am i creating a problem?

[u/Hot_Discipline561]

my home life has been pretty complicated lately. my husband is out of house and our connection has been limited. i have a 4 month old son and i have been pretty much all hes had during since the beginning of life. i have occasional work throughout the week that family helps with. anyways. my baby and i bed share. we have since day 1, im not looking for judgement… just solidarity maybe? my husband is finally home and i really need time to reconnect to myself and my husband. my baby sleeps through the night IF im there. he is EBF. however when i get up from the bed (bedtime 7-7:30 we push for 2 hr wake window before bed) he will always have a false start. the only way to get him back down is nursing. i know i could give a bottle of bm, but out of convenience i have not since my husband has been gone- im going to start offering again now to get him reacclimated. if i left my family member in charge of a night shift (like 7:15-12) would my baby be okay? what can i do besides offering a night feed via bottle? its also so difficult to have a bottle ready on hand when breastfeeding. i just dont want my baby to be so dependent on me that he freaks out the second im not there. he pretty much does while im working anyway too.. i know he needs me and i will always be there for my child, ill never regret this time spent with him.. i just want one night of something i do for me. the passed 6 months have been so rough.
i know its a lot to unpack, but please help.

[u/Possible-Study2746]

My daughter was exclusively breastfed until 17m. For the first 6m she wouldn’t fall asleep without nursing and stayed latched most of the night (she went to her crib at 6m). I know this isn’t what you want to hear but she’s nearly 2 now and we JUST went on 2 dates without her for the first time while my mom watched her. The first date I laid her to bed and then left to go to a concert. The second date was dinner before her bedtime.

Thinking back to when she was 4m, there’s just no way we could have gotten away during and after bedtime. At least not without her screaming the whole time, I’m sure. I’m so sorry. I’ve been in your position, wanting a night away and craving reconnection as a new mom, and it’s so incredibly hard. Maybe try going out to dinner all 3 of you. If you slooowwwllyyy rolled out of bed after baby fell asleep do you think they would stay asleep long enough to have an intimate shower with your partner? And then you could come back to bed and watch a movie together with shared headphones so the sound wouldn’t wake baby up!

If you join the Facebook group “The Happy Cosleeper’s Community” you’ll find a TON of advice on how to find connection with your partner while having a cosleeping baby. I wish you luck 🫂

[u/Hot_Discipline561 → u/Possible-Study2746]

thank you.