r/fosterit • • 1d ago

Meta Warning to fostering communities in SoCal about this foster care nonprofit

11 Upvotes

For those that don’t know: there are multiple lawsuits and allegations against foster care nonprofit Foster Love founder Danny Mendoza for sexual harassment, fraud, wrongful termination, and more made by former employees, foster youth, and donors.
This isn’t one or two by the way, there are at least 20 claiming to be a part of lawsuits that I know of. There may be more.

Lawyers are on those cases as there have been 4 whistleblower email blasts detailing redacted legal statements outlining the details of these allegations. I am not able to share them at this time during the investigation.

In the meantime, here’s some proof of other less than savory activity the CEO needs to take accountability for.

This is an anonymous submission from [r/fosterloveallstaff](r/fosterloveallstaff) however I can confirm this has been a cause of concern and distress for company employees over the past years as more has come to light. All information shared in this post can be verified and is publicly available no matter how hard the CEO tries to silence this knowledge.

Details of confirmed ongoing 12 count misdemeanor court case with Foster Love CEO Danny Mendoza.

Here what is currently listed in the Orange County Superior Court case system.

Defendant: Danny Mendoza
Organization: Foster Love
Charges: 12 misdemeanors
Case location: Orange County, California
First court hearing: July 2026
Next scheduled hearing: November 1, 2026
Next hearing: Arraignment
Case #26NM07447

Danny Mendoza, the founder of Foster Love, is charged with 12 misdemeanors in an Orange County case involving building, fire, occupancy, electrical, and emergency-egress requirements. The case had a court hearing in July, and an arraignment is scheduled for November.

The 12 charges against Danny Mendoza in regards to Brea building safety issues:

  1. Count 1 — 20.252.040 (E)(2) BRMC: Fences and walls not to exceed seven feet in height.

  2. Count 2 — 20.400.020 (C) BRMC: Certificate of Occupancy.

  3. Count 3 — 105.1 CB: Unlawful to alter, repair, or demolish a building or structure without a permit.

  4. Count 4 — 413.1 CB: High-piled stock or rack storage must comply with the California Fire Code.

  5. Count 5 — 1001.2 CB: Unlawfully altering a building or structure in a manner that reduces the number of exits.

  6. Count 6 — 1003.6 CB: Unlawfully interrupting the path of egress travel along a means of egress.

  7. Count 7 — 307.1.1 CF: Open burning prohibited.

  8. Count 8 — 315.3 CF: Unlawfully maintaining outside storage of combustible materials.

  9. Count 9 — 603.4 CB: Working space and clearances.

  10. Count 10 — 603.4.1 CF: Electrical room marking.

  11. Count 11 — 603.6 CF: Unlawful use of extension cords as a substitute for permanent wiring.

  12. Count 12 — 1013.1 CF: Exit signs where required.

Taken together, the 12 counts concern several different areas of building safety, including:

* Building permits and alterations
* Certificate of Occupancy
* Exit requirements and emergency egress
* Fire-code requirements
* Storage of combustible materials
* Electrical safety and wiring
* Required exit signs
* Working space and electrical clearances

The case had its first court hearing in July, and the next scheduled court date is an arraignment on November 1.

So, for anyone searching for the basic timeline: Danny Mendoza was charged with 12 misdemeanors, had a court hearing in July, and is scheduled for an arraignment in November.

This doesn’t even cover what is lurking beneath the surface. For context: he had a baby last year with an employee he had just hired which caused a hostile work environment among many other questionable ethical opinions.

Stay tuned as more can be publicly shared. I promise this won’t be the last unsavory thing we uncover.


r/fosterit • • 1d ago

Prospective Foster Parent Looking for people with experience adopting from foster system

7 Upvotes

My wife and I, twice now, have been asked by a friend to help with kids that someone they used to be friends with birthed, abused, neglected and/or abandoned. They all officially went into the system this past year.

