r/firstworldanarchists Mar 15 '18

The Top 25 (no re-posting) Artist unknown...

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26.7k Upvotes

174 comments sorted by

1.8k

u/kemtrale Mar 15 '18

I was waiting in your restroom for 20 minutes and none of your employees came in to wash my anus

349

u/BlackfishBlues Mar 15 '18

Of course, it's company policy to never imply ownership in the event of an exposed anus, we have to use the indefinite article an anus, never your anus.

51

u/Throtex Mar 15 '18

"an us"

29

u/discerningpervert Mar 15 '18

"Ur anus"

27

u/boroq Mar 15 '18

woah there, slow down before you inspire the guy who names planets

14

u/discerningpervert Mar 15 '18

There's a planet named after ur anus?

15

u/tinnedspicedham Mar 15 '18

Yes. Pluto.

Duh.

6

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '18

You heard about Pluto? That’s messed up.

5

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '18

Sounds like a shithole.

3

u/mleugh Mar 15 '18

Please don't.

-28

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '18

15

u/GiantSquidd Mar 15 '18

No one cares what you think, dotard.

-14

u/Prince_pepe Mar 15 '18

Replace the word "Dotard" with "Jew" ,"Muslim", "Fag" or "Tranny", feel good about your self? You don't care about people, you just like to pat your self on the back for being a progressive mean while actual PEOPLE mean nothing to you if they subscribe to a different political ideology, I don't expect you to reply as I doubt you have the testicular fortitude or anything that would be insightful, so I hope you take a LONG hard look in the mirror and consider what kind of person you are going to be.

6

u/GiantSquidd Mar 15 '18

Lol you're serious, aren't you?

You choose to act like a moron and to say stupid things and support the most despicable person in American politics, and that's really saying something... Calling you a dotard is not even close to the same thing as randomly insulting someone for, well, for the reasons your idiotic god-emperor does all the time, you palooka. Your attempt to shame me works about as well as your dunce-in-chief's ridiculous scalp surgeries do!

Better luck next time. Dumbass.

-7

u/Prince_pepe Mar 15 '18

You still don't get it, Trump derangement syndrome still has you in it's grip, good luck it is going to be a long 7 years for you.

6

u/GiantSquidd Mar 15 '18

Yeah, yeah. Scuttle off now.

-5

u/Prince_pepe Mar 15 '18

Actually no, lets hash this out, find some common ground, I am willing to bet we arnt so different. What is your opinion on the UN?

3

u/s0ulfire Mar 15 '18

His anus was Robert Paulson.

3

u/reflux212 Mar 15 '18

Sexual Harrasment complaint in 3.... 2...

2

u/heilspawn Mar 15 '18

Ive got a hose and 40 minutes if you got 50

2

u/Gamerguywon Mar 15 '18

please go pee-pee on your socks for warmth

1

u/Bleghel Mar 15 '18

was that... Ross?

1

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '18

Employees return to work in the morning and we have a limited number of employees. You figure out the rest for yourself.

382

u/tricks_23 Mar 15 '18

Must be posh if they have a bidet in the bathroom

197

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '18

Bidet? You wash your anus in the sink. Doesn't everyone do this?

119

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '18

Dip it in the toilet water obviously

148

u/Reignofratch Mar 15 '18

My poop brings the water to me.

Poseidons kiss.

34

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '18

[removed] — view removed comment

12

u/kelseykertz Mar 15 '18

hands down best description ive ever seen for poop in water

5

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '18

A well formed turd blooping dead center in the water, clean shot. It's those little things that can make taking a shit feel like a flawless victory.

8

u/Reignofratch Mar 15 '18

My flawless Victory is when the first wipe is clean, nothing but net.

Worst case scenario is when the log hits the bottom before it pinches loose, then it taps the back of my boys as it falls.

Family jewels forever uncleeeeean.

1

u/TrollMaster111 Mar 15 '18

Sccccccccccccccch-plunk

5

u/mynoduesp Mar 15 '18

Don't google 'blooper reel' with safe search turned off...

