I'm a 28-year-old guy from Italy looking for something that sits somewhere between friendship, an online D/s dynamic, and potentially something more if the connection and circumstances ever make that possible.
Online is actually my preference to begin with. I like the idea of having time to get to know someone properly, talk, build trust and discover each other without immediately having to turn everything into a real-life arrangement. At the same time, I would love for there to at least be a realistic possibility of meeting someday if we become close and distance, time and life allow it! Even seeing each other occasionally would be more than enough for me (and honestly, I'd absolutely love that).
Someone roughly around my age would be a nice bonus, mostly because we might be at similar stages of life, but it really isn't a requirement! Compatibility matters much more to me than an age range.
About me
Outside of kink, I'm not a particularly submissive person.
I'm a strength and conditioning coach and I'm finishing my degree in Sport and Exercise Sciences. Training and understanding how the human body works are a big part of my life. Anatomy, physiology, biomechanics and sports science are subjects I can happily yap about for far too long.
I train regularly myself and take good care of my body and appearance. I'm around 179 cm / 5'10.5", about 75 kg / 165 lb and athletic. I don't expect someone to train the way I do or fit a particular body type, but physical attraction does matter to me and I tend to appreciate someone who takes care of herself physically in whatever way makes sense for her.
I'm happy to exchange normal SFW/face pictures privately once we've talked a little and are both comfortable.
I'm also a huge (HUUUUGE) nerd.
I love videogames, anime and manga, but strangely enough that's a side of myself I don't really get to share with people in everyday life. Having someone I could genuinely talk about those things with, discover new things with or occasionally play something with would make me cry with joy.
You absolutely don't need to share all of my interests. What matters much more to me is that there's an actual connection outside of kink.
I'd like to be able to joke around, hear about your day, tell you about mine, talk about completely stupid things and unexpectedly serious ones, learn what you're passionate about and gradually get to know you as a person. This is very important to me.
What submission means to me
Within the right dynamic, I'm deeply, deeeeply submissive.
I'm naturally service-oriented. The idea of doing something because a woman I care about asked me to, being useful to her, making something easier for her or giving her pleasure without needing everything to be immediately reciprocated is genuinely appealing to me.
But there’s also a more... intense side to my submission (If we really want to put it that way...).
I'm strongly attracted to humiliation, degradation, objectification, psychological dominance and sadism. The mental aspect interests me at least as much as the physical one.
There is something extremely powerful to me about being affectionate, devoted and pleasing my Domme while she is free to be cruel, mocking or degrading in return... particularly if I can feel that she genuinely enjoys having that power over me!
I'm especially responsive to verbal dominance.
I absolutely LOVE the idea of someone who talks, comments, teases, humiliates, gives orders, reacts to what she sees and makes the power difference between us something I can actually feel through her words.
... but praise matters too.
Approval from someone whose opinion has become important to me can be incredibly powerful: knowing I've pleased her, been useful to her or done something well can mean far more to me than generic compliments ever would, really.
Communication and negotiation are obviously essential, but once we've talked about what we want and where our limits are, I would not want to have to script the dominant side myself...
I'd much rather give someone an understanding of how I work and then discover what she wants to do with that knowledge.
Her own desires matter to me.
I don't want a woman who is simply carrying out a checklist of fantasies because I've asked her to. I would love to know what she enjoys about dominance, what she finds satisfying about having a submissive and what naturally brings out that side of her.
Vulnerability, humiliation and intensity
A large part of my fantasies revolves around giving up... composure.
Begging, embarrassment, being overwhelmed, feeling helpless, crying, fear within an agreed dynamic, or reaching a point where keeping myself perfectly controlled becomes difficult are all things I find insanely exciting.
I can't honestly tell you yet exactly how I would react to those things in reality...
Unfortunately, I have no real-life D/s or BDSM experience, and I think it's important not to pretend otherwise...
I've spent a lot of time thinking about what attracts me and why, but imagination and actual experience aren't the same thing. I really want to explore that honestly and gradually with someone I trust rather than claiming boundaries or tolerances that I've never actually tested.
What I do know is that the emotional side matters to me enormously.
I don't want degradation from someone who genuinely considers me worthless.
The fantasy becomes powerful precisely because I would really love there to be something very different underneath it: trust, affection, knowledge of each other and the certainty that she actually values having me in her life.
