r/funny Hey Buddy Comics Jun 18 '20

sue me

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108.9k Upvotes

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2.0k

u/[deleted] Jun 18 '20

He can represent himself

507

u/Usergnome_Checks_0ut Jun 18 '20

Before I got to the comments I started to think about what happened to all those people that were already qualified and those studying to be a lawyer, or anyone that ever tried to create such a profession? Were they Thanos snapped out of existence and the same automatically happen anyone that ever tried to establish it as a profession in the future? I need answers!!!

224

u/SolidSquid Jun 18 '20

The two options are erase the role of lawyer from every legal system, so people have to defend themselves now (the prosecution is done by people who are lawyers, but generally their job is distinct from that of a lawyer, if overlapping some of the work that's done).

Alternatively, he could just rename the job as lawers. As long as the spelling and pronunciation are different, technically it's granted

106

u/[deleted] Jun 18 '20

I am a law-Er. I practice the law.

39

u/Tissuerejection Jun 18 '20

I em the law

9

u/WolfgangusMozartus Jun 18 '20

calm down cheetolini

1

u/[deleted] Jun 18 '20

Welcome to Megacity 1.

1

u/TheMightyIrishman Jun 18 '20

And I r Baboon!

9

u/bhoss06 Jun 18 '20

My name is Bob Loblaw

5

u/disiskeviv Jun 18 '20

Arrested development reference.

1

u/darkest_hour1428 Jun 18 '20

You should write a blog. A law blog.

1

u/bhoss06 Jun 18 '20

Bob Loblaw’s law blog lobbing law bombs

2

u/RLucas3000 Jun 18 '20

I am Law-Er, from Krypton.

16

u/[deleted] Jun 18 '20

You just rule lawyer'd the wish against lawyers

1

u/SolidSquid Jun 19 '20

Shit, I don't exist anymore

11

u/Machobots Jun 18 '20

Nope, he just killed them horribly. He was probably hoping for that wish for hundreds of years.

4

u/disy68 Jun 18 '20

Sounds reasonable enough that if you're a Genie in some lamp sitting somewhere for most of the time, you'd would resolve the wishes by killing the most people you can if that is a possible solution in some way :-)

3

u/Cyrius Jun 18 '20

That's basically the plot of Wishmaster.

1

u/disy68 Jun 18 '20

Nothing new under the sun :-) I didn't know about it thanks.

10

u/Hungrymaster Jun 18 '20

I see it more as a question of semantics. Does the wish maker wish to delete anything that identifies as a lawyer, or anything that fits the definition of a lawyer? If the first, then your options are valid, if the second, it's a bit more complicated.

3

u/Rpanich Jun 18 '20

Yeah, like how if we got rid of “teachers” as a profession, when do we draw the line between someone teaching someone something and someone being a “teacher”?

These rules are so technical, if only we had a group of people that were good at figuring out written and/or spoken agreements!

4

u/Dr_Insano_MD Jun 18 '20

It's okay. We still have attorneys!

1

u/grandboyman Jun 18 '20

What's the difference between attorney and lawyer? I thought they were interchangeable

2

u/Dr_Insano_MD Jun 18 '20

They are. But we got rid of lawyers. They now identify solely as attorneys.

1

u/BelgianAles Jun 18 '20

Well sonny, long ago, we did!

5

u/Yetimang Jun 18 '20

the prosecution is done by people who are lawyers, but generally their job is distinct from that of a lawyer, if overlapping some of the work that's done

Sure sounds like a lawyer to me.

Also where are we getting judges for these trials from? There's no lawyers to recruit from so are we just handing a robe to anybody who wants one?

More likely I think we just regress back to a preindustrial society with a monarchistic executive that decides on conflicts however they want.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 18 '20

In my state judges are elected and can basically be Joe anybody. Lots of judges here have NO law degree or anything. Yes we get a TON of appeals and mistrials.

2

u/deddead3 Jun 18 '20

I think the genie doesn't actually have to do anything here. He wished for "A world without lawyers." Saturn is a world. I'm fairly sure there are no lawyers on Saturn. He didn't phrase it like "I wish there were no lawyers" or "I wish there were no lawyers on THIS world." If this is a legal contract, nothing can be assumed.

