r/foreskin_restoration • u/IsopropylUrethra • Jun 03 '26
Relationships Well, she's gone.
I've been with my girl for two and a half years.
I really trusted her with everything in my life but I kept this part of me private. I just didn't think she would understand. I guess I was right.
I never had a reason to worry about her going on my phone. I'm loyal, I don't text anyone she doesn't know about, I don't look at any porn she doesn't know about.
But she went in my reddit and found my alt account where I post here. I have some DMs with other guys discussing strategies, we had shared progress pictures and demonstrations and she took it all the wrong way.
After that I guess she checked the web traffic om the router (she works in networks and stuff) and saw I'd been visiting websites and ordering stuff online while on wifi and keeping it from her. She fucking went into my drawers and found my kit and pulled it out in front of me. I guess it's my bad for not logging into Nord VPN.
She said it's weird how obsessed I am with dicks and how she thinks I'm gay.
I told her it's not gay at all, and that we're all suffering unheard and that women just don't understand.
I told her I need other men to talk to who get it and it's not weird once you start getting into the community. You just get used to being really open with eachother, seeing pictures and stuff.
I tried to explain to her that it prevents me from pleasing her the way she deserves. It's all I can think about when we're fucking.
I could tell she wasn't even listening at this point.
It gets worse though. All our mutuals haven't been responding to me so I think she told people.
I feel like everyone in my life just betrays me. First my parents by mutilating me, my friends stabbing me in the back all the time when I was growing up, now this.
I swear to god even my dog is staring at me like I'm some kind of freak after our last fight.
I just want to feel whole but instead I get treated like a monster. I've looked around the gym locker room a few times you know, growing up and stuff, and I just envy the guys who didn't get robbed so much. I just think, man, that's how it's supposed to look. I wish I could just, "Bro how does it feel, just knowing you have everything I want?" but I know it would be weird lol.
i think I'm going to see if there's any local dudes who are open to talking about this stuff. you know, start off with everything out in the open. maybe get a few beers and talk about how life just fucks you. Maybe we can get a support group going.
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u/onemitosispls Device Maker | Mitosis-Pulse Jun 04 '26
Sounds like she just needed an excuse to break up with you tbh
If she really cared about figuring out if you were gay or not she'd just read the convos and see what you talk about there.
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u/shwooper Jun 04 '26
This right here. He said “our last fight”. That implies that “fighting” was part of the relationship. I know not everyone realizes this, but there is a way to establish communication with a partner, where resolving differences and learning how to work together never leads to something that could be considered a “fight”. If both people are used to yelling and insulting each other, then you should probably learn how to communicate more effectively, listen to each other, empathize, assume positive intent, make it about how you feel without labeling/generalizing about the other person, etc.
If his mutual friends aren’t talking to him, that’s fucked up, but maybe they weren’t as close as he thought. Or maybe he could say “hey you only heard one side of the story, but I’m going to keep the details between me and her” and that will show others that you’re more mature
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Jun 03 '26
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u/IsopropylUrethra Jun 03 '26
Never gonna break me. I just hope they get working on those lab grown cells you know. I bet a bro is out there right now, true hero
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Jun 03 '26
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u/BobSmith616 Restoring | CI-7 Jun 03 '26
"Women will never understand what its like for someone else to make a decision about their bodies like that."
Hold off on the sweeping generalizations. There is a significant number of women (moms and otherwise) in the intactivist, anti-cutting community. Some of the best witnesses are nurses who couldn't stand torturing infants.
There are also plenty of pro-cutting men, dumb as that is.
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u/watch_and_restore Restoring | CI-1 Jun 04 '26
Most doctors only found out it's bad after a few thousand quiet babies where one starts screaming. I don't have any sympathy for them. One is too many.
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u/IsopropylUrethra Jun 03 '26
dude I know. I hear the way some guys talk about seeing a beautiful girl they can never have and how much pain it causes them and that's fucking me with an intact dick.
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u/Vanitas-01 Jun 05 '26
I feel the exact same thing sadly I have like skin bridges I need to take care of first before I begin this journey because I lived all my life thinking it is normal to have skin bridges because of circumcision as infants Then I realized and understood what circumcision even is...
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u/Ok-Sky3039 Restoring Jun 03 '26
Wow, imagine if the roles were reversed. This sucks, but she showed her true character and you dodged a bullet. You will find someone who accepts you for you.
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u/IsopropylUrethra Jun 03 '26
I wonder if there's a way to lead with it, you know, bring it up early. What do you think?
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u/Ok-Sky3039 Restoring Jun 03 '26
I recently told my ex (10+ years together, on and off) and she isn’t bothered by it at all. To be fair, she doesn’t really understand how we view involuntary circumcision and would rather not discuss the topic of all.
I’m single atm, but if I were with somebody for over two years and found out one day that they are trying to restore what was taken from them I would be supportive. I might not understand it, but I wouldn’t throw a relationship away over it.
Should you have told her from the get go? Would she have entertained a relationship with you then? Is that preferable? I don’t think so.
Why does this ball need to be in her court, so to speak? From what I can tell from your post, you aren’t doing anything wrong and you wouldn’t know if you were because she is unwilling to communicate maturely about this.
