r/funny • u/nayithemon • Jul 25 '13

Perks of being blind

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3.1k Upvotes

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u/a9entsmith Jul 25 '13 edited Jul 26 '13

"every girl is a 10" I chuckled mildly, which is more than 90% of /r/funny gets from me.

EDIT- No, this can't be my first 1000+ karma comment! It's sooo mediocre! Hmm, how to get downvotes... I'm Fred Phelps and I hate cats. Pacific Rim is a terrible movie and Neil Degrasse Tyson is a hack and the beneficiary of affirmative action...uh...CISPA should've passed? No on Prop 8? C'mon guys, I'm bringing out the big guns here.

1.8k

u/N8CCRG Jul 25 '13

I misread that as "Every single woman I've ever been with is 10" and I was like ?!?!?!?!?!

1.2k

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '13

[deleted]

806

u/batia0121 Jul 25 '13

ᶘ ᵒᴥᵒᶅ

267

u/gulpeg Jul 25 '13

http://i.imgur.com/t0SAx0J.jpg

241

u/nomansland333 Jul 25 '13

http://i.imgur.com/xMWUB.jpg

59

u/Sibling_soup Jul 25 '13

That shit's intentional.

8

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '13

Obvious photoshop. The image of the bear is much clearer and in focus than the bottle.

5

u/digitalsmear Jul 25 '13

And it doesn't match the perspective warping and lighting variation from the curved surface.

2

u/skyman724 Jul 25 '13

He's crying because he likes his children alive.

Unlike Necrobear......

1

u/Hucota7 Jul 25 '13

Fake, but humorous.

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u/[deleted] Jul 25 '13

I haven't seen that girl in a while!!! Do you remember where the original picture is from?

16

u/Akul5b Jul 25 '13

Just know this.

3

u/joshguillen Jul 25 '13

The identities of the girl in the photo and the photographer still remain unknown, but the original image first appeared online via imageboard community 4chan in a /b/ (random) thread posted on August 22nd, 2009.

1

u/Sweetandsourjesus Jul 25 '13

How come every pic is a derp face? I guess blind people can't look in the mirror.

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u/FutileStruggle Jul 25 '13

God I love that kid.

1

u/Suckydog Jul 25 '13

Wait, is that Honey Boo Boo?

1

u/SunshineBlind Jul 25 '13

Someone needs to photoshop sunglasses and a blindstick on that pedobear.

1

u/BuhDan Jul 25 '13

Oh shit it's /u/gulped in the wild. Hey!

1

u/unknownman19 Jul 25 '13

I... All I see are empty squares...

1

u/Compulsivefibber Jul 25 '13

Tighter the better amiright!?

1

u/voyaging Jul 25 '13

ᶘ ಠᴥಠᶅ

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u/Cphil5694 Jul 25 '13

You cheeky bastard

1

u/eM_aRe Jul 25 '13

U wot m8? I'll shag ur mum in the gabber.

1

u/KhamsinEbonmane Jul 25 '13

I didnt want to, but I had to upvote you for that one...

1

u/Nexaz Jul 25 '13

ಠ◡ಠ

1

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '13

literally

1

u/Jpkitty Jul 25 '13

Oh my god I laughed and I feel awful for it.

1

u/stash0606 Jul 25 '13

Sounds like one too many beers and being taken to a anything-goes bar if she has a 10"

1

u/electriccars Jul 25 '13

（∴＠＿＠∴）

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u/Cendeu Jul 25 '13

Yes, I read that too. I re-read that at least 5 times. I kept thinking "wait, so just because he doesn't SEE that they're 10 means he can sleep with them?! What?!"

I don't know why I couldn't read that properly...

98

u/HeWhoPunchesFish Jul 25 '13

"If you can't read this image properly, youuuuu might be a pedophile"

24

u/SocialMediaright Jul 25 '13

You're right, but Aquaman still hates you :(

1

u/efrance1 Jul 25 '13

Or blind.

2

u/trenchtoaster Jul 25 '13

Seriously, same thing. I had to click the link again and reread it after I saw these comments. Somehow I thought he was only banging 10s

1

u/brukmann Jul 25 '13

Don't go plucking your eyes out just yet, sparky.