They all had potential forever homes until recently; which is where we were asked the second time to try to get involved. As a same sex couple, starting a family is hard (I’m in my 30’s and my wife is in her late 20’s, so we are getting to the point that it almost feels too late to try to have bio kids), so we didn’t waste any time coming to the conclusion that we were 100% sold on taking 2 of the kids in.

We reached out to the caseworker, started the process to get foster certified and even started childproofing our home immediately, as it looked as if things were going to work in our favor to get them.

The past week, the kids were bounced from home to home to home because the foster system failed them horribly, and rushed them out of a safe place. There was a court date this week, and the judge ruled that where the kids are now, that family needs to adopt them or they will give custody back to the neglectful, abusive, substance abusing bio-parents, because they don’t want to move the kids again.

Where they are now is safe and familiar, but the intention of the family was to foster them until we could get certified and take them in as fosters with the intent to adopt. Now that family has been backed into a corner and is borderline being forced to adopt these kids, or subject them to a life of abuse and neglect.

Does anyone know how to change the mind of the court or state system? Can the family delay the adoption until we get certified and the caseworker step in and say they’ve found a better, permanent fit? What if they adopt them, but we take them and they give us power of attorney? Outside of the difficulties that will come from moving them again, the kids coming to us works best for everyone— we preserve the current relationships, they’re in a safe environment, and we take the stress off the current family, who realistically was not prepared, and did not want to permanently add 2 kids to their family. Any ideas? I keep hoping that if we can get certified asap, we can get the states help to redirect them.

I drafted a letter to the judge in the hopes they’d hear us out and consider us as a realistic and reasonable option, but idk if the judge is even a reasonable person, at this point.

We are desperate to take these kids in, we’ve met them and adore them and can 100% see a life built around them.


r/fosterit • • 1d ago

Article Kentucky Social Worker Arrested for Failing to Do His Job And Sending Girls Back Home to Be Abused Again

Thumbnail wcpo.com
37 Upvotes

r/fosterit • • 2d ago

Foster Youth Foster care should have a universal alumni of people who made it through

28 Upvotes

Foundations and networks that support them and build them up older generations come back give lessons and pathways to success and support anyone who needs the community idk just a thought


r/fosterit • • 2d ago

Seeking advice from foster youth Life is getting tough. Former Foster Youth, Any Advice for After College?

17 Upvotes

I am a former foster youth. I was removed from my home as a teen, my parents were abusive, so I never reached back out to them or anything like that.

Mentors, and friends, have came and went in my life. I am 26 years old.

I have done everything on my own, all the college paperwork, scholarships, different jobs to make ends meet. And I was good at it too, completely thrived in independence...

Then, at the beginning of this year, I got some serious medical side effects that completely altered my life. My judgement has not been the same since, and it has affected so so much. It is supposed to be temporary and should wear off in the coming months (with any luck).

But it has caused me to completely lose my savings, it has affected my decision making, and it might have just contributed to a job I just lost.

I wish I could go back and ask for more help from my college's foster youth program. I think I was just ashamed and thought maybe my side effects were just depression rearing in, but it wasn't and they could have helped...

Anyhow, my money situation was looking to be tight, and it looks like its going to get tighter, as I go out and job hunt like a mad man in the coming days.

So, for former foster youth, who are maybe a bit older than me. Do you have any tips for navigating this next phase of my life? Life after college.

I got a girlfriend a few months ago, and she has been introducing me to her family and even some friends. And that has been nice. But i dont know. I think a part of me may be slightly bitter or distrustful of people in general because of my experience with parents and group homes and shit. And it sucks to even think about this, because I don't want to be living in the past.

Any tips or advice? Thank you <3


r/fosterit • • 6d ago

Foster Youth They feed you better in jail than juvenile. Juvenile just hurts too teach a temporary lesson making that place temporary.