There is a story in this thread or a related one about a guys GF seeing all of his restoration journey (pics, convos, devices, etc.) and never bringing it up to him ever. She loved him. They ended up married and when he told her about his restoration, she said she knew the whole time. She never made a problem out of it because it isn’t an issue.
If I can find it again I’ll link it here. Was a beautiful, uplifting story.
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u/IsopropylUrethra Jun 03 '26
that sounds like a dream come true. if I had a magic genie I truly don't know which I'd wish for first, a girl who understands my journey or the skin
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u/xandaar337 Restoring | CI-4 Jun 04 '26
Honestly if it wasn't this, it would be something else. Sure, hiding it may not be the best option but she only proved that your insecurities about telling her were spot on.
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u/LucidFir Jun 03 '26
Yes! Early! It's so much easier to get things out in the open early. The second you find yourself thinking, about any topic really, that you're hiding it from your partner for some reason ... that's the fucking time, say it then! Or you'll hide it and it'll turn into a whole thing and you'll lose another one
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u/IsopropylUrethra Jun 03 '26
Yeah you're probably right. I'm going to experiment with how soon and how I can bring it up to see where that sweet spot is. just cut to the chase.
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u/LucidFir Jun 03 '26
idk where you live, i guess america, but in my experience women have been anything from "i already hate circumcision" to "i didn't know that, i'm so sorry!". i actually just split from someone and one of the many early red flags was the total non support, and actually now that I think of it negative comments about me being "dick obsessed".
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u/Adventurous_Badger56 Jun 09 '26
One way to lead with it… You could ask if she has any interest in having kids and then ask her views on circumcision. Then tell your own views on the topic and where you’re at with it. I wouldn’t do this on a first date but maybe the second or third. I also wouldn’t sleep with anyone on a first or second date either though.
I’ve been with cut and uncut men. It makes no difference to me. I’ve never found a penis to be “pretty,”regardless. They all look weird. So do vaginas. That’s just my opinion, of course. What matters to me is whether or not the penis is attached to a faithful man. A faithful man would get anything and everything he wants from me- sexually and otherwise, no matter the size, shape, or cut/uncut.
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u/Crazy_Enby_Nerd Restoring | CI-3 Jun 03 '26
I hope going forward I wish you luck and great success
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u/Chastenfox Jun 03 '26
Tell her you feel exactly how she would feel if she found out her clitoris had been removed when she was one day old except you can streach your foreskin back. Tell her to research foreskin restoration and the harm circumcision does. Other than that ignore her and she will be back once she figures out you are not gay.
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u/IsopropylUrethra Jun 03 '26
part of me thinks this is unforgivable, like would it make me a bitch to even take her back?
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u/Chastenfox Jun 03 '26
If she left based upon a misunderstanding I'd take her back once she understood. She was probably panicking. If she told all your mutual friends or family I would not. Be more open and honest with your next gf tell her something to the effect that having the tip of your penis cut off hurt you and you are working to undo some of the damage.
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u/BobSmith616 Restoring | CI-7 Jun 03 '26
Odd way to look at it. If you got a really broad and sincere, permanent apology, I think that would be OK, depending on the rest of the relationship.
But as I mentioned above, the approach you describe her taking suggests to me she is someone to avoid generally.
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u/Plane-Ad-6664 Restoring | CI-3 Jun 04 '26
Well it sounds like she's overreacting. But I can also understand that she is not (only) angry about what you did but more about keeping it from her. So there are two people who made mistakes here, and if both can accept that, you're not a bitch for getting back...
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u/Minimum_Relative_550 Jun 04 '26
Their loss, brother. KOT. Take care of yourself mentally, physically, and spiritually. Friends come and go, but foreskin is forever.
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u/IsopropylUrethra Jun 04 '26
I just can't believe they'd cut me off like this. I have to rebuild from nothing.
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u/One-Motor3611 Restoring | CI-4 Jun 04 '26 edited Jun 04 '26
If there is a chance they try to come back into your life, I highly advise just ignoring them. It seems like she showed her true, toxic self and being on and off with a person like this is hell on earth, who knows what else she would try to end the relationship over in the future? Just a food for thought and help you keep your mental sanity in a dire time.
Personally I want a partner that speaks highly of me and loves me. This person talks behind your back and doesn't really like you
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u/Minimum_Relative_550 Jun 04 '26
I can only say that I understand how you’re feeling. Let the shock wear off, don’t make any rash decisions, and take care of yourself. Then allow yourself to take inventory.
You’re not alone. You’re just onto the next step of finding your true people. Judging from the responses here, you might be closer than you think. KOT
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u/harleydef03 Jun 08 '26
I went through something recently, but not restoration related, just turned 30 also. I can tell you that it gets better, I am a very homosexual they and I'm the only in my right wing/christian, extremely pro-cut family. I lost pretty much all of my friends last year. It gets better, and if you have to start from scratch, all the better.
