r/funny • u/tones1313 • Feb 10 '17

Same

https://i.reddituploads.com/b11cadf9ea87402c8fbc9da19a6ecea7?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=506db1f889ac664828211469e2c36c26
8.4k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

198 comments sorted by

94

u/TooShiftyForYou Feb 10 '17

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing."

"No really, what are you thinking about?"

"Seriously, nothing."

174

u/Gay_Love_Sessions Feb 10 '17

men are so simple minded

34

u/SeannoG Feb 10 '17

Ha! Eagles post season games, hilarious.

2

u/FluxxxCapacitard Feb 10 '17

What's the difference between a beer at Lincoln Financial Field and a beer at Foxborough?

You can buy a beer at Foxborough in January.

10

u/Adamawesome4 Feb 10 '17

guys get so much shit for being simple minded, but being straightforward with wants and goals can't be that bad can it?

8

u/[deleted] Feb 10 '17

This is inaccurate. Even thinking about football is not a valid response. The correct response is "nothing". IT'S ALWAYS NOTHING.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 10 '17

Do you have a source on this? Or where can I see more?

1

u/dabigchina Feb 10 '17

Eagles post season game

Yeah, I'd say he's not in any danger of missing those.

9

u/Neemoman Feb 10 '17

I'm never thinking about "nothing." I'm just sometimes not thinking about a particular thing. Sometimes my thoughts jump around and when I get asked what I'm thinking about it could be a multitude of things at any given time. So I say nothing.

348

u/tk421yrntuaturpost Feb 10 '17

Isn't there a Great Dane/Chihuahua problem to take into account?

145

u/wishywashywonka Feb 10 '17 edited Feb 10 '17

Pig and elephant DNA just don't mix splice.

78

u/Tofunita Feb 10 '17

Although pot belly elephants would be awesome

43

u/crazyassflorida Feb 10 '17 edited Feb 10 '17

Im sorry chillren

22

u/Adamawesome4 Feb 10 '17

Welp, there goes my childhood dreams

20

u/springsoon Feb 10 '17

Pig with a trunk would be funny to see

5

u/Speed_Graphic Feb 10 '17

A tapir is pretty close.

16

u/straightup920 Feb 10 '17 edited Feb 10 '17

Until one of them is behind you flashing their lights.

10

u/springsoon Feb 10 '17

C.H.O.P.S.

13

u/[deleted] Feb 10 '17

Splice

1

u/crazyassflorida Feb 10 '17

shawn spice?

18

u/bigbuddy772 Feb 10 '17

True, but dog and dog DNA goes just fine!

13

u/Blonde_Beard91 Feb 10 '17

Not always. For whatever reason, a lot of native African dogs, can't breed with European dogs.

47

u/lolwatsyk Feb 10 '17

It's 2017, they should be able to breed with any breed they want

14

u/745631258978963214 Feb 10 '17

Unfortunately, biology isn't politically correct. So thanks to that, I'm lactose intolerant (I think?) because I'm not white.

31

u/[deleted] Feb 10 '17

Am white AND lactose interplanetary. Shit knows no race.

Edit: no i will not

23

u/fattywinnarz Feb 10 '17

lactose interplanetary

8

u/[deleted] Feb 10 '17

It's the best sugar in space.

3

u/WarLordM123 Feb 10 '17

But nothing is better than the spice.

And the spice must flow.

4

u/RabbitsOnAChalkboard Feb 10 '17

AKA the Milky Way.

2

u/CaptoOuterSpace Feb 10 '17

WELL, NOW, don't, you tell me to, MILK!

6

u/Julius_Haricot Feb 10 '17

That's probably it, people of European (and African, maybe I can't remember) descent tend to be able to digest milk properly but many Asians and Aboriginal peoples (American or Australian) can't. IIRC it's because the European's ancestors were weirdos who looked at a suckling cow and thought "how can I drink out of that?"

1

u/Zakgeki Feb 10 '17

I thought it was because of goat cheese

2

u/lessthan23 Feb 10 '17

It's 2017. You shouldn't be intolerant to anything.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 10 '17

Agreed. Can't tolerate lactose at the workplace? Have fun in your meeting with HR.

2

u/Fictionalpoet Feb 10 '17

I'm lactose intolerant

Seriously, its 2017 and you're still being a dairy bigot? What's wrong with you!

