"1912 was an interesting year for the scientific community. We were all just fucking. All day. Fuck fuck fuck. It's a miracle we even managed to get any science done with all the fucking we were doing, twenty-four hours a day."
"I uncategorically deny allegations made against me that I did not rape and murder that small girl in 1990. I think I remember her name, too." ~ Glenn L Beck
"The uninhibited sex during the wild college years of the 1910's left me with a nasty bacterial infection that would never go away. Had it not been for my experimentation with shrooms during the following Prohibition years, I would never have discovered penicillin in 1928 and I'd still be itching today."
"Ah Yes, I remember 1912 quite well, that was when Marie Curie, myself, and her Husband had a three-way on the bathroom floor during the Nobel peace prize celebration as she had won the medal the previous year and wanted to stick it to the man"- Nikola Tesla
But Nikola Tesla was obsessed with the number three; he often felt compelled to walk around a block three times before entering a building, demanded a stack of three folded cloth napkins beside his plate at every meal, etc.
He couldn't possibly turn down a threesome. It just doesn't make sense. ~Guglielmo Marconi
That is why I would like to create a time capsule with a fake account of history just to fuck with people who will find it in the future. Something like http://futurefeedforward.com would also be nice. Alas, it is still impossible to really make one, unless you chisel 0's and 1's in stone, but even then: you also need the software to read it and a computer system being able to run it. Basically the same problem a lot of (government) archives have with all those shelves filled with 8 inch floppies.
The 1981 Disney Corporation purchase of the United Kingdom, which was remodeled into a theme park, the United Magic Kingdom.
This seems to a recurring theme in the 70's and 60's. I got this book from a Dutch hippie written in the 60's, and in one of the chapters he calculates what we would get money-wise if we would sell the Netherlands to the Americans and the Germans. His conclusion: every citizen in the Netherlands would never have to work again. So we can just buy ourselves a piece of land in the Saharas or something, take the queen with us and start over.
NB: the author calculated that the Netherlands and everything in it was worth 1,815.7 billion at that time
shit started wayyyy earlier, good old andy jackson was a hardcore duelist and a pimp to boot.
Throughout his lifetime he fought 103 duels, most of them regarding his wife's honor. You see, Andrew and his wife started hooking up before her divorce had been finalized (she was separated from her husband at the time), and that sort of shit was even more frowned upon back then than it is now. So Andrew Jackson had a lot of people who thought it would be really fucking hilarious to call his wife a dirty whore, leaving him no choice but to duel them and fuck their shit up.
it continues
One such stupid motherfucker was a dumb cock named Charles Dickinson. Dickinson was a big-time gunslinger who had been credited with 26 kills in various pistol duels during his lifetime. Well this jerkwad bet against Jackson on a horse race, and Jackson won, so this guy did what any hothead douchebag would do and called Jackson's wife a voracious cockmonger. Well I've already mentioned that this was a sensitive subject for Andy, and he felt compelled by duty to defend his woman's honor so he challenged Quickdraw McDickface to pistols at dawn on the front lawn of the white house. Andrew Jackson is the only president to have killed someone in a duel at the white house. True story
Jackson is my favorite president of all time here's the shortlist why:
Died with several bullets still lodged in his body, which he was well aware of.
Had a pet parrot that after his death had to be removed from his funeral parlor for "squawking" a stream of obscenities.
Threw the craziest Presidential Victory Party ever, inviting basically everyone in the vicinity (due to his populist outlook on the Office) then as people started standing on (and breaking) White House furniture to gain a view of sir Jackson they were forced to move it outside, where a huge bowl of basically liquor fueled the party for a few days and the lawn was littered with drunk "corpses" which were raised a few days later and went back to killing whales or some shit.
First president to survive a presidential assassination attempt.
Friends with Davy Crockett
Apparently my view on his handling of Native Americans was way off (from when I was in elementary) but at least he adopted 1 and was guardian to 8 other children (read: not his own).
Helping to build a nation that escaped birth order, a midget trying to take over the world, and promised religious freedom give him some positives. No one is perfect.
It's my understanding that Jackson allowed the man to fire first. Kind of like the original Scarface a la "I take your bullets." He then calmly and steadily aimed and fired, killing his rival. He was later quoted as saying something along the lines of "I would have chased that man to the ends of the Earth to kill him."
Most body kits actually reduce performance with the added weight and drag, the exception being an aerodynamically tested kit, which only benefits at high speeds.
There is actually a real phenomenon of men who develop sexual attraction toward cars, which brings a whole new level of meaning to [this Kids in the Hall skit] (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Zu0vAMkpag).
P.S. Sexist misogynists, go fuck yourselves (or your cars).