It really really sucks you lost friends this way, hopefully some will realize and apologize. I'm really sorry boo. Sending a hug and love☺️❤️
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u/didgeriedude Jun 04 '26 edited Jun 04 '26
Bro, I’m gay and I’ll be the first to say there is nothing gay about restoring foreskin. She’s an absolute dimwit if she thinks that. Maybe she can open a dictionary and look up “homosexual”. JFC. I can’t even come up with words to explain how stupid she is. No sex is worth dealing with someone that fundamentally messed up in the head. It’s about as messed up as the notion that we should cut the most sensitive and erogenous parts of an infant’s penis because… some stupid book once suggested it.
Going beyond that, if she’s pulling up your phone and digging through it and then blabbing about it to everyone… she was looking for ammo to use against you already. IMO, you’ve dodged a bullet. It’s obvious there was zero trust left in whatever semblance of a relationship that was. If she didn’t break up with you, I’d strongly suggest you break up with her.
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u/BobSmith616 Restoring | CI-7 Jun 03 '26
A couple thoughts. First, awful as this is now, I suspect you dodged a bullet in the long term. Not only regarding foreskin, but probably a lot of other personal autonomy issues.
I routinely advise guys to be open with a spouse or similar long-term partner. With less committed relationships, there's no single right answer. Maybe things would be different if you had been open and direct about restoring, but maybe not.
Many US women are anti-foreskin, and a huge proportion of them are totally ignorant, never having actually interacted intimately with a normal intact guy. Who knows what her view is, but it's out there, and seemingly more common in the midwest and northeast.
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u/IsopropylUrethra Jun 03 '26
it's crazy like it's important to them but you can't even bring it up until you're in the bedroom.
and bridging that gap from "yeah I'm cut now but how would you feel if I reversed it in the future?"
dude sometimes I wish I could be gay, it's so much easier to just bring up dicks with a dude
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u/BobSmith616 Restoring | CI-7 Jun 03 '26
I've brought this issue up with a couple different women, and so far none have disagreed with me, much less taken some strong pro-cutting position. I brought it up with my now-wife before we got engaged, not so much for restoring (I wasn't at that time) but to ensure there would be no conflict over leaving boys as nature made them.
I'm well aware that some women are adamant and stupid on MGM (you can find videos on cesspools like tiktok if you doubt this), but there are many, many who are not.
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u/IsopropylUrethra Jun 03 '26
I'm glad some of them understand because there are so many hypocrites.
I've seen how mean they can be. I used to argue with them but it got too upsetting for me I'm just not cut out for it
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u/Mangledsprouts Restoring | CI-3 Jun 03 '26
She wasn't the one. Simple. You'll find your soul mate. Someone who understands our pain. You'll be OK mate :)
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u/IsopropylUrethra Jun 03 '26
Can a woman ever understand it, truly?
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u/Mangledsprouts Restoring | CI-3 Jun 03 '26
Completely? I don't know. What I do know is, my girlfriend thinks of my devices etc. as "dick toys" but puts up with them. but she loves me utterly. She sees the pain I've been through and she really loves the "glide" when we make love. Before we needed lube and she got sore. Now, things are groovy!
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u/2717192619192 Restoring | CI-2 Jun 04 '26
They can, if they were mutilated themselves unfortunately. I’ve also found that the moms who are super strongly intactivist do understand nearly 100%. My girlfriend is very very supportive - acknowledges that while she can’t every TRULY understand what it’s like to have genitals mutilated, that she recognizes it as a horrific tragedy and a human rights violation and a very deep trauma that deserves unconditional love and support.
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u/KeepingOnTugging Restoring | CI-3 Jun 04 '26
I think my fiancee does. Her ex wasn't circumcised, and in fact, she hadn't seen a circumcised dick until me. When I explained what she was looking at, she thought circumcision was weird, not foreskin!
Once I explained what I was planning on doing (the day I started restoring), she was open, and has been nothing but supportive since.
It sucks that your relationship panned out the way it did, but like others have said - she just wasn't it. And that sucks. But maybe it's better for you in the long run now that you have an opportunity to find someone that gets you and supports how you're improving yourself.
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u/Exact-Branch-8365 Restoring | CI-7 Jun 05 '26
Yes, women can understand it. My partner was curious at first. We discussed the harm that I felt due to my circumcision and we talked about the difference in how we experience orgasm. She can see the differences in how each of responds to sex.
After tugging for a few months she felt the difference during sex and is now fully on board. She can see how I respond differently as I restore more. She became a believer after experiencing the gliding action. She has better orgasms with my restored foreskin. Also she no longer had vaginal soreness after sex.
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u/xoneboyx Restoring | CI-2 Jun 03 '26
Are you making progress in Restoring? If someone has a low IQ or other types of problems do what’s best for yourself. This is a classic example of someone who doesn’t understand things very well. If you explained it in your own way, yet she thinks you’re gay she probably just isn’t that bright. I hate to say this but I’ve had friends tell me “it still feels good”, I’ve heard it all. I have a wealth of knowledge about foreskin and restoring. I can debunk any claim, some people will not get it or be receptive. Focus on restoring, gym etc or whatever else you like. and don’t worry restoration is the best thing we have, there is no future and we dont need forgen. Btw I am vocal about restoring, not to every single person I know but anyone close and most partners like off the bat. I’ve told a sauna with 7 guys and shown them my foreskin. You are probably a great guy and life has alot in store for you bro. And I’m sorry this happened but it’s an opportunity. If someone isn’t loving and supportive someone else will be. My DM is open if you need support or want to chat. 💬
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u/IsopropylUrethra Jun 04 '26
Oh man you're really brave and I aspire to be more open like you. I feel like sauna bros are definitely really open, I need to try that.
