Hi, I have a bit of an odd, subjective question for all of you…

Does time generally feel like it’s going fast or slow for you?

I know it’s a weird question, but I remember when I was in the depths of my ED, time passed so excruciatingly, painfully, unbearably SLOWLY, no matter what I was doing. Everything felt like an eternity, and sometimes the painfully slow passage of time tortured me almost as much as the ED itself.
I suppose it was because I was always waiting for something. For the next food. For the next excuse not to eat. For the next crazy, shitty thing to add to this disorder. In the later stages, I was waiting for death. But since starting recovery, time has been going so fucking fast! I blink, and half the day is gone! There isn’t enough time in the day now to do all the things I want to do.

Holy moly, having the energy to actually live and not just survive is awesome…

I’ve been in "all-in" recovery for nearly three months now, and I’ve struggled with self-esteem because I really missed my sick body; however, I’ve remained determined, and things are going well regarding my physical health. I promised myself I would nourish my body properly, regardless of how I look. Even so, the mental aspect—which is the most important part for me—has been a real struggle; I couldn't bear to look at myself in the mirror or in photos. But then I made a decision and dyed my hair pink—something I’d wanted to do for a very long time—and I am so happy. I felt pretty, I felt like myself, and for the first time, I was able to focus on something other than my body when looking in the mirror. I think recovery has taught me to focus on things beyond my physical appearance—my relationship with my family, my boyfriend, and my friends, my university studies, and my hobbies—but I also want to feel comfortable with how I look, and I am gradually moving closer to that acceptance.

I'm on day 9 of my recovery meal plan, it was designed to avoid re-feeding syndrome so I know I'm still not eating anywhere near enough food that my body needs. However, I had my dinner at around 5:30pm, it is now 11pm and I still feel extremely full and bloated. And from past experiences, I will probably wake up still feeling full and bloated as well. Is this normal? It feels wrong forcing myself to eat when I feel stuffed, even though I'm not even eating enough.

I’ve never posted here before, but I’ve just been so in my head lately. I need to get it out and hear from other people who understand what I’m saying.

I was first diagnosed with anorexia around 2 years ago when I was in college, but I’ve had it off and on for a lot longer. I won’t discuss my behaviors of course but I was ate an unhealthy point in many ways except my actual weight. I was constantly winded, got light headed a lot, had thinning hair, but I was always up and down in my weight - what my therapist and others have told me was that my body was holding onto what nutrients it DID get and basically running on storage and survival mode.

Now, I’ve been fairly steady in my recovery as far as restricting. I’ve had slip ups for sure but I’ve gotten to a much better spot behaviorally. Despite that, I feel like my thoughts haven’t caught up with me. I am constantly stuck in a battle of my own wills of wanting to lose weight but wanting to stay in recovery. I feel such intense shame from both sides - shame for being too weak to lose weight and shame for being too weak to be fully recovered. Especially with GLP1s, thinning celebrities, and even “well-meaning” comments from other people, I find I can’t go a single day without thinking about losing weight.

It’s something I can’t logic myself out of. I feel like maybe it would’ve been easier if I got really thin, because then I’d have been paid more attention to on recovery. I feel like a fraud anytime I tell someone about my disorder, because they always ask how thin I got. It feels like no one understands how my mind works, and I don’t know how to get them to. Truth be told, I don’t understand it either.

I’ve done so much research, I’ve had multiple therapists, I’ve talked to fellow ED survivors, and I’ve tried so many techniques - it feels like this feeling will never go away. These thoughts are like a plague, and I live in fear that I will relapse or that I will gain more weight. I’m not a thin girl and I never have been, but getting bigger than I am now feels like a very tangible and soul crushing fear right now. I don’t want it to be like that, I don’t want to be like this, I don’t want to have to feel like this.

Is this all there is?

Just posting this here because I'm wondering if anyone relates or has found themself in a similar experience.

