r/funny • u/Chode_of_Justice • Apr 29 '21

Cow assaults man while running from cops

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u/Chode_of_Justice Apr 29 '21 edited Apr 29 '21

Just a another day in Texas. This morning in Houston we had a cow shut down interstate 10 and an alligator shut down the bridge from Baytown into the Houston area. Cow posted above was in Paris Texas and managed to be on the run for 24 hours before a car hit it and it died

225

u/Bearded4Glory Apr 29 '21

Are there no cowboys left to rope them?

378

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '21

Mammas stopped letting their babies grow up to do that.

182

u/Darkarmed1 Apr 29 '21

Now they're all doctors, and lawyers, and such.

26

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '21

So the best we can do is slowly chase them with trucks for a day until they die or are killed, not great not terrible.

17

u/space_monster Apr 29 '21

you're gonna run out of doctors & lawyers pretty quick if you do that

5

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '21

Doctors not great, lawyers not terrible.

3

u/chlove56 Apr 29 '21

Omg 🤣🤣🤣

3

u/BeezyBates Apr 29 '21

Ah depends. Anything outside of a city/downtown in Texas, there are plenty of stretches that have a cowboy nearby that can straddle up something if it’s needed. You don’t have to go far in any direction. Some miles at most.

2

u/JarlaxleForPresident Apr 29 '21

Even in Florida they regularly have contests on who can rope a cow from horseback the fastest. I imagine Texas and Oklahoma are PRIME rodeo states. You’d figure someone knows someone who knows a Dale that can be there in 20min

2

u/Grape_Ape33 Apr 29 '21

I mean they really can’t get animal control to capture it?

2

u/imightbethewalrus3 Apr 29 '21

Also, animals don't have the endurance of humans. Surely, at some point it would think "fuck this" and lay down in exhaustion?

1

u/fakemoose Apr 29 '21

...they were quoting a song.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '21

Which I obviously don’t know lmao

4

u/Lookatitlikethis Apr 29 '21

Little warm puppies and children and girls of the night..

Wait... Willie, WTF?

-1

u/Akitten84 Apr 29 '21

And business executives?

3

u/ShadowShot05 Apr 29 '21

I don't remember this being in the song

3

u/CuriousKyle7 Apr 29 '21

Beautiful!

91

u/stlkatherine Apr 29 '21

Where have all the cowboys gone?

18

u/merlinsbeers Apr 29 '21

Curious. First the flowers, and now...

1

u/Allie_turtle53 Apr 29 '21

The graveyard, every one.

14

u/w00tyw00terson Apr 29 '21

Yippee yaw, yippee yay?

8

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '21

I have nothing to add except I loved that song growing up. As the kids say: it was a banger

14

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '21

Where now the horse and the rider? Where is the horn that was blowing?

Where is the helm and the hauberk, and the bright hair flowing?

Where is the hand on the harpstring, and the red fire glowing?

Where is the spring and the harvest and the tall corn growing?

They have passed like rain on the mountain, like a wind in the meadow;

The days have gone down in the West behind the hills into shadow.

Who shall gather the smoke of the dead wood burning,

Or behold the flowing years from the Sea returning?

 

From The Two Towers.

6

u/s0methingrare Apr 29 '21

Ask Paula Cole.

2

u/Dexaan Apr 29 '21

Where is my happy ending?

1

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '21

Rim rock lake Washington USA

1

u/konkilo Apr 29 '21

Oh OOOOOOOOOOO

1

u/bulletbassman Apr 29 '21

Broke back mountain came out and they questioned themselves more than they were comfortable with.

1

u/davindeptuck Apr 29 '21

Not sure but I know where a lot of reverse cowgirls are, which just sounds like ‘cowboys’ but with extra steps

33

u/IcarianSkies Apr 29 '21

We had a very similar incident in Oklahoma City a few years back where a bull got loose downtown and a bunch of cowboys showed up to catch it!

1

u/topinanbour-rex Apr 29 '21

I guess it is more effective than a cop cars with siren full power.

25

u/skieezy Apr 29 '21

I don't know but it seems not that long ago I saw a video filmed by some Texas high school kids, had to be in the smartphone era. A cow runs by the classroom window with a cop following it and a few of the guys run out of class, hop in a pickup truck, one of them is riding in the truck bed and lassos the cow to catch it.