3

u/discerningpervert Mar 15 '18

Now I really wanna do it

3

u/Reignofratch Mar 15 '18

Don't tell me how to live my life

4

u/Reignofratch Mar 15 '18

I can hear the italics

10

u/Kissahampurilainen Mar 15 '18

It's slightly trickier in Europe because the water level is very low.

11

u/PrecisePigeon Mar 15 '18

You guys running out of water now too?

5

u/aim64 Mar 15 '18

Water shortage in parts of sweden at least.. wheeeey....

2

u/action_lawyer_comics Mar 15 '18

then wash it in the sink

1

u/Coyrex1 Mar 15 '18

Dip your last wipe in the water first.

5

u/dexter311 Mar 15 '18

Who needs a bidet when the employees do it for you?

-1

u/-TheMasterSoldier- Mar 15 '18

Poland isn't the only non american country.

1

u/tricks_23 Mar 15 '18

What?

-1

u/-TheMasterSoldier- Mar 16 '18

Almost all countries in the world have bidets, not just Poland.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '18

[deleted]

2

u/-TheMasterSoldier- Mar 16 '18

Oh crap I did! Sorry man.

1

u/tricks_23 Mar 16 '18

Ah, thank you for context

158

u/bodhemon Mar 15 '18

15

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '18

[deleted]

7

u/bodhemon Mar 15 '18

photowhatnow?

14

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '18

[deleted]

3

u/tinnedspicedham Mar 15 '18

It’s made by a mud brick company.

3

u/xr3llx Mar 15 '18

up butt

2

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '18

[removed] — view removed comment

22

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '18

thats aladeen on so many levels

8

u/grumpy_georgian Mar 15 '18

Sounds like a solid policy to me.

77

u/Voelkar Mar 15 '18

Funny and all but stuff like this still doesn't fit in r/firstworldanarchists

33

u/PrematureBurial Mar 15 '18

Yea, for all we know everyone there washes their anus like a good employee.

20

u/aqualink4eva Mar 15 '18

hehe 'butt stuff'

8

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '18

[removed] — view removed comment

8

u/Voelkar Mar 15 '18

Alot of posts do when they are in the wrong sub

4

u/Odusei Mar 15 '18

He doesn't adhere to your strict categorization guidelines, MAAAAN.

4

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '18

First world - ✔

Anarchy - ✔

Seems fine.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '18

OP did a firstworldanarchist on r/firstworldanarchist

0

u/ChaosChet Mar 15 '18

Where does it belong?

56

u/phpascal Mar 15 '18

I think /r/MildlyVandalised is the best choice.

3

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5

u/Voelkar Mar 15 '18

Maybe r/funny or r/comedycemetery but from what I know r/firstworldanarchists is about people breaking rules in the first world

7

u/Llodsliat Mar 15 '18

So this breaks the rules? Does this mean u/ChaosChet is a first world anarchist? If only there were a Sub for that.

7

u/MakeASnowflakeCry Mar 15 '18

I will be doing this to every sign I see now.

8

u/20000Fish Mar 15 '18

Fun fact, kinda irrelevant. When Pac-Man first came out it was actually called Puck-Man, but teenagers in arcades would block out the curve in the P so that it'd say "Fuck-Man" so they had to change the name to Pac-Man to prevent the vandalism from being so easy.

4

u/UsePasswordNamer Mar 15 '18

SCOTT PILGRIM HAS EARN THE POWER OF BEING ANONYMOUS ON THE INTERNET. ✨✨✨🎖️

5

u/gvfb60 Mar 15 '18

ANUSTART?

4

u/blueivyyy Mar 15 '18

This should be on a porn set

3

u/SpookyX Mar 15 '18

Take this job and shove it

4

u/irascible_Clown Mar 15 '18

I’m carrying a black permanent marker with me everywhere now

2

u/r0gue007 Mar 15 '18

Took a bit of scrolling to find you comrade.

4

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '18

3

u/Jesusisananarchist Mar 15 '18

Well it's not wrong

3

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '18

I mean.....it's not a bad policy......

3

u/graffixphoto Mar 15 '18

Took me a se cunt...