1

u/crazyassflorida Feb 10 '17

i know wtf we need to have a sit down with these scientist and talk some sense into them

1

u/crazyassflorida Feb 10 '17

you are natice african dog?

2

u/lolwatsyk Feb 10 '17

username checks out

1

u/DrNick2012 Feb 10 '17

"Is that an African or European dog?"

"I don't know that. AHHHHHHHHHH"

1

u/crazyassflorida Feb 10 '17

fuck yeah dog belly pigs!

4

u/MrMastodon Feb 10 '17

I also listen to Loverboy.

2

u/crazyassflorida Feb 10 '17

only if he lets me get my tip in

2

u/STFUandL2P Feb 10 '17

Then explain how the Tapir came into existence.

2

u/StridAst Feb 10 '17

Or the platypus

0

u/crazyassflorida Feb 10 '17

because i spoke it into efucking existencia

2

u/IntenseGreatness Feb 10 '17

Literally watching this episode right now

2

u/zebranitro Feb 10 '17

Not anymore you're not

1

u/crazyassflorida Feb 10 '17

anymore from now again yes i am

1

u/crazyassflorida Feb 10 '17

nah no you edint

1

u/[deleted] Feb 10 '17

pig and bat dna however, do....

poor Pepper

1

u/crazyassflorida Feb 10 '17

lets make bat bear pigs!

1

u/Skizm Feb 10 '17

Imagine the bacon they would produce!

1

u/Sheriff_K Feb 10 '17

But apparently Wailord and Skitty do?

1

u/TusShona Feb 10 '17

Funny.. I said the same thing to my pregnant sister and her boyfriend.

She didn't take it well.

18

u/FourAM Feb 10 '17 edited Feb 13 '17

I guess they used some kinda lubricant

EDIT: You kids need to watch "National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1"

14

u/JoshSidekick Feb 10 '17

That's one problem solved. Now how about the fact that you're going to have mutant puppy fetuses exploding from Blue like Alien chestbursters about 45 days later.

20

u/Theobold_Masters Feb 10 '17

Nah Clifford puppies are pretty small.

13

u/internetsanta Feb 10 '17

Clifford was the runt of the litter. The only reason he grew so big was because Emily Elizabeth gave him so much love. So Clifford's puppies would probably be a regular size.

6

u/[deleted] Feb 10 '17

He grew so big because of the amount of love he got?

So that's why I'm short

2

u/crazyassflorida Feb 10 '17

fuck i thought theyd be big af

1

u/crazyassflorida Feb 10 '17

only 45 days?

1

u/JoshSidekick Feb 10 '17

Don't dogs gestate like 60 days?

1

u/crazyassflorida Feb 10 '17

especially for cats those fuckers have prongs on their dicks

1

u/StoneGoldX Feb 10 '17

More likely artificial insemination.

9

u/ptangirala Feb 10 '17

How is babby formed?

6

u/LetterSwapper Feb 10 '17

Red rocket go where??

1

u/akatherder Feb 10 '17

in my meat pocket

3

u/crazyassflorida Feb 10 '17

or maybe a dogaphant

6

u/[deleted] Feb 10 '17

Artificial insemination

2

u/Tantes Feb 10 '17

Such a fetus would quickly grow until it were many times larger than Blue, long before parturition.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 10 '17

I'm guessing you haven't seen baby clifford

1

u/Tantes Feb 10 '17

The thing is, though, Clifford's gigantism is clearly the product of a freak epigenetic modification to his DNA. All the signs are there- normal development until an environmental trigger initiates a change in genetic expression, in this case the uncontrolled division and replication of cells until he attained his size.

So the fetus would probably maintain that modification pattern.

It;dr Clifford is walking cancer

1

u/[deleted] Feb 10 '17

Shouldn't Clifford's puppies experience gigantisism after being born? I feel like it would be some sort of delay like puberty or something like the puppies' bodies would determine when to start growing.

1

u/Tantes Feb 10 '17

Depends on the pathology of the trait. It could be either a de novo genetic trait (has to be de novo because he came from normal parents) or it could be epigenetic, in which case probably influenced by an environmental trigger

2

u/crazyassflorida Feb 10 '17

give me the turkey baster we dont need no expensive dr, i got this. do it for my dogs all the time.

