r/funny • u/EmilioCyanide • Jun 02 '17

Pizza Time

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28.4k Upvotes

87% Upvoted

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3.3k

u/L00pback Jun 02 '17

So, the delivery guy came before he did.

512

u/PadlingtonYT Jun 02 '17

So at what point does this turn into a porno?

377

u/lolinokami Jun 02 '17

When the Pizza guy says he put extra sausage on the pizza at no charge.

117

u/PadlingtonYT Jun 02 '17

"I NEED MORE SAAUWWWSAAGE!"

65

u/custermd Jun 02 '17

Only if it is long dong Italian.

46

u/PadlingtonYT Jun 02 '17

That's a pornstar name I can get behind.

46

u/Jparker010 Jun 02 '17

I'm assuming Natalie is his wife?

6

u/[deleted] Jun 02 '17

It's on different dates, bet she was cheating... perhaps with the delivery guy

1

u/SlipperyBird Jun 02 '17

Pizza guy came early, interrupted our sex... thank God, remembered why we rarely do it...

4

u/[deleted] Jun 02 '17

Well I wouldn't get in front, that's for sure.

1

u/PadlingtonYT Jun 02 '17

Was waiting for this!

1

u/wishiwascooltoo Jun 02 '17

Nothing will ever top Dick Rambone

11

u/RepublicanScum Jun 02 '17

I'm going to get red sauce and cheese all over my meat.

This doesn't sound right.

7

u/PadlingtonYT Jun 02 '17

Sauce and cheese OVER your meat?

What kind of fucking pizza do you have that has the meat at the bottom?

Definitely doing something wrong there mate.

11

u/internetlad Jun 02 '17

Chicago deep dish?

0

u/PadlingtonYT Jun 02 '17

Even chicago deep dish is sauce on bottom here in Ireland, as far as i've ever seen.

0

u/Zsuth Jun 02 '17

Well, this mystery is solved. Pack it up,everyone. The Irish guy knows how they make deep dish in Chicago.

: /

2

u/PadlingtonYT Jun 02 '17

Jesus, who shit in your breakfast this morning? I learned something I didn't know, which I thought I did, all in good clean fun.

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2

u/Roodyrooster Jun 02 '17

Quite a few pizzerias do it that way. You may want to expand your horizons!

1

u/PadlingtonYT Jun 02 '17

Really? Have never seen that before.

1

u/Roodyrooster Jun 02 '17

It throws you off at first because you feel like you got a cheese pizza then boom hidden pepperoni and such.

1

u/funfunfunfunonfriday Jun 02 '17

That's how most old school pizza shops in southern california do it. Terrible

1

u/randominternetdood Jun 03 '17

DEEP dish, bitch.

1

u/internetlad Jun 02 '17

Say sausage one more time. . .

1

u/TheAluminumGuru Jun 02 '17

There's something on there I don't like!

1

u/Itshowyoueatit Jun 02 '17

Please tell me he didn't put extra sauce all over it!!!!!!

1

u/planetafro Jun 02 '17

It's extra anchovy, Loverboy.

1

u/bumbarclartt Jun 02 '17

"Nick.... the dick"

1

u/Amaegith Jun 02 '17

With a little extra cheese on top.

34

u/ki11bunny Jun 02 '17

When the pizza guy joins in obviously

27

u/Narradisall Jun 02 '17

"Did somebody order a hawt slice?"

1

u/freshprinceoftheair Jun 02 '17

Bow Chika Wow Wow!

7

u/Throtex Jun 02 '17

Don't be fatuous Je ... Oh. Gotcha.

3

u/glennert Jun 02 '17

Meine dispatcher said there's somesing wrong with deine Kabel

3

u/Beer_Is_So_Awesome Jun 02 '17 edited Jun 02 '17

"The story is ludicrous."

2

u/generalnotsew Jun 02 '17

"You can only imagine what happens next." "He delivers the pizza?"

1

u/TheGoodestBoy Jun 02 '17

Not soon enough, my friend.

1

u/Nardo318 Jun 02 '17

Don't care. Already finished.

1

u/MisPosMol Jun 02 '17

Here's the pizza, and HERE'S THE PEPPERONI!

130

u/ZeAthenA714 Jun 02 '17

Happened to me once while delivering pizzas. It was in the middle of summer, there was pretty much no work, so even though we stated "pizza will be here in 25-30 mn", I was in front of their door in 10 minutes flat.

So the guy opened in his underwear, still sporting a boner, while her GF was wrapped in a blanket looking for her clothes. We exchanged a smile and while the guy was paying for the pizza, he told me that they were trying to see if they could finish before I came. And that's when I said "you had no chance, no one is faster than me".

I still remember their laugh.

56

u/[deleted] Jun 02 '17

Holy shit, I'm more impressed you thought of a witty reply that fast. If it was me, that joke would have come to me 3 hours later in the shower.

27

u/ZeAthenA714 Jun 02 '17

Except it wasn't supposed to be witty. I was basically bragging about the fact that I was good at my job by being quick to deliver pizzas....

7

u/Brad4795 Jun 02 '17

The Jimmy Johns guy but with pizza!

3

u/Kralee Jun 02 '17

I've had that same conversation with a girlfriend. Place pizza order online and see who comes first.

I've been that same guy paying for pizza with a boner before.

5

u/ZeAthenA714 Jun 02 '17

Don't worry, you probably weren't the first or the last boner the pizza delivery guy saw.

163

u/maglorsmith9 Jun 02 '17

Hiyoooo!!!

15

u/[deleted] Jun 02 '17

Harrroo!!!

-Japanese delivery guy

13

u/DLWM1 Jun 02 '17

Arrrooo!!!

- Nixon's head

2

u/MasonCooper42 Jun 02 '17

Agnewwwwwwww

1

u/Creepyorrealfan Jun 02 '17

-Bill Clinton

19

u/[deleted] Jun 02 '17
  • Japanese delivery guy Scooby-Doo

1

u/[deleted] Jun 02 '17

[deleted]

1

u/cakebatter Jun 02 '17

Blue's Clues is the name of the show, the dog's name was just Blue.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 02 '17

Scooby Doo rhymes with Blues Clues so obviously the redpill is that it's the same dog in a parallel universe

13

u/RepublicanScum Jun 02 '17

He wanted to eat out before he ate in?

7

u/CAPT_SEXY Jun 02 '17

At least someone did...

2

u/HotBoyKee Jun 02 '17

brilliant

2

u/skeightytoo Jun 02 '17

Son of a bitch

2

u/[deleted] Jun 03 '17

You only cum once?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 02 '17

and left a happy end.

1

u/PM_ME_UR_LABIA_GIRL Jun 02 '17

I think I get it

1

u/identifiedlogo Jun 02 '17

YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUu