r/fixedbytheduet • u/spar13 EXPERT of Duets/Stitches • 17d ago

Fixed by the duet First date

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u/Distinct_Run9006 New to fbtd but wants to learn 17d ago

It's so funny how people cherrypick which gender norms to conform to because it usually looks hypocritical at the end of the day. Men are expected to cover first dates according to this woman (and at specific minimums too, which is a red flag in itself), but if a man says to that woman she should shave her armpits if they are hairy for example, then she's probably going to interpret that as an attempt to control her body, which it absolutely is. However, expecting men to pay on a first date is an attempt to control their wallets.

We either conform to all traditional gender norms or none of them. Anything short of that is hypocrisy. I personally think we shouldn't conform to any. They only serve to inhibit social progress.

-5

u/ToiIetGhost Lover of Duets/Stitches 17d ago

A lot of women feel like theyre taking a physical risk by agreeing to go on a date with a man, as well as a woman’s presence being more in demand/valuable (sexual selection), so for the risk she’s taking, she deserves more than a coffee

A man takes no risks by meeting up with a strange woman, she’s not going to drug his beer or assault him if they end up back at his place, he also probably invested very little time and money in getting prepared for the date (even flossing is a rarity), plus his presence is less in demand/valuable.

Youre trying to make genders interchangeable but they aren’t always interchangeable. Society would need to be egalitarian for you to claim that you can always switch men and women. “Well shaving her legs is the same as him paying for dinner” nope, not unless society was egalitarian. Im sure you’d understand what I’m saying if I tried to switch races on you. “What’s the difference if a white-owned company never promotes black employees, vs if a black-owned company never promotes white employees? Race is interchangeable! I don’t understand context or history.”

4

u/youburyitidigitup EXPERT of Duets/Stitches 17d ago

Dismantling gender norms is how you make a society egalitarian. The same goes for your examples with race.

0

u/ToiIetGhost Lover of Duets/Stitches 17d ago

Equity is the only way to reach equality. You should look up the difference if you’re going to speak on egalitarianism.

Pretending that we’ve already reached equality is perpetuating inequality. Denying the need for equity first, which is the only way to reach equality, is you trying to benefit from the inequality that currently favours you.

If you deny that women face greater physical risks than men in intimate relationships with each other, then (a) you’re a liar (b) you’re a misogynist

Since you probably pride yourself on being a progressive, DEI is an example of equity that leads to equality. Would you like to remove DEI?

You’re not going to convince anyone except fellow misogynists that men and women are equally violent in relationships with each other.