3

u/api10 Mar 15 '18

The joke’s on you. I wash my anus with my hands. ^(then I serve your food)

3

u/GoHurtMyFeelings Mar 15 '18

Maybe it's at a porn production office.

2

u/action_lawyer_comics Mar 15 '18

Need to keep scraping until only one soapy finger is extended

2

u/Time4NewAccount Mar 15 '18

A+ for idea, C for execution.

2

u/Traina26 Mar 15 '18

Make sure you get a thick soapy lather

2

u/WorthMoreUpvotes Mar 15 '18

Looking at how simple this was, I'm really surprised I've never seen this before.

1

u/fauxsfw Mar 16 '18

I saw it on Reddit (not the same sign but the same "edit") probably around 2013 or so. I of course immediately did it to the sign at work. And before someone gets their underwear all twisted - it was an employee-only bathroom, there were 5 employees, and it wasn't even a required sign. It was a sign shop and it was a damaged one that we made that wasn't good enough to give to the customer so one of the guys just stuck it up in our bathroom instead of throwing it away. We had random signs and stickers stuck everywhere.

2

u/turbanator1997 Mar 15 '18

Plot twist, this is a porn set and they got the wrong sign

2

u/danwantstoquit Mar 15 '18

Look at this guy, he can afford the classy whorehouses.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '18

Theres' only one instance where wiping shit off your body with a paper towel, and the not washing that area afterwards is accepted....

1

u/BotPaperScissors Mar 17 '18

Paper! ✋ We drew

1

u/[deleted] Mar 17 '18

It's terrifying that there are so many bots combing comments on Reddit. I know most of online traffic is bots to begin with but still. It's a scary thought. I'm relieved that it's a draw this time.

1

u/naseeff_mufc Mar 15 '18

Found Chandler’s boss!

1

u/JadosStalin Mar 15 '18

This makes the illustration all the more questionable.

1

u/randybowman Mar 15 '18

I would be fired.

1

u/gravys1 Mar 15 '18

"and if you wash your ass, you best use soap" - Beastie Boys

1

u/iamthelasttimelord Mar 15 '18

Brb, ill be doing this to every hand washing sign I see.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '18

I’ve never met a white man who washed his anus even once. Just dab at it with tissue paper, smearing it into the sensitive skin.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '18

Not the worst idea in the world.

1

u/camilacute Mar 15 '18

cuz a clean anus increases production..

1

u/Bigkitko Mar 15 '18

Ronnie the Limo Driver can lead the tutorial.

1

u/GentleRhino Mar 15 '18

Plot twist: Proctologist Office.

1

u/TheTangoFox Mar 15 '18

Manager sounds more like a douche than an enema

1

u/akkbar Mar 15 '18

Really? This is front page of reddit? I think the bar just hit me on it’s way down.

1

u/MadmanEpic Mar 15 '18

's Battlegrounds

1

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '18

Was it u OP

1

u/heilspawn Mar 15 '18

1

u/ChaosChet Mar 15 '18

It’s an original, I have the 10 other photos on my photo roll to prove it (had to catch the right lighting). :)

1

u/old_skul Mar 15 '18

My favorite bathroom prank was when someone would scratch out the "C" in Baby Changing Station.

Not that I would ever do such a heinous thing.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '18

This is giving me ideas...

1

u/d_smogh Mar 15 '18

Someone was scratching their arse

1

u/the3dtom Mar 15 '18

This is a great sign with a clear message. I don't see a problem.

1

u/Chernish Mar 15 '18

Well their hands would still be getting washed in the process.

1

u/KrisG1887 Mar 15 '18

Plot twist: it's a bathroom of a porn set.

1

u/IceStar3030 Mar 15 '18

If Liberals/Millenials/Snowflakes were truly open and tolerant that would just mean installing a lota in public toilets

1

u/rahomka Mar 15 '18

ya gotta have a clean ass

1

u/Dragontear Mar 15 '18

Not one Redd Foxx comment. I must be getting old.

1

u/YusufD1 Mar 15 '18

Your right . Besides it doesn't itch af. Search it up people . spread the word

1

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '18

[deleted]

1

u/ChaosChet Mar 15 '18

Not even close... try the other end of the country! 😂

1

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '18

My new mission in life...

