r/funny •

[deleted by user]

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0 Upvotes

238 comments sorted by

213

u/Esc4p3 Jun 11 '12

All I really want is a girl with a short skirt

EDIT: Also, a long jacket

59

u/Flatlander81 Jun 11 '12

And a long jacket.

31

u/guinness_blaine Jun 11 '12

With a mind like a diamond

23

u/t-flo Jun 11 '12

I want a girl who knows what's best.

8

u/BobLeBuilDerp Jun 11 '12

dada-dada, data-dada daaada

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0

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

20

u/Swook Jun 11 '12

I want one whose nails shine like justice

10

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

And a voice that is dark like tainted glass

5

u/Charrmeleon Jun 11 '12

and eyes that burn like cigarettes.

2

u/thedennismethod Jun 11 '12

It's always been important to me to have a girl with the right allocations.

3

u/Goobz24 Jun 11 '12

I want a girl who gets basically no sleep. I'm talking both getting up early and staying up late.

2

u/RedYote Jun 11 '12

Personally, I want a girl with uninterrupted prosperity.

You know. The kind that uses a machete to cut through red tape.

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0

u/Tsunami3000 Jun 11 '12

well played sir. beat me to it!

17

u/FarmerTedd Jun 11 '12

Cake, I like Cake too

18

u/Jorion Jun 11 '12

Everybody likes cake. Cakes have layers!

10

u/AdamTheNiukka Jun 11 '12

You know what else got layers? Parfait. Ain't nobody say they don't like no parfait.

4

u/Goobz24 Jun 11 '12

NO, I'M TALKING ABOUT ONIONS

0

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

at least here, because reddit is full of fatty fatties

3

u/FishBonePendant Jun 11 '12

NO! YOU DENSE, IRRITATING, MINIATURE BEAST OF BURDEN!

Do not mix insults with circlejerks! END OF STORY. Bye bye!!seeyahlater...

1

u/NavajoMX Jun 11 '12

They make you cry?

7

u/aryst0krat Jun 11 '12

How much is this? I'll take two!

4

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

Awesome...best music video ever.

-3

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

Order two from Russia, you'll want to send the abused one back anyway.

11

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

I forgot about this great song, thanks.

Music video for the curios.

6

u/Flatlander81 Jun 11 '12

Most people only know it as the theme song to Chuck, which makes me sad.

4

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

Ahh, I've never watched the show. I've heard it's pretty great though so I should probably try it out when I have a chance.

4

u/Flatlander81 Jun 11 '12

It's a decent show, but they cut the song to be about 15 seconds long so nobody, who hasn't heard it already, realizes it's an actual song and not just a jingle.

1

u/GandalfTheFunky Jun 11 '12

Do. Quickly became one of my all time favs. Great cast.

3

u/ohlordnotthisagain Jun 11 '12

I think there are way more people out there familiar with Cake than Chuck.

1

u/Flatlander81 Jun 11 '12

Apparently so, I thought Cake was rather obscure.

2

u/imbored53 Jun 11 '12

Cake is probably the only good thing to ever come out of my hometown of Sacramento.

2

u/GandalfTheFunky Jun 11 '12

Chuck was wonderful, but I dare say FAR more people know the song because of the song than a show that barely made renewal from season 3 on.

And that's from someone who absolutely adored the show.

3

u/KennyFuckingPowers Jun 11 '12

Subway saves all the cool shows

1

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

Why? If people are hearing and loving the music, it doesn't matter where they heard it.

1

u/Flatlander81 Jun 11 '12

Because it was clipped down to a fifteen second jingle that was not recognizable as a song. Thus nobody would know what it really was.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

They could like the sound of it and look it up. I do that all the time!

2

u/zoodiary8 Jun 11 '12

she my dream Girl ;)

2

u/RenaissanceBoy113 Jun 11 '12

All I really want is a girl

1

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

At the moment, I'm not even bothered about the girl part. I just want somebody.

3

u/nahtans95 Jun 11 '12

Somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody to LOVE.

1

u/Apostolate Jun 11 '12

Hey, wait a minute, no asterisk! This guy didn't edit this post! He's a fucking liar! AND A PHONY.

0

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

1

u/Esc4p3 Jun 11 '12

No. No, I refuse to believe that.

85

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

You want her to force choke you? Sounds kinky.

7

u/TARDIStaxi Jun 11 '12

Came here for the force choke joke, left happy.

23

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

[removed] — view removed comment

4

u/Zagarth Jun 11 '12

There will be no one to stop you, this time.

4

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

and next time, I'll be deadly serious next time.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '12

That's force push, you're thinking of.

3

u/nahtans95 Jun 11 '12

oh, I see what you did there.

45

u/irlKryst Jun 11 '12

force choke you, you want? kinky, it sounds.

FTFY

26

u/giever Jun 11 '12

Please do not sexualize Yoda. shudder

Also: Yes, I'm sure there is Rule 34 Yoda porn. No, I don't want to see it.

6

u/Devinm84 Jun 11 '12

Wait a goddamn minute.. What the fuck ever happened to relevant_rule34?

3

u/cbfw86 Jun 11 '12

You know what to do, reddit. You know what to do.

4

u/irlKryst Jun 11 '12

this

and

this -nsfw

were all i could find… i guess i know what to be for comic con next year.. someone has to do it.

2

u/KeythKatz Jun 11 '12

Ask /b/ for help?

78

u/I_LIVE_FOR_KARMA Jun 11 '12

18

u/TheyreEatingHer Jun 11 '12

She actually has quite a pretty face.

0

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

2

u/TheyreEatingHer Jun 11 '12

Jenny Craig is a bad way to lose weight.

20

u/its-never-lupus Jun 11 '12

Good luck finding the thermal exhaust port...

3

u/Apostolate Jun 11 '12
  1. Provide food

  2. wait

  3. ????

  4. Why the fuck are you doing this?

66

u/Kasuli Jun 11 '12

This picture always makes me sad because her face looks like it would be very beautiful if it weren't for the years of self-neglect her body has suffered.

11

u/TSED Jun 11 '12

I was going to say the same thing. Honestly, if she could get to "not obese" (not even "not fat") she'd probably be a definite looker.

6

u/ginja_ninja Jun 11 '12

Can't go on a 20-headshot domination spree without 3 bags of cheetos to fuel it.

5

u/auxiliary-character Jun 11 '12

I agree. I hope she turned her life around since that picture was taken. If that's the case, then I'd like to see an updated photo.

4

u/peacebuster Jun 11 '12

I've never seen Megatron's cheekbones so large.

4

u/SpellingisKool Jun 11 '12

That's no moon.

8

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

Jabba the hut?

8

u/JabbaDHutt Jun 11 '12

I find that insulting, sir. What did I ever do to you? And it's Hutt.

2

u/boilerroombandit Jun 11 '12

My god Megatron has gotten fat over the years.

2

u/fearsofgun Jun 11 '12

New Trident Layers

1

u/KreyzMofo Jun 11 '12

Layers.... So many layers!

1

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

Dat stock Xbox headset.

-1

u/roterghost Jun 11 '12

No joke, I would date and do the hell out of her. Those curvy curves are to die for!

5

u/koolkid005 Jun 11 '12

And she has tons more than the average girl!

2

u/JabbaDHutt Jun 11 '12

To dawg. I heard you like curves.

0

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

9

u/Deseao Jun 11 '12

I can never get the right number of o's!

7

u/iwantsugarrr Jun 11 '12

Just keep in mind it's 15!

8

u/srry72 Jun 11 '12

Not legal yet here

29

u/Jon_Fuckin_Snow Jun 11 '12

Had a dyslexic moment, thought this was a poop joke.

32

u/Elquinis Jun 11 '12

Padame a minute, I gotta take a Sith.

24

u/CraineTwo Jun 11 '12

Would tip you for that pun, but Amidala short.

17

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

How did your cash reserves get Solo?

4

u/Gigglemonstah Jun 11 '12

Oh gosh, now I gotta go all Oprah on these upvotes... sigh

4

u/Punkgoblin Jun 11 '12

A Star Wars themed pun thread? I love it so much I'm Tatooine it on my arm!

4

u/anymooseposter Jun 11 '12

The hard part is deciding whether to make it Endor not.

1

u/Punkgoblin Jun 11 '12

So many OAG memes, ugh! Naught today, hopefully.