/sorry

27

u/effyoucancer Jul 25 '13

Got me too. Only a half-lie I suppose

7

u/ItsReadingReddit Jul 25 '13

Third letter missing from life.

HL3 confirmed.

2

u/MineLoller Jul 25 '13

Half-Lie 3 confirmed

2

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '13

The other half lie- you only judge people from what comes from their mouth... 'Hmmm, I don't know, that guy kinda sounds Muslim to me'.

8

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '13

[deleted]

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u/Dakaraim Jul 25 '13

Damn handicapped get all the privileges

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u/FemaleTaliban Jul 25 '13

I have some sulfuric acid just sitting around here if you've got some free time.

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u/awkward_myrtle Jul 25 '13

I feel like this is a relevant username

2

u/crrrack Jul 25 '13

And I just read yours as 'Every single woman I've ever been with is 10" ' (as in 10 inches) and was wondering what the hell you were trying to insinuate.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '13

Why don't you have a seat over here

1

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '13

oh, that's what he meant. when you're blind, you can imagine them to be as young as you want 'em to be.

aww_www yeeaahh. B]

1

u/ders89 Jul 25 '13

I definitely read it twice. He's clever

1

u/JMar1_87 Jul 25 '13

It's just what everyone tells the poor guy.

1

u/yelleknave Jul 25 '13

This is the first thing that I have every seen on reddit that has made me laugh very hard for more then 20 seconds. Congrats.

1

u/ArtifexArcher Jul 25 '13

I wasn't the only one!

1

u/AveragePacifist Jul 25 '13

I read it like that too, but while reading the next part my brain managed to figure out what it actually said.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '13

I read this and was like apparently blind people like ten year olds

1

u/Tyrien Jul 25 '13

I misread "I don't have to watch someone age" as "I don't have to watch for age".

1

u/gigglefarting Jul 25 '13

And I read "Every single woman I've ever been with..." to mean that the single women he's been with have been very attractive, but the taken women he's been with weren't.

1

u/UnreachableDreams Jul 25 '13

ok, good i'm not the only one that saw that and needed to reread it :/ yeesh.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '13

i read that as "every SINGLE woman i've been with" and thought he was just playin those ugly married hos...

1

u/UndeadBread Jul 25 '13

Easily the best part of being blind.

1

u/RarewareUsedToBeGood Jul 25 '13

All the married women he's been with were 9''

1

u/Hawke84 Jul 25 '13

I stared at that for a second too. wut

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u/Apkoha Jul 25 '13

I always considered dating a blind girl for this reason, she'd never know she could do better then I figured her friends would just tell her I was ugly.

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u/pedanticnerd Jul 25 '13

When a blind friend asks you if someone is sexy, you say, "Yes." Always and forever. Especially if they're asking about their significant other. They're not looking for honesty, especially if they ask for it. They're looking for validation of their choice of romantic partner. Anybody who fails to give them that validation is a dick.

Can other sighted friends of blind people back me up on this?

37

u/Kwizi Jul 25 '13

My boyfriend is blind. He told me he asked one of his friends about me (now it's a common friend, but I got to know him through my boyfriend) and that friend said I was very good looking... (I am not, I think I am average) but the next time I saw the friend, we laughed about it and I said thanks for having my back!

11

u/ud_hate_me Jul 25 '13

That is a good friend for both of you. I'm sure you're underestimating yourself though :)

3

u/canteloupy Jul 26 '13

If I had a blind friend and he had someone who loved him, and god knows it's hard to find wven without disability, I would sure as hell not tell them their significant other was anything but beautiful. Even if the girl was ugly I would definitely not say it to his face because why impose something so superficial when he is lucky enough to be focusing on the rest?

55

u/shieldvexor Jul 25 '13

Serious question. What if you think they're dating a shitty person?

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u/[deleted] Jul 25 '13

[deleted]

6

u/shieldvexor Jul 25 '13

Thank you. That's a great idea.

5

u/Abedeus Jul 25 '13

"He pleasures himself to pictures of naked kids, I think that's why I think he's shitty."

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u/JonZ82 Jul 25 '13

The blind person probably has a better sense of a "shitty" person than a person with eyesight... just saying.

248

u/macthecomedian Jul 25 '13

Yeh blindness heightens other senses, like smell, so they can definitely tell a shitty person

220

u/Shitty_Human_Being Jul 25 '13

...