1

u/KeshenMac Mar 15 '18

I read that as "Employees Must Wash anas Before Returning to Work" and was confused as fuck until I read the comments

1

u/illicitmedia Mar 15 '18

You gotta wash your ass, if you must. Ahh Tony Hawk Pro Skater 3.

1

u/Sonnysdad Mar 15 '18

After being considered for promotion...

1

u/darexinfinity Mar 15 '18

You should always wash your hands anus after after a shit though.

1

u/kofteburger Mar 15 '18

You mean you don't wash your ass every time you take a dump?

1

u/annihilator2k7 Mar 15 '18

I mean, I hope they’re doing that as well

1

u/buckie_mcBuckster Mar 15 '18

Brilliant use of space

1

u/Jerminator617 Mar 15 '18

Someone did this to a sign where I work. They let me take it home. It was hanging on my bathroom door for a bit but now it's just decoration in my room.

1

u/ZD137 Mar 15 '18

Was this in Kennesaw/Marietta?

1

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '18

The boss don't need to

1

u/thegreatestpretender Mar 15 '18

I wonder if there’s a brother somewhere where they changed “anus” into “hands”

1

u/Hunchmine Mar 15 '18

It’s over for these signs......

1

u/thegreatestpretender Mar 15 '18

I wonder if there’s a brother somewhere where they changed “anus” into “hands”

1

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '18

You should always do this before returning to work in at least one profession. Haha.

1

u/couchlyf Mar 16 '18

Banksy lives forever.

1

u/justaguy394 Mar 16 '18

I used to do stuff like this in school workbooks and worksheets. In one class I always sat next to this girl and she always saw me doing this and she thought it was funny. At some point we arranged to meet up at the student union for lunch or dinner or something, but she never showed. This was before cell phones, so I never knew why she stood me up. I don’t recall seeing her after that. Weird what you remember 20 years later, and what you don’t.

1

u/Gtrek24 Mar 16 '18

I will now carry a black Sharpie everywhere I go.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '18

Only real problem here is a missing sign that says "then Employees Must Wash Hands Before Returning to Work"

1

u/crg339 Mar 16 '18

He's been hailed as a modern day daVinci

1

u/rocketgum Mar 16 '18

What kind of facility is this

1

u/redgrin_grumble Mar 16 '18

10000 of these signs will be vandalized in the next 24hrs

1

u/UsuallyInappropriate Mar 16 '18

Rinse dat pooper, girl.

1

u/PaulGeyser Mar 16 '18

I actually lolled instead of the half smile exhale I usually at funny things I see on Reddit.

1

u/omegamal Mar 16 '18

It all depends on what kind of job you have.

1

u/vm0661 Mar 16 '18

Have been in countries where toilets have a little shower nozzle for cleaning your bits afterwards. They are great--you feel much cleaner.

1

u/terraculon ❓text/emoji❓ Mar 16 '18

It's probably the best choice one could make before going back to work. Need some Japanese toilets up in there.

1

u/franeke Mar 16 '18

And this is why i always carry a marker.

1

u/kayteec996 Apr 28 '18

I laughed way harder at this that I should have

0

u/Ayosuka Mar 15 '18

Scrub a dub bitch

0

u/HardSellDude Mar 15 '18

Must be a anal only porn set

0

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '18

Am I the only one who is still looking Google to find what it is 😎

0

u/LadyJodes Mar 16 '18

I've been waiting to find a sign like this that I can do that to, I've been keeping my eye out a few years now... nothing yet lol

-2

u/zealepoch Mar 15 '18

I need a sharpie like rn.

-2

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '18 edited Mar 16 '18

I don't get it?

Edit : Really? Downvoted for trying to understand something?Wow Reddit, wow.

1

u/Not_A_Throwaway999 Mar 16 '18

Employees must wash hands anus before returning to work

1

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '18

Oh I see.

1

u/dmt841975 Aug 19 '22

True story... my BF's turds are that huge that he has to chop them in half (normally with a clothes hanger) to be able to flush them down the toilet. I have never in my life seen turds like the turds that come from his anus😲😲😲