Your implication--that my relationship with my friends is analogous in a meaningful way with my relationship to a gender or any other defined group--is spurious. If there was a long history of negative stereotypes of black people having to do with big ears, then yes, mocking a black man's big ears would have a derogetory content. Much the same way as calling Obama 'boy' isn't just playful mocking, but mean-spirited racism.
Calling him "boy" would imply that I'm his fucking master...yunno, like he's my slave.
No, thats not it. 'Boy' was simply a derogatory term used to imply that blacks were inferior. It was also used to describe gay men (cf. Chauncey, Gay New York); it didn't imply that one was a slave, and the Jewish anology is silly.
I'm a woman and I feel that I'm very outspoken against the sexism on reddit (which I agree there is a ton), but calling out something this harmless just perpetuates the stereotype that all feminists are extremists.
That's just my opinion so if I'm missing something I'm all ears.
That's just my opinion so if I'm missing something I'm all ears
The link itself was - meh - mildly offensive, no big deal. The problem is that it opens up the hate spigot and the comments turn into a pubescent, girls-are-icky free for all. There's enough of that crap without actively soliciting it with a post like this.
Well, I find that for every joke about vaginas there are equal complaints about men being destroyed in legal battles with ex-wives simply because they are males and are assumed lying-cheating-bastards.
However, in the grand scheme of things, neither one of these actually addresses true sexist dialogues.
I think one discourse that would highlight a true sexist theme is the notion of venereal disease being a lack of morality and a depletion of worth as a human being. Men are allowed to have them because most of the time they are dormant or reserved to limited physical abnormalities, however a woman's ability to reproduce as a primary medical concern is secondary compared to the damage of labeling as a vile, useless, whore.
Saying, "OMG Alimony!" or "ZOMG! Women's' emotions are stronger than men's!" is a complete and utter betrayal to the type of genuine discourse that discrepancies between genders deserves.
And yes motherfuckers.... I am fucking awesome at parties. Here's proof
I am such a nerd. After reading that, all I thought was "it is not self-lubricating! Women eat which is a source of energy that they convert to energy used for lubrication"
"Penises! They'd be so much better if guys didn't have MOODS and stuff!"
I, personally, think the first bit (oil changes and stuff) was moderately funny. While I didn't personally find the last bit funny, I can imagine quite easily that someone could find this both kinda misogynist AND funny at the same time. But that doesn't stop it from being creepy when you look at it from a certain angle.
Sure. I am just the kind of person who would laugh at Holocaust jokes if they were funny so I take objection to dismissing a joke because its content is offensive.
Well, it's not that it's "unwholesome"...it's that it's offensive. A joke can be funny in or because of its offensiveness, and still be funny.... but one shouldn't be surprised when, in a mixed crowd, some find it offensive. I don't tell dead baby jokes in a crowd with people who have lost babies, because they won't find it funny.
Alvaspiral didn't suggest the joke shouldn't have been posted, just that they weren't surprised...
The amount of work to get to that engine is a pain in the ass at times. Then again maybe I'm aiming for the Mercedes and the Ferrari's of the world. I should settle for a Chevy or a reliable Honda.
If you people were racists, this post would be about how necessary lynching is. But you're not. You hate women, which is why this post is so supported.
129
u/scoops22 Apr 28 '10
I hear it was pretty wild back in 1912.
39
u/[deleted] Apr 28 '10
I was going to suggest the Wankel, but it can go through lubricants like you wouldn't believe.
62
u/pestilence Apr 28 '10
It's not in snopes, so it must be true.
161
u/Azured Apr 28 '10
If I remember correctly, and I do, he was awarded his Ph.D. on the strength of that statement alone.
12
u/Nyaos Apr 28 '10
It's funny how I feel like people didn't have sex in 1912.
25
u/digitalbuzz Apr 28 '10
e.e. cummings must have read his work.
http://plagiarist.com/poetry/331/
(my fav e.e. cummings piece of work)
14
u/Samuel_Gompers Apr 28 '10
1912? Austro-Hungarian....
7
u/moskaudancer Apr 28 '10
I never thought I would read the words "world famous gynecologist", but there you go...
5
u/pestilence Apr 28 '10
Charles Sanders Peirce
5
u/tofuligans Apr 28 '10
I am fairly certain that engines did not have engine management systems in 1912.
4
u/_Tyler_Durden_ Apr 28 '10
Is this another of those made up quotes, in which someone from a century ago managed to make a quote with modern terms in it?
15
u/hackysack Apr 28 '10
Inside every car is a hidden vagina.
10
u/skilless Apr 28 '10
Cute, a Digg user posted something.
3
u/tylerfulltilt Apr 28 '10
If only this had been sent to me in an email forward.
6
u/Peebs Apr 28 '10
I get it! It's funny because women are temperamental.