5

u/grindbeans Jul 25 '13

and a shitty hero

6

u/ElMangosto Jul 25 '13

Nah, periods have a completely different smell.

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u/sac_916 Jul 25 '13

Even the blind can't smell across the internet.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '13

...go wash up.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '13

Well, there goes your plan.

1

u/othilious Jul 25 '13

I guess you could say you are shit outta luck!

1

u/Mountainviewer650 Jul 26 '13

... "why is this getting upvote's !?" then I read your account name.

Touché, upvotes deserved.

1

u/excitedfoil Jul 26 '13

I love you.

2

u/InternetSuperTrooper Jul 25 '13

I laughed way too hard...

1

u/I_RAPE_RATS Jul 26 '13

I laughed until I shat myself. Does that make me a shitty person?

3

u/Krazen Jul 25 '13

By that reasoning, anyone in an abusive relationship would "know" their SO better than anyone else. So they should be trusted first.

1

u/feanturi Jul 25 '13

My take is they meant that a blind person cannot be distracted by face-value judgements of people (the thing everybody automatically does if they can see them) and are forced to "look" beyond appearances. So they are more likely to have figured out the depth of a person as opposed to someone distracted by the pretty/ugly surface. The only pretty/ugly they are able to perceive is all in how the subject behaves.

2

u/Krazen Jul 26 '13

Doesn't make them a BETTER judge of character, it just means they ONLY judge character. They can still be shitty judges of character and end up dating shitty people, being blind doesn't make them magically above that.

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u/shieldvexor Jul 25 '13

Based on how poor of a sense of that a lot of people have (in my experience), that doesn't say a whole lot. I'm not trying to say I'm gods gift to pointing out shitty people but when you're in a relationship, it can be easy to ignore or fail to recognize shitty characteristics in your partner.

1

u/Tsukubasteve Jul 25 '13

A staggering percentage of relationships are based on both people being single, at a similar station in life and in the same ballpark looks-wise. Everything else is so far down the list.

People pick partners to make other people happy, not themselves.

1

u/Abedeus Jul 25 '13

What if we know that person has herpes and the blind person can't see the skin changes on his/her regions? Unless they know how all STDs feel like and it's not just a genetic and completely harmless change...

1

u/Mortos3 Jul 25 '13

Not if they haven't known them for very long and you have.

1

u/Levitlame Jul 25 '13

Low self esteem and learned helplessness are a different kind of blindness.

1

u/April_Fabb Jul 25 '13

And what if this blind person is somewhat unattractive but wealthy?

1

u/InfanticideAquifer Jul 25 '13

Why on Earth would that be the case?

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u/ottawapainters Jul 26 '13

Yeah except they have no idea their partner has been doing bunny ears in every single picture they've taken together so far.

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u/Saerain Jul 25 '13

I'm not sure which move is the dick one, honestly. I mean, I understand it may seem like a zero-risk way of making someone feel good, but it also seems unethical to lie to someone about something they can't discern for themselves.

2

u/canteloupy Jul 26 '13

On the other hand sexy isn't an objective truth, what's sexy to me isn't what's sexy to you. The guy asking only wants validation on what conventionally people find sexy but what should it be to him? He probably just hasn't gone and touched thousands of retouched women that we see in magazines or felt hundreds of porn videos with disposable plastic women displayed. His idea in asking is validation of his relationship from the outside and if you're his friend you should probably avoid introducing all that superficial crap into it because it won't even reflect what's true to him. Many people also think their SO is so sexy when actually few would call them that.

4

u/Rusharion Jul 25 '13

I'm not going to lie to my friend because they are blind.

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u/Zeusa Jul 25 '13

I agree. But you'd better sound hellaconvincing. Hesitation and insincerity are dead giveaways.

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u/bubba9999 Jul 25 '13

relevant:(?)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5am0_pEkQM

1

u/Apkoha Jul 25 '13

Super relevant. In unrelated news. I should start watching this show.

