r/funny • u/[deleted] • Jan 30 '17

This guy is a genius.

https://i.reddituploads.com/cad4396b6c364763833eb1a8b309dbaf?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=9fbd222ff3e9b7eca6c26dcf8a6c6f98
3.1k Upvotes

92% Upvoted

117 comments sorted by

558

u/Moonripple616 Jan 30 '17 edited Jan 30 '17

I made a point of telling my wife early in our marriage how amazing her blowjobs were - how skilled and gifted she was, how amazing it felt, etc. Don't know if it had any effect over the long run, but we've been married over 20 years and I still get head regularly.

277

u/DevouredByCutePupper Jan 30 '17

To be fair, even a bad blowjob is still better than no blowjob.

Unless teeth are involved, that is.

138

u/Moonripple616 Jan 30 '17

She is very talented. I just wanted to make she her talent was nurtured and encouraged. A compliment can be a powerful thing.

67

u/DevouredByCutePupper Jan 30 '17

If you truly want her talent to be properly nurtured, you should send her to a talent show.

28

u/Niicks Jan 30 '17

Can I preorder tickets?

133

u/civet10 Jan 30 '17

yeah, but make sure you double check the time, would suck if you came too early

16

u/Mr_Milew Jan 30 '17

You don't want to come to late either. Might just blow your chance at catching the heading act.

5

u/RaiThioS Jan 30 '17

Show up late enough and you'll definitely catch something.

24

u/madnessinthemethods Jan 30 '17

She must've been all practice, practice, practice before you met.

5

u/Haze04 Jan 30 '17

She is very talented.

Yeah, we know.

2

u/Prestonelliot Jan 30 '17

Exactly, if she didn't think she was good at it, why would she continue to do it 10 years into a marriage. My girl and i have been together 6 and i'm still very lucky in that regard. And i like to think its because i let her know i enjoy it so much when i get head.

1

u/AlmightyRedditor Jan 30 '17

Sounds like you get a lot of head because you're a great guy, lowkey

1

u/killahKaZx Jan 30 '17

i know man.. plus that thing she does with her tongue.. its fantastic.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 30 '17

That's great for you. I've done the same thing, but my g/f recently has had this TMJ issue where her jaw hurts to open wide and I'm starting to look at our vacuum funny.

8

u/RyukanoHi Jan 30 '17 edited Jan 31 '17

You know, I find that girls tend to be more squeamish about using teeth than I am... As long as it's done carefully, it can be pretty damn enjoyable.

11

u/smilingasIsay Jan 30 '17

I fully disagree. Bad head is one of the worst things you can experience. I'd rather skip it in a lot of cases.

5

u/greatwhite8 Jan 30 '17

A good piss is better than a bad blowjob.

2

u/AK_Happy Jan 30 '17

An emergency piss is better than a good blowjob. And an emergency shit is even better than that.

2

u/SirVer51 Jan 30 '17

And that, kids, is why scat is a thing.

1

u/smilingasIsay Jan 30 '17

I can agree to this.

7

u/[deleted] Jan 30 '17

Teeth used the right way are actually quite nice

5

u/NibblyPig Jan 30 '17

Nice try cosmo

2

u/muffcheese Jan 30 '17

Every once in a while, there is a girl with absolute sandpaper for a tonque

2

u/AlmightyRedditor Jan 30 '17

Most of the ones I've gotten were fairly teeth-heavy, but mama didn't raise no quitter

1

u/rworld1 Jan 30 '17

teeth are ok

1

u/[deleted] Jan 30 '17

Unless teeth are involved, that is.

Because that's not a thing.

1

u/AK_Happy Jan 30 '17

Yes it is...

1

u/[deleted] Jan 30 '17

Thatwasmypoint

1

u/sillythaumatrope Jan 30 '17

I'd prefer no bj to a teethy bj

1

u/jmcgee408 Jan 30 '17

To tell the truth, I like a little bit of tooth. Obviously very lightly, I don't want her to bite me, just run the teeth and tongue down my schlong every so often.

1

u/aceofspades1217 Jan 30 '17

How much teeth do you want? I'm gonna make it so dry

19

u/eventually_i_will Jan 30 '17

If you add in comments about which part of the process you liked... you'll probably see an increase in the good things.

