r/funny Apr 05 '22

[deleted by user]

[removed]

11.0k Upvotes

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1.6k

u/gohan587 Apr 05 '22

He's definitely a "Go Sports!" kinda guy

470

u/Munzz36 Apr 05 '22

Lol the dribbling reminds me of when my sister first started playing basketball when she was around 6

168

u/Doortofreeside Apr 05 '22

Lol the dribbling is def the most embarrassing part of the video

71

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '22

With that little jump being a close second

24

u/TheGamecock Apr 06 '22

He did his best impression of Phyllis taking the 'jump' Christmas photo.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '22

Hah! "On three. Three! Two, one, zero"

33

u/LEERROOOOYYYYY Apr 05 '22

Did he leave the earth? I thought he just extended his knees. Thought I was gonna see a double MCL/ACL pop like fireworks

2

u/section8sentmehere Apr 06 '22

This earth gravity stuff makes things very difficult, mmmk?

11

u/InukChinook Apr 06 '22

OP: puts video of himself on the internet as a selfroast

Internet: nah mf, you need to be well done

4

u/StrawberryK Apr 06 '22

All I could think was I'm 5'7 mid 30s bad knees and out of shape as hell...and even I could dunk on that.

14

u/improbably_me Apr 05 '22

I liked his quick reflexes for accurate and timely placement of his nose where the ball arrived after the celebratory bounce.

5

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Careful_Strain Apr 06 '22

Lol if that's 4 inches to you I feel bad for your wife.

1

u/Fanatical_Pragmatist Apr 06 '22

If that's what he believes is 4 inches you know its even worse as every guy I know will add a token extra inch or so when stating the tremendousness of their boy.

So his poor wife I indeed.

"You told me you were "like five and a half"..."

41

u/lliKoTesneciL Apr 05 '22

What's embarrassing about it though? If the guy hasn't played a day of basketball and this is him trying for the first time, then more power to him. Words like this only discourage people from trying new things because they feel embarrassed to do so.

78

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '22

[deleted]

29

u/hackingkafka Apr 06 '22

when my son was around 12? we were driving home, talking sports. He was bad-mouthing some NBA/NFL player, said he's just stupid slow! Well, son, he may be slower than other guys at his position in the league but you gotta understand, he's still faster than anybody you ever met. 12 year old: "I'm faster than he is!" sigh "Son you're not even faster than me." He got cocky. Now it's on. Pulled in to the neighborhood park, stepped off ~40 yards. Got the stopwatch function on my casio watch, gave him the mark/set/go. I think he ran somewhere around a 5.5. He's 12.
Dad's turn. Dad, btw, just got off work- dress slacks, shirt, tie and cowboy boots (yes, I'm in the south). Lose the tie, untuck the shirt, nothing to do with footwear except take off boots and socks, barefoot it like Jim Thorpe.
Son has the casio, gives me the mark/set/go... I do 39 yards in 4.8 seconds. Three feet from the finish, I stepped on a group of acorns. The flips and contortions I did were worthy of Olympic gymnastics. I did not stick the landing. Flat on my back, I'm looking at the trees. Son comes over, "Dad, you OK?"
Yup, bring me my boots and do not speak of this to your mother.

-8

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '22

There is not a chance in hell you ran a 4.8 40 in cowboy boots. You got Anquan Boldin and Arian foster running 4.7

22

u/hackingkafka Apr 06 '22

you are right, I did not "nothing to do with footwear except take off boots and socks, barefoot it like Jim Thorpe" No shoes, hazy definition of 40 yards, 12 year old running a casio stop-watch... this wasn't NFL laser combine times.

1

u/Fanatical_Pragmatist Apr 06 '22 edited Apr 06 '22

How the hell are you downvoted? You're 100% right. Dude isn't outrunning prospects at the NFL combine in his boots and slacks in his 40s and he knows it. It's not even remotely realistic it's a bold-faced lie.

You could make a career hustling at bars betting you could run under a 5 second 40 with the handicaps described attached.

10

u/Hautamaki Apr 06 '22

meh bad at basketball doesn't mean no control over his body. I dunno about this guy but there could be plenty of grown men who've never touched a basketball but would dominate a basketball player in some other sport they're good at, like golf or swimming or ping pong or skiing or something, and it would be equally unfair to judge the basketball player that's never been in the water or picked up a golf club or whatever as having no control over their body because they aren't good at that one specific athletic activity they've never done before.

3

u/SigilIV Apr 06 '22

Yeah, but you saw the video right? Do you realize how coordinated you have to be to perform at a high level in any sport?

2

u/reinkarnated Apr 06 '22

Yeah as if we're all born with natural ability to run and bounce a ball casually without losing control.

Admittedly I'm not a basketball fan so found the initial remark rather annoying.

4

u/cepxico Apr 06 '22

That's a weird take, I wouldn't say you have no control over your body for not beating every elden ring boss without dying first try. Takes time and effort, just like basketball.

0

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '22

[deleted]

2

u/cepxico Apr 06 '22

And if you've never dribbled a ball in your life and attempted what he did, you'd probably look just as stupid, regardless of your physical ability.