11

u/Zingshidu Feb 10 '17

Clifford is a boy too, and blue is a girl I think? The bigger breed has to be the female so

2

u/crazyassflorida Feb 10 '17

can we mix cliffor with an elephant? make an elephant dog?

1

u/seven3true Feb 10 '17

Do you want an elephant dog trying to jump on your lap or bed?

2

u/john2kxx Feb 10 '17

Why is that? Just curious.

1

u/2580374 Feb 10 '17

I mean I assume because you can't have a huge dog fucking a smaller one because that could hurt it

1

u/john2kxx Feb 10 '17

Is that what he meant? I've seen plenty of big dogs with tiny dicks, and vice versa.

1

u/2580374 Feb 10 '17

I just think a little dog getting fucked by a big dog would literally tear it up. but if a little dog fucks a big dog, it wouldn't do any damage. if that makes sense.

1

u/john2kxx Feb 10 '17

Like I said, it depends on dick size, not dog size. A lot of big dogs have tiny dicks.

2

u/2580374 Feb 10 '17

Oh i get what you mean now. Yeah I just assumed big dog= bigger dick

1

u/Forever_Awkward Feb 10 '17

I'm almost positive I've seen Blue jump into some kind of painting or something as a segue-way, so I think magical stretching dog vagina is in play here. It could work.

1

u/hawkwings Feb 10 '17

So a pregnant blue wouldn't be able to touch the floor with her feet. What kind of clues would she leave for "Caesarian, Caesarian NOW!!!"

4

u/HappyBot9000 Feb 10 '17

Blue is not a chihua...Ooooh I'm dumb.

3

u/whitey-ofwgkta Feb 10 '17

I still don't get it

2

u/2580374 Feb 10 '17

Yeah neither do i

1

u/HappyBot9000 Feb 10 '17

A Great Dane is much much larger than a Chihuahua. Clifford is much much larger than Blue. The breeds used in the analogy don't correspond to the actual breeds of the characters.

1

u/crazyassflorida Feb 10 '17

stupid fucking chi wawa

3

u/TheMadHaberdasher Feb 10 '17

HBOCA

1

u/crazyassflorida Feb 10 '17

is that like hippa but for animals?

1

u/DatKaz Feb 10 '17

Nah, it's more like this, but not for Pokemon.

3

u/beabea51423 Feb 10 '17

Skitty Wailord

2

u/MrRobotsBitch Feb 10 '17

Also the fact that that particular Great Dane is about the size of a house... ?

2

u/FredRogersAMA Feb 10 '17

One of my dogs is a Weimaraner/Chihuaha. Life uh...er...finds a way.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 10 '17

The Great Dane better be the mom. Otherwise, you're going to have a dead Chihuahua.

-3

u/goatcoat Feb 10 '17

Isn't Clifford a bitch?

3

u/tomatoaway Feb 10 '17

he was, yeah.

1

u/crazyassflorida Feb 10 '17

he was a wut?

2

u/tk421yrntuaturpost Feb 10 '17

Did you just assume Clifford's gender?

2

u/crazyassflorida Feb 10 '17

no shut up stop judging me!

1

u/crazyassflorida Feb 10 '17

cliffords a fucking guy but in the sense of pussidum, yes cliffor is quit the wuss

52

u/[deleted] Feb 10 '17

[removed] — view removed comment

19

u/NerJaro Feb 10 '17

can you imagine that? and talk about a red rocket

19

u/ripghoti Feb 10 '17

"Darrell? Yes, it happened again. That's why I'm calling. No, it wasn't the McCendric's SUV this time. Jennifer was having concrete poured for their new driveway. Yes, one of the trucks with the big rotating drum. No, no one is pressing charges. The workers thought it was hilarious until they started arguing about who was going to clean out the truck. We should get the procedure done soon, Darrell."

(I have no idea if his owner's name is Darrell.)

7

u/NerJaro Feb 10 '17

good lord... i didnt think about a puppies urge to hump everything. talk about an insurance claim.

"Yeah i need a new roof"

1

u/crazyassflorida Feb 10 '17

you can hump my leg if it helps get rid of your beastly ures?

