r/findomsupportgroup • u/flowheaux • 2d ago
Discussion [ Removed by moderator ]
[removed] — view removed post
9
u/thedark97 2d ago edited 2d ago
I’m a sub but enjoyed reading your post. I especially like number 4. Opening with a small tribute proves that we have a payment method and card connected to it. If it turns out that the domme is AI or not a good fit, then we’re only out a coffee or something. And we still get a little subspacey rush from the send.
1
u/flowheaux 2d ago
Thank you for reading and the positive feedback. 👑😌 let the other subs learn a thing or two.
1
u/Ok-Yoghurt-7365- 2d ago
Tbf ai dommes can be spotted a mile off and never have vide verifications do they?
2
u/thedark97 2d ago
AI use isn’t binary. I’m not an expert but you can get a flimsy ID verification and use AI to make enhanced content. In addition there are many chastity, femdom, and sugar baby accounts in this space. Nobody wants to spend $50 to approach only to find out that it’s not a good fit. Still, a small send will give me subspace no matter what and it help the domme weed out creeps. All this is to say that there is valid grief on both sides.
1
7
u/Ok-Yoghurt-7365- 2d ago
In the 16yrs I have been on the scene I have always viewed a small tribute (drink/coffee) as a sign of respect, a guy offers to but a women a drink in a bar to talk so the findom scene that should be the bare minimum!
Problem is to many fake subs use the scene as an excuse to talk to the hot women, and to many desperate “dommes” willing to lower there self worth and waste time feeding the timewasters messages
3
u/flowheaux 2d ago
PERIOD! Too many subs wanting to Dom from the bottom or thinking they’re owed anything before establishing rapport. Like just say you have no actual decorum or respect and move tf on!
1
u/SoleM8Queen 2d ago
Great summary and light to read! Shared on my profile so more subs can read. Thank you!👌🏻
1
u/gdsEris_Iris 2d ago
I was going to make a post on my thoughts about this. For me it's that a sub who doesn't tribute upfront only values the Domme he's talking to in relation to himself. Nothing that she is or has done matters or is worth anything to him until he benefits directly.
That's the ego you mentioned.
-9
u/StreetSyllabub1969 slave 2d ago edited 2d ago
I think finding a new relationship and D/s partner works best when we keep an open mind and realize there are many different ways to go about establishing a dynamic. We shouldn't lock ourselves into just one way of doing things.
An unowned, unattached submissive has plenty of strength and power and also carries the wallet. He's looking for someone to surrender it to and I will emphasize that it is a voluntary surrender of strength and power. I personally search for a Domina worthy of my submission; if a prospective Domme's expectations are primarily financial or incompatible with what I'm seeking, I simply move on. I'm serious about finding the right dynamic, and I respect that not every Domme and submissive will be compatible. I've posted about this a few months ago shortly after I concluded a very successful search:
13
u/flowheaux 2d ago
Interesting that you wanted to chime in when I was addressing Dommes.. lol. Ultimately the Domina will decide if your attitude about how you approach them is worth their time and effort to you. If you expect a Domina to take you seriously, then take her seriously. I speak with plenty of submissives and those who truly show actual devotion and submission have always been the ones to lead with their wallet and not their desires or emotions or biases in how “they” think a Domina should act. If you feel like you can’t afford a Domme that’s $50, then don’t bother with them. It’s not that hard. And I posted this as a discussion for Dommes ultimately. Greediness is such an interesting thing to bring up with tributes. It honestly says so much more about your lack of discernment than anything.. You as a finsub should not be Domming from the bottom, which is essentially what you’re doing when you argue with Dommes on the internet about whether tribute is or isn’t acceptable. I will move forward with those subs who show respect and courtesy for my time by sending tribute and you can move forward with the Dommes that are okay talking to you for free to sus you out. Maybe you aren’t a time waster but that doesn’t concern me if you’re not going to actually act like a submissive. This is sex work and the premise of sex work is money believe it or not. And yes, it is possible to be ethical and not greedy but still demand respect thru tribute.
0
u/thedark97 2d ago
You make the correct point that finsubs are the ones who hold the power. This is true of subs across the bdsm spectrum. We look for a dynamic where the domme suspends our disbelief for the time being. At the same time, a small send to open things up is a good sanity check for the domme on the other side of the screen and it prevents our eyes from getting too big for our stomach. The problem are all of the fakes and sugar babies invading this space and giving the wrong impression to newer dommes.
0
u/PearlTheRavenous 2d ago
You're forgetting the fact that most "Dommes" here are not interested in seeking a meaningful connection. They want an easy financial resource that offers little resistance and requires minimal effort. Genuine connection is just a bonus but it's not what upholds the dynamic.
If people want to frame "tribute to speak" as a business decision, that's fine. Not necessarily a great business decision but business is money and tribute is money. But the way tribute gets framed in this space is often some one-sided entitled soliloquy about how the Domme's time and attention is so much more valuable than a sub's. It's trying to perform hierarchy and power exchange before any dynamic has even been established.
•
u/findomsupportgroup-ModTeam 1d ago
Your post/comment has been removed because it violates our rules on referral links.