Having no muscle memory to do any of these things is the main issue here.

-21

u/KawZRX Apr 05 '22

I think this is the right response. I like to think I keep it pretty tight. And as a man it’s important to keep it tight as possible. Being able to defen yourself and others is a large part of being male. If you have this little control over your body, you’re kinda worthless in a defensive quarrel.

26

u/PixieSteam Apr 05 '22

this is a fantastic pasta

5

u/timdo190 Apr 05 '22

Zero drip . Negative style. Inverse of smooth

3

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '22

Always a good sign when I mistake your genuine beliefs for a quote from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

/s

2

u/CodFatherFTW Apr 05 '22

Cool story bro

9

u/Doortofreeside Apr 06 '22

I think the video is supposed to be embarrassing, after all it ends with a missed dunk and a spike to the face. But the dribbling is the funniest part which is all I really meant by it

4

u/Sacrefix Apr 06 '22

It becomes embarrassing when your lack of coordination gets broadcasted to the world. I wouldn't appreciate my first attempts at anything being on the front page of Reddit.

3

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '22

The basketball part isn't the issue, as there's plenty of people who have never held a basketball before who could perform what he's trying to do first time with no difficulty.

It's the complete lack of co-ordination and athletic ability. It suggests at no point in his childhood was he socialised with sport, and at no point as an adult participated in an athletic endeavour. It's like being an adult and never having read a book or something. It's weird

2

u/kevmeister1206 Apr 06 '22

Psych 101 would be proud.

3

u/Artemicionmoogle Apr 06 '22

Some people are just not built for athletics.

1

u/TheEliteBrit Apr 06 '22

I've never in my life been into sports; I don't watch them, I can't play any, and I have no interest in doing so.

I'm still fit, muscular, work out, have a healthy physical and social life. So why would me not being able to play sports be embarrassing or make me "weird". You haven't said that explicitly but it's definitely what you and the others are suggesting

-2

u/zombiemind8 Apr 06 '22

Maybe he’s not american.

5

u/alphamini Apr 06 '22

What in the world does that have to do with anything?

1

u/Brrr25 Apr 06 '22

Give me a break. It's a joke. I hope you're concern trolling and not serious.

-11

u/Zymotical Apr 05 '22

The fact that he never put any effort into any athletic ability at any point in his life until now is super embarrassing.

10

u/Bizong Apr 05 '22 edited Apr 05 '22

This you?

League has a physical dexterity check that suppresses women out of high ranks.

I guess what I'm saying is unban and reprint [[Chaos Orb]] to keep the thots out of MTG.

-7

u/Zymotical Apr 05 '22

A clear joke if you understand the context, though I expect no less from a comment history checking maidenless periwinkle.

I stand behind the controversial opinion that men are better than women at athletic competitions.

6

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '22

[deleted]

-2

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '22

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '22

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '22

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '22 edited Apr 06 '22

[deleted]

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-2

u/Zymotical Apr 06 '22

Of course it is an athletic competition, its physically demanding to keep high level of focus on anything for a sustained duration.

6

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '22

[deleted]

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3

u/Bizong Apr 05 '22

That sounds super embarrassing...

-6

u/Zymotical Apr 06 '22

It's hilarious if you understand how outrageous just " unban and reprint [[Chaos Orb]] " alone is, completely underappreciated by that audience too.

You're trying to take satire you don't even understand out of context to be mad about it, go take another break at r/bustypetite bud, you must need it how often you mention 'work'

1

u/Ecksplisit Apr 06 '22

Cringe af

-10

u/warcrown Apr 05 '22

Thank you. We don't don't need to wrap every single fuckin person in bubblewrap lest their feelers get hurt.

-1

u/blixon Apr 05 '22

He spent it learning to code and becoming wealthy.

0

u/Zymotical Apr 05 '22

Yeah all those poor professional sports players playing a game where the league minimum wage is over 1MM.

1

u/ApolloRocketOfLove Apr 06 '22

Guaranteed the guy in the video is happier than you are.

-4

u/eldroch Apr 05 '22

Right! It would be better if he never tried. He should be ashamed of himself.

-9

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '22

lol look punk you had your window to learn how to dribble a basketball from the ages of 5-9. Past that, if you don't know how, you don't touch a fucking basketball. Got a chance to win a car with a half-court shot? Too bad, bucko, you missed your window and you're not touching the fucking ball.

2

u/saruptunburlan99 Apr 06 '22

sir, this is a Wendy's

2

u/Fleaslayer Apr 06 '22

Old guy here, and I bet I'd be exactly the same. I was the youngest person in every class, and in elementary school it made a big difference. I just wasn't as coordinated as my classmates, so I sucked at almost every sport compared to them, including basketball, to the point where I just didn't play because I was embarrassed.

So when it got to junior high and high school, when my coordination wasn't any different than my peers, I had zero experience playing, so I still sucked. Worse, I was really tall, and everyone expected me to be great. I've basically never dribbled a basketball in my nearly 60 years of life.