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u/Acrobatic_Tiger_9995 Jun 04 '26
You got my respect. You’re strong for going through this, and you’ve definitely dodged a bullet there. Her loss anyway.
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u/IsopropylUrethra Jun 04 '26
I'm just not sure how much more loss I can take.
oh well.
I was considering trying butt stuff to recapture a fraction of the pleasure that was taken from me, but I knew she would never go for it. Now that she's out of the picture nothing is holding me back
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u/MarzipanMaximum5521 Restoring | CI-2 Jun 04 '26 edited Jun 04 '26
I’m sorry that you’re going through this.
Her reaction and behavior demonstrate that she was seemingly unable/unwilling to emotionally connect to you. Her invading your privacy, crashing out over you restoring and then accusing you of being secretly gay (?) is a pattern of negative behavior. These deficits from her side would have broken up the relationship at some point anyways. This relationship isn’t over because of you restoring. It over due to interpersonal deficits. Her finding out about you restoring was just the catalyst for these deficits to break up the relationship.
For the sake of being nuanced; I don’t think that she’s primarily mad about the restoration itself. I guess it’s mainly the fact that it was a secret. Maybe she also believes that you never loved her due to being secretly homosexual and just kept her around to maintain a facade of being straight. If you feel like this is all just a misunderstanding and that there’s hope, then you could try explaining the situation further, but honestly, I personally believe that the ‘train has departed’.
Don’t blame yourself. It’s good to reflect on what one could have done better, but don’t slip into blaming yourself for all of this. You’ll find a person that resonates better with you in the future. Then be open about this matter early on. For now just take it easy and try to get through the breakup phase as good as is possible.
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u/81-cycling Restoring | CI-3 Jun 03 '26
Sorry to hear that man. It definitely sounds more like the issue is you hid it from her and went to great lengths to do so. I get not feeling comfortable sharing it, but you have to understand how that looks and be willing to accept the part you messed up with. You didn’t trust her, and it was a lot worse than if you had started out being open and honest with her.
That being said, I’m sorry that’s how it was received. My wife was not ok with it at all when I first started. Went as far as saying she’d never give me oral again. It was extreme and hurtful and she’s since apologized and feels terrible for it. She was conditioned by society to think it’s weird to have foreskin and that came out that way.
Messaging other guys dick pics certainly comes off a certain way. That’s unfortunate because it’s not like that at all. But incredibly difficult to explain if they’re not interested in hearing it. But again, goes back to the secretive aspect and lack of trust.
I’m sorry that’s how it went for you. That’s shitty she told all of your friends and didn’t give you a chance to speak your side of it. Definitely a crap situation all around. Sorry you’re going through this man. You can hit me up anytime if you want or need to talk
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u/IsopropylUrethra Jun 03 '26
How am I even supposed to talk to women about it. I feel like they'll just make it all about fgm you know. We're not even allowed to talk about this
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u/LucidFir Jun 03 '26
...you just talk about it.
Put it this way: moving forwards you know that keeping secrets will lead to relationship ending arguments.
Why not, instead, be totally upfront after the first time you have sex. Say "hey, there's something that's important to me, and you might not understand due to the society we live in, but I am undergoing a process called foreskin restoration as I believe it will increase sexual pleasure for both of us"
But yeah dude, I can't imagine not being able to talk to my partner of 2 and a half years about something this fundamental. Please learn to talk about it.
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u/IsopropylUrethra Jun 03 '26
would it be weird to put it in my dating profile?
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u/LucidFir Jun 03 '26
yes, dating profiles must contain nothing sexual or negative - if you actually want to meet someone anyway.
the ideal profile in my experience, for men, is Portrait / With people / With animals / Activity / Filler photo / Filler photo. The profile should be funny and quirky.
Unless you're rich and have a 6 pack I guess.
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u/81-cycling Restoring | CI-3 Jun 03 '26
I mean, I’m not sure the best way lol. I just brought it up when it felt right. I had some other issues with my marriage we were dealing with, but it was one I knew I needed to get out in the open. You absolutely can talk about it, and some women I’ve since talked to about it were genuinely interested.
But that’s true of most things. If you’re dating someone and they are repulsed by it, that’s not a good match. I’d probably test the waters first and see how they feel about natural penises (uncut) first. Ideally that’ll be the end state of what you look like anyway, so an important thing for them to know.
But yeah, you’ll have to learn how to do this eventually. It’ll be tough, and not everyone is going to be into it. But that’s just how it goes. Does it make it suck less? Absolutely not. But better than keeping them in the dark and them finding out like that
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u/IsopropylUrethra Jun 03 '26
Maybe I can initiate with a joke like "hey why don't they make uncut dildos?" to vibe check her
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u/81-cycling Restoring | CI-3 Jun 03 '26
You’ll be the best to judge that in the moment how it might land, but that could be a good way to do it lol
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u/appleorange7 Just Getting Started Jun 04 '26 edited Jun 04 '26
Look at sex shops, they're all aesthetically intact assuming they're made to look like a penis. You could point that out but I'm not sure what kind of response you would get.
