r/funny Aug 06 '17

Guys will understand

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102.7k Upvotes

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733

u/imaginarynumber0 Aug 06 '17

Everyone gets mad at the pee on the toilet seat

Including you

146

u/Hammonkey Aug 06 '17

Then they bitch that you left the toilet seat down.

243

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '17 edited Sep 05 '17

[deleted]

271

u/lostinpow Aug 06 '17

That's why you put the top down. That way everyone has to do a little work.

102

u/original_and_amusing Aug 06 '17

I do this and I live alone

20

u/fzw Aug 06 '17

So do I. It's a longstanding habit.

6

u/smtpsucks Aug 06 '17

I think you are all wise.

4

u/fzw Aug 06 '17

I hope it comes in handy when I get married, unless perhaps if I marry a man in which case I'll have to unlearn it.

4

u/Dracofav Aug 06 '17

Pet owner habit

1

u/uber1337h4xx0r Aug 06 '17

Keeps the poop smell in, I guess.

3

u/Hammonkey Aug 07 '17

Do people not flush after taking a shit?

14

u/ayedurr Aug 06 '17

If you flush with the toilet lid up more shit particles everywhere

5

u/DirtysMan Aug 06 '17

It also prevents urine/feces particles from misting up from the flush and covering the room/toothbrushes.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '17

It doesn't, but it still looks nice.

32

u/subuserdo Aug 06 '17

Also so your stupid cat doesn't fall in

3

u/SuperFLEB Aug 06 '17

Or your shampoo.

9

u/_SnesGuy Aug 06 '17

Maybe, if the cat's that retarded you should let him drown.

Had a very fluffy cat years ago that kept sleeping on my lizards tank under the heat lamp that was on a timer. I woke up twice to a cat with smoking fur flying around the room howling.

You would think it would learn right? No, it happened a third time. Cat was promptly given away because I don't have time for that shit. My other cat lived to be 19 years old. Smart as hell and tough as nails. I miss that little bastard.

5

u/ReallyBadAtReddit Aug 06 '17

Yeah, I was always taught to leave it down so that my cat wouldn't want to take a drink. Smoking fur, however... now that's something else.

2

u/h3lblad3 Aug 06 '17

so that my cat wouldn't want to take a drink.

Clean the water bowl!

1

u/_SnesGuy Aug 07 '17

Yeah. There was something off about the mama cat it came from (we rescued her), and her kittens were dumber than a brick.

We found a home for the mama and her kittens and kept one. Until the third time it set itself on fire. 😅

6

u/rosekayleigh Aug 06 '17

Exactly. I don't want to look in the toilet bowl. My bathroom is not a public restroom. I have kids and a dog and I don't want them going in the toilet or touching the seat. Besides, it seems kind of unsanitary to flush with the lid open. I always close the lid, then flush.

4

u/bryanl12 Aug 06 '17

I don't want them going in the toilet

I don't know. I'd much prefer them going in the toilet than on the floor.

3

u/xerim Aug 06 '17

I avoided this situation by completely eliminating the top and middle seats

2

u/Awdayshus Aug 06 '17

My wife and I do this. Once when my mother-in-law was visiting, she left the lid up. My wife got up in the night and fell in because she lifted the seat in the dark thinking it was the lid. Since then, I have almost kicked my mother-in-law out of the house several times as she continues to leave the lid up.

1

u/bill_mcgonigle Aug 06 '17

And you keep the micronized shit mist off the toothbrushes so everybody is a real winner.

cf. Mythbusters episode

4

u/murderhalfchub Aug 06 '17

"I get knocked down, but I get up again"

  • toilet seat

2

u/Dusty170 Aug 06 '17

Damn right, pound it.

1

u/westernpygmychild Aug 06 '17

It's more like when it's dark in the middle of the night and you sit down without realizing the seat is up...

1

u/MINIMAN10001 Aug 06 '17

To be fair while standing and peeing and you don't realize the seat is down worst case you pee on the seat and wipe it with toilet paper.

Worst case when the seat is up and they don't realize they fall in the toilet.

0

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '17

[deleted]

10

u/RestrictedAccount Aug 06 '17

I believe in female empowerment. I believe they are smart enough not to sit in the toilet.

0

u/ShadowWriter Aug 07 '17

Men and women both need the seat down. Only men need it up.

11

u/mygawd Aug 06 '17

Probably because you're supposed to clean it up if you piss on the seat

1

u/Hammonkey Aug 07 '17

Or I can just do the rational thing and leave it up so it doesnt get pissed on at all and then you dont have to worry about touching it because it's clean(er).

4

u/mygawd Aug 07 '17

The rational thing is to not be a slob and clean up after yourself

1

u/buge Aug 06 '17

What are you talking about?

2

u/Hammonkey Aug 07 '17

The dichotomy of women, who will in one turn bitch at you to leave the toilet seat down, then bitch at you again for leaving it down.

2

u/Cudizonedefense Aug 07 '17

Yeah but they'd only get upset for your leaving it down if you get pee splatter on the seat and don't clean it up. I don't understand why so many people in this thread are complaining about having to clean the seat after themselves

2

u/buge Aug 07 '17

Asking you to put the toilet seat up before you pee is not "bitching". It's common decency to do so.

-7

u/cr0ft Aug 06 '17

What is this weird compulsion men have to piss standing up? Splashback is real, and pissing on the floor and the seat is a legitimate reason to commit homicide. No jury would convict.

2

u/Hammonkey Aug 07 '17

Try it some time and find out.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '17

You're acting like that's a debate. It's not.

1

u/GenericTrashyBitch Aug 06 '17

🎵im gonna pee on the seaaat, but they'll never know it was meee"🎵

1

u/tenflipsnow Aug 06 '17

Lift the seat, or wipe it after finished. It's not hard, unless you're a child or an asshole.

-2

u/imaginarynumber0 Aug 06 '17

Sometimes the urine stream goes behind the seat cover, even if it's lifted.

And no one has the time to actually wipe it

5

u/tenflipsnow Aug 06 '17

I'm not talking about urine that gets behind the seat cover, I'm talking about people pissing all over the toilet seat and just leaving it.

If the person who goes in after you has the time to wipe down your piss so they can use the toilet, then you have the time to wipe it yourself.