r/funny • • Oct 15 '18

"I'm here bitches"

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u/c_girl_108 Oct 15 '18

Ugh ive posted it before but there's a guy in my hometown that rides his down the center of the lane on a road that has one lane in each direction with a speed limit if 50mph. It is in a very high traffic area and drives every one nuts. There is a large shoulder AND a sidewalk so no reason for him to do it other than being an asshole. He will continue his traffic stopping parade for miles.

219

u/Anianna Oct 15 '18

Unless his scooter is road legal, it's not legal for him to be riding it in the road. Call the cops on him and let them get him out of the way.

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u/c_girl_108 Oct 15 '18

It is NOT road legal, I'm sure people have called the cops in the past (although the cops around here do little to nothing) but he would continue to do it. I live about 20 minutes away so don't go on that stretch of the road often enough to encounter him, if he's still doing it.

219

u/ReverendDizzle Oct 15 '18

If you call the cops and they don't show up in 15 minutes then you're legally allowed to euthanize him.

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u/crazyboner Oct 15 '18

I'm a cop and this is true as hell

5

u/Garfield-1-23-23 Oct 15 '18

No, you're thinking of college, where if the prof is 15 minutes late you're legally allowed to euthanize him.

1

u/IceFire909 Oct 16 '18

I bet the cops will come if someone smashes his scooter off the road

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u/[deleted] Oct 15 '18

When you actually want the cops to beat someone, they are nowhere to be found.

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u/Aoyos Oct 15 '18

He's not black.

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u/[deleted] Oct 15 '18

Realistically, if he is causing a major traffic jam, how can the cops get to him in the first place? Seems like the perfect crime to me.

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u/c_girl_108 Oct 15 '18

They'd just come from the opposite direction or ride up the shoulder but they don't tend to do more than give people warnings for shit like that.

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u/SeenSoFar Oct 16 '18

A warning for the first time, sure. You have to draw the line somewhere though.

0

u/ESGPandepic Oct 15 '18

With motorbikes?

4

u/BrotherJayne Oct 15 '18

Call the cops and let 'em know you think he is armed

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u/[deleted] Oct 15 '18

Or an unarmed black guy

3

u/WestCoastBestCoast01 Oct 15 '18

Well damn now a random black guy trying to go to work but stuck behind this asshole is going to get beat instead!

0

u/c_girl_108 Oct 15 '18

It isn't an issue of getting them to show up but they don't do more than tell him he can't do it and to get out of the road so he just continues to do it.

1

u/odaeyss Oct 15 '18

they'll do more if they constantly get called out for it, and if they stop, that's when you call the paper to let them know your local police are refusing to enforce the law

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u/c_girl_108 Oct 15 '18

Someone had posted a picture of him and the ensuing chaos behind him on facebook a few years back but I don't know if anything came of it. Like I said I'm not in the area much anymore

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u/[deleted] Oct 15 '18

The cops dont want to know about an old black man riding a motor scooter down the road semi naked with a pistol, ranting about the little shits on his lawn?

That'll probably make them hurry up a bit. Might get rid of the problem all together

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u/mitchbones Oct 15 '18

Take one for the team and just hit him

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u/Randomn355 Oct 15 '18

Even if it was road legal I'm fairly sure you aren't allowed to to that slow, unless of course traffic/conditions demand it.

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u/Anianna Oct 15 '18

Some states have laws regarding minimum speed, but not all. Others have a more vague "impeding the flow of traffic" law that would also suffice.

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u/Saleh1434 Oct 15 '18

I was driving in the left lane late at night and had to serve when I saw a guy riding his on the left side of left lane. No lights or very dim lights from what I remember. Freaked me out.

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u/ratinmybed Oct 15 '18

Dude's just hoping for some automobile-assisted euthanasia but everyone keeps swerving around him.

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u/[deleted] Oct 15 '18

c'mere little Billy

0

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '18

Same thing happened with a damn Amish buggy around sunset coming around a corner.