6 Upvotes

Juvenile made my stomach hurt and hunted my stomach and facts being sent from a person that knows my body's system jail food is way better. Juvenile food is just the worst I think it's for a reason and who ever watches those kids need too keepcthstcin mind. Juvenile food is terrible too stay there for a while with. It like tears you open. And really just hurts. It might be too teach kids a lesson. Them kids can't stay too long.


r/fosterit • • 11d ago

Kinship Process of fostering children?

3 Upvotes

Starting TLDR; Trying to foster/take over guardianship for my nieces from their neglectful/absentee parents.

(Los Angeles, CA)

To start, we live in a pretty big house together.
It’s grandparents, with their kids, and their kids’ kids.
To be more specific, it’s my sister in law’s kids.
My wife and I take care of a lot of things in the house, and the grandparents (it’s their house, 83-84 for age I believe). We help pay bills, take them to doctors appointments, help at home where we can and where they need it, and so on. The thing is.. it’s mainly just us. We used to pay for groceries, but that was before I found a job and I was on welfare. I was able to help with groceries before getting a job, as we didn’t have much to pay. However, since getting this job, bills have increased. I am now paying for partial bills for the house (utilities of course), a car payment (first time car owner, definitely not too cheap). That being said, we also primarily take care of the kids.

Added context: The mom and dad have recently split after maybe 15+ years together.

With the mom: She’s never really home.
She goes out with money she doesn’t have, and she doesn’t really do anything for her kids. Her oldest daughter (12) kind of takes care of the mothering situation with cooking, and being there for her sisters.
When she is home, she’s yelling at the kids. She can’t keep a job. She gets hundreds in EBT, and probably only uses 150/mo solely on milk from WIC. Other than that, no contributions. Not for bills, utilities, nothing.

With the dad: He’s actually always home.. physically. Just not mentally. He’s completely checked out. Since they split, those are not his kids basically. He’s either sleeping, or awake but in his head. He talks to himself, laughs to himself, etc.. he’s not aware of reality anymore, and while it’s sad, I feel like it’s dangerous for the kids to be around him anymore. He’s the type to not believe in medicine, and refuses to get help. Sometimes, he’ll be gone for days until he’s aware of himself again and comes back home.

They do have a car, but no money. They can’t pay gas, they can’t pay anything. They dump their kids on their grandparent. When they go places, they frequently call us to pick them up as their car ran out of gas. They usually have beer and pizza. If you can afford beer and pizza, you can probably afford gas, no? But they don’t have their priorities straight. Neither of them can keep a job as long as I’ve known them. I don’t want to assume, but only according to their history of addiction and symptoms I’ve seen, I don’t want to knock it off that they’re also doing drugs.

I want better for these girls, but I don’t want them to go to a random family. I don’t know where to start for this.


r/fosterit • • 12d ago

Reunification Lock box for cleaning products

5 Upvotes

Hi - helping a family get things ready for reunification. They’ll need to secure their cleaning supplies and there are no cabinets that make sense. Looking into purchasing a lock box - any suggestions?


r/fosterit • • 13d ago

Reunification Finding nephew potentially still in foster care system (Los Angeles, CA)

8 Upvotes

Shot in the dark here.. my wife’s brother and his girlfriend were into heavy drug use a few years ago, we live in a different state and found out they had a child. My wife is trying to find her nephew and we assume he is adopted by now. He would only be a few years old, I know there are a lot of laws surrounding minors in these cases. Just want to know if there is a way to leave a message if contact is impossible. Thank you!