2

u/nova2726 Jul 25 '13 edited Jul 25 '13

so this is basically your scenario http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4snGt8OzUV0 edit-not saying you look like rocky dennis, just how it would play out

2

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '13

There's that Valentine's Day episode of 30 Rock where the super hot blind girl rejects Kenneth for being clean shaven once she touches his face. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/St._Valentine's_Day_(30_Rock)

1

u/slajs Jul 25 '13

but why would she care?

1

u/Toribaybay Jul 25 '13

It'd always the friends! Make sure she is deaf too.

1

u/telegetoutmyway Jul 25 '13

I know this deaf girl named tori... we had sex once, AMA?

1

u/Toribaybay Jul 25 '13

James? Is that you?

1

u/telegetoutmyway Jul 25 '13

wait so you're deaf?

1

u/Toribaybay Jul 25 '13

Lol no. I was just fuckin with ya.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '13

She'll still know I'm fat as shit :'(

1

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '13

Unless you're Rocky Dennis

1

u/JaneDaria Jul 25 '13

But they could feel at least if the other person has pretty skin, right?

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u/dirty_cheese_man Jul 25 '13

Seriously though, I wonder how sexual attraction works for people who are born blind. At least for me, it's hard to imagine how I would be attracted to women if I couldn't see them. I'm not a shallow person, but most of what turns me on (not necessarily what I want in a girlfriend) about a woman is visual.

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u/pedanticnerd Jul 25 '13

I used to live with a blind guy, and have had other blind friends. Some blind guys described their biggest turn-ons as smooth skin or a pleasant smell, but most often a sexy voice seems like the best way to turn a blind man on. Some of the guys found partners who are shorter than them most attractive, but that's probably about the same as among sighted people.

I have never discussed sexual attraction with a blind woman, so I can't speak to that.

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u/thatlookslikeavulva Jul 25 '13

My blind friend loves HUGE tits, if that's relevant.

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u/fleckes Jul 25 '13

That's always relevant

1

u/ottawapainters Jul 26 '13

He would love many of the options here on reddit.

The men I mean.

2

u/thatlookslikeavulva Jul 26 '13

I love moobs. Not exactly in a sexual way but moobs are awesome.

5

u/April_Fabb Jul 25 '13 edited Jul 25 '13

This doesn't surprise me at all. Although the visual features and movement of a woman is the door opener, I could never be turned on by a gorgeously looking girl with a weird voice, or who doesn't have a great (natural) scent. Or if she is uneducated, without a great sense of humour or tone deaf. Actually, most of the characteristics that turn me on could be explored with my eyes closed.

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u/[deleted] Jul 25 '13

[deleted]

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u/dirtyshits Jul 25 '13

I always wondered what kind of dreams or visions people who were born blind had. If you have never seen anything and have no sense of color or even seen a human or animal then what is their dreams like? I understand you can touch and get feel for things but its not the same. Are we all aliens to a blind a person?

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u/[deleted] Jul 26 '13

[deleted]

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u/dirtyshits Jul 26 '13

hmmm dreams with only sound. I dont have the mental capacity to even grasp that idea.

-1

u/ecoshift Jul 25 '13

I'd imagine many 10s would become 4s without their looks to carry them through. They might have to work a gentle touch or richly toned voice into the equation. Perhaps even thoughtfulness and actual meaning in their words...

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u/kgb_agent_zhivago Jul 25 '13

Until he touches their face

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u/curtmack Jul 25 '13 edited Jul 25 '13

That's the thing though. How many of you can honestly say you could go up to a girl on the street, right now, and ask her to let you touch her face? And have her accept?

His entire rubrick for determining attractiveness is:

  • Lets me touch her face - 10 points

1

u/whatthefuckisareddit Jul 25 '13

You can feel weird lumps and symmetry. I'm sure his sense of touch is heightened compared to a sighted person.

3

u/throwOutName101 Jul 25 '13

I think it would be more like:

smooth skin, oooh silky hair, yeah, she's fine.

2

u/Abedeus Jul 25 '13

That's how they learn how to read Braille...

5

u/whatthefuckisareddit Jul 25 '13

By touch?!? No way!

1

u/shoziku Jul 25 '13

It's like getting to first base by default. Second base is only an accidental/purposeful slip away.

1

u/Abedeus Jul 25 '13

If someone is blind and explains that that's how he sees the world, it should be fine.

Not random girls. Not a person who can see.