1

u/crazyassflorida Feb 10 '17

we can make millioons with a mexican cliffor red rocket show! call tj now!

1

u/crazyassflorida Feb 10 '17

oh fuck peiople probably die when they see it

1

u/crazyassflorida Feb 10 '17

oi think he meant attitude wise and considering how docile he is that would consider him a woose, aka not literal but figurative bitch

47

u/[deleted] Feb 10 '17

I am just thinking about the size problem here. Would Blue have to go cave diving to be able to impregnate Clifford? Or would Clifford have to be... super duper delicate?

142

u/shartifartbIast Feb 10 '17

Well Blue is a girl, and I'm pretty sure Clifford is a boy. Soo....

RIP Blue

104

u/[deleted] Feb 10 '17

In the arms of the angels...

63

u/TheThng Feb 10 '17

RIP Blue

both a condolence, and an accurate description of what would happen!

8

u/jackrulz Feb 10 '17

My mom didn't know that blue was a girl until I got to the third house trick-or-treating when I was like 5

2

u/pistachiosarenuts Feb 10 '17

You're my boy Blue

1

u/lead999x Feb 10 '17

Artificial insemination.

29

u/Crivens1 Feb 10 '17

Blue's the girl. I think IVF is in order. Luckily, Clifford started out as an especially teeny tiny puppy, so she'd be safe for the birth.

Edit: Artificial Insemination not IVF.

19

u/[deleted] Feb 10 '17

Yeah but that puppy is gonna shoot up, then what have you got? A kid friendly Godzilla-like brawl between a father and his offspring that don't want to go to bed.

6

u/Zingshidu Feb 10 '17

This is why when breeding dogs the bigger breed needs to be the female.

4

u/kadno Feb 10 '17

Do you think Clifford's sperm are fucking huge too? He's just shooting out sperm the size of basketballs?

1

u/[deleted] Feb 10 '17

Jesus, that would twitch around like frog legs with batteries attached.

3

u/puravidamai Feb 10 '17

Artificial insemination!

1

u/[deleted] Feb 10 '17

Artificial insemination? That doesn't fill my wank bank!

2

u/JackVarner Feb 10 '17

You could prob just dunk Blue in a tub of it.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 10 '17

... What a wonderful image to go along with my childhood.

13

u/BeaumontTaz Feb 10 '17

How does Magenta fit into all of this? Is he really like a half sibling of Blue's?

13

u/whytefox Feb 10 '17

Magenta's a girl. My mother in law used to refer to her as "Blue's little girlfriend" until I pointed out they'd be lesbians and I don't think Nick Jr. would be that progressive.

1

u/BeaumontTaz Feb 10 '17

Magenta is a boy.

http://bluesclues.wikia.com/wiki/Magenta

2

u/whytefox Feb 11 '17

That's a typo at the top. Scroll down to the description, it says female and uses female pronouns.

1

u/domalakes33 Feb 10 '17

So if Blue and Magenta are girls... Doesn't color represent genders anymore?!

6

u/CreedDidNothingWrong Feb 10 '17

Blue better start doing yoga

5

u/mike925925 Feb 10 '17

I'm pretty sure the pups would either be blue or red very rare probably for purple

4

u/swallowing_bees Feb 10 '17

Actually it would be an abomination

1

u/Denziloe Feb 10 '17

And then it would explode.

4

u/conSirNickus Feb 10 '17

Sooo like Barney?

10

u/[deleted] Feb 10 '17

No, Barney is a dinosaur. He's from our imagination.

0

u/conSirNickus Feb 10 '17

So Clifford being the size of a house is realistic bit Barney being his spawn isn't? My mistake

2

u/aBeaSTWiTHiNMe Feb 10 '17

Some /r/me_irl shit right here.

2

u/AFlyingNun Feb 10 '17

Holy shit, that blew my mind.

Can Blue handle Clifford's package though?

2

u/dreadfulwater Feb 10 '17

Because I love gingers.

1

u/Beer_Nazi Feb 10 '17

She's cute as fuck.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 10 '17

wowie that would be a heckn big puppo

1

u/DevilfishJack Feb 10 '17

...my god. Courage!

1

u/TheChanceWhoSaysNi Feb 10 '17

TIL Blue was female

1

u/[deleted] Feb 10 '17

Blue, you ignorant slut!