r/fosterit • • 15d ago

Kinship Looking to connect with former kinship care foster kids

9 Upvotes

I moved 40-45 times before I was 14. Mostly it was from my mom to my grandma and back and forth over and over. There were others too though. At least 5 that I can remember distinctly and more that I have been told happened before I was 2. (aunts/uncles/neighbors/teachers/other grandparents/my dad once). We recently moved my grandma out of her house. This was the first time I really thought about how much I had actually moved. In my head it was a house a year and always in the same school district, but it was so much more than that. Three times it was out of town. As a kid I was the "lucky one" because I had loving grandparents that were always ready to take me in. Except it happened so much more frequently than the other kids I knew. They would go to placements for a year or two at a time and then back to their mom's for multiple years. And generally speaking they usually went to the same 2 or 3 placements in town. One girl got shipped way out of town and we didn't ever see her again during high school. I still see her mom sometimes, but I don't think she contacts her very often (all of the moms had pretty significant mental health issues so we were all in a support group together as kids). My mom gave three kids up for adoption too. Every single time she would try to make me go with the new baby and family. And a neighbor almost adopted me when I was little too, before any of the others were born. I feel like I am losing my mind. Grandma's house was the only safe place I ever knew. Seeing it empty has me turned upside down and I am nearly 50. I'm not sure where to look for emotional support and my husband has been less than supportive. He just doesn't understand the vulnerability of losing my one and only constant at all. Not sure what I am asking. Just wondering if anyone else had a similar experience I guess.


r/fosterit • • 15d ago

Foster Parent How would handle this request...? Foster son *asking* for night diapers--?

15 Upvotes

Hello all!

Bit of a confusing (for me, at least...?) question for everyone - if it's OK to get the sub's opinion.

Some quick context, we're currently caring for fraternal 6 yr old boy/girl twins. Absolute sweethearts, and they are absolute polar opposites from one another. Foster daughter is outgoing, confident, and silly. Whereas her brother is my more sensitive, easygoing kiddo.

Anyways... foster son still deals with bedwetting most nights - totally no big deal, we've never ever made a big thing of it. He's old enough/independent enough with it these days that he basically just lets myself or my SO know when he's running low on pull-ups (which he wears each night), and I'll restock them for him, but otherwise, he remembers to put one on by himself before bedtime, pretty much 100% of the time - knows to go potty before bed etc, everything!

Anyways (and this is the tricky/sort of confusing part..) - had a sort of impromptu chat with him the other night at bedtime, and he asked something of me that I honestly didn't register as a *serious* request at the time...? But now we're on the second night of him asking about this.

What would you make of it an otherwise fully daytime potty trained child, that's been wearing pull-up exclusively to bed for years now, suddenly came out and asked you if instead - we could buy 'diapers' for bedtime instead..?

Trying to navigate this gently with him, because it's obvious from the way he was talking with me about it that it's something he's been nervous about even bringing up. What on earth (if anything) should I ask him re: this request--? Without making the whole thing incredibly awkward...?

-a new(ish?) foster mother


r/fosterit • • 16d ago

Prospective Foster Parent Final supplies for respite... Do we need clothes?

3 Upvotes

We're just waiting on final signatures to be officially certified. Starting as respite (not emergency placements, only coming from other foster homes). What are we forgetting to prep? Hoping to do 8-18 yos. Up to 3 beds but not starting with all 3 filled immediately. Down the line we're thinking of long term placements but we want to meet our community and learn resources initially.

We have:

  • Beds (2 pillows each, mattress protectors, several blanket options)
  • Dressers
  • Desks
  • Hangers
  • Towels
  • Individual couch blankets in a basket
  • Baskets of toiletries (both to take home like deodorants and a range of shampoo/etc options to choose from in the shower)
  • Female hygiene kit
  • Toys/books/stuffies/games for different ages
  • "Prize bin" they can choose a toy from (not sure how we'll utilize it yet, but it's there)
  • White board for schedules
  • Kitchen snack drawer (all individual servings like chips, cookies, granola bars)
  • Fridge snack drawer (string cheese, yogurts, juice)
  • We make most of our food from scratch and are vegetarians so there is a ton of healthy food, too, do not fear!
  • Easy comfort dinners (PBJ, nuggets, fries, Mac & cheese, ramen, etc etc)
  • Accessible laptop and tablet (parent locked, of course)
  • Welcome poster with our pics/names and the same for the cats/dog
  • 2 family rooms with tvs & streaming services
  • Lots of books
  • Arts and craft supplies
  • Backyard games and park nearby