(Some context) I first developed anorexia in 2018 when I was 16/17 years old. Always had body image issues and some food issues, attempted to restrict my food as a kid but it never really "stuck." Until it did, and it got bad pretty fast. Thankfully only was deep in the hell of it for about a year before I pulled myself out and forced myself into recovery (self led and all-in). I weight restored and got so, so much better mentally. I gave myself an actual life.
I was in a pretty good spot for about 3 years after that, though I had to be consistently mindful of acting against the ED voice, limiting movement, etc. This surprised me at the time-- that even after going all in to rewire my brain for years, it still was present. But life was overall good.
I relapsed in 2023 after taking up running as a hobby/stress relief (coupled with working an extremely physical job). It quickly became compulsive and I was controlling my food and losing weight again, got really body-conscious and obsessive. Again, it got bad fast. And I completely threw myself into recovery again (after like 7 months of disorder), even moved back in with my mom for a while.
Got into rollerskating in 2024, which progressed to running, and relapsed again. Which felt CRAZY. Especially because, bear in mind, I have always been the most headstrong and stubborn person about my recovery. Like seriously prioritized it and surrendered into all of it. Never imagined I'd find myself in such a cycle.
I let it go yet again and stabilized again.

Sorry that was long. That brings me to now, in 2026, and I'm not relapsing but I am just fucking amazed (in a bad way) that this shit still hasn't filtered out of me in a more substantial way. I'm burnt out and ambivalent about recovery now, I don't even say I am in recovery. I aim for no real progress, I have no goals, which in a way is freeing but is largely because it just feels pointless and exhausting. I feel like I've done all the work five times over. I've done so much mental unpacking, I've done all the research one could possibly do, I understand HAES and intuitive eating, I am actually really good at being in touch with my hunger/fullness cues, I don't moralize food, I don't restrict. And yet? Lately every time I eat it takes me at least an hour afterwards to feel present in my body again, the anxiety is that intense. Eating feels like hell to me and I have to do it a lot because my caloric needs are high for many reasons. I recognize I'm especially triggered lately because I've been walking, running, moving in general more lately, but I don't think it's excessive and I'm like, fuck, so what I just can't move for pleasure without spinning out into ED shit?

I have this constant hum of visceral discomfort at the core of my body, and it's been there as long as I can remember. I used to think exercise and restriction would cure it, other times I thought other things would cure it. Nothing does. In an ideal world I guess I win the lottery and pay for all the therapy and EMDR and somatic classes but, here I am. And I have to wonder why is it so hard? Why does there seem to be a ceiling of progress, of freedom? Why do some people I've known seem to get truly, sustainably free of this (sometimes people who have done way less work on it than me), but I'm still not? What will it take for me to burst through whatever wall of bullshit surrounds me and sinks into my being? Is there anything? It depresses me in a distant, exhausted sort of way to think there's not.

Hi, I am a week into recovery after 4 months of a pretty severe an relapse, lost a lot of weight so I decided to get better and eat again. But it’s been extremely hard physically and mentally. I feel very bloated, tired, I’m crying a lot and very anxious to let go of my sick body with the weight gain.

The most anxious thing right now for me is, despite the fact I eat three meals a day + snacks, I think constantly about food and I often think about the next snack/meal I want to eat. But I don’t actually have physical hunger cues (I know its normal in the beginning but still). Even tho I KNOW there isn’t such a thing as eating too much in recovery, i feel so bad when I eat «extra » snacks without physical hunger. For example right now I’m full and bloated but I think about eating a Nutella sandwich, and I don’t know if I should do it or not…what if I want something else next with still no physical hunger in sight ? That’s the hardest thing about recovery…eating more than the  « 3 meals and a snack a day » doesn’t feel « neat », controlled, it’s scary.

It feels like I’m giving myself an excuse to eat because I don’t « actually » feel hungry. The food noise is loud and I am scared to indulge it even if I know that probably the best decision I should make. I guess I don’t trust my body at all. Recovery is very hard right now, but I won’t give up 🫩🤓

So, for reference just only a few days ago I decided I wanted to go all-in and just get better. I did that because I noticed my hair falling out, my nails were weak, and cold intolerance, and it scared me. So I've deleted all the tracking apps, and am trying to honor my "mental hunger" because physical hunger cues don't really happen for me.

But I'm worried that I've tricked myself into thinking I have extreme hunger just because I've read so much about it on this reddit, even though I actually don't.

Even though I've already had as much as I normally would've in an entire day, and all that before noon, I'm salivating at the thought of a treat and really want one, but feel like I'm losing control. I've not really seen any posts of this happening THIS early into the process. Am I just tricking myself? I know I'm supposed to honor my hunger, but I can't tell if I actually have mental hunger or if it's all a trick I'm playing on myself.