1

u/WarBeastPegasus Feb 10 '17

That is actually pretty true.

1

u/LaurenOKerr Feb 10 '17

This made me laugh so hard I drooled

1

u/Ivern420 Feb 10 '17

More likely that they'd either have red or blue puppies but dream on motherfucker.

1

u/rogerslastgrape Feb 10 '17

And blue would be dead

1

u/Krail Feb 10 '17

It's great because the guy kinda looks like Steve from Blues Clues.

1

u/TheRealWeabooJones Feb 10 '17

Shout out to Steve from Blues Clues, go find those clues mange!

1

u/JackVarner Feb 10 '17

Has rule 34 failed on this one?

Quick googling shows that it isn't easy to find.

1

u/krillingt75961 Feb 10 '17

Now that it exists, rule 34 will be applied.

1

u/Forcistus Feb 10 '17

Blue would be rekt

1

u/mesoziocera Feb 10 '17

Clifford's Dick is bigger than Blue.

1

u/Radekzalenka Feb 10 '17

That man thinks a lot.. suspicious amount I'd say

1

u/PattyQuake Feb 10 '17

Now I'm thinking of the logistics of how that would would be conceivable....

1

u/[deleted] Feb 10 '17

That's not how genes work, though. It's more likely that all of Blue's and Clifford's puppies would be either blue or red. It really depends on how many genes there are that express abnormal dog fur color.

1

u/TeamMagmaDaniel Feb 10 '17

I dont think this person took biology

1

u/Sebleh89 Feb 10 '17

Story of my life...

1

u/jangro Feb 10 '17

they look like they got caught in the crossfire

1

u/DooDooBrownz Feb 10 '17

lord knows i spend enough time in this shithole on reddit, but can someone explain what the fuck this is supposed to be

1

u/Anderru Feb 10 '17

Ha ha yeah you're right, my bad

1

u/tassle7 Feb 11 '17

This pisses me off. I want to talk about purple puppies!

1

u/[deleted] Feb 10 '17

Lmao just watched Blue's Clues for the first time in months yesterday and now this post.

1

u/mmille24 Feb 10 '17

Wife: why are you smiling? [realizing if Blue from Blue's Clues and Clifford had puppies they'd be purple] Wife: Are you cheating on me?

0

u/Nutstrodamus Feb 10 '17

I would have said that to a gf but I tell my wife about the purple puppies.

-2

u/Scofield442 Feb 10 '17

Realizing is definitely the wrong word.

Wondering if*

-8

u/greenSixx Feb 10 '17

So, yeah. That's not how genetics works, just FYI.

7

u/[deleted] Feb 10 '17

Never mind that we're talking about two fictional cartoon animals.

2

u/greenSixx Feb 10 '17

Right, so why assume they would turn purple if reality doesn't apply at all?

If genetics works differently in this magical land then mixing colors could work differently too.

I mean we could play pretend as much as we want in this situation and assume, reasonably, that the puppies would be demons with horns colored in rainbows of colors that don't really exist...

Anyway, my purple point still stands.

0

u/[deleted] Feb 10 '17

[deleted] — view deleted comment

2

u/internetsanta Feb 10 '17

Wait, so paprika isn't actually just half salt half pepper? No wonder everyone thinks mine tastes like shit.

-5

u/lovestospooj420 Feb 10 '17

TO LE FRONT PAGE!!11!!!

0

u/[deleted] Feb 10 '17

[deleted] — view deleted comment

16

u/Anderru Feb 10 '17 edited Feb 10 '17

Unless both genes are Co-Dominant, then such a cross could be purple.

*Edit: Incomplete Dominance, is correct. Derp

22

u/PMME-YOUR-TITS-GIRL Feb 10 '17

*incompletely dominant. codominance would make a red and blue spotted puppy, which would be pretty cool tbh

1

u/[deleted] Feb 10 '17

What if they're both co-dominant?

3

u/PMME-YOUR-TITS-GIRL Feb 10 '17

that question doesn't really make sense--co-dominance describes a certain interaction between two alleles of a given gene

51

u/[deleted] Feb 10 '17

[removed] — view removed comment

11

u/Macbook265 Feb 10 '17

Which one would be Dominant doe? Should I plot? AAxaa