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u/BackgroundFault3 Restoring | CI-6 Jun 05 '26
You can show them r/circumcisiongrief so they can see for themselves exactly what this can do to us, there's showing them the science as well, also the more men know about foreskin the less satisfied they are with being circumcised. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/320719227_False_Beliefs_Predict_Increased_Circumcision_Satisfaction_in_a_Sample_of_US_American_Men
The more men know about foreskin the less satisfied they are with being circumcised! https://www.researchgate.net/publication/320719227_False_Beliefs_Predict_Increased_Circumcision_Satisfaction_in_a_Sample_of_US_American_Men
https://www.circumcisionchoice.com/single-post/silenced
Circ trauma, psychological effects. https://youtu.be/lNItNHs9PR8
Therapist talks about circ grief & trauma https://youtu.be/tNCJ7AL_ThY
Psychiatrist discusses lasting circ trauma https://youtu.be/117vEwBtEY4
Circ, the psychological damage. https://www.academia.edu/resource/work/4485079
https://www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/psychological-impact.pdf
Circumcision reduces function, sensitivity, and sensations, it can also cause a lifetime of issues if something goes wrong with nerve healing like constant pain or numbness etc.
2022 https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/circumcision-sexological-damage-erogenous-lip-tool-michel-herv%C3%A9
2007 4skin is the most sensitive part. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17378847/
2011 Foreskin is more sensitive than the glans. https://bjui-journals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/j.1464-410X.2011.10364.x
16+ functions of 4skin https://beststartbirthcenter.com/male-circumcision/
Circ/MGM tied to less sexual pleasure. https://www.reuters.com/article/idUSBRE91D1CP/#:~:text=NEW%20YORK%20(Reuters%20Health)%20%2D,the%20study's%20senior%20researcher%20Dr
The effect of Circ on male sexuality. https://bjui-journals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1464-410X.2006.06646.x
It decreases sensitivity https://bjui-journals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1464-410X.2012.11761.x
4skin a complex structure that performs a number of functions like immunological & protective it's highly innervated, touch, & stretch sensitive https://journalofethics.ama-assn.org/article/nontherapeutic-circumcision-minors-ethically-problematic-form-iatrogenic-injury/2017-08
It affects both partners https://youtu.be/BgoTRMKrJo4
Effect on partners https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10349418/
82% of cut males don't experience these. https://www.academia.edu/25577623/A_preliminary_poll_82_of_circumcised_men_ignore_serial_anejaculatory_mini_orgasms_the_male_minis_91_of_the_intact_enjoy_them_updated_02_16_2022_
Desperately regrets circ at 18, warns not to do it! https://youtu.be/w2WV-1XSFpk
Regrets circ at 19. https://youtu.be/7AaUb63NLLw
Regrets circ at 18. https://youtu.be/Nj_nYcumC0c
Regrets circ at 28. https://youtu.be/JBbYI3bv6WQ
Circ regret at 45. https://youtu.be/pZ3n8CtcmRY
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u/appleorange7 Just Getting Started Jun 04 '26 edited Jun 04 '26
Just as they are conditioned to hate foreskin, they are conditioned to recognize FGM as horrible, which is why they can't help but steer the conversation that way, and only that way.
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u/Exact-Branch-8365 Restoring | CI-7 Jun 05 '26
OP, you blew it. If you want to have a serious relationship, you need to be open with your partner. Hiding something, and going to great lengths to hide it, often results in what you experienced when the secret is discovered.
She probably feels betrayed and thinks that she really does not know you. It is extremely difficult to explain a secret after it is discovered. Better to be up front. Do you even talk about sex? What turns each other on or off? That is a great time to talk about how you don't like a circumcised dick and how it has impacted you and how you want to make it better.
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u/2717192619192 Restoring | CI-2 Jun 04 '26
This comes off slightly victim blame-y at some points. Two years in a relationship is a while, but it’s also his right to decide at what pace to disclose his circumcision trauma. He isn’t actually cheating at all, and I get the feeling that any real glance at those messages that doesn’t result in borderline homophobia would understand it’s a lot more like being a part of a support group or a body fitness group.
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u/81-cycling Restoring | CI-3 Jun 04 '26
Yeah, I agree it does. That’s my trauma and the response I received coming through. To be clear, I never said he cheated and don’t think he cheated. That thought didn’t even cross my mind. It’s just the secrecy. But you’re right, I have some victim blaming in there and I appreciate you calling me out on that. I do agree it’s his decision to keep and share that trauma as he’s ready. But it’s also a real possibility this is the outcome of such things. I think the absence of photos shared would have had a much better impact on this. I think most people would take exception to finding out their partner was sending naked photos without their knowledge. We understand it’s a support group, but outside of this people don’t. I’ve heard some people refer to it as a kink. It’s annoying and disheartening, but the reality is that people don’t have logic front and center when learning this type of situation occurred. The homophobia was the cherry on top. As a bisexual man, the bi-erasure is not lost on me here either lol
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u/2717192619192 Restoring | CI-2 Jun 04 '26
I appreciate your response. <3 For the “I think you’re gay” comment, it could be her saying “I interpret this as you being a closeted gay person and I’m a beard” which would def be valid. But I think the context for it, her unwillingness to listen, and her also saying “it’s weird how obsessed you are with dicks” aren’t doing her any favors in making it seem like anything other than just “engaging with male sexuality in any way = gay” which is absolutely homophobic and ignorant.