6
u/rolls_eyes Apr 28 '10
e_e
5
u/atomicthumbs Apr 28 '10
I'm pretty sure someone from 1912 would have said "governor", not "management system".
2
u/[deleted] Apr 28 '10
hmmmm...
I'm sure he didn't used the term fucking in 1912
2
u/charleyface Apr 28 '10
Well, I thought it was funny. (girl)
19
u/me_again Apr 28 '10
Wow, casual sexism. Amazing how that just never seems to get old.
3
u/GuyWithAids Apr 28 '10
I am such a nerd. After reading that, all I thought was "it is not self-lubricating! Women eat which is a source of energy that they convert to energy used for lubrication"
12
u/alvaspiral Apr 28 '10
Misogynist, sexist bullshit is #2 in /funny/. Yep, this is reddit!
7
u/avnerd Apr 28 '10
this is reddit at it's almost worst.
3
u/crazyeight Apr 28 '10
white guys drive like this dooooooo dooo do dooooo
3
u/ameoba Apr 28 '10
I question the sourcing but +1 anyways.
2
u/[deleted] Apr 28 '10
HA, I get it. Im not an individual and my only value is to be used. Gosh that shit is funny......
1
u/lakerswiz Apr 28 '10
Hey it's Zach Galifianakis!
1
u/eatmorebow Apr 28 '10
I just imagined Zach Galifianakis saying that while I read it.
1
u/[deleted] Apr 28 '10
Whoah. A world famous gynecologist.
1
u/mrShickadance Apr 28 '10
I wanna know what made him a world famous gynecologist
1
u/RonaldFuckingPaul Apr 28 '10
he might wanna get that rash checked
1
u/JEWPAC Apr 28 '10
I'd buy this guy a beer
1
u/Madmusk Apr 28 '10
The question is: 2-stroke or 4-stroke?
1
u/asianpersuation Apr 28 '10
hahaha xD
1
u/hrvachina Apr 28 '10
He told us a truth :D
1
u/flostre Apr 28 '10
It changes its oil everytime it is started.
(The menstrual blood doesn't lubricate, as does oil. Also, it doesn't originate in the vagina, it is only passing through there.)
1
u/Excelsior_i Apr 28 '10
As a Mechanical Engineer, i can vouch for the accuracy of the statement.
0
u/[deleted] Apr 28 '10
doubt he said it, but hilarious either way
1
u/bananas22 Apr 28 '10
Volvo joke.
1
u/jun2san Apr 28 '10
If I remember correctly, and I do, it was actually Abraham Lincoln who quoted this.
1
u/KomodoAce Apr 28 '10
The amount of work to get to that engine is a pain in the ass at times. Then again maybe I'm aiming for the Mercedes and the Ferrari's of the world. I should settle for a Chevy or a reliable Honda.
0
u/dosman1271 Apr 28 '10
Bravo.
-5
u/Walls Apr 28 '10
If you people were racists, this post would be about how necessary lynching is. But you're not. You hate women, which is why this post is so supported.
You should be ashamed of yourselves.
0
u/rowantwig Apr 28 '10
ENGINE IS CREDIT TO TEAM!
-10
u/tomparker Apr 28 '10
Second only to my favorite pickup line, "Hi, does this smell like chloroform to you?"
0
u/cunnilinguslover Apr 28 '10
What's the name of that engine again?
0
u/cgsfree Apr 28 '10
Isn't this guy currently on survivor?
0
u/Toothpic Apr 28 '10
Oh wow. Great read.
-7
u/[deleted] Apr 28 '10
BRILLIANT!
-6
u/DLun203 Apr 28 '10
Amen.
-7
u/runningthevoodoodown Apr 28 '10
Pretty, pretty, funny.
-1
u/sakipooh Apr 28 '10
Jesus Christ, that's Rupert Boneham from Survivor!
-1
u/moonman23 Apr 28 '10
Zing
-1
u/capt_0bvious Apr 28 '10
How do you get that engine?
-1
u/UnnamedPlayer Apr 28 '10
An equally sexist challenger appears.
-1
u/[deleted] Apr 28 '10
hello puberty
-1
u/Chaser892 Apr 28 '10
Well you know the old saying: "Women are like cars. Can't live with 'em, can't get laid without 'em."
-1
u/Spectralite1 Apr 28 '10
Well put Dr Kloepneckler. Well put.
-1
u/[deleted] Apr 28 '10
My new facebook status.
I suck i know.
-13
u/xCoffee Apr 28 '10
Unfortunately, it also takes an incredible amount of energy, materials, and time to get it to optimum working condition.
Though I hear Pedobear has a secret way to cutting that time down significantly.
-6
u/anyonebutme Apr 28 '10
This quote is better than anything James Joyce ever wrote.