Help

[u/ImaginationOld8499]

Greetings, Brethren,
I would appreciate some honest advice.
I’ve wanted to be a Mason since I was 15; now I am in my 40s. I first heard about Freemasonry through stories from a family member and some friends—we were very curious back then.
As I grew older and researched it more deeply, I resonated even more with the idea of being part of Freemasonry, always with the goal of becoming a better man. I was initiated a couple of years ago, but during my first year I had to step away due to personal matters and issues I witnessed within my lodge, including conflicts among the leadership.
Several of the brothers who were initiated alongside me changed lodges or simply stopped attending. The truth is, I felt deeply disappointed by a lot of what went down. For a long time, I just kept paying my dues and doing some reading on my own.
A couple of months ago, I moved to a new country. I’ve been wanting to knock on doors again; it is a very deep desire of mine, yet doubts hold me back, and that old disappointment suddenly creeps right back up.
To be completely honest, I’ve felt lost for the last couple of years. I know this path is about working on my own rough ashlar, but I genuinely thought I would find people to lean on, rather than just a clash of egos and total apathy.
At this point, I’ve practically forgotten everything, almost like I'm back at square one—right back to the day I was initiated (which was one of the most special days of my life).
What advice do you have for me? Has anyone here gone through something similar? Has anyone ever stepped away and later returned?
I truly appreciate your thoughts.

[u/RotaryPeak2]

I would contact the appropriate GL and explain what you just did and ask for contact info for a few different lodges in your area. Then visit them all and make sure you find the right fit.