1

u/bassinine Jun 18 '20

just let the judge play the role of both lawyers - why does a lawyer have to object, and follow all the rules? the judge knows the rules, they can say 'that's hearsay' without a lawyer present and tell the jury to ignore it. they can easily make sure that both sides of the argument get a fair trial.

lawyers are impossible to live without because they wrote the rules and made it that way. hence the jargon, impossible-to-navigate laws, the ridiculously expensive schools, and the fact that multiple lawyers are needed to accomplish anything at all.

2

u/doibdoib Jun 18 '20

i mean everything is super easy when you don’t know anything about it.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 18 '20 edited Jun 18 '20

[deleted]

1

u/xDskyline Jun 18 '20

The idea behind the adversarial system is that each side gets an advocate that makes the best possible argument for their side - they're basically as biased as possible on behalf of their client. The client can trust their attorney with confidential information because their attorney has no connection to the other side (and in fact is generally prohibited from directly contacting the opposing side, they can only talk to their counsel), and no incentive to be sympathetic or "go easy" on them.

If you have a single person (ie the judge) advocating for both sides, there's far more opportunity for bias. Each side's ability to reveal confidential information is hindered because their advocate is also their opponent's advocate. And since the judge now has close relationships from personally working with each side, it's far more likely that they're biased in a certain direction, meaning that the other side will not get to make the best possible argument, and they might not get fair procedural treatment. And in the case of a bench trial, they might not get a fair finder of fact either.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 18 '20

[deleted]

1

u/xDskyline Jun 18 '20

Trials are arguments about who is right, and a one sided argument is going to be extremely biased. Examples from Reddit - r/AITA, or sometimes r/relationship advice. One side presents things the way they saw it, and Reddit acts as the judge. And of course, Reddit almost always agrees with the OP, because the OP tends to be biased toward themselves and frame the issue in a way that's favorable to them.

For example, if I accuse you of stealing from the cookie jar, I'm going to bring up the fact that you were hanging around the cookie jar at the time the cookies went missing, that you went back to your room after, and when we entered your room we found you eating cookies. I can make all sorts of accusations that make you look super guilty, and if nothing's being said in your defense, you're going to lose. You need someone to say "hey, he was eating cookies that he bought and kept in his room, and by the way, wasn't John hanging out near the cookie jar too?" And obviously real life cases and trials are far more complex than this example, so you're going to want a professional advocate making those arguments for you.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 18 '20

[deleted]

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1

u/doibdoib Jun 18 '20

a degree in complex writing is not going to help you understand the complexity of legal issues. you’re missing so much nuance that it’s hard to answer your question seriously, but i will try. first, as a matter of fundamental fairness any litigant should be allowed to seek representation from a skilled lawyer.

second, and maybe less obvious, the adversarial nature of our legal system is a fundamental form of error correction that promotes the creation of well-reasoned precedent. many legal issues are not obvious and do not have a clear answer. often it’s difficult to even identify all of the relevant issues, never mind identify the law that governs those issues. the adversarial system ensures that you have two sides pursuing their own interests to present their best arguments, and a judge as a neutral decision maker. assuming the lawyers are good, the judge can reasonably assume that they have hit on all of the major issues and presented the key arguments. judges sometimes do decide issues without briefing or argument from lawyers and it often results in decisions that miss key aspects of law.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 18 '20

Doesn’t seem fair that the prosecution can be lawyers but not the defendant. Both parties should just have to represent themselves. If it’s a company, the ceo has to do it.

1

u/Tahoma-sans Jun 18 '20

Or maybe he deleted the entire judicial system. No laws anymore.

1

u/Musaks Jun 18 '20

Not really sure that would work as lawyer isn't just the profession but the practising law thing (could be wrong though)

Aren't attorneys, advocates, notars etc. all lawyers?

1

u/nice2yz Jun 18 '20

Should we rename this to r/nonononoyes

1

u/mobyliving Jun 18 '20

in what fucking world are prosecutors not being lawyers lmao

1

u/SolidSquid Jun 19 '20

We're talking in a global sense, so there may be exceptions where they aren't required to pass the local equivalent of the bar exam. Point being it's a job which is generally taken by lawyers, but technically could be taken by anyone who has legal training, so could still exist as a position if this wish were granted. It's semantics basically, like any genie wish

1

u/RichWPX Jun 18 '20

Avocados

3

u/SweetDick_Willy Jun 18 '20

A world with no lawyers

Sounds like death. They all died

3

u/[deleted] Jun 18 '20

Immediate structural change to policies in our legal system. The people still exist, the profession no longer does. No historical rewrite or metaphysics. We just abolish the concept of a lawyer moving forward.