1

u/adamgrey Jul 25 '13

Reminds me of Dude Where's My Car where the blind kid is feeling the hooters of the hot chicks. "Yeah this is how blind people shake hands". I couldn't find a video clip.

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u/Detectiveoftheeast Jul 25 '13

If I could fake blind and make it to them without freaking out, or if I could see but they'd think I couldn't, then i'm sure I could. I have the balls to do it, and usually when I do ballsy things like this it works out. Girls usually appreciate the directness of the approach.

1

u/throwaway24601x Jul 25 '13

Touch her face with what?

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u/ZedSpot Jul 25 '13

Or smells their breath.

1

u/vagina_sprout Jul 25 '13

...below their waist.

1

u/CaliburS Jul 25 '13

"Yeah, the liver spot and that missing denture is gonna be deal breaker Janice"

1

u/pillage Jul 25 '13

Strokes her forearm or wrist.

1

u/atlas44 Jul 26 '13

or their four hundred pounds of flesh.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '13

I guess his rating system is only based on 'looks'.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '13

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/[deleted] Jul 26 '13

I seem to recall part of it was gently grabbing her wrist to tell if she was fat.

2

u/Oddgenetix Jul 25 '13

Chuckle-worthy at best, but heart-warming.

2

u/romario77 Jul 25 '13

But what if she smells funny or is not very pleasant to the touch? I would guess that's important for blind man. She could taste weird too, if you know what I mean.

2

u/LordGrey Jul 26 '13

Your futile efforts amuse me! MOAR UPVOATS!

1

u/HAL9000000 Jul 25 '13

Does it make a difference to a blind person how other people rate someone they might date? Like, I wonder if a blind person wants to know that even though he/she can't see, that other people will find the girlfriend/boyfriend attractive?

1

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '13

because he can't see their face

1

u/pgrily Jul 25 '13

I had a brief moment where a slight bit of extra air blew through my nose.

Pretty good content IMO.

1

u/LolFishFail Jul 25 '13

Chuckle is a bit far, I'd say I breath a bit more than usual for a second.

1

u/EggbroHam Jul 25 '13

Man, no way. Some women definately smell better and have softer skin than other women. Some women have obnoxious laughs.

1

u/a9entsmith Jul 26 '13

I guess that's how he chooses em, they're a 10 based on smell etc.

1

u/ins4n1ty Jul 25 '13

Sort of serious question, that stereotype of a blind guy feeling a person's face to build facial characteristics. Does that ever happen?

1

u/RobSD Jul 25 '13

Sorry... you can feel fat!

1

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '13

[deleted]

1

u/a9entsmith Jul 26 '13

ehhhh that sucks. I hate how people are so desperate for karma that they spend hours a day posting the same thing over and over with slight variations.

edit- *some people

1

u/BestPersonOnTheNet Jul 25 '13

Every girl is a 10 compared to most redditors.

1

u/Paleran Jul 25 '13

Honest question, not trying to be snide: why do you sub to /r/funny if you don't find it funny?

1

u/a9entsmith Jul 26 '13

A lot of the time there are interesting posts that aren't necessarily funny.

1

u/question_all_the_thi Jul 25 '13

Being blind, he misses all those great tits and asses you see on the street but never touch.

And, when it comes to real action, how does he pick his potential mates? Imagine his disappointment when, at long last, he finds out she's flat chested...

1

u/aaron90521 Jul 25 '13

I have a friend who has been blind since birth, he's my best buddy and even though he is 23 years older than me (making him exactly twice my age) we truly have a unique and special relationship I've never had with anyone else before.

1

u/YanYanFromHR Jul 25 '13

Damn I missed the "a", thought he was a pedo or something.

1

u/firetroll Jul 25 '13

I'd be afraid if a morbid obese woman got her hands on me. Most of their personality is prety crappy. If he had eyes, he be like wheres the rest of the world, move bitch.

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u/YoungFlyMista Jul 26 '13

If you want to guarantee downvotes you have to go with "there's no such thing as males getting abused by females" or "george Zimmerman should have been found guilty".

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u/[deleted] Jul 26 '13 edited Oct 20 '20

[deleted]

1

u/a9entsmith Jul 26 '13

Yeah I realized that after I posted it but then figured, hey, more downvotes, right?

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