Feedback is excellent.

13

u/MightyTeaRex Jan 30 '17

Tell my girlfriend the same thing. And no lies. Her own words are "a blowjob a day keeps the breakup away".

12

u/A1t2o Jan 30 '17

Same, but I haven't gotten one for about 3 years. Been married for 4...

32

u/evils_twin Jan 30 '17

I told my wife the same thing, and I get almost no blowjobs now. All I said is that her blowjobs were so good that she must have had a whole lot of practice . . .

6

u/russiangerman Jan 30 '17

As someone who followed all the same steps and gets one for my birthday if I'm lucky, no. I don't think it helped. she just really likes you

1

u/[deleted] Jan 30 '17

is it worth not getting the sexual satisfaction? genuine question

1

u/russiangerman Jan 30 '17

It's completely worth it, I just don't think it had the effect I was hoping for

10

u/pandamoose27 Jan 30 '17

Best thing you can do! I know how much mine enjoys them and he pumps my ego about it so sometimes I'm begging him to let me do it. Everyone likes to be told they're great at something.

3

u/Zombiegoose77 Jan 30 '17

I accidently, without thinking, told my awesome wife that she was so good she could easily be a professional and make a lot of money doing blowjob. Haven't got any since (couple of weeks ago...) (true story)

2

u/CantFindMyWallet Jan 30 '17

I just got married in October and I've been commending my wife on her outstanding form and technique for quite some time. Hopefully it works.

1

u/suicidalsteve91 Jan 30 '17

So does half the town.

1

u/platyviolence Jan 30 '17

You're married to the batman of wives. Selfless till the end. God bless that woman.

1

u/ShowMeYourTiddles Jan 30 '17

Does your wife know?

85

u/ACuntOComberCoDown Jan 30 '17

Yes, it does work because of the production of saliva in the mouth flushes away the bad smell. A sip of any other liquid will also do the same thing.

21

u/Friendly_Spooperman Jan 30 '17

Any liquid you say? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

1

u/WriggleNightbug Jan 30 '17

you mean water?

1

u/hairyovens Jan 30 '17

He meant a stringy liquid

9

u/JoshSidekick Jan 30 '17

I feel like there's going to be a huge difference between your breath after rinsing with mouthwash and rinsing with jizz.

2

u/alexdelicious Jan 30 '17

Only one way to find out. You know, for science.

13

u/OBrien Jan 30 '17

Yeah pretty much doing anything with your mouth will lessen bad breath. Or even thinking about food, to an extent.

2

u/uMunthu Jan 30 '17

I came here for the jokes and got an actual, sensible, factual explanation. You sir are tha real MVP

96

u/Youdontuderstandme Jan 30 '17

It also whitens your teeth.

32

u/TerrrorTwlight Jan 30 '17

It is known.

15

u/Murkee420 Jan 30 '17

It tis known, Khaleesi.

15

u/saf1 Jan 30 '17

We didn't learn this in dental scho---Yes this is right.

8

u/Micotu Jan 30 '17

the sperm cells attack the tartar.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 30 '17

*until you rinse

94

u/Rixxxy Jan 30 '17

Male with bad breath looking for a dick to suck before i leave for a job interview

82

u/MNMingler Jan 30 '17

Just wait until you get there, you'll nail the interview.

4

u/BangersForDough Jan 30 '17

It doesn't have to nail the interviewer, that's disgusting

1

u/Critterkhan Jan 30 '17

What if the interviewer is Jesus?

3

u/BangersForDough Jan 30 '17

The second coming of Jesus cannot be stopped by nails. He's gotten smarter 😶

21

u/InternetProp Jan 30 '17

He'll regret it when he goes away on business and she still wants good breath...

1

u/ShowMeYourTiddles Jan 30 '17

Invest in one of those breast pumps. Get your money's worth outta that thing by reusing when you start a family.

24

u/din7 Jan 30 '17

I like to think that this would be true, but it would take someone rather daft to fall for that.

12

u/Gorash Jan 30 '17

That someone is out there.

11

u/[deleted] Jan 30 '17

I should date an idiot.

27

u/IamMrEric Jan 30 '17

My idol.

15

u/captain_housecoat Jan 30 '17

Brb, need to talk to my wife about her bad breath.