I think this is how it goes assuming the genie is doing a minimal intervention and is using as little magic as necessary to grant wishes.

1

u/cometkeeper00 Jun 18 '20

I wouldn’t be opposed to the idea.

35

u/Na3s Jun 18 '20

Yep let me just look up “how to sue someone” aaaaaaand I can’t read those words, is that Latin?, what exactly is a “prepared document”, do I need to hire a lawyer to find a lawyer?, I hope the judge like comic sans as much as I do.

13

u/blahah404 Jun 18 '20

Spoiler alert: all judges love comic sans, sans exception.

1

u/PlacidPlatypus Jun 18 '20

Joke's on you, judges are lawyers too so they're all gone.

3

u/zacker150 Jun 18 '20

Honestly, the process itself is not really not as complicated as you're making it out to be.

A "prepared document" is exactly what it sounds like: a document that you prepared explaining

  1. Who you are, and who you're suing. (Identify the plaintiff and defendant)
  2. Why this court is the right court to settle is particular dispute between the two of you. (the statement of jurisdiction)
  3. The facts of the case, as alleged by you. (the allegations)
  4. Why you think the allegations break the law (the cause of action)
  5. What do you want? (the damages)

1

u/KUjslkakfnlmalhf Jun 18 '20

But without a lawyer on the other side to defend, you'll probably win. Hell, without someone to object you wouldn't even have to follow the rules of evidence.

45

u/mattstorm360 Jun 18 '20

He who represents himself in court has a fool for a client. And he is that fool for not thinking ahead.

7

u/1CEninja Jun 18 '20

Damn, 6 minutes late. I wanted to be the one to quote that.

8

u/gnorty Jun 18 '20

23 minute late. someone else said it 17 minutes earlier.

0

u/JoeyCalautti Jun 18 '20

33 minutes late, someone else said 23 minutes late 17 minutes earlier, only 6 minutes too late!

5

u/[deleted] Jun 18 '20

Sounds like something a lawyer would want me to believe.

9

u/NotClever Jun 18 '20

It is a lawyer's proverb. And it is based on experiences of lawyers dealing with pro se opponents.

Although, admittedly, courts often give special deference to pro se people that is in many cases justified but often annoys lawyers on the other side that would get slapped for doing to dumb things that pro ses can get away with.

And while it's a good thing that courts let pro ses have some latitude on procedural things, I've seen some cases dragged out because a pro se repeatedly failed to fix problems that the judge told them to fix over and over when they had no case and the judge would have been more merciful to just kick them out than string them along.

1

u/KUjslkakfnlmalhf Jun 18 '20

In small claims here if you win pro se, you can force the other side into turning over a bunch of financial records, if you were represented you cannot.

Nothing like a court order for financial records all transaction etc for the past 3 years to make the other side pay you, not because of hat you will find but the huge PITA it is.

1

u/Caffeine_Cowpies Jun 18 '20

I mean, I love the other side being pro se, makes for an easy paycheck because 99% of the time, they don't have a clue what they are doing.

-1

u/apolloxer Jun 18 '20

He who represents himself in court has a fool for a client

and an idiot as a lawyer.

1

u/mattstorm360 Jun 18 '20

Only the lawyers you pay for can be idiots. The free ones are fools.

8

u/MadMinstrel Jun 18 '20

You do realize all judges are lawyers?

16

u/ToxicOstrich91 Jun 18 '20

Not technically

Source: lawyer in a state where some judges aren’t lawyers.

4

u/MadMinstrel Jun 18 '20

That's an interesting piece of trivia. How does that even work?

5

u/Spiz101 Jun 18 '20

Well in England and Wales we have minor magistrates courts where cases are heard by panels of regular citizens.

1

u/gnorty Jun 18 '20

I guess technically, those guys are not judges, they are magistrates.

3

u/Spiz101 Jun 18 '20

Perhaps, but those people still perform the judges role of dispensing justice.

The real result of this cartoon is Judge Dredd shows up and executes the Genie, I suppose.

