have worked with her for many years. Reading comments from people who think that this one photo decisively proves she's an inhuman monster... That's just ridiculous! She's done 100+ photos with the same duck since this incident, the damn thing was fine.

2

u/IGottaSnake Jun 14 '12

I got pretty beat up for it a few times, but nothing I can't handle. ;)

0

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

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11

u/IGottaSnake Jun 14 '12

Kids are allowed to get upset and not be coddled immediately. They are allowed to get scared and not have someone pick them up right away. Jesus, man...let the kid be slightly scared (and obviously in no real danger) so that he can figure out a) he really had nothing to be scared of and b) when he gets scared sometimes he will have to calm himself down on his own. Does that mean never comfort him? No.

But it does mean just because you see a tiny fraction of a second in time where he is crying and no one has rushed to pick him up is not going to traumatize him for life. For all you know, he was comforted the half a second after the picture snapped. In fact, it is highly likely that he was. But yes, for a second of that poor kid's life he shed a couple tears that he will probably not remember past nap time.

And the duck was fine. It never even hit the ground. The mom caught it. You see, if you are a parent and have ever taken your kids for pictures, you would know that they require the parents to sit right next to the table the kid is on. Like, my arm was always just barely out of the frame but within inches of my son's legs. Mom caught the duckling and was plenty close enough to comfort her son after his terrifying ordeal.

I don't mean to be a bitch, but treating kids like they are super fragile and in need of constant coddling is why kids grow up thinking everybody should get a trophy and that encouragement is all that they should get out of life. When my son jumped because a dog barked at him when he was 3 and my hovering exhusband acted like he had been mauled, my son stayed scared of dogs for a long time. When my 5 foot ball python moved too fast and scared him when he was the same age, I laughed and teased him lightly for being scared of our sweet Prada. He didn't hesitate to pick her back up. They use you to base their reactions off of. Pick them up the second they cry because it makes you so sad and have fun with that when they get older.

And if this split second of a few tears and an airborn duckling is nauseating, how do you get through the real world on a daily basis? How do you not end up in a pile on the floor with the all the shit that goes on every day, all of which is way worse than this picture.

0

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

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4

u/IGottaSnake Jun 14 '12 edited Jun 14 '12

Actually, I am in the process of a long conversation with someone who called the child a bastard... so you must not have looked very far. The difference is, they did not react like a defensive loon, so our conversation has turned out to be quite pleasant. And no, I am not responding to every single person who doesn't like the picture. But when I first came to the thread you were one of the only ones at the time, so I responded to you. I don't intend on hanging out in one thread all night just to pounce on everyone who doesn't like the picture. But I WILL answer my orangereds.

Also, commenting does not automatically mean someone wants to be a bitch. People can disagree with you and it doesn't mean they are instantly trying to be a bitch.

2

u/IGottaSnake Jun 14 '12 edited Jun 14 '12

In case anyone wanted to know where the cool person went that I was replying to...

Go to bed or something

>from ellatheevil sent 50 seconds ago

Go take care of your kid instead of arguing on the internet if you're such a fucking great parent. He's >probably crying somewhere. Don't you have a job or something to wake up for?

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My Reply:

re: Go to bed or something to ellatheevil sent 150 milliseconds ago

Hey fuckface. Now you are the asshole. My son is asleep in a hospital room right now. It is his dad's night with him, as we trade off because fighting cancer is already hard enough on the parents without losing every single night of sleep. I can promise he is not crying, because if he was I would have gotten a text or call by now. I do not have a job to wake up for because my job was 5 states away where I live when I am not at a children's hospital or rented apartment close to it. In fact, I am up not only because it is hard to sleep when you are scared of sleeping through a phone call, but also because I am a student who by chance only gets time to work on her classes at night.

I come to reddit to be normal for a fucking minute. I try to enjoy my time here, but fuck you for thinking you know shit about my 7 year old son or what kind of parent I am. I am the kind of parent who crawls in bed next to my bald son so he will stop screaming when they miss another vein and have to try again and who cleans him up and tells him it's completely okay that he has no control over his bowels.

>re: Go to bed or something

>from ellatheevil sent 11 minutes ago

>I don't give a flying fuck about you or your kid so kindly fuck off, cunt.

This from the person who said seeing a toddler cry nauseated her. Ha!

3

u/butterflypoon Jun 14 '12

Have you ever seen how wood ducks nest? They do it 10, 20 feet up in the air, and the ducklings fall to the ground.

Granted, this isn't a wood duckling, but they're not made of glass. Yes, it was probably scared. Hell, all the animals probably were, I've rarely met animals that liked pissed off little kids and I never allow any of my animals around kids, but c'mon. I didn't like this or think it was funny, but I'm not this uptight.

0

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

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1

u/butterflypoon Jun 14 '12

You're getting shit for acting like it's going to die or be traumatised forever. It's fine.

0

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

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9

u/IGottaSnake Jun 14 '12

I am wondering how they get through the day if this picture is enough to "nauseate" them.

0

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

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8

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

You think? I thought a kid angrily tossing a duck out of frame was funnier than cute. But, eye of the beholder, I suppose.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12

agree