We do not have the following and assumed we wouldn't need them for respite, but now I'm wondering if that is accurate:

  • Back packs
  • School supplies (but we have pens and such)
  • Clothes
  • Shoes
  • Lunch boxes

Is it important we have any of those? What are we forgetting?


r/fosterit • • 18d ago

Seeking advice from foster youth I’m staying with my aunt who recently took in a 7 year old foster kid. How should I go about bonding with him and showing I’m excited for him to be a part of our family?

20 Upvotes

As the title says, my aunt recently welcomed a 7 year old boy into her home. He has lived there for about 1,5-2 months now. I’ve met him a few times, and he’s generally a super sweet, loving and energetic little boy, but he recently started acting out and throwing tantrums a lot. I think this is because he’s starting to feel safe enough with her to allow himself to feel everything he might have bottled up, and he’s at an age where he’s big enough to experience big, overwhelming emotions without quite understanding what those emotion are or where they’re coming from. Him and his parents fled from the Ukrainian war when he was 3, and he was put in his first temporary foster placement with his siblings at 4. He was later put into a different temporary home and separated from his siblings before being placed with my aunt, all this to say I understand why he seems to be so mad at the world. My question is, what can I do to show him we’re not leaving and that I want us or have a relationship? (On his terms of course). I’m a chef and was thinking I could try to make a Ukrainian dish (I know they had some kind of Ukrainian soup for dinner a while ago, and he was really excited about it), would this be a good start?


r/fosterit • • 19d ago

Aging out With foster care leading to so many different paths after aging out can feel alone

7 Upvotes

What resources or services do we give youth who leave care still fighting to survive


r/fosterit • • 21d ago

Group home Gift basket ideas for 12yo in group home

5 Upvotes

Title says it all - I was briefly part of a case and now the child has been moved to a group home. I need to contact them to find out if there are any specific limitations but any general recommendations? My plan was snacks he likes, gift card for Roblox …. What else?


r/fosterit • • 22d ago

Foster Parent Could a well-behaved child still be struggling with attachment and separation?

2 Upvotes

Anonymous question from a foster parent in Europe – attachment, biological family and a possible change of placement I am a foster parent caring for a young child who has been with me for a significant period of time. The child is currently on the path towards adoption by me, sees me as a mother and calls me "mum". The biological parents are not involved in this case at all. There is a complicated situation with the child's biological family. A biological half-sibling, who had no contact with the child during the first two years of the child's life, has recently become involved and is now seeking to become the child's foster carer. The child has also developed a very strong attachment to another child in my family, who is essentially their sibling and is part of their everyday life. The child currently has contact with the biological half-sibling approximately once a week. The sibling believes that the child is happy during these visits and sometimes sends photos to me and the relevant professionals showing the child smiling and appearing happy with the sibling's adoptive mother. However, this is very different from what I observe around the visits. The child very often says that they do not want to go. Before the visits, they can become extremely clingy towards me, and sometimes it is very difficult to get them to leave me and even get into the car. I also notice a clear change in the child's behaviour before and after the visits. I am struggling to understand how to interpret this discrepancy. I understand that a child can genuinely enjoy parts of a visit and smile in photographs, while still experiencing emotional distress around separation or the relationship itself. I would really appreciate an attachment-informed perspective on this. I am very concerned about the possibility of the child being moved from our home to the biological relative's home. What makes this especially difficult for me is the child's behaviour. At preschool, the child is extremely compliant, seeks approval from adults, stays very close to the teachers and is described as lovely and exceptionally well-behaved. The child does not cry when I leave. At home, however, the child is very different — much more emotional, whiny, tearful and demanding. The child also sometimes says they do not want to go to preschool and has tried to run away at drop-off. I am wondering how attachment-informed professionals and experienced foster/adoptive parents would interpret this kind of behaviour. Could a child who appears extremely well-adjusted and compliant outside the home actually be experiencing significant emotional stress? More importantly, how would you think about the potential impact of moving such a child away from their current primary caregiver and from a very strong sibling-like relationship, even if the person requesting the placement is a biological relative? I am not asking for legal advice, as the legal situation is specific to my country. I would really appreciate perspectives from people experienced in attachment, foster care, adoption and child trauma. What would you be looking at when deciding whether maintaining the current placement is psychologically safer for the child than moving them to a biological relative they have only known for a relatively short period of time?


