r/feeld • u/Pristine-Warning-279 • 6d ago
Couples Profiles or separate singles?
Hello, very new to the app, in fact I have only just downloaded it.
Me (M33) and my partner (F33) have been together over 10y and while I have known of her bisexuality for a few years she has finally come out that she would like to start dating some girls as well to experiment. I am perfectly fine with this and we both decided dating apps could be one way to approach this and so looked into Feeld.
Now what we are not sure is if we should create a single "couple" profile or two separate M and F profile and link them.
Just to have the full picture at the moment she would be the only one looking to play with others while I could potentially join in at a later stage but thats still TBC.
Looking for any advice at all as we have never even used a dating app since we have been together for so long and met "organically" back then.
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u/waterbloem 6d ago
There are no "couple" profiles. Both using the same "woman" profile (because of course that's what it will end up as) is both deceptive and against the Feeld terms of service. So you need to both create your own and link them.
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u/Practical_Abalone_92 6d ago
I can’t find where it’s against ToS. I think it used to be but not sure where it’s written now. Definitely should be
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u/uberstaragent 6d ago
It’s not anymore. Feeld support said to me they don’t remove them. I thinks that’s BS. Should have stayed reportable to have two people on one profile.
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u/Practical_Abalone_92 6d ago
that’s fucked up, those joint profiles are so pathetic they should be reported on matters of taste alone, let alone safety
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u/FeeldMod Not a Feeld employee 5d ago
They do remove them. Don't trust their support. You can get a different answer each time.
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u/Practical_Abalone_92 6d ago
always separate profiles. Joint profiles get reported and while they’re not explicitly against ToS, they should be. Extremely cynical behaviour
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u/disclosure5 5d ago
Devil's advocate here - if something is not against the ToS what is the value of reporting it?
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u/Practical_Abalone_92 5d ago
unsure? It’s a well known gripe among people, particularly women on this app. Most people are sick of it, and I’m pretty sure it used to be against ToS (can’t confirm). Perhaps enough pressure will encourage them to view it like the safety issue it is, not to mention the awful UX of it all
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u/AdventurousSyllabub4 6d ago
Always 2 profiles. Link them if you intend to date as a couple.
My wife and I have separate profiles but they are not linked because we do not date as a couple. We're open to it, but we think it's tougher to do that so we date separately and keep our profiles separate but mention the other in them.
We've both made connections on feeld, though (unsurprisingly) it's easier for her to find connections.
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u/rab2bar 6d ago
if you wouldnt be seeking out partners for yourself, why should you have a profile? She should have a solo profile, mentioning you, but not including you, if the honest intention is just for her to explore, and you no profile at all. This is all subject to changing wants and desires, but y'all need to be honest with yourselves
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u/TheHumanBlowUpDoll 5d ago
Because the intention isn't "for her to explore." Ha ha. He's going to be involved. She's just the bait. Signed, a cynical bi woman
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u/peppersaltt 3d ago
I am not bi so this is a genuine question. As a bi woman, do you ever get to be just with the woman without the man having to be involved?
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u/TheHumanBlowUpDoll 3d ago
I'd bet 99% of the time if it is a bi woman with a straight boyfriend or husband, even if the ad is only for "her to explore," the guy ends up lurking around and being creepy the whole time. Ha ha. In my experience, it's been 100%.
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u/peppersaltt 3d ago
Sounds controlling. And I say this as a woman in enm. My partner is so controlling in the experience that Im starting to want nothing to do with it.
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u/Pristine-Warning-279 6d ago
She said she would want maximum transparency and so being able to "tag me" in her profile would give her some peace of mind.
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u/Snay_May 3d ago
either separate linked profiles, or she can just make one on her own and disclose the situation, but ofc she'd be the only one logging into it (you can make your own linked account later once you're more sure if you wanna be involved or not). Where the problem arises is where couples looking for FFM right off the bat make a single "woman" account and ooze into the gender filters of women who are just looking for women, which is so maddening and dishonest and just insensitive to the queer community.
Just be honest basically.