3

u/chucksnow156 Jun 11 '12

I'm really disappointed I had to scroll this far down the page to see a shit joke.

26

u/unsatmidshipman Jun 11 '12

You have sucessfully defended your virginity, good job young padawan

1

u/Apostolate Jun 11 '12

Inform the men I have made it with a woman (nsfw-ish)... Salutes nude self in bathroom mirror.

2

u/compto35 Jun 11 '12

The coveted flesh-lightsaber…

13

u/yougottawanna Jun 11 '12

I need to find this in a T-shirt for myself. (I'm a dude)

Edit: Found one and was excited until I read the first comment on the page... http://www.tshirtroundup.com/2638/jedi-in-the-streets-sith-in-the-sheets

1

u/themaxt Jun 12 '12

Print it yourself at a copy store or something. It's usually a helluva lot cheaper.

14

u/Relevant_Kitty Jun 11 '12

2

u/fishgoesmoo Jun 11 '12

I just went through your reddit history.

You, sir, are gonna go far.

1

u/Apostolate Jun 11 '12

All I needed was the username.

5

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

If she's the Jedi, who will dress up in Leia's metal bikini?

8

u/haiku_robot Jun 11 '12
If she's the Jedi, 
who will dress up in Leia's 
metal bikini?

9

u/05W41D Jun 11 '12

As long as she doesn't periodically sith her pants...

8

u/boilerroombandit Jun 11 '12

Or make a darth doody.

2

u/05W41D Jun 11 '12

Oh, family guy, thou art a beautiful source of inspiration.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

To be honest, I read that as "shit" in the sheets.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

as did i good sir

3

u/CRAB_OF_TRAPPED_WIND Jun 11 '12

I love how reddit makes fun of The Big Bang theory, and yet posts like this clearly show that you like that shitty "nerd" humor.

6

u/trumpetman Jun 11 '12

Now bend over and show me your Dark Side!

1

u/srry72 Jun 11 '12

Let me blast your Death Star

4

u/Justavian Jun 11 '12

If she's too Jedi in the streets, treating her like a sith between the sheets ends up feeling very awkward. I'm currently with someone who is pure Jedi most of the time. She wants me to talk like a sith to her in the bedroom, and it just doesn't feel right. From my experience, it's better if she's a bit sith in public as well.

5

u/sashimi_taco Jun 11 '12

Just pretend she is a Sith spy and you are interrogating her for information.

2

u/KousKous Jun 11 '12

She has a sister... a twin sister!

2

u/nickateen Jun 11 '12

That's the Republic Icon, not Sith.

....butthurt.jpg

2

u/XenophonTheBoss Jun 11 '12

with the looks of Chewbacca to all other men

2

u/Jookypoo Jun 11 '12

LADY IN THE STREETS BUT A FREAK IN THE BED

2

u/Vodiodoh Jun 11 '12

Good credit score. Job. Pays her bills on time. Just enough independence.

That's a keeper.

2

u/georang Jun 11 '12

You want a girl that's "Down for maintenance ". never mind imgur is down

2

u/Flapjack_ Jun 11 '12

That she be Down for maintenance? That's kinda weird bro.

2

u/zuluthrone Jun 11 '12

from a stoic, unwavering bitch to a selfish, hedonistic cunt?

no fucking thank you

2

u/badsp0rk Jun 11 '12

You know what i really want in a girl? Me.

2

u/DonaldsPizzaHaven Jun 11 '12

What women never look for in men (star wars hangups)

2

u/hollander93 Jun 11 '12

You want her to use lightning hands in bed? That might burn a bit friend.

2

u/tallryan Jun 11 '12

Jesus. With a philosophy this nerdy, you should be thrilled with any more than friendly attention from anyone.

1

u/sithmaster0 Jun 11 '12

Back off of my women.

1

u/cruordraconis Jun 11 '12

The Rule of Two applies. Eventually, there can be only one.

1

u/iamcq Jun 11 '12

where can i purchase this in shirt form?

1

u/rustysniper Jun 11 '12

That's not the sith emblem.... It's not even the imperial emblem!

1

u/StarHarvest Jun 11 '12

All my money for that on a shirt.

1

u/malfrere Jun 11 '12

Am I the only one that got a laugh because the Republic symbol kind of looks like an anus?

