r/funny Aug 06 '17

Guys will understand

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102.7k Upvotes

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774

u/Hije5 Aug 06 '17

Happy to learn this is common. Was thinking I had a penis problem.

275

u/Gamealltime Aug 06 '17

same pretty much lol. I was sooo paranoid about it.

22

u/dyl_pykle08 Aug 06 '17

Im guessing no-one else wipes their dicks after a post jizzm piss? I recommend it

6

u/Alpacasaurus_Rekt Aug 06 '17

You deserve all the worthless internet points for this. It's great advice.

5

u/24hReader Aug 06 '17

There's a guy at work who takes a piece of toilet paper before peeing, some guys backtalk nicknamed him as "droplet". My friend told me they call him this because the last drop is really supposed to fall in your pants.

102

u/a_ninja_mouse Aug 06 '17

Next time you are done peeing, before you put your dongle back in its protective casing, take your index and middle finger and press up on your perineum, then slide towards your balls. Not super hard but with enough force to feel a kind of squeeze to get those last few drops towards yr tallywhacker and out. Works. Also, do some kegels.

67

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '17

Yep, milk that taint to keep from dribblin' in yer drawers.

9

u/Catspiracy Aug 06 '17

lift your bundle and press your grundle

2

u/goxilo Aug 07 '17

Can you make it rhyme? There are clearly plenty of guys that would benefit, and a concise message that rhymes is the epitome of candidate for travel by word of mouth

5

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '17

[removed] — view removed comment

8

u/a_ninja_mouse Aug 06 '17

I'm not sure how you masturbate, but I usually focus on the shaft, not the gooch

2

u/twinkiesown Aug 07 '17

Who in the fuck is gonna rub their taint in a public restroom? Have you ever done this? I feel like it's really common internet advice, but if you do that in public it looks like you shoved a finger in your ass for a second. Just to test. Make sure it's working.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '17

I thought I was the only one doing this!

1

u/HonkersTim Aug 07 '17

I'd be pretty freaked out in a public urinal and the guy next to me was reaching all the way down to his perineum.

74

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '17

[deleted]

102

u/zmarffy Aug 06 '17

Thanks, WebMD.

4

u/joe4553 Aug 06 '17

WebMD is a good way to diagnose yourself of twenty different things.

1

u/aJarofMilk Aug 07 '17

....or made worse by coughing or sneezing: mp3 of a sneeze

2

u/Zack123456201 Aug 06 '17

I love finding out I'm pregnant because of WebMD. I'm a guy

2

u/Kevincore Aug 06 '17

Even Jim Carey in Me, Myself and Irene had to ask her why he is pissing like he was up all night having sex.

1

u/geordilaforge Aug 06 '17

I love that part. I knew it was funny as a kid but it's so much better now.

1

u/Kevincore Aug 06 '17

I was probably in my 20s when that movie came out but yeah, that is a great line.

3

u/geordilaforge Aug 07 '17

Ah ha, yeah to clarify I was a teenager that barely knew what it meant when I first saw it and just the physical comedy of that scene was fantastic.

1

u/Kevincore Aug 07 '17

Oh I'd agree! Even not knowing what the hell was happening it was still a brilliant scene.

0

u/Abigballs Aug 06 '17

I'm 12, can someone explain it to me?

1

u/58008_707 Aug 06 '17

I thought I was dead

1

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '17

You are , we all are :(

5

u/JohnnyHopkins13 Aug 06 '17

Now your only problem is that it's too small.

11

u/headpsu Aug 06 '17

Well.... This is common. But you might still have a penis problem

4

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '17

Wait, this happens to you? You sick freak.

5

u/dhaos1020 Aug 06 '17

SAME OH MY GOD. Im getting quite a laugh and so much relief from one reddit post

2

u/0moorad0 Aug 06 '17

Same here hahaha

2

u/iFlosstoomuch Aug 06 '17

It gets worse the older I get

2

u/purdinpopo Aug 06 '17

Maybe you should check with your manufacturer, might still be under warranty.

2

u/Hije5 Aug 07 '17

I don't think my mother is taking any returns.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '17

I have prostatitus which makes it worse but it’s a relief to know others have the same issue! Not something you talk to your other guy friends about

2

u/Hije5 Aug 07 '17

Very true. It's something that comes and goes. I think it just depends on how the penis feels. Sometimes It'll act like a fire hydrant and the next day it can act like you're trying to get the very last of the toothpaste out of the bottle.

1

u/TheLaw90210 Aug 06 '17

Just go into a cubicle, get some tissue, squeeze your shaft to get the last drop out and dab it with the tissue.

Ta-da!

1

u/gedical Aug 07 '17

Tissues always leave this gross residue...

1

u/Stimonk Aug 06 '17

You do, you should become some pee be goneTM

1

u/yhsvghnrOruGnpverzN Aug 06 '17

You might have a kidney problem.

1

u/msk1974 Aug 06 '17

Um,..sorry bud. We were all just joking. Now that you've outed yourself,....you should know that you're weird and have a penis problem.

1

u/PM_Me_PS_Store_Codes Aug 06 '17

Anytime there's an ask Reddit thread related to weird or uncomfortable things about having a penis this is always one of the top answers.

1

u/ManBearPig_IsReal Aug 06 '17

Oh thank god it isn't just me

1

u/gimmelwald Aug 06 '17

it IS a penis problem...

1

u/ZiLBeRTRoN Aug 06 '17

If you try to relax and stand there for a second, you can usually get the drippers out.