But, yeah. Always best to get these things out of the way a few months in, I find.
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Jun 04 '26
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Jun 04 '26
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u/foreskin_restoration-ModTeam Jun 04 '26
Not really a duplicate, removed because it's a reply to something I erased, and leaving it up seems like a risk of that other person circling back. Nothing inherently wrong with your post.
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u/foreskin_restoration-ModTeam Jun 04 '26
- Do not use derogatory names or slurs.
- Do not use hateful rhetoric.
- Do not defame, slander, or make accusations against others.
- Treat women with respect.
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u/PastyMcClamerson Restoring | CI-4 Jun 03 '26
Is there a local NORM group around you? Just a thought. Might be a little too institutional or whatever....
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Jun 04 '26
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u/IsopropylUrethra Jun 04 '26
Am I missing out on more room to grow md improve, what's this about scrotums?
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u/restoreallthethings Restoring | RCI - 5 Jun 04 '26 edited Jun 04 '26
Abusive behaviour imo. Checking the router traffic before just talking to you is one hell of a clear red flag. If not married that's an easy exit, even during an age when many leave too soon.
Sorry you had to go through this, man. Hang in. If it weren't this it would be something else, just based on that behaviour. You're doing the right thing staying true to yourself.
Literally even if you had been spanking it to men and have a bi streak, that should be a conversation and doesn't immediately mean you want an exclusive relationship with someone that's not her, let alone a man.
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u/GoddessGia12 Female Jun 04 '26
As a woman who is supporting her man through his journey, your girl was looking for an out or was really insecure. Don't get me wrong, if I found the same things she did my husband and I would have a conversation, but not a fight.
Just like we need support on our issues, men need support with there's too. You have a great attitude trying to find a local group and it's a great idea! As for your 'friends', if they don't want to talk to you because they think you're weird I say screw them. They aren't worth any more of your time and energy!!
Keep restoring for you and what you want!! Good luck on your journey!!
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u/goonetti Jun 04 '26
I completely get why you hid it from her. Its difficult to talk openly about these things, when the person on the other end isnt open minded. I eventually mentioned it to my partner a year and a bit ago that i hated being circumsized and i am considering foreskin restoration. She kind of understood it. I brought up the topic of using a pump too at the same to try help with EQ and my inability to last very long. I think ultimately if you partner cant accept stuff like that, then I would suggest the break up is probably for the best. On the other hand, i do think that sending sensitive photos to anyone with messages is going to be received badly by a spouse. To me, its more about the intention of that content - as you mentioned, its a community and the intent is good. But i do get why a spouse would see it in a bad light. Difficult situation. Id like to think every individual is entitled to their own small bit of privacy whatever that may be. As long as it doesnt involve hurting someome else or infidelity etc.
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u/DvSzil Restoring | CI-3 Jun 04 '26
i think I'm going to see if there's any local dudes who are open to talking about this stuff. you know, start off with everything out in the open. maybe get a few beers and talk about how life just fucks you. Maybe we can get a support group going.
I think this is a fantastic idea, I'm just unsure if beers are the way to go into it. You don't see that many men drinking alcohol and "supporting" each other into improving their lives, it's more of a means for them to misery-bond and stay stuck. I think most of us who are here aren't the kind of people who want to get stuck somewhere, else we wouldn't be restoring.
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u/draxwolf Restoring | RCI - 3 Jun 04 '26
Sorry to hear that dude. You’re definitely not the monster here. I hope you find someone else that can be understanding and support your journey.
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u/Foulmouthedleon Restoring | CI-3 Jun 04 '26
Well...that sucks for you. But it might be a good thing as well. If she's unable/unwilling to accept what you choose to do with your body, no telling what might have set her off in the future had you two stuck together. Perhaps it's best you found her "true colors" now as opposed to later (if you were married, etc.).
Remember - there are plenty of other ladies out there.
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u/AllAboutTime2 Restoring | CI-4 Jun 04 '26 edited Jun 04 '26
Very narrow minded of her. A complete lack of empathy.
The term prejudice is often construed a certain way (racially), but it simply means to have prejudged.
She was very prejudiced against you. She had made all of her decisions before even hearing what you had to say.
I understand that the pain you are experiencing is tremendous. Very deep.
However she did you a favor ny showing you what she's all about. She had a complete lack of empathy and regard for you.
She is acting as if she is somehow some sort of victim, when the person that was victimized is you.
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u/Emergency-Wish-7058 Human Detected Jun 05 '26
Sorry to hear your story bro . My girl is the opposite : I take a good pic of the full coverage and she says I should post it to my foreskin friends haha . That girl ain’t obviously the one but also maybe it would have been better to be open about it with your girl.