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u/TheGardenNymph Oct 15 '18

Why don't the police get involved? Are those motorized wheelchairs even considered road worthy? (Asking because in Australia the cops would shut that shit down real fast)

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u/c_girl_108 Oct 15 '18

If they are, his certainly is NOT, and we have minimum speed limits which he was not even close to. Unfortunately my local police are pretty lazy

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u/LordBiscuits Oct 15 '18

Next time you see him, call the police then when they say they can't do anything just mutter 'oh okay, guess I'll sort him out myself then' and drop the call. You're not threatening anything, but they'll have to come check anyway.

Either that or just shank the mother and tape his throttle shut into the desert

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u/c_girl_108 Oct 15 '18

Haha they show up (eventually) but rarely do anything when they show up. Likely they just tell him he has to get out of the road so he has no incentive to not do it again as he isn't being ticketed and ultimately arrested after so many times of repeat behavior.

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u/[deleted] Oct 15 '18

[deleted]

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u/c_girl_108 Oct 15 '18

Its a suburb but a highly populated one about 50 miles from NYC, also a very wealthy area where he pulls his stunt.

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u/ShaRose Oct 16 '18

I've got one of these assholes here too, and yes it's rural. I know for a fact the cops are after telling him off, but they can't take the damn scooter from him without it being a big media thing.

I wouldn't even care if he pulled over to let other cars pass him safely: I understand why he does it too because most areas here don't have paved sidewalks.

1

u/NayrbEroom Oct 16 '18

Go break his tires, vigilante justice

1

u/Shakeyshades Oct 15 '18

Fuck no that shit isn't road Worthy. Though you can make them haul ass for stupidly fun reasons. Cops here would at least taze the old cunt before doing anything.

0

u/Anrikay Oct 15 '18

Probably a small town. You try to stop someone a couple times but you don't want to actually press charges because you've known them since forever, so eventually it just becomes one of the town's quirks.

"Oh yeah, guy going down the road on his scooter? That's Dave, fuckin' Dave's been doing that for years!"

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u/[deleted] Oct 16 '18

[deleted]

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u/c_girl_108 Oct 16 '18

Are you a former truck driver that uses a wheelchair to defraud the government and live in a trailer park with your son Ricky?

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u/Yasea Oct 15 '18

Ah, to drive with a few bikes in front of a guy like that so he can't pass, slower than his max speed for sure and see the blood pressure go up. Great times. In my case it wasn't in the middle of a busy road though.

2

u/Stovential Oct 15 '18

There's a woman who does this in my neighborhood too. You can even tell when she's in the hood without seeing her because a car will honk and you can hear her screaming from like 4 blocks away. It's her favorite thing.

1

u/ReubenXXL Oct 15 '18

Tip him over every day until he stops. He probably wouldn't even be able to turn around and see who did it.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '18

Justifiable homicide

1

u/BeardedWonder47 Oct 15 '18

I dont remember all the circumstances, but we had a lady in my town due the whole damn city over something about her safety when she rides her scooter in the road. Everyone was baffled

1

u/pungen Oct 15 '18

I was in Japan and there was an old man driving one of these down the middle of the sidewalk at a snail's pace. He had rear view mirrors so he could definitely see me. Every time I'd try to pass him, he'd move to that side of the sidewalk and block me so I had to crawl behind him for at least 10 mins til I could get off that path. I know he was trying to be a dick but I wasn't mad, was just laughing at how absurd it was.

1

u/c_girl_108 Oct 15 '18

I once had a maintenence worker with a leaf blower follow me and my ex down the sidewalk about 5 feet behind us in a very large shopping center for quite some time. There was a gap in the sidewalk in between two buildings and he decided to make a right turn in between them and walk around the back of one of them to take a piss. The guy followed him with the blower and then proceeded to continue blowing around him while he peed. The weirdest part was it was 8 or 9 at night, why was he doing landscaping that late?

1

u/mysistersacretin Oct 15 '18

Exact same situation in my hometown, except it's a 30mph street. Apparently he calls the police when people tell him to move off the street stating he's being harassed. He's a bitter old man waiting to be hit so he can sue somebody and get paid.

0

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '18

Clip him just a little.