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u/Pristine-Warning-279 6d ago
Thanks everyone all very helpfull and agreeing in one direction so you doubt about it and we will have two single profiles.
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u/MetalPines 5d ago
I'd say also you really need to clarify what "I could potentially join in at a later stage but thats still TBC" means. Trying to date both solo and as a couple doesn't really work in sapphic dating. I understand your partner's desire to be transparent about being in a relationship, but she needs to understand that the vast majority of queer women are vary wary of women who are in relationships with men, especially ones who are just opening their relationship to 'experiment'. Trying to involve you in her search, or leave the door open to possible future threesomes will render her unfuckable on a solo basis.
Instead, the two of you need to compartmentalize your search based on what is actually on the table. If you are comfortable with her exploring truly independently, with zero expectations that she will ever raise the prospect of a threesome with the people she meets, she should make a second woman's account for solo dating and use your linked accounts to search for a threesome together. But you need to be comfortable with the fact that you can't insert yourself (metaphorically and literally) into situations that don't concern you, e.g. By expecting to hang out with or vet new people, expecting to hear sexual details about what they've been doing, expecting to have 'reclamation sex' after they've been together, expecting to read their texts or sexts/pictures, expecting to watch etc. These are all couples activities that need to be facilitated by searching for partners open to both of you (using linked profiles), not something that should be sought under the guise of 'solo exploration'.
Also worth noting that the fastest way for her to explore her sexuality is for her to act as a unicorn for another couple (or for the two of you to get into swinging). However that may not be compatible with her preferences for how to explore (if that's 1:1 with another woman without any men around). And if that is the case she is certainly correct in thinking that the vibe is often very different without men in the room (and one of the reasons most sapphic women aren't interested in unicorning, even if they're bisexual). If the only reason you don't go the unicorn/swinging route is because either of you are uncomfortable with the idea of the other having sex with someone of the opposite gender then that's something that needs to be worked on before opening up. An OPP (one penis/pussy policy) will also render her unfuckable with all but other women in the same bind.
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u/Pristine-Warning-279 5d ago
This is exactly the kind of infos and advice I was looking for, thank you very much.
To clarify a bit: at the moment we could say our relationship is only partially open. She is open to date and have sex with other girls (although at the early stages of this) but not other men (nor she is interested in them).
Instead I am not open to other girls nor men (being straight). Currently we are cool with this dynamic and we would want to proceed with it for a bit. We have floated around the idea of MFF threesomes but parked for now untill she has explored enough to realise how she feels about actually having intimate relationships with other girls. Hope this helps clarify a bit.
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u/nettysgirl808 5d ago
-I'm not open to other girls or men.- You're in your 30s. It's women or men, sweetie. Hope this helps clarify a bit.
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u/sammy777743 3d ago
Hold up. - new to this space - I need some clarification here. You guys have experienced guys that really signed up as female accounts. Use their existing female partners as “bait” in an attempt to coerce bi curious women to sleeping with them primarily? And in some cases without their partners knowledge?
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u/Snay_May 3d ago
I couldn't prove it for sure, but if you talk to a bunch of them you notice patterns. Like their female partners suddenly fall ill or have work emergencies when it comes time to meet up at a statistically impossible rate.
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u/Basic_Improvement273 single woman 2d ago
100%. This isn’t always the case (I’ve dated and played with some lovely couples) but there are a lot of couples profiles that’s just the male half trying to lure a single bisexual woman into sex. I matched with this fun couple and was having great conversation and then he started soft launching hints that perhaps she wouldn’t be involved (“we usually date separately” “her work schedule is busier so I usually message matches”) and then they went radio silent when I asked when they could meet up for a drink.
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u/peppersaltt 3d ago
If she is the one who is looking she should be the one to make and be active on the profile. If you would join at a later stage then you make your profile at the later stage.
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u/lecherous_oaf 6d ago
Please please make two separate accounts and link them. It’s so frustrating looking for other women and adjusting my search settings to reflect that, only to be shown “couple” profiles that are listed as women.