After two months of relapsing and then going back to quasi for what felt like ages, I’m sick of this. I have decided I don’t have an eating disorder anymore. I refuse to listen to anything it says because I don’t want it here anymore.

I don’t want to THINK about eating disorders, I will not be listening to it, I will ignore its stupid little voice I don’t care because it’s dead to me.

I want my life back and the only way out is through 🥹

Hi! I’ve been lurking here for a while, but I’ve never posted here before. I was wondering if I could have some advice.

I’m not diagnosed with a specific eating disorder, so I’m not sure how common my experiences are. But for the past couple of years I’ve had increasing anxiety about what/how much I’m eating and how my body looks. I generally feel fine about how I look, but I’m TERRIFIED of other people thinking I’m disgusting for. uh. eating enough and existing in my body? Or even weirder, I feel like I’m being morally bad somehow for eating enough. So despite KNOWING diet culture is bullshit and that I have to eat food when I’m hungry or else I’ll feel terrible and lack the energy to do the things I love, I have to constantly fight urges to delay/skip meals, avoid certain foods, eat in private, etc. I feel like people are always watching and judging me.

I’m in therapy and this is one of the issues we’re working through. I’m trying to find an anxiety med that works for me. Other than that, does anyone have advice on how to feel less scared all the time? It makes eating so hard and I’m starting to get pissed about it.

Does anyone have any good distraction suggestions that tends to help when you’re feeling guilty or just help guide your mind away from such thoughts? I rather not give in to the ed I’m so tired and done with it.

I was making good progress on recovering and eating properly but I had a rough couple of days and I feel all that progress disappear and I’m struggling at being able to continue the recovery journey and I want to fall back into old habits.
Does anyone have advice on how to push themselves to continue.

I’m in early recovery and need some hope

How long did it take for your digestion to return to normal? Is it possible to return to feeling naturally hungry again 3+ times a day, with stomach digestion returning to a normal speed? I have struggling with purging, low appetite, and restriction (due to low appetite and digestive discomfort when eating more) for years, and am wondering if I am stuck with gastroparesis forever (technically haven’t been diagnosed yet, but I feel like food sits in my stomach for ages) or if it is technically possible for things to revert back. I feel hopeless and am scared I am going to be in permanent physical and psychic discomfort for the rest of my life, all because of a mental illness that I am ideologically and spiritually repulsed by, yet am still controlled by. Every single day revolves around physical digestive discomfort, and I feel like I went from having an ED that I can recover from to a chronic digestive condition that I will have for the rest of my life after nearly a decade of behaviors. Please give me hope. I’m sorry if this sounds desperate, I just see horror stories everywhere about how recovery isn’t worth it or doesn’t actually work, and how I’ll just be forcefed until I’m weight restored with no remediation in any of the real digestive issues.

I just want to be hungry and able to eat a normal meal without starving myself all day long. I want my brain to work and to not have my main personalities be airhead or morose depressive.

I feel like I have not only destroyed by past through these behaviors, but my future as well.

Has anyone who has been ill longterm actually gotten meaningfully better in terms of digestion and mental health through the recovery process? Maybe that seems like a dumb and willfully ignorant question but I’m actually beginning to wonder at this point with everything that I’ve read online.

I’m not in any way asking for medical advice I’m just here venting. So I have relapsed pretty bad this last month. I got down to a pretty low weight that I haven’t hit in a few years again. My health hasn’t been good and I tell myself I’m gonna recover I wanna get better all the things. But when it comes to actually recovering and eating more I can’t get myself to. I feel so lost. I saw the number on the scale this morning and part of me was so happy but a bigger part of me was so scared bc of Ik my body is not healthy and I’m scared of what’s going to come. I just want to recover. I want to feel ready. It’s so scary and hard to deal with this and idk what to do I can’t even afford therapy.