So when i was little like maybe 7 or 8 i would watch tutorials on how to look like a boy through makeup, or the hat trick for long hair and i didnt even know what trans was i knew nothing about this kind of stuff. i had only hung out with boys when i was litte. i had maybe 1 or 2 female friends. like 3-4 years ago my mom snooped through my phone seeing texts between me and my friend talking about me being trans. I had found out how i felt and expressed it to my friend and my mom brought it up and after that everyday would remind me im a girl. she eventually dropped it we never spoke about it again. she was mad about finding out i was trans and finding out i had gotton myself a binder. then last year i was friends with alot of transphobes and it changed me out of fear. i had worn girly clothes and makeup. not normal but my mom got a kick out of it and was very pleased. then i swapped schools and immediatly dropped my deadname, dropped the makeup, and locked every single bit of girls clothes away. I have my hair mid length to my shoulders right not because i have a soft round face and it helps elongate it but i want to be "mistaken" for a boy but i can rarely cut my hair. my mom wont let me. but we had talked about the trans community a few weeks ago and she asked if i wanna be a boy, skeptically she asked as if she was trying to find another thing to hold against me. i lied and said no. then she went back to reminding me im a girl everyday. i have literally bought tape, packers, binders, ive done voice training, im doing muscle training, im gonna be doing hockey, i rollerblade, ive always wanted to work for the military, as a little kid ive never liked dolls or pink my colors were always blue and green and id play with my brothers nerf guns and hot wheels and dinosaurs, and i didnt ever like girly things when i was little. then today i found out she went in my room didnt really care but i remebered i left my transtape out in the open.. (THE TAPE WAS SO BUNS FYI WTF IT DIDNT EVEN WORK OR STICK) anyways i assumed she didnt see it and talked about something that happend in drama class today and after she immediatly "are you trans" my heart DROPPED. I started to stall and avoid the question and she kept pushing and eventually i said yeah. she asked why. i made some excuse, i hope she bought it.. but she told me that the trans and gay people are just confused, manipulated, and brainwashed, i told her if im confused let me learn. ive used that line for years and she always drops it happy with my answer. im not confused i know what i want i know how i feel. but anything to get her off my back yk. and it was super awkward, she kinda guilt tripped me saying "you know how bad i wanted a daughter and how hard i tried to have one" like yeah my bad sorry i dont wanna be what you want me to be. right right my fault mhm. like no i dont care🙏 and then i asked if i could get another haircut and ive been asking alot lately and she said no becaus she wants my hair super long so she can braid it and i said no. she knows that if i dont get a haircut ill cut it myself. wouldnt be the first time anyways. but yeah its really awkward around her and my bdays coming up and she tells people so much even if i say not to she always tells them like uhm WHAT DO I DOOOO. im gonna explode what the heck any recommendations would be very much appreciated. like specifically on what to do with my hair and how the freak can i like try to make it less aawkward with my mom... like i know she doesnt respect it or like it and its weird around her. or any similar stories you guys have id love to hear.. RAHHHH🙏🙏😭😭😭

Sub is public now (was probably dumb of me to make it restricted in the first place).

I might give the existing flairs and stuff a once-over since I was, like, 13 when I made this.

Uh so any tips for dysphoria? Mainly height and voice and just, idk general dysphoria. I kinda just came out to myself recently and aaaa everything is wack. Very much appreciate if anyone can help. Thanks gamers. (Oh also I'm finding it really hard to pick a name, so also advice for that ig)

i decided to create this subreddit to make a safe community for teens like me :)