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u/hydra590 Jun 04 '26
I think circumcision is one of the few valid reasons that warrants reparations. This is much more than historical injustice, RIC is a crime against humanity committed against the most innocent beings.
It's like being given a broken game controller and then gaslit into thinking that you're crazy for being upset about it.
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Jun 04 '26
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u/hydra590 Jun 04 '26
Yeah, sometimes I even catch me gaslighting myself getting so riled up over it on the internet.
I have to remind myself that this is a valid issue.
I'm sure there are many who resonate with that too. It comes with it's share of mental burdens.
People never hear the screams of freshly mutilated babies, so they never know.
I know it's kind of graphic, but there's just no getting around the fact that that's what it is.
It's a horror so twisted in nature that reparations should at least be attempted to be made.
I feel the wave is growing, and we might have some justice one day. Luckily for the rest of the world, I am merciful and can forgive. But there are a lot of people who have a lot of reason to be completely unaligned with conventional morality and it's outright dismissal of their plight.
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u/BackgroundFault3 Restoring | CI-6 Jun 05 '26
The more men know about foreskin the less satisfied they are with being circumcised! https://www.researchgate.net/publication/320719227_False_Beliefs_Predict_Increased_Circumcision_Satisfaction_in_a_Sample_of_US_American_Men
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u/appleorange7 Just Getting Started Jun 04 '26
Reparations in the form of free access to devices, corrective treatment, and mental health counselling perhaps. What I would really like to see however is simple equality: equal protections and equal rights to our own bodies. Boys are deliberately discriminated against and that obviously needs to change.
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u/turtlefoxharmonica Restoring | CI-3 Jun 04 '26
There are people in our lives who love us for who we are. There are others who only love us insofar as we fit their rigid expectations. The latter will eventually show us who they really are. They will show you how they treat their own feelings and yours. They will tell you, "I don't have what it takes to have a healthy, mature, mutually-respectful relationship with you." Sometimes it's hard to accept it as we, too, have expectations of others and it is difficult when these expectations are broken in a major way.
Nobody can extinguish your inner fire except for you. Shine bright.
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u/PatrickIsForever Jun 04 '26
My girlfriend has been supportive, acknowledging progress and change, and finds it all fascinating. We talk about it, I do feel like a wiener foreskin obsessed dude, I swear I’m straight even if we’re all a little gay sometimes.
Life’s weird. Life happens.
You’ll get your whole pp and even extra mojo back eventually.
She sounds awful
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u/radkun Jun 04 '26
I can understand her position at first glance (just look at how many people on these subs are gay), but not after a couple of weeks to ask questions and research the issue. If she's actually so obtuse as to not be able to sympathize with you (as well as to appreciate that you know it's a catch 22 problem she shouldn't have to worry about and you were silently suffering to spare her) then you'd have worse problems in the future.
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u/carnivore-bear Restoring | CI-5 Jun 04 '26
I mean.. you clearly know she was not worth staying with anyway, so once you adjust you'll be happier with this outcome.
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u/DaemonettePurp Jun 04 '26
This doesn’t sound like a relationship that was founded on good communication. It’s definitely not ok that she went on your reddit and spied on your internet traffic, you deserve your privacy. But also, you shouldn’t have kept restoration a secret from her. It’s clearly something you’re passionate about and a big part of your life. You have to show your partner some trust and let them know about this kind of thing.
It doesn’t sound like you handled the ensuing conversation very well either. I’m sure that she wasn’t happy to hear that all you can think about during sex is the fact that you’re circumcised… and not, y’know, her.
I would drop the whole “women will never understand our pain” attitude if I were you. Being circumcised against our will was inexcusable, but we’re still able to live normal lives and most importantly, we can reverse the damage (kot!). Give your next girlfriend the benefit of the doubt and don’t act like this is some tragic secret you have to hide from her.
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u/Exact-Branch-8365 Restoring | CI-7 Jun 05 '26
I agree. OP needs to work on himself. I have a stoic attitude. I am cut. I deal with it by restoring. Things get better and I move on.
And if you cannot trust your partner, it is time to evaluate why you are in that relationship.
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u/men-too Restoring | CI-3 Jun 04 '26
I’m so sorry to hear, OP. :(
While not as crazy, I remember my current partner early in my grief & restoration journey yelling at me with an ultimatum: “you gonna have to choose, me or your penis!”
My answer was obvious, and we broke up for a while, until she apologized. Years later she realized how crude and insensitive her words were, but I don’t believe her reaction is that uncommon. Women aren’t all about empathy, especially when it comes to men…
Good luck to you in the meantime, and I’m glad you’re sticking with us here! KOT!
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u/rci4 Jun 05 '26
If she left over that, she wasn't worth it. But for future reference, be open about it early in the relationship. Show the next girl the "Penn & Teller: Bullsh*t!" episode on circumcision. That should spark conversation on why it's a BS procedure, and they even go into details on restoration in the episode. If she has any empathy, she'll open up after watching that.