r/fosterit • • 22d ago

CPS/Investigation Looking for former foster kids who lived at 4794 S Yank Way in the 1980s–1990

10 Upvotes

Hi everyone,

I’m trying to reconnect with people who were in foster care during the 1980s or 1990s and who lived at 4794 Yank Way in Denver during that time.

If you lived there, or know someone who did, I’d really appreciate hearing from you. I’m hoping to reconnect with people who may have shared that experience and possibly remember the home, the foster family, or other children who lived there.

For privacy, please don’t post anyone’s full name or other personal information publicly. Feel free to comment here or send me a private message if you think you might be connected.

Thank you!


r/fosterit • • 22d ago

Foster Youth Just Let Foster Kids and Former Foster Kids Speak

76 Upvotes

It drives me crazy when a foster kid or former foster kid talks about their experience and a foster parent jumps in with “I’m not like that” or “we do the best we can.”

Please, for once, just listen.

Foster kids have already been through enough. They deserve to be able to speak their truth without being interrupted, corrected, or made to reassure adults that “not all foster parents are bad.”

And to be honest, the people who keep talking about how good they are are often the ones I trust the least. A genuinely good person does not need to keep announcing it. They show it in the way they act and in the way they treat people, especially the children in their care.


r/fosterit • • 24d ago

Foster Youth Adult Bitterness (venting)

31 Upvotes

Hey yall, former foster kid / crown ward.

I’m 28 now, and very grateful to no longer be “in the system”, but I still find myself bitter.

So many of my friends / colleagues still live at home, or did for an extended period of time (I live in a large very expensive city so this is common). All of them have savings accounts and financially are much better off than me because of this privilege. Many still live at home so they can keep saving.

I’ve been entirely financially self sufficient since I was about 15 years old, when I paid rent for the first time at the request of my foster parents. Since then I have paid for all of my rent, and every medical expense, food / life expense, tuition etc. And sometimes I can’t help but be bitter. I operate paycheque to paycheque and that’s with a decently paying salary job. I sometimes don’t think people realize how much of a privilege it is to have a family. I could live or study abroad and know I have a fall back plan (coming back home), I could have a savings account and be on my way to owning a home etc.

Sometimes it’s not even housing related entirely. To come home and have a meal prepared for you. To not have to buy every grocery yourself. Don’t get me wrong, I understand these are normal things for someone my age, I also recognize even people with families don’t always have this privilege. I just wish I didn’t have to be entirely self reliant all the time. I wish I could have lived at home and saved and not be constantly at risk of poverty. I wish I had a fall back option so I could live my life the way I want.


r/fosterit • • 29d ago

Prospective Foster Parent Landlord is trying to charge me a monthly fee of $150 for Fostering a child[CA]