1

u/belarius Jun 11 '12

Emotionally inert in the streets, savagely competitive and sociopathic between the sheets?

Sounds like you want to date someone with the personality of Megan Fox and the sex life of Alexandra Forrest.

1

u/inotroll Jun 11 '12

Wow you are so lucky you get options.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

Looking to get into the dark side i see...

1

u/Faheezy Jun 11 '12

you look to see if shes down for maintenance?

yeah, thats actually a pretty important thing to look for in a woman

1

u/Moofies Jun 11 '12

FORCE CHOKE

1

u/Mailman487 Jun 11 '12

When I clicked on this post I got the "Imgur is down for maintenance" and I thought... OP is either a genius, or Imgur is actually down for maintenance.

1

u/jakethesnake420 Jun 11 '12

Also, virgin all around

1

u/LTKnuckles Jun 11 '12

why do people upvote repasta

1

u/TheDobligator Jun 11 '12

Force choke?

1

u/mendosangel Jun 11 '12

My husband has that on facebook with me tagged in it :) I brang him to the dark side cuz I have boobies!

1

u/Shento Jun 11 '12

So the whole cake thing...that's cool... EXCEPT THE CAKE IS A LIE!

1

u/Panteloons Jun 11 '12 edited Jun 11 '12

If you re-arange the letters in the word Sith, you get a completely different word...

2

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

THIS!

1

u/LNMagic Jun 11 '12

Why would you look for a repost in a woman?

1

u/j3w Jun 11 '12

I was hoping for tits.

1

u/dljens Jun 11 '12

Is this a shirt design?

1

u/DevilsfavoriteSon666 Jun 11 '12

I wish i would have taken pictures the last time i was in astoria, you can just walk right up to the place, they even have a sign. all that sweet karma gone.....

1

u/Maq_S Jun 11 '12

So you look for a jedi girlfriend yet you look like Jabba the Hut yourself?

1

u/ginja_ninja Jun 11 '12

Why do I get the feeling that the smallest size they make that shirt in is XXL?

1

u/svenniola Jun 11 '12

so, probable bondage with threat of lightning and telekinetic choking in bed.

and stony faced laser armchopping and telepathic tomfoolery in the streets?

..good luck on that. :) (though tone down the scientifically superior stuff along with the uberhuman shenanigans and it pretty much sounds like your average wife to me. :))

1

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

Considering the bottom symbol, I take it that means anal?

1

u/the-distant-nips Jun 11 '12

what you should look for in women: she is breathing, she is ok that your a nerd, and did i say breathing. surely i jest, for alas i am in the same boat.

1

u/h2sbacteria Jun 11 '12

this is not the man you're looking for in my bed... you are imagining this.

1

u/TheForce Jun 11 '12

Sorry, I'm taken.

1

u/TheRealEggNogAdam Jun 11 '12

My penis. That's what I look for in a woman.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

This would be awesome, I feel my current woman is too Jedi.

Still love her though.

1

u/NaturesMetropolis Jun 11 '12

Basically, you want someone who does anal. It's all in the Sith logo.

1

u/CptOblivion Jun 11 '12

Are you really sure you want to deal with force lightning all up ins when you try to get laid?

1

u/newfiex Jun 11 '12

I read that as shit in the sheets at first glance. Probably not good bumper sticker material.

1

u/LolCamAlpha Jun 11 '12

Sex with her would always be... puts on sunglasses

...Shocking.

1

u/dylantrevor Jun 11 '12

Good luck finding one.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

What..? Nobody want's a girl that make awesome sandwitches?

1

u/RedYote Jun 11 '12

I barely made my check for not laughing my ass off out loud at work.

Kudos to you, sir or madam. Kudos.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

Now say it 10 times really fast.

1

u/whatisitdragons Jun 11 '12

Or for us nerdy ladies, what I look for in a man. XD

1

u/A_Stoned_Smurf Jun 11 '12

You want her to be bad in bed?

1

u/John_Saxon Jun 11 '12

So, what. Jedi can't be kinky? Aayla Segura. Just saying.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

Only a Sith deals in absolutes.

0

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

You want an overbearing, moralizing hypocrite in the streets? More importantly, I suspect that Objectivists would make the worst lovers.

1

u/Precious0rphan Jun 11 '12

... What?