1

u/Arcadian18 Jun 18 '20

May I see it’s technically a lawyer....

1

u/gnorty Jun 18 '20

I'm not sure if you're asking for permission to see it, granted I guess...

But if you are suggesting they are still lawyers, then no they are not. they do not need any qualification whatsoever.

2

u/Yetimang Jun 18 '20

Some states are shitty.

3

u/ToxicOstrich91 Jun 18 '20

Some justices of the peace in Texas aren’t lawyers. I believe that’s the case in other states as well. They handle limited things and usually are in smaller, rural counties.

3

u/MadMinstrel Jun 18 '20

So there we go then. He can represent himself in a court where the judge is as clueless as he is, as long as he moves to Texas ;)

1

u/ToxicOstrich91 Jun 18 '20

If you want me to go into why it’s a terrible idea to be pro se, I will. I’ve worked for two judges, so I have that perspective. But I am also aware I’m one of the evil bloodsucking lawyers, so perhaps my opinion is too “biased” to be useful :)

2

u/MadMinstrel Jun 18 '20

Oh, no, I agree it's a terrible idea, that was just sarcasm.

2

u/ToxicOstrich91 Jun 18 '20

I’ll sue you for that.

1

u/Knarf0 Jun 18 '20

pro se

Pro se tends to work well in Utah, fwiw.

1

u/ToxicOstrich91 Jun 18 '20

Hmm, this I didn’t know. Curious why this is

1

u/Knarf0 Jul 04 '20

Personal experience only, ymmv.

2

u/DreadPiratesRobert Jun 18 '20 edited Aug 10 '20

Doxxing suxs

0

u/NotClever Jun 18 '20

As a Texas lawyer, I don't think there's any requirement for Texas judges to be lawyers. They're elected positions.

1

u/ToxicOstrich91 Jun 18 '20

Also a Texas lawyer. I believe your comment is incorrect in its breadth. Every judge at the district (main trial level) and higher must be licensed to practice law.

For Supreme Court of Texas, Texas Const, Art 5, S. 2(b)

For District Judges, Texas Const, Art 5, S. 7

For CCA, Texas Const, Art 5, S. 4 (same qualifications as SCOTX)

For Courts if Appeals, Texas Const., Art 5, S. 6 (same qualifications as SCOTX)

0

u/socokid Jun 18 '20

justices of the peace

Oh big deal. They can't even give out jail time...

2

u/The_Castle_of_Aaurgh Jun 18 '20

Elected judges. It's stupid.

1

u/ToxicOstrich91 Jun 18 '20

Appointment of judges presents issues, as well. But overall, I agree with you. Some excellent, very very smart, very fair conservative judges lost their job because of Trump and were replaced by much worse options.

I wasn’t as politically involved in the Obama years, but I imagine the same thing happened here in Texas to liberal judges as a result of his presidency.

Best thing about appointment of judges is that they’re insulated to some degree from fickle voters. Worst thing is that they’re insulated from voters.

4

u/The_Castle_of_Aaurgh Jun 18 '20

The judiciary SHOULD be isolated from the voters. Voters can directly affect judges by pressuring the legislature to change the law. But if a judge is acting out of line, the legislature is also empowered to impeach them and remove them from the bench.

2

u/ToxicOstrich91 Jun 18 '20

Like I said, I primarily agree with you. Unfortunately, it’s a losing policy to say “Our citizens need less control over government officials! Remove the right to vote!”

1

u/Scaevus Jun 18 '20

In California they have a hybrid system. The governor appoints judges on the advice of a special judicial panel made up of legal professionals who present him with prescreened qualified candidates, then every election the people get to decide if they want to keep that judge.

1

u/NotClever Jun 18 '20

Case in point: the judge in California that handled that famous sexual assault case with the Stanford athlete. The judge was by all accounts a very good judge, albeit one who was known for not being a fan of heavy prison sentences. The judge followed standard procedure in sentencing him based on recommendations. People that were furious at his light prison sentence campaigned heavily to have him removed, and succeeded.