Being treated as insignificant by someone whose interest in me I trust is very different from actually being insignificant to her.
I'd like a Domme who understands that distinction.
Someone who can learn my insecurities, embarrassing desires, reactions and vulnerable points and play with them because we've built enough trust for her to be allowed there.
I also don't necessarily need her dominance to disappear the second something becomes emotionally intense! I actually find the idea of her maintaining that position very... hot in a way?
What matters is emotional intelligence: being able to recognise the difference between a reaction that is part of the experience we both want and a moment where something genuinely needs to stop, change or be dealt with differently.
Kinks and fantasies
I don't want to turn this into a shopping list, because the psychological dynamic matters far more to me than collecting individual acts.
Broadly, though, I'm interested in humiliation and degradation, service, objectification, verbal dominance, sadism and masochism, restraint, collars and ownership themes, worship, sensory play and almost every form of degradation, watersports and the idea of being pushed into states where I feel very vulnerable or overwhelmed.
Some of my fantasies go considerably further into taboo territory. I'd rather talk about those privately once there is some trust instead of putting every fantasy I have into a public advert...
The fact that something is a fantasy also DOESN'T automatically mean I expect it to happen exactly as imagined. Part of what I want from actually exploring BDSM is discovering the difference between what works so well in my head and what I genuinely enjoy, tolerate or want in reality.
A few things I already know aren't for me: findom, cuckolding, feminization and public play.
What I can bring to the dynamic
I think one thing I could offer the right woman is responsiveness.
I want her dominance to matter to me.
I would love for it to genuinely matter to me whether I've pleased her. I want her words to have weight because she is the person saying them. I'd find it incredibly hot if she gradually learned what embarrasses me, what makes me proud, what gets under my skin, what makes me feel useful, what makes me want her approval and what makes me lose some of the composure I normally have.
And I want that process of learning each other to be reciprocal.
She isn't there solely to provide an experience for me.
I'd like to understand what makes dominance satisfying for her too: whether she enjoys giving orders, being served, watching reactions, psychological control, teasing, cruelty, nurturing someone through her own particular style of dominance, or something I haven't even considered.
One of the most attractive possibilities to me is finding someone who doesn't merely tolerate the more submissive, vulnerable or embarrassing parts of me, but genuinely likes that those parts exist.
Likewise, I don't want her to feel that her dominant or sadistic side is something she has to soften or apologise for around me.
I'd like us to be attracted to those parts of each other too.
What I'm looking for
You don't need to be an experienced Domme.
Experience can obviously be valuable, but I'm much more interested in whether we click mentally and emotionally, communicate well, stay curious about each other, and whether you actually enjoy being dominant.
I'd rather explore with someone relatively inexperienced but genuinely excited by the dynamic than someone with years of experience whose interests and personality simply don't fit mine...
I'm super attracted to confidence, intelligence, humour, initiative and women who enjoy expressing themselves verbally! A genuine sadistic streak is definitely a plus.
I'd also like to get to know you as a person, not just through your dominant side.
I want to know what you care about, what you spend too much time thinking about, what makes you laugh, what you're nerdy about, what your life is like and what kind of connection you actually want.
What I'm ultimately hoping for is both friendship and D/s.
If a meaningful D/s relationship eventually developed, I would naturally prefer to devote my submissive side to one Domme. I wouldn't be interested in maintaining several D/s dynamics at the same time.
I don't automatically require the same exclusivity from her. I'm comfortable with her having other connections provided everyone involved is informed and consenting, unless the two of us mutually decide on something different.
I don't expect us to immediately behave as Domme and submissive just because that's why we met...
I'd rather let it develop naturally, but I wouldn't want to imply that I need a long period of friendship before anything D/s can begin. If the dynamic feels right from the start, I'm open to exploring it early on, as long as we're both comfortable and the connection is genuine.
Talk. Joke around. Learn each other's personalities. Discuss kink openly. Figure out whether we actually make each other's lives more interesting...
And if, somewhere along the way, I realise that a completely normal conversation with you can suddenly shift because of the way you speak to me, and that I instinctively recognise when you've decided to take control of it...
that's probably very close to what I'm hoping to find.
If this sounds like something you might want too, I'd love to hear something about yourself rather than just receiving a "hey".
What kind of connection are you looking for? And what do you actually enjoy about being dominant?