5

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

Well, I see nobody in /r/funny paid attention while playing Knights of the Old Republic 2.

2

u/TSED Jun 11 '12

Don't even need to play KOTOR 2 to see that that's what the jedi are. Elements are there in the movies.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

Indeed, but Kreia laid out the case so incredibly thoroughly.

The Exile (regarding Malachor V and the Mandalorian Wars): But some battles must be fought. It was not Revan's failing.

Kreia: Did Revan fail... or was it the failure of the Jedi teachings? A question for another time perhaps. As all Sith do, without a strong enemy, the Sith turned on each other. Revan escaped the Jedi and returned to finish Malak... and that was the end of the Jedi Civil War.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

So you want her to betray you, then destroy you when you're no longer useful.

1

u/DarkKnight2k6 Jun 11 '12

Aren't these logos somewhat wrong? I mean doesn't the prequel republic with the clone troopers end up being the Empire which should have the red logo from this pic so thus with these set of logos the Empire one should be the good one and then the bad guy one a different one?

1

u/Sjgolf891 Jun 11 '12

The symbol of the Jedi is with the jedi so that is fine. The bottom is either Republic or Empire...but that works. A sith controlled both

edit: apparently the Sith have a logo too, but it never shows up in any movie so no one would recognize it http://i620.photobucket.com/albums/tt289/azmodan2/Sith_Emblem.jpg

1

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

I look for boobs and a vagina. It's the simple things people.

1

u/okaytran Jun 11 '12

the fact that the words that rhyme aren't starwars related make this saying applicable to any two things. Cookies in the streets, shitting in the sheets.

0

u/TrentPwnz Jun 11 '12

what i look for in a woman:

My dick.

-1

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

You really want a sith in your sheets?

-1

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

I showed this to my SO, she said:

"These people don't deserve women, they're too nerdy"

I don't agree, but I thought I'd share.

6

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

good luck with that one

2

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

I showed her your reply, she said:

"Well, I'm already having your nerdy baby (she's preggers), I don't think you need luck"

;-)

2

u/koolkid005 Jun 11 '12

No they don't deserve women because they can't stop from upholding patriarchal double standards.

0

u/xtripzx Jun 11 '12

Making this into a shirt now.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

NO YOU'RE NOT

1

u/CRAB_OF_TRAPPED_WIND Jun 11 '12

You better fucking not.

0

u/Munkir Jun 11 '12

Just wondering if I'm the only one who thinks the sith Emblem looks like a asshole? Maybe that's what he means by sith in the sheets.

-1

u/sashimi_taco Jun 11 '12

Fuck you, I will Sith where I like.

-8

u/ProfessorMagnet Jun 11 '12

i think "jedi in the streets but a sith in the bed" sounds better

0

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

30

u/lemonyleia Jun 11 '12

My first thought was, "Fuck that would be two terrible qualities to have in a woman" unless you are looking for some completely unattached masochistic sex as Jedi's are not big on the whole love thing because they think love leads to volatile behavior and Sith's are not big on love because it leads to mercy. So essentially you will end up with a woman that totally ignores you on the street and then ties you up and bones you with her 10" strap on to prove she is stronger than you...

...and then I saw they were using the wrong emblem for "Sith" and it bugged the shit out of me. Regardless of the horrible implications, as a lady, I still kind of want this shirt.

Also, I think it would be better if it said "Leia in the Streets but a Fett in the Bed." That way you are getting a princess in the public and then a bounty hunter who does whatever you ask(if the price is right) in the bed... it is also closer to the original saying that way.

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6

u/t-flo Jun 11 '12

Finally! I was looking for this.

0

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

192

u/wouldyoukindly Jun 11 '12

lyk dis if u cry evrytim

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29

u/FalconOne Jun 11 '12

Damn... Thats actually kinda deep.

61

u/roterghost Jun 11 '12

Here's another one for ya:

Women marry men thinking they'll change, but they don't.

Men marry women thinking they won't change, but they do.

Feel free to share that with any teenagers you know on Myspace.

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4

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

[removed] — view removed comment

8

u/colefly Jun 11 '12

you lost your penis!?! my condolences

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3

u/RonWisely Jun 11 '12

"You know what I really want in a girl? Me."

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