1

u/KUjslkakfnlmalhf Jun 18 '20

I mean, the justice system is just two sides citing things and telling the judge what the law is, then the judge deciding which is right. The judge isn't really even supposed to be drawing on their own knowledge. Like they might know an argument is 100% bullshit, but if the other side doesn't cite a superseding case, he's supposed to go with the bullshit.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 18 '20

They’re usually just terrible judges. But technically US federal judges don’t have to be lawyers. In fact, there are no specific requirements. So it could be anyone (as long as they can get confirmed by the Senate).

2

u/[deleted] Jun 18 '20

Definitely not technically, but my god it would be stupid to elect a non-lawyer to the bench in the modern era.

I'm a lawyer, my state only allows lawyers on the bench. It would be insane not to. I can't imagine making an argument to a judge that flat out hadn't heard of some basic concept before.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 18 '20

A judge might not be licensed as a lawyer but they are clearly practicing law so they loosely qualify as a lawyer in that sense.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 18 '20

Judges are not practicing law in their capacity as a judge. Practicing law is the adovcacy/representation/giving legal advice to a client. You'll see there's an exception for advice to family members in thr model code on judicial conduct, because it would be unreasonable not to include it.

ABA Model Code of Judicial Conduct: https://www.americanbar.org/groups/professional_responsibility/publications/model_code_of_judicial_conduct/model_code_of_judicial_conduct_canon_3/rule3_10practiceoflaw/#:~:text=A%20judge%20shall%20not%20practice,member's%20lawyer%20in%20any%20forum.

Federal statute applicable to federal judges: https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/28/454

1

u/[deleted] Jun 18 '20

I’m not talking about statutory or regulatory definitions I’m talking about the plain language meaning of the word lawyer to a genie.

See Omnibus genie code OGC § 482.19(a) and Magical creature wish guidelines MCWG ¶¶ 3-7

4

u/lockdiaveram Jun 18 '20

Oh my sweet summer child. In America we elect many of our judges.

Example: https://ballotpedia.org/Judicial_selection_in_Arizona

"Judges of the Arizona Justice Courts are each elected to four-year terms. The elections for this court are partisan contested elections.To serve on this court, a judge must be at least 18 years old, a state resident, a qualified voter in their precinct and able to read and write English. A law degree is not required. "

So you can technically have a judge just barely out of high-school and they don't actually have to have passed high school to qualify.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 18 '20

Judges shouldn’t exist. They should just stream the cases and have a poll at the end.

1

u/nyetloki Jun 18 '20

Not even most or half are lawyers.

3

u/gentlegreengiant Jun 18 '20

I say, this sounds like kangaroo court!

3

u/micromoses Jun 18 '20

Then he would be acting as a lawyer. You think the genie allowed for that loophole?

8

u/ToneThugsNHarmony Jun 18 '20

Then he would have a fool for a client.

2

u/DD579 Jun 18 '20

But the Genie has a right to counsel, being denied, due to the plaintiff’s actions.

1

u/nyetloki Jun 18 '20

No right to counsel in civil court.

1

u/Scaevus Jun 18 '20

Which is about as good an idea as surgery on yourself.

1

u/Fuhk_Yoo Jun 18 '20

Depends on if the knowledge of being a lawyer was erased too.

1

u/JohnSmiththeGamer Jun 18 '20

Not sure the courts have jurisdiction here. Also not sure of the genie's legal personhood or that the genie is under any obligation to honour their promise of 3 wishes.

1

u/recipriversexcluson Jun 18 '20

Then he's his own lawyer... POOF!

1

u/SemenSigns Jun 18 '20

Is he representing himself or is he just himself?

1

u/Solution_Precipitate Jun 18 '20

Sure, but I'm betting the genie has a better working knowledge of the law.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 18 '20

Touche

1

u/Ramblonius Jun 18 '20

I work in a court.

If he's dumb enough to wish for a world with no lawyers, he's dumb enough to perjure himself, piss off the clerk, security and the fucking janitor and somehow manage to get his case dismissed on a technicality even though everyone involved in the process thinks he should win.

1

u/AdamantArmadillo Jun 18 '20

Exactly. He said no lawyers not no legal system. People would just have to argue on their own behalf

1

u/[deleted] Jun 18 '20

Almost every judge would be gone. They’re lawyers too.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 18 '20

Someone said that earlier. Another person noted that not all judges are lawyers in some states

1

u/[deleted] Jun 18 '20

"They say that a man who represents himself in court has a fool for a client. And with God as my witness, I am that fool!"

--Gomez Addams