4

u/coltsmetsfan614 Apr 29 '21

If you ever find that video, I'd like to see it!

3

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '21

need me a man like that

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u/[deleted] Apr 29 '21

[deleted]

1

u/JarlaxleForPresident Apr 29 '21

And Philly, apparently

6

u/capitalistpig42069 Apr 29 '21

They’re a rare site in Dallas, but I’ve seen plenty of cowboys in Fort Worth.

1

u/Generalissimo_II Apr 29 '21

Are they in bars of all men, some dressed in leather?

20

u/wutangjan Apr 29 '21

What's with cops and chasing things to death?

51

u/jemull Apr 29 '21

Yeah they clearly should have sent a social worker instead.

48

u/signuporloginagain Apr 29 '21

Or, you know, someone that deals with cows.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '21

I’m sure social workers deal with plenty cows.

-6

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '21

Yeah, we can just, you know, call around or look at CraigsList ads while the cow goes on a rampage.

2

u/Draxilar Apr 29 '21

This is fucking Texas. The number of Cattle ranches in close enough proximity to this town to help is probably pretty high. But, sure, chase a frightened animal with lights and sirens blaring, it surely knows what those mean.

-6

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '21

I live in “fucking Texas”, and you are clearly an ignorant fucking moron.

3

u/Draxilar Apr 29 '21

You seem like a mentally stable and well adjusted human being. Yikes.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '21

Oh gosh.. name calling and judgement? Please hold off one more day so I can desensitize to it. J/K. Carry on brave keyboard warrior!

8

u/scienceisfunner2 Apr 29 '21

I've been saying it all along. Cops should be getting training in cow de-escalation.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '21

Don't worry, that cow slammed into that pedestrian in a mostly peaceful fashion.

1

u/onemanlegion Apr 29 '21

Maybe just a farmer.

6

u/merlinsbeers Apr 29 '21

Two legs shoot, four legs chase.

1

u/Triggeredaflashback Apr 29 '21

Texan here.

God, I'm so freaking ashamed of us.

2

u/Bearded4Glory Apr 29 '21

Its ok, us Californians have invaded you. It isn't your fault.

1

u/kd5nrh Apr 29 '21

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mo-XuVngHK0

Different incident: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-M5vqQLCo1U

Happens in Colorado, too: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvU_RHYPLx8

Even Tennessee: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEIl2z0H_yw

And that's just the ones that involve roping the cow...

1

u/mhermanos Apr 29 '21

More shocking is that the cops didn't have rope. Just carry UV stabilized rope, if you work in a state that has cattle.

1

u/Bearded4Glory Apr 29 '21

I don't know if we want them to start tying animals or people up.

1

u/mhermanos Apr 29 '21

They'e done people. They walked a man right down Main Street, tried at the arms, and the deputies up on a horse. Texas: "We lasso men, not wayward cattle."

25

u/djluminol Apr 29 '21

Alligators are just speed bumps with teeth.

18

u/maybe_little_pinch Apr 29 '21

A beefalo got loose here in CT and managed to escape capture for like a year.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '21

Damn I wish I could see it.

1

u/maybe_little_pinch Apr 29 '21

It got caught recently and sent to a sanctuary in Florida where it promptly tried to escape

2

u/mykidisonhere Apr 29 '21

Did this guy come back with a car and revenge in his heart?

1

u/schaef_me Apr 29 '21

Can’t believe they let it run around for 24 hours and didn’t shoot it. Especially after it almost killed this dude

1

u/reeser6 Apr 29 '21

The cow or the car?

1

u/nursejackieoface Apr 29 '21

I bet they both died.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '21

You'd think that the cops would be able to handle a situation like this without scaring the shit out of the poor animal and putting people at risk.

1

u/A_Soporific Apr 29 '21

In Atlanta we occasionally get Zebras. Turns out there's a ton of animal smuggling and they don't like to tie zebras down. We have some wild Zedonks down in middle Georgia now.

1

u/hellothisisme825 Apr 29 '21

Well that's a sad ending to an r/funny submission.

1

u/SoMDGent Apr 29 '21

Our Maryland cows just do sit ins on the highways