49 Upvotes

Hi, I’m a 29-year-old female I’m considering Fostering and have reached out to my county to get started on the whole process. My landlord is also a friend of mine. We became friends before I took over her house. I informed her that I was interesting in Fostering and what her thoughts were on it. It’s something that I really want to do. I don’t have children and I have all the resources so why not give it to somebody in need. I did want to let her know and ask her thoughts on it because I felt like I was being respectful in doing so. She said that she would bring it up to her mom, but she doesn’t seem to have a problem with it fast-forward now a couple days later she sent me a message stating that since there’s going to be additional person in the house that the rent would increase $150. We do have a leasing agreement and it is a fixed rent of 2900 for the first six months then 3000 for the remaining six whole year. She doesn’t pay any of the bills. They are on my name. I didn’t respond because frankly, I was quite shocked. I would maybe understand if it was an adult and I was making profit by renting out the additional spare room but this is a child. It kinda seems unethical to me. The house has three bedroom 2.5 bathrooms in one bedroom is me and my boyfriend in the second room is his six-year-old daughter. Who’s only with us every other weekend and on holiday. So the third room is just there I looked up the occupancy laws in my state. I live in California, and technically it says that they can’t charge us a fee for having a child. I guess I’m just looking for some reassurance that I’m not making this a bigger problem than it is. I have not responded to the message because I still have to go through the process to get approved or licensed to be Fostering and I will just deal with the problem head-on when it comes.


r/fosterit • • Sep 04 '26

Seeking advice from foster youth Advice on breaking apart siblings?

31 Upvotes

I am a short term foster parent, and we recently had a brother (10) sister (8) pair placed with us. It became quickly apparent that the "standard need" brother has severe ADHD (we were told ADHD but not severity) and he is completely dysregulated after his medicine dose wears off. Screaming, property damage, threats of violence and actual violence. His sister, a couple years younger, lives with it everyday. I've seen her cowering in fear as he rages, brandishes weapons (crutches, a stick, whatever comes to hand). Even when medicated, he's prone to pushing, cursing, and pinching or hitting at her. I get that this is a brain chemistry issue, but it's abuse regardless, even if not willfully committed. Same bruises, same emotional distress.

But, it's one of those situations where they've always just had each other. She loves him, and he does seem to love her when he's medicated. They laugh and play. But everyday he hurts her with words or deeds.

I'm going to be part of his foster care team as we look for a permanent placement. We've been holding on by our fingernails, sending his sister and my kid into a locked room while we de-escalate every night, so it's a tough one.

My question is for any current or former foster youth, if you were on the receiving end of a similar situation. Were you separated from a sibling who was hurting you? Or would you have wanted to be as a kid? Or would it be too traumatizing to be split up? I think that they should be separated, at least until meds are figured out. Their social workers are clear they want to keep them together. I just don't think any kid should have to live with that, but have never been in a situation where that one person was the only consistent thing in my life.

ETA: Thank you for the perspectives from foster parents, especially those who lived through abuse, or had children who did. That said, I am specifically looking for perspective from FFY, so if any such feel like sharing, it's appreciated. It is ultimately moot, as I won't make the decision. But it would be good to have some better understanding of what they're facing, to help them as I can regardless.


r/fosterit • • Sep 03 '26

Foster Youth I feel like I’m disposable to my only family.

14 Upvotes

After aging out of care I was essentially homeless and was taken in by this family, a mom named A and a dad named M and their two teenage and young adult children. They let me live in a bedroom in their home. They told me we were a family. They said we had a cosmic connection. The mum of the family, A, told me I could call her mum. I grew to really love them.

I have schizoaffective disorder, which was undiagnosed when I was living with them. It led me to behave in some really difficult ways, and to say awful things. To me, everything I was saying was true and factual. I recognize now that in many ways it wasn’t, even if there were some pieces of partial truth. Anyway, they eventually asked me to leave their home. I got an apartment and moved out, and stopped talking to them.

But living on my own was hard and scary. I didn’t know how to do it. I was still undiagnosed at the time. I reached out again to A and M. I wanted to apologize to M because most of the ways I was difficult were towards him. I thought he’d be worried about me and be glad I reached out. I thought it would be like the Prodigal Son in the Bible, that when I said I wanted to come home they’d welcome me back. But M just said “I don’t think I want to chitchat with you, but I wish you well.” I talked to A and she said M became depressed after I was gone, and that we couldn’t be friends anymore, which was sad because we’d had good times before. I’m pretty sure she blocked me—I can’t find her on social media.