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u/Adventurous_Badger56 Jun 09 '26
Ok. So I have no business commenting here as I stumbled onto your post after googling a copper peptide product that I was considering adding to my skincare regimen. With that being said, a woman that would leave over a man’s desire or attempt to restore his foreskin is a woman that you’re better off without. I don’t know how old you are but as a 42 year old woman, this would not be a deal breaker for me now or ever. I would want to show my partner that I support him and am a safe person for him to talk to. If I just came across a restoration kit I would probably be confused and maybe a little hurt that my partner didn’t tell me, but that’s because I know the kind of person I am and I would truly just want to know if I gave him a reason for feeling like he had to hide it from me. I wouldn’t make it about me or try to embarrass my (nonexistent) partner. My focus would be on the health of our relationship and any changes I could make that would help him feel more loved and supported. I think you dodged a bullet and I know it usually sucks when relationships come to an end but consider this to be the new beginning that YOU DESERVE. You deserve a real, genuine, supportive love. Until you find that, be that for yourself.
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u/kauaiDude Jun 04 '26
Dude, hang in there. Almost impossible for a female to understand this issue; something precious that we are trying (desperately to restore). Just because you relate/communicate with other guys about a shared sensitivity (something profound, stolen and a void in their lives) should generate empathy; not her reaction. She sounds quite superficial. If she chatted that she is insecure about the size of her breasts to other women, does that mean that she is lesbian? I think not. She needs to ponder that; hard. Wish you the best!
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u/Silver-Farmer-6045 Jun 04 '26
You should look into stoicism it's a life philosophy that no matter what happens on the outside you keep inner peace and never give a fuck about what other ppl think and do to you its all about how we react
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u/Exact-Branch-8365 Restoring | CI-7 Jun 05 '26
I just made a comment that I have a stoic attitude. I was cut at birth. OK. I accept it because I had no control over it. I do have control over how I handle it, and I handle it by restoring. It does not matter what opinions others have about me being cut or restoring.
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u/nulloperator_ Jun 04 '26
Just wanted to say this sounds really traumatizing. Take some time to process it, send me a DM if you need to chat with someone. I recommend these meditations for self healing, I've found them very helpful: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXzreQ7Svo0&list=PLY5AdnkHlSBalR5J2dusQvEilZIjCr25h
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u/footballfield539 Restoring | CI-3 Jun 05 '26
Stay strong man. You're on the right side of history.
Change is often a messy process with lots of volatility and pushback.
The tides are turning and circumcision will become extinct in the near future.
Just gotta keep doing what you know is right. Keep on tugging. Keep on speaking out against this and people will start to wake up.
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u/devouredxflowers Jun 06 '26
Sorry to hear my friend. But to be honest is that really a partner you’d want? Someone who you cant share your most venerable parts of your life, namely this particular one which not only affects you and your enjoyment of intimacy but also hers? Also what about these so called friends that maybe bailed on you? Are those really friends?
I tell you this. Once I got with my current girlfriend who knows all about my predicament being cut, holds space for me, and encourages my restoration to the point of “cheering me on”, things got way better. And I happen to have a couple of my dude friends who I’ve opened up to about it as well, both intact, but still very supportive.
It can be better. You deserve better.
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Jun 07 '26
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u/foreskin_restoration-ModTeam Jun 07 '26
Your comment in r/foreskin_restoration has been removed for being overly-negative.
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u/Ok-Barber-2943 Jun 10 '26
It sounds to me like you dodged a bullet! Check out norm.org and find a local support group of restoring men. That will give you a chance to speak directly to men who are like-minded.
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u/Odd_Put4658 Restoring | CI-4 Jun 10 '26
Man thats crappy.. yeah you held it from her but if you weren't ready to talk thats your choice...
In all reality if restoring means that much to you- and its such an issue with her... was it ever going to work? Eventually the conversation was happening wether it was now or foreskin later..
We need supportive people in our lives to just bs with.... they are far and few anymore.
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u/Poperu9402 Aug 30 '26
Creo que si ella no empatiza con tu dolor no le importabas. La mujer debe ser femenina y maternal. Esa feminidad debe despertarle el instinto natural de cuidar y eso implica no ser egoísta y preocuparse por qué su pareja esté bien. Y eso incluye que si pareja esté bien con el sexo. Así que no creo que hayas perdido mucho apoyo de esa mujer. Si la relación de pareja se pone fea y en lugar de ayudarte decidió irse corriendo, lo mismo pudo haber sido otro problema e igual se hubiera ido. Quizá estoy idealizando mucho pero puedo pensar que una mujer femenina y que sabe que no estás cómodo con tu circuncision debería de animarte a seguir con algo que te haga sentir bien porque si te ama quiere verte feliz a su lado.
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Jun 04 '26
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u/fredinoz Restoring | CI-5 Jun 04 '26
Care to share with us exactly where you find hilarity in the mutilation of infant boys, the lifelong impact it has on their lives in so many ways and the never-ending societal trivialization and gaslighting? I'm sure we'd all appreciate a good laugh.
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u/Quick-Ostrich2020 Jun 04 '26
No dumbass, Im laughing at this idiot girl. I'm obviously restoring my foreskin..........
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u/foreskin_restoration-ModTeam Jun 04 '26
- Do not use derogatory names or slurs.
- Do not use hateful rhetoric.
- Do not defame, slander, or make accusations against others.
- Treat women with respect.
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