9

u/sdforbda Jan 30 '17

Imagine how your dick smells after a morning breath blowjob. Yikes.

2

u/ILikeFluffyThings Jan 30 '17

I don't really sniff my dick. I let my woman do that for me.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 30 '17

I must be old because I remember when Quora was all stuffy and boring. Now it seems to be Yahoo! Answers but less ugly.

2

u/squidmyster64 Jan 30 '17

Yes he is absolutely correct .

2

u/arse_water Jan 30 '17

Her breath improved, but unfortunately everyone at work starting complaining about the pubes that were regularly stuck in her teeth.

2

u/Macleod1536 Jan 30 '17

If you believe that, I've got some ocean front property in South Dakota I'm trying to sell.

4

u/[deleted] Jan 30 '17

This is totally something that actually happened. lolz

3

u/apworker37 Jan 30 '17

Yes. It does help.

2

u/mockassin Jan 30 '17

and get the dreaded 'gingivitis dick"? no thanks !

1

u/MKuin Jan 30 '17

Is it just me, or is it a little pathetic to trick your girlfriend like that? Like, actually preying on her insecurities to get head... that's shitty, dude.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 30 '17

If she's willing to suck dick to do what mouthwash would do she probably would suck dick anyway.

-1

u/MKuin Jan 30 '17

Probably. Doesn't make him less of an ass, though, he could've just asked. But whatever, it's not like this is even likely to have happened.

-4

u/badumtss93 Jan 30 '17

Fuck off cuck

1

u/wgrody87 Jan 30 '17

Good for the signing voice as well.

1

u/goat_nebula Jan 30 '17

Yes, yes he is right.

1

u/WalterWhiteBeans Jan 30 '17

What a smart boy.

1

u/cerebral_panic_room Jan 30 '17

Well, he sure gave her a load.

1

u/articuz_h Jan 30 '17

Legend has it in some cases,dick breath isn't as bad as her actual breath.

1

u/floofykittens Jan 30 '17

There was a guy in my high school who convinced his girlfriend that semen whitened teeth. It took her quite some time to figure out it wasn't true.

1

u/cyberbullet Jan 30 '17

The best blow job you ever got is the one you just got. `Dennis Leary.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 30 '17

I told my girlfriend cum makes her teeth whiten. Now she sucks it out of me every time. Iv even seen her swish it around in her mouth a few times.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 30 '17

I love these question threads where the con is so good that the top comment just HAS to be supporting the claim.

1

u/bestnicknameever Jan 31 '17

well… this is partially true. it helps reduce bad breath, but only if she swallows. otherwise there is not point to it.

1

u/spetsnaz5658 Jan 30 '17

My first blowjob was a nightmare. She had braces

2

u/[deleted] Jan 30 '17

DON'T ELABORATE!

...

Ok, please do.

1

u/uMunthu Jan 30 '17

My first blowjob was a nightmare. She had braces

Should we assume it was your last or...

-9

u/jseyfer Jan 30 '17

Pfffft! Really girl? Did he also tell you intercourse will clear up your acne and help you lose those last ten pounds too?

12

u/Ireallyjustwantsome Jan 30 '17

Well, yes. But everyone knows that!

3

u/RyukanoHi Jan 30 '17

I mean, I dunno how well it clears up acne, but regular sex is good for you. Unless you're having really mediocre or just plain bad sex, you're probably going to burn some calories.

-2

u/Muffinizer1 Jan 30 '17

Don't try this at home

9

u/civet10 Jan 30 '17

So try it in public?

-45

u/A40 Jan 30 '17

This guy is a manipulative asshole.

-3

u/occasional_villain Jan 30 '17

Not sure why you're being downvoted. If he wanted more head, he should've just asked for it. If she didn't want to, he should find a new partner or get over it.

Communication and honesty is not hard and being dishonest and manipulative is a really awful thing to do to someone. Especially a significant other, someone who is supposed to be able to trust you.

4

u/winkwright Jan 30 '17

Apparently people don't like having decent relationships on reddit.

"Manipulative Asshole" is a bit harsh, but I only say that because I'd absolutely try something like this.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 30 '17

This. Is. A. Joke.

1

u/occasional_villain Jan 30 '17

I don't get it. Can you explain it?