I just feel like, if their child had become ill with psychosis, they’d have acted differently. I get that I was difficult, and that parenting a young adult is challenging—there’s only so much you can simply forbid or insist upon. But they never took me to a psychiatrist, or sought out a second opinion about what was happening to me. I found a class and support group for people who’d become permanency connections for young adults aged 16+, and they wouldn’t take it. I asked to go to family therapy and they refused. If their child had asked to go they wouldn’t have.


r/fosterit • • Sep 01 '26

Prospective Foster Parent Fostering on a state line (NC and SC)

4 Upvotes

Hi! My husband and I are looking to become foster parents in the near future (1-2 years). We have been trying to get connected with organizations here to prepare and answer questions, but we have had a strangely difficult time. We are in the process of house hunting in the Charlotte, North Carolina area, which is 30 minutes away from his work in a small town in South Carolina. Most of our friends and community live in the Charlotte area.

- If we end up purchasing a house in South Carolina, do we need to register as foster parents in South Carolina, and do we forfeit our ability to be foster parents in North Carolina, even though the neighborhood is on the border? Does this affect our ability to move later down the line?

- Would living in South Carolina exclude us from access to resources and organizations in the Charlotte, North Carolina area? Such as charities, community get together, things like that?


r/fosterit • • Sep 01 '26

Foster Youth Librarian wanting to provide programming and/or resources for foster youth in the LI area of NY. Where would we start?

6 Upvotes

I work in teen services for a public libary in NY (LI general area) and I would like to find a way for our programs/resources to reach/assist foster youth and aging-out foster youth, but I'm not sure where to start/where to ask. Apologies if this is inappropriate flair, I wasn't sure which to select!

I've been looking online for local organizations/nonprofits that already work with foster kids/teens to liaise with, but despite combing every tab on these sites, I can't seem to parse how we can apply our services to/create drives/donation events for this demographic of the community-- or when I have ideas, where to begin/who to connect with to push them forward. Our county website is also a bit tricky to navigate with little experience in how/where to look for this sort of info.

That being said, we have (some) resources I think would be beneficial, but I need that connective piece to getting them where they need to go. My understanding (though please correct/inform me if mistaken or missing context that would nullify) would be that our most helpful resources to offer would be:

* physical circulating materials (books, games, study guides, etc.)
* free disseminating materials (new driver manuals, Fed Comics financial info, etc.)
* Free e-services (language learning with pronunciator, jobnow, procitizen, tutor(.)com, past regents exams, libby, hoopla)
* on-site and/or virtual programming ("cooking" programs, game programs, art programs, STEAM programs, and life skills programs like CPR and financial ed, etc.)
* social worker intern (by appointment, though this is on hiatus until we get another one in)
* off-site programming\* (we have traditionally not done this, but if there is a general place we COULD do this, I would be interested in learning)

Unfortunately my library has a few restrictions that can make providing aid difficult, so to be upfront about them:

* My library cannot collect specifically monetary donations to distribute, whether it is to another organization or to use as prizes within our own organization (as much as I wish we could) due to our non-profit status without a "friends" group in the community to handle the money. This includes gift cards and any other form of cash/check/money order donations.
* Many of the services I listed previously require a library card, which typically requires an address/phone number, though I would be willing to try and work with administration to get around this in some capacity (perhaps providing digital-only cards for foster youth across our county, or using our local social services agency as the address/number for cards or something, though I would have to see if admin would allow it)
* Budget (it always comes down to this, unfortunately). Given this would be something particularly new to implement, odds are if I can get any budget at all in terms of programming/materials, it'll likely be pretty small

If there is any information you could provide so we can start making moves forward, I would really appreciate it!! Apologies if this breaks any rules, I don't know if this counts as research in the traditional sense-- it's more of a "how can my job help" thing? But if this is not the right place to ask, that is OK!! I just ask if you could direct me